Does the old school style of parenting and disciplining your kids still work in the new millennium?

Jada Pinkett Smith doesn’t think so. As a matter of fact, she feels as though controlling kids and dictating what happens in their lives will make them resent the parents as opposed to empowering them. While attending a recent event, she revealed to PEOPLE magazine that she and Will Smith have chosen to develop a relationship with their kids that is more like a “partnership” versus an “I’m your parent and what I say goes” type of relationship. She said:

I think that old school style of ‘I’m your parent and I’m greater than you’ doesn’t work. What I establish with my children is a partnership. I’m not necessarily dictating what is happening in their lives.

We communicate with our kids in a way that our message overpowers any other message that they get out there. We can’t control what our kids learn anymore. We have to inform them and have real conversations and [create] that foundation of them feeling assured in themselves.

I think for our children they feel like we really care and they come to us and go, ‘Mommy, I’m having this problem,’ and it’s like, ‘Okay, let’s figure this out together.’ And it empowers them.

Will and Jada catch a lot of flack for the way they raise their kids but that method may actually work for them — it doesn’t mean it will work for everyone else. It’s hard to keep up with these kids nowadays, especially with most of them having phones and signing up for profiles on social networks before they even reach the age of 12. As a parent, how do you even keep up? Scary!

I'm a big proponent of freedom and individuality, but the reality is that young children actually don't know who they are and freedom can be destructive to them. They need guidance, exposure and restrictions. Parents are greater than the child, Jada. Experience and life lessons mean a whole fucking lot.

BTW, Rebelling against authority is a necessary right of passage. To this day, my parents have no clue all the shit I found wily ways to pull off. I would not have respected them if they were less strict. So, if even with discipline and restrictions, children are still goign to find plenty of license to experiment, grow and challenge themselves and the world, just like I did.

I definitely am not impressed with what I've seen from Willow. Much of what she tries to pass off as "freedom" and "individual expression" seems like mimicry and pretense. OFten she seems sad and lost. Now, Willow does seem like a smart child and you do need to give smart kids some special level of free reign. But partners? No. YOu need to be parents, setting boundaries, imposing order, giving rules and consequences.

[Edited 11/2/12 11:51am]

KCOOLMUZIQ said:

Fri, Nov 02 2012

...

[Edited 11/2/12 13:07pm]

SynthiaRose said:

I'm a big proponent of freedom and individuality, but the reality is that young children actually don't know who they are and freedom can be destructive to them. They need guidance, exposure and restrictions. Parents are greater than the child, Jada. Experience and life lessons mean a whole fucking lot.

BTW, Rebelling against authority is a necessary right of passage. To this day, my parents have no clue all the shit I found wily ways to pull off. I would not have respected them if they were less strict. So, if even with discipline and restrictions, children are still goign to find plenty of license to experiment, grow and challenge themselves and the world, just like I did.

I definitely am not impressed with what I've seen from Willow. Much of what she tries to pass off as "freedom" and "individual expression" seems like mimicry and pretense. OFten she seems sad and lost. Now, Willow does seem like a smart child and you do need to give smart kids some special level of free reign. But partners? No. YOu need to be parents, setting boundaries, imposing order, giving rules and consequences.

[Edited 11/2/12 11:51am]

Amen to this post.

And speaking as a kid who grew up in a very sheltered home, with very controlling parents, I wouldn't have been the person that I am without their guidance and structure, I wouldn't have become the person that I am. Granted, it's still rather frustrating, but it all contributes to the big picture. You become your own person from structure and discipline.

As far as Will and Jada's kids go....they seem to be alright for celebrity kids. So if it works for them, great.

Well kids are exposed to more influences then ever before, so change is inevitable, I'll agree with that. I highly doubt it's as easy as it sounds.

I can't wait till these fame whores become the next generation's Lindsey Lohans.

we really cant judge from one parent 2 another thats whole heartedly trying 2 raise their kids in the generation. old school parenting wasnt bad it worked in that era b/c technology and information was different so the application was different. i think we can learn from the past and it apply it 2 our methods now whether its a learning from or adapting point.im so much in love with odl school values so i cant put down the past at all.

I would love to know, how she came to this conclusion. What did she use as comparison.

My parents weren't my partners growing up, they were my parents and what they said goes. When we got out of line, we were punished. That method not only kept me out of jail, but also, kept me alive.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

SynthiaRose said:

I'm a big proponent of freedom and individuality, but the reality is that young children actually don't know who they are and freedom can be destructive to them. They need guidance, exposure and restrictions. Parents are greater than the child, Jada. Experience and life lessons mean a whole fucking lot.

BTW, Rebelling against authority is a necessary right of passage. To this day, my parents have no clue all the shit I found wily ways to pull off. I would not have respected them if they were less strict. So, if even with discipline and restrictions, children are still goign to find plenty of license to experiment, grow and challenge themselves and the world, just like I did.

