Do you stop seeing a person who doesn't enjoy (at least some of) the same..

music? or movies? or television? or books?

I don't know how people decide to spend time together (or stay together, for that matter)

if they can't suss what the other person enjoys.

Do you end up doing the same things you both like (ie. eating at the same restaurant)

or do you always try something new to you to keep it going?

Some compatibility in those areas is very important to me in a relationship so if there was practically no crossover at all, I would not start seeing that person in the first place.

I can't imagine trying to be in a relationship with someone who I had little in common with as far as leisure-time interests. I'd never be able to date a guy who was super into sports, for example.

My bf and I have very different taste in movies and tv. There are very few overlaps so it's not one of the activities we do together much. If we wanna cuddle up on the couch and watch something we often end up watching science documentaries and nature programs, a few of the only things we both enjoy.

I'm pretty lucky in that with everything else he's pretty agreeable. He usually likes most of the music I do so I can invite him along to any show and he'll have a good time. He'll eat just about any cuisine and though he eats meat will eat vegetarian many days a week with me.

I am generally pretty picky about lots of things, so I have to remember to be open-minded a bit more often. But I try to encourage him to do stuff on his own or with his friends if it's something I don't want to do.

[Edited 2/18/13 12:20pm]

As long as they don't interfer with me enjoying what I enjoy then no they don't have to enjoy everything I enjoy. Now if they sigh, pout or make a lot of underhanded comments about the things I enjoy then yeah, they gotta go. And if they enjoy me enjoying the things I enjoy then that's a keeper.

I had it both: being with somebody you share a lot of interests with and with somebody who has nothing at all in common with you.

I was in a relationship with somebody who has 99% the same taste in music, it is almost scary. We mostly have the same taste when it comes to TV or restaurants too and he is one of the few men who enjoys shopping . And he was okay with how I wanted to style our apartment too . So all these similarities made our every day life a lot easier .

My next relationship was with a man who has completely different hobbies from mine and a completely different taste in music and movies. It did not make our life any easier, but we loved each other, so it was okay for us to compromise.

Im fine with having someone around who has different taste in things than I do as long as its not vapid shit. I mean if you think madonna is a talented artist, Titanic is one the best movies of all time, that Friends is an amazing tv show and Anne Rice is a literary giant you aint getting in the front door.

[Edited 2/18/13 12:58pm]

lazycrockett said:

Im fine with having someone around who has different taste in things than I do as long as its not vapid shit. I mean if you think madonna is a talented artist, Titanic is one the best movies of all time, that Friends is an amazing tv show and Anne Rice is a literary giant you aint getting in the front door.

I would be more than willing to date someone who has very different interests. I would not be willing to date someone with very different interests that wouldn't want me to be me.

Serious said:

I had it both: being with somebody you share a lot of interests with and with somebody who has nothing at all in common with you.

I was in a relationship with somebody who has 99% the same taste in music, it is almost scary. We mostly have the same taste when it comes to TV or restaurants too and he is one of the few men who enjoys shopping . And he was okay with how I wanted to style our apartment too . So all these similarities made our every day life a lot easier .

My next relationship was with a man who has completely different hobbies from mine and a completely different taste in music and movies. It did not make our life any easier, but we loved each other, so it was okay for us to compromise.

Your next relationship paragraph needs more smileys before I believe you!

morningsong said:

As long as they don't interfer with me enjoying what I enjoy then no they don't have to enjoy everything I enjoy. Now if they sigh, pout or make a lot of underhanded comments about the things I enjoy then yeah, they gotta go. And if they enjoy me enjoying the things I enjoy then that's a keeper.

This is kinda what Supa is saying I think.

CarrieMpls said:

I'm pretty lucky in that with everything else he's pretty agreeable. He usually likes most of the music I do so I can invite him along to any show and he'll have a good time. He'll eat just about any cuisine and though he eats meat will eat vegetarian many days a week with me.

You ARE very lucky! What is something you have compromised on (it could be watching something you weren't interested in)?

