Fonkyman said:

Chop up a red bell pepper and halve the hottest chili you dare. Halve a cucumber and put to one side.

Place either an extra quilt or blanket on your bed but leave room for your feet etc. to ventilate. Prepare a hot water bottle.

Put some tcp in a bowl and place it next to your bed with some cotton wool, cotton buds, a mallet and a towel. Make sure you have a phone near the bed.

Pour a shot of whiskey for yourself, don't overdo things, it's imperative you stay as hydrated as you can.

Take a hot bath with some lemon slices, orange slices and some one legged jelly babies. If you suffer with epilepsy, place a small load of washing and powder in the bath before you get in. That way, if you have a fit while soaking, you'll get your laundry done and it should be ready for rinsing by the time you're feeling better.

After your bath, drip dry in a steamy bathroom for 4 minutes. Place some toilet paper sheets all over yourself and roll yourself in talcum powder. Give yourself a light dusting before retiring to your sickbed.

When comfortably in bed, take some cotton wool and place it in each ear. Take the hot water bottle and place it under your ass. Take a fistful of the bell pepper and snort into each nostril then 'cork' with some cotton wool.

Dip the cucumber in the bowl of tcp and slip it carefully into your japseye. Use the mallet if you have any problems and mop your sweating brow with the towel.

When you think you're ready to quit, take the chili and rub it in your eyes before bottling it into your anus. Cross your legs as tight as you can and keep them that way until cramp sets in. Now reach for the phone and call the emergency services. Explain to them that you've followed a prescription given to you by a Fonky witch doctor and that you're very sorry.

Failing that. Plenty of water, sleep, bathe and blow your nose. Doctors if it keeps up.

Get well soon.

Edit: Think yourself lucky I forgot about the cotton buds.

[Edited 1/4/13 18:59pm]

are you jestin' with ze rett pfeffeh herr Dr. Fonk?

if so...

besides benefits it's tasty too

Genesia said:

iaminparties said:

I just broke out nasty herpes cold blister on my lower right lip.Happened like 10 minutes ago.

WTF? Some way to ring in the new year.I haven't been with no dirty girls lately.

The cold from hell.

That's most likely from the fever. (There's a reason they call them "fever blisters.") Herpes hides in nerves and, when the body is under stress, flares up. Once you have the infection, it's always there - you just don't see a manifestation of it. It's most likely you were infected long ago and the flu stressed your body enough to cause a flare.

I don't have herpes or any STD.It just looks like it.I had these lip blisters all my life.I broke out initially back in 7th grade and miss 2 weeks of school.The blister hardened and cover my entire top lip.I wasn't skanking as a 12-13 year old.This is not sex related.I always had this condition.

iaminparties said:

Genesia said:

That's most likely from the fever. (There's a reason they call them "fever blisters.") Herpes hides in nerves and, when the body is under stress, flares up. Once you have the infection, it's always there - you just don't see a manifestation of it. It's most likely you were infected long ago and the flu stressed your body enough to cause a flare.

I don't have herpes or any STD.It just looks like it.I had these lip blisters all my life.I broke out initially back in 7th grade and miss 2 weeks of school.The blister hardened and cover my entire top lip.I wasn't skanking as a 12-13 year old.This is not sex related.I always had this condition.

I hate to break it to you, but that is herpes - not all varieties of which are sexually transmitted. When you were in 7th grade, you had contact with someone who had herpes. They kissed you, or you shared a glass, or a can or bottle of soda with them, or something. You had a break in the skin on your lip and voilà - you have the virus. The fact that it you've had recurring episodes since the first one makes it a lead-pipe cinch that it's herpes.

Don't kiss or have oral sex with anyone while that thing is active. Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.

Genesia said:

iaminparties said:

I don't have herpes or any STD.It just looks like it.I had these lip blisters all my life.I broke out initially back in 7th grade and miss 2 weeks of school.The blister hardened and cover my entire top lip.I wasn't skanking as a 12-13 year old.This is not sex related.I always had this condition.

I hate to break it to you, but that is herpes - not all varieties of which are sexually transmitted. When you were in 7th grade, you had contact with someone who had herpes. They kissed you, or you shared a glass, or a can or bottle of soda with them, or something. You had a break in the skin on your lip and voilà - you have the virus. The fact that it you've had recurring episodes since the first one makes it a lead-pipe cinch that it's herpes.

Don't kiss or have oral sex with anyone while that thing is active. Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.

i guess i have herpes.Thank god i dont have it on my weewee.

Lip Condoms

[Edited 1/7/13 15:09pm]

I always wore a dick condom,but they don't teach you about lip condoms.It could of prevented my oral herpes.I was traumatized as a 7th grader.

maja2405 said:

are you jestin' with ze rett pfeffeh herr Dr. Fonk?

if so...

besides benefits it's tasty too

You only worried bout ze rett pfeffeh in ze nostrils? You're ok wit ze shili in ze kerplonken? Und ze cucumberen?

Ja, meina most sincerely was jestin wit ze ole prescriptiona. You may gif zis a try if you zo wische, komme ze mit in two weeks. Das ist nacht verboten.

Love me some bell peppers too.

i'm sorry there is no remedy for the man flu