I definitely am not impressed with what I've seen from Willow. Much of what she tries to pass off as "freedom" and "individual expression" seems like mimicry and pretense. OFten she seems sad and lost. Now, Willow does seem like a smart child and you do need to give smart kids some special level of free reign. But partners? No. YOu need to be parents, setting boundaries, imposing order, giving rules and consequences.

[Edited 11/2/12 11:51am]

Amen to this post.

And speaking as a kid who grew up in a very sheltered home, with very controlling parents, I wouldn't have been the person that I am without their guidance and structure, I wouldn't have become the person that I am. Granted, it's still rather frustrating, but it all contributes to the big picture. You become your own person from structure and discipline.

As far as Will and Jada's kids go....they seem to be alright for celebrity kids. So if it works for them, great.

I can totally relate to this, I was part innocent, part rebel, but if I wasn't that, I wouldn't be who I was today.

Obviously their method of raising their kids is working. U haven't heard any drug stories or get out of jail cards for Will's older son Trey. Whoever said Willow seems sad & lost is sadly mistaken. She has nothing to be sad about..She is a very humble young lady with her father's looks & her mother's hazel eyes...

Stymie said:

God who fucking cares? I cannot believe you get away with this shit in almost every forum on this site.

LMAO!! Damn Stymie how you really feel.

Thebigpill said:

Maybe he's trying to get adopted by the Smith family...

Stymie said:

Thebigpill said:

LMAO!! Damn Stymie how you really feel.

I was a fan of the smiths and this person makes me want them to go away.

I understand.

purplethunder3121 said:

Maybe he's trying to get adopted by the Smith family...

i think Kool wants to be one of those down low men that gang bang Will Smith & Tom Cruise.

Real life eyes wide shut going on i bet

And yes!''

Kcool does get away with posting about every smith in nearly every fucking forum

Bitch made stan gonna be a bitch made stan.

[Edited 11/3/12 15:34pm]

1. What the article is perpetuating is something slightly different from Smith actually says in her quotes, and makes it appear as if she's the poster girl for the "Running With Scissors" style of parenting.

2. I imagine it's easier to be non-disciplinarian when one lives in the lap of luxury sheltered from many of the cold, hard realities of life---but this is not an approach I see working for the average parent in Compton or the streets of East Cleveland- especially when they have so many other overwhelming factors staring them in the face everyday from the streets ready to take their children away and swallow them up whole without due dillegence.

3. I never knew Frances Fischer was so tiny . Jada is the size of a 10 lb. Pygmy in person, so Frances can't be bigger than what 5 ft, 5'1" max? And a size 2-4 at most

Ottensen said:

1. What the article is perpetuating is something slightly different from Smith actually says in her quotes, and makes it appear as if she's the poster girl for the "Running With Scissors" style of parenting.

2. I imagine it's easier to be non-disciplinarian when one lives in the lap of luxury sheltered from many of the cold, hard realities of life---but this is not an approach I see working for the average parent in Compton or the streets of East Cleveland- especially when they have so many other overwhelming factors staring them in the face everyday from the streets ready to take their children away and swallow them up whole without due dillegence.

3. I never knew Frances Fischer was so tiny . Jada is the size of a 10 lb. Pygmy in person, so Frances can't be bigger than what 5 ft, 5'1" max? And a size 2-4 at most

Exactly. And Jada shouldn't forget where she came from. Wasn't she raised in Baltimore? Whoever raised her must have employed that "old school style of parenting" to instill in her her the qualiities that got her to where she is today.

^ Wha? fuckin her way to the middle?

lazycrockett said:

^ Wha? fuckin her way to the middle?

Whatcha mean?

Gunsnhalen said:

And yes!''

Kcool does get away with posting about every smith in nearlye very fucking forum

Bitch made stan gonna be a bitch made stan.

lazycrockett said:

^ Wha? fuckin her way to the middle?

Lazy, what in the Sam hell are you talking about now?

Shyra said:

Ottensen said:

1. What the article is perpetuating is something slightly different from Smith actually says in her quotes, and makes it appear as if she's the poster girl for the "Running With Scissors" style of parenting.

2. I imagine it's easier to be non-disciplinarian when one lives in the lap of luxury sheltered from many of the cold, hard realities of life---but this is not an approach I see working for the average parent in Compton or the streets of East Cleveland- especially when they have so many other overwhelming factors staring them in the face everyday from the streets ready to take their children away and swallow them up whole without due dillegence.

3. I never knew Frances Fischer was so tiny . Jada is the size of a 10 lb. Pygmy in person, so Frances can't be bigger than what 5 ft, 5'1" max? And a size 2-4 at most

Exactly. And Jada shouldn't forget where she came from. Wasn't she raised in Baltimore? Whoever raised her must have employed that "old school style of parenting" to instill in her her the qualiities that got her to where she is today.