Cinny said:

CarrieMpls said:

I'm pretty lucky in that with everything else he's pretty agreeable. He usually likes most of the music I do so I can invite him along to any show and he'll have a good time. He'll eat just about any cuisine and though he eats meat will eat vegetarian many days a week with me.

You ARE very lucky! What is something you have compromised on (it could be watching something you weren't interested in)?

He made me watch Terminator 2 with him.

I fell asleep, though, so it was OK.

And I'm probably going with him to an electronic music festival. Not my top choice but I'm sure there will be a band or two I enjoy and I'll make it through the rest.

CarrieMpls said:

Cinny said:

You ARE very lucky! What is something you have compromised on (it could be watching something you weren't interested in)?

He made me watch Terminator 2 with him.

I fell asleep, though, so it was OK.

And I'm probably going with him to an electronic music festival. Not my top choice but I'm sure there will be a band or two I enjoy and I'll make it through the rest.

I really hate to focus on the negative but that's like a perfect example of a compromise, in my mind, because it is literally time (and money) spent.

sexton said:

Some compatibility in those areas is very important to me in a relationship so if there was practically no crossover at all, I would not start seeing that person in the first place.

I keep seeing the person hoping I will find THAT BRIDGE to cross on, but I never find it. Am I that obscure?

Cinny said:

Serious said:

I had it both: being with somebody you share a lot of interests with and with somebody who has nothing at all in common with you.

I was in a relationship with somebody who has 99% the same taste in music, it is almost scary. We mostly have the same taste when it comes to TV or restaurants too and he is one of the few men who enjoys shopping . And he was okay with how I wanted to style our apartment too . So all these similarities made our every day life a lot easier .

My next relationship was with a man who has completely different hobbies from mine and a completely different taste in music and movies. It did not make our life any easier, but we loved each other, so it was okay for us to compromise.

Your next relationship paragraph needs more smileys before I believe you!

My next relationship was with a man who has completely different hobbies from mine and a completely different taste in music and movies . It did not make our life any easier . But we loved each other, so it was okay for us to compromise .

I'm not going into a vent, because I'll get the "why are you even with him?" comments again (and yes, WHY???????)

I am married to someone who regularly asks me when I'm going to sell my books on eBay because they are taking up space "you're not even going to read them again so why keep them?" (I could say that about all the sporting equipment that is accumulating in the garage)

We have a no music in the car policy if we are both in the car now because once I asked if we didn't have to listen to the mauritius CD EVERY time we go somewhere and it came to light that he doesn't like any of my music either

We watch certain movies together, others we save for plane trips or times when we aren't together.

So, in short, sexual chemistry is not enough in the long run because when you aren't even attracted to each other any more, if you don't have any common interests (in our case, we have our kids, and that's more a source of conflict than anything else) then you have NOTHING.

Being music is such an essential part of my life, you would have to be able to meet me at least halfway.

Differing tastes in books, movies and TV really wouldn't make any difference to me.

We have to enjoy watching the same things.. movies and tv. My ex and I loved the same music. but tv time was awful. If we only listened to music we might still be together

[Edited 2/18/13 14:02pm]

Cinny said:

morningsong said:

As long as they don't interfer with me enjoying what I enjoy then no they don't have to enjoy everything I enjoy. Now if they sigh, pout or make a lot of underhanded comments about the things I enjoy then yeah, they gotta go. And if they enjoy me enjoying the things I enjoy then that's a keeper.

This is kinda what Supa is saying I think.

I think he is.

I'd like to add, there are thing that we must be insync with though, I'd say bigger things. And I'd say extreme differences would be a problem.

I find it a turn off if someone really opposes things I cherish.

I used to require that anyone I dated loved Prince and Ayn Rand. Since no one loves Ayn Rand anymore due to shitty Republicans hijacking and misrepresenting her, I have had to relax that. But years ago that was a good filter.

I would NEVER date anyone who didn't lke Prince music. All my life, my greatest bond has been with men who love Prince. Furthermore, I'd like them to be interested in certain books and ideas, but I'm flexible on that ... maybe.

People with similar interests tend to bond. In my lifetime, I've been a writer and a teacher -- and I've dated so many writers and teachers I can't even keep count.