I don't know how she was raise or where, but I do know she and her moms and Willow sat down for a 3 generational talk on parenting last Mother's Day that was on the Yahoo!'s home page, with it being happy smiley and in agreement...and I guess there are plenty of people who can actually grow up to completely eschew and turn away from how they were raised because they might feel negatively affected by it----still, I think this all really just boils down to talk of the rich, elite, and disconnected- bless their hearts

Jada will wish she was more of a parent than a partner when they finally catch the guy that's been stalking her kids for the past few years.

"The call is coming from inside the house!"

HonestMan13 said:

Jada will wish she was more of a parent than a partner when they finally catch the guy that's been stalking her kids for the past few years.

"The call is coming from inside the house!"

Have you seen sinister yet?, it was a perfect capture of kcool.

I could see him stalking & murdeing the smith family, and then stalking the home of all the residents that choose to live at the house after

Kcool, he cools your body before he eats it....

Cannibal horror movie in the waiting.

well - imo in this age of ever moving forward and face paced technology, in almost every economic sphere the very young children are being exposed to many means of techno-contact with their peers through many social networking options via their computers.

today's kids have developed very personal contact (via the net) with their close friends, and have established contacts with numerous virtual/computer friends around the world. today's kids/children/teens are trading, sharing and comparing information globally. most times the topics they discuss are not shared with the parents. the children/kids/teens are being almost forced into electronical-intellects to survive in this day and age. imo that's kind of scary.

now while the majority of these kids are staring into a square electronic communicator for at least 4- 10hrs per day (hopefully some of these hrs include homework).

at the other times the kids are playing random playstation/xbox games while listening to ipods. i mean the so called wonder of today's technology seems to be stealing our children away. (side bar - many schools are dropping penmanship in their syllabus' in favor of all online educational teaching tools).

in these times we live in, many parents only communicate with their kids on a limited basis. most of the time the communication coming from the kids is mostly about their basic needs, like school stuff and their wants. other times it's about discipline and limits that comes from the side of the parent.

imo parents have a large responsibility in keeping conversations flowing with their kids and not in just disciplinary ways. kids should feel comfortable conversing with their parents within a wide array of topics and issues. within the last 20-25yrs parents have refrained from using corporal punishment for many it's due to the child laws. for others it's about not wanting to inflict any physical pain on the child. communicating with the child is of paramont importance.

as parents it is our duty to yes, allow the children we raise to master the use of the techno-tools available to them, yet not lose them in the process.

i kind of understand where will and jada are coming from as very wealthy parents of today.

Jada quote:

I think that old school style of ‘I’m your parent and I’m greater than you’ doesn’t work. "__________________________________________________________________"

What I establish with my children is a partnership. I’m not necessarily dictating what is happening in their lives.

We communicate with our kids in a way that our message overpowers any other message that they get out there. We can’t control what our kids learn anymore. We have to inform them and have real conversations and [create] that foundation of them feeling assured in themselves.

I think for our children they feel like we really care and they come to us and go, ‘Mommy, I’m having this problem,’ and it’s like, ‘Okay, let’s figure this out together.’ And it empowers them.

lastly, today's world is very different from the world before social networking came along. kids are going to rebel, that's normal. however i feel we need to understand where they are coming from. establishing a kind of partnership with them is not all bad imo. it's kind of like a "joint interest with certain steadfast boundries established and set by the parent." and that interest is letting them know as parents we are seeing them through to grow into healthy, respectful, intelligent, creative and positive contributers to society.

only one thing i feel and think jada omitted her quoted statement:

jada should have added another sentence to the opening statement (embolded).

"however as a parent i have a greater amont of experience than you due to my time and experiences upon this earth"

old school can best be defined as a time 20yrs or more prior to today's world. the children's world of today is so different than 20yrs ago. we as adults have to do a fast forward to stay ahead in a world that's seemingly forcing our children to develop strongly expressed pov's and opinions much earlier than we did when we were children.

[Edited 11/4/12 17:34pm]

HonestMan13 said:

Jada will wish she was more of a parent than a partner when they finally catch the guy that's been stalking her kids for the past few years.

"The call is coming from inside the house!"

SynthiaRose said:

I'm a big proponent of freedom and individuality, but the reality is that young children actually don't know who they are and freedom can be destructive to them. They need guidance, exposure and restrictions. Parents are greater than the child, Jada. Experience and life lessons mean a whole fucking lot.

BTW, Rebelling against authority is a necessary right of passage. To this day, my parents have no clue all the shit I found wily ways to pull off. I would not have respected them if they were less strict. So, if even with discipline and restrictions, children are still goign to find plenty of license to experiment, grow and challenge themselves and the world, just like I did.

I definitely am not impressed with what I've seen from Willow. Much of what she tries to pass off as "freedom" and "individual expression" seems like mimicry and pretense. OFten she seems sad and lost. Now, Willow does seem like a smart child and you do need to give smart kids some special level of free reign. But partners? No. YOu need to be parents, setting boundaries, imposing order, giving rules and consequences.