However, I've also dated lots of totally opposite people and that is very attractive too because the couple can teach each other new things. A person is trying to teach me salsa now because he loves salsa so much, but I can't dance much and that type of dance is really intimidating. It doesn't seem to be major source of dissension though.

I think people can work through differing interests.

Sweetie and I each have a lot of interests that we don't share. But that's okay. While I'm doing a play or going to arts-related fundraisers, he's doing advocacy for a proposed prep school aimed at closing the academic achievement gap in our community.

Our taste in movies is wildly divergent, but we manage to see enough together. He goes to action, "guy flicks" with his sons, I go to "chick movies" with girlfriends or alone (which I actually enjoy). And yet, he went to Gone With The Wind with me in the fall (he'd never seen it on the big screen) and The Sound of Music a few weeks ago (because he'd been a foreign exchange student based in Salzburg and wanted to see the places he'd been over there).

He also rides his motorcycle a lot in the summer. I go with him occasionally, but I don't find the back of his bike very comfortable, so it isn't a regular thing. A couple years ago, he did a ride around Lake Superior and was gone for over a week.

Our differing interests make us more interesting to each other.

ZombieKitten said:

I'm not going into a vent, because I'll get the "why are you even with him?" comments again (and yes, WHY???????)

I am married to someone who regularly asks me when I'm going to sell my books on eBay because they are taking up space "you're not even going to read them again so why keep them?" (I could say that about all the sporting equipment that is accumulating in the garage)

We have a no music in the car policy if we are both in the car now because once I asked if we didn't have to listen to the mauritius CD EVERY time we go somewhere and it came to light that he doesn't like any of my music either

We watch certain movies together, others we save for plane trips or times when we aren't together.

So, in short, sexual chemistry is not enough in the long run because when you aren't even attracted to each other any more, if you don't have any common interests (in our case, we have our kids, and that's more a source of conflict than anything else) then you have NOTHING.

I hope for a resolution for you both.

The older I get, the less I want to try to be with someone with whom I have little in common.

I've spent so much time doing the things I like without someone to share them with, I can't see being with someone if I still can't share.

I used to try to discover new interests through the men I dated, but it usually became one-sided.

My ex-fiance actually told me that when we were married, I would have had to give up the things I liked to do.

It would be wonderful to meet someone with whom I can share experiences...

Oh, this one keeps me up at night. I maybe took this to the extreme. I went along my merry way as my sweeties have always tried to like what I liked, and always allowed me to get what I wanted, while I never really fully reciprocated. I do not like to think I was being a sociopath, I was merely oblivious and a tad narcissistic about some aspects of the world around me and the lengths my partners would go through to keep things together by sacrificing themselves for the relationships.

I feel so guilty about this part of my relationships that it assuages me to feel that I am in fact NOT a sociopath. ..or is that something a sociopath would say?

Anyway, it's not good, and it's not fair to anyone. And looking back I certainly don't think those relationships are in any way healthy. Live and learn.

[Edited 2/18/13 17:15pm]

ZombieKitten said:

We have a no music in the car policy if we are both in the car now because once I asked if we didn't have to listen to the mauritius CD EVERY time we go somewhere and it came to light that he doesn't like any of my music either

Aw heyll naw!!

alphastreet said:

Different interests are ok as long as I'm not judged or belittled for mine and we can both have an open mind

What is your common ground or attraction?

Serious said:

Cinny said:

Your next relationship paragraph needs more smileys before I believe you!

My next relationship was with a man who has completely different hobbies from mine and a completely different taste in music and movies . It did not make our life any easier . But we loved each other, so it was okay for us to compromise .

Much better.

kitbradley said:

Being music is such an essential part of my life, you would have to be able to meet me at least halfway.

Differing tastes in books, movies and TV really wouldn't make any difference to me.

That's actually my answer. I need my partner to really like Hip Hop.

Tokyo89 said:

We have to enjoy watching the same things.. movies and tv. My ex and I loved the same music. but tv time was awful. If we only listened to music we might still be together

I am so indifferent to TV. All I see to care to watch in a given year is The Grammys, and the MTV VMAs.