I think if I'm still single by my birthday next year I am going to throw in the towel and accept that I will never marry. I am actually kind of okay with putting a limit on myself and then changing my focus on accepting singlehood. But, what do you all think? Is it better to be married or single?

I have lived and traveled all over the world and met many different types of guys, so I have an idea of what I want. There is one guy that I really admire but he's already taken, so I just have to like him from a distance and accept that he's not available, which really sucks.

What do you guys think?

First of all, don't ever throw in the towel. You never know when the right person will come along.

Second, there are pros and cons to each status and in the end either status is what you make of it.

Nothinbutjoy said:

First of all, don't ever throw in the towel. You never know when the right person will come along.

Second, there are pros and cons to each status and in the end either status is what you make of it.

You're right dear but part of the reason I want to give myself a time limit is so that I can basically learn to accept that it won't happen. It will force me to just move on and find other things to enjoy in life. I have only been in one serious relationship my whole life because I really hate dating. I wonder if I should get an arranged marriage.

Nothinbutjoy said:

First of all, don't ever throw in the towel. You never know when the right person will come along.

Second, there are pros and cons to each status and in the end either status is what you make of it.

I threw in the towel and I still met someone.

I knew I wanted to get married but I hated dating and decided I was done. I had always made my short-term plans to be alone, but I started making my life plans alone as well.

Lo and behold, I met my bf. I'm happy to rearrange my plans, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was perfectly happy before I met him and I'm perfectly happy now. Just in different ways.

SeventeenDayze said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

First of all, don't ever throw in the towel. You never know when the right person will come along.

Second, there are pros and cons to each status and in the end either status is what you make of it.

You're right dear but part of the reason I want to give myself a time limit is so that I can basically learn to accept that it won't happen. It will force me to just move on and find other things to enjoy in life. I have only been in one serious relationship my whole life because I really hate dating. I wonder if I should get an arranged marriage.

Move on now. Make yourself happy. If you happen to meet someone along the way, great! Either way you're focusing on you and and enjoying yourself. No use pining away and/or being miserable. Have some fun!

CarrieMpls said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

First of all, don't ever throw in the towel. You never know when the right person will come along.

Second, there are pros and cons to each status and in the end either status is what you make of it.

I threw in the towel and I still met someone.

I knew I wanted to get married but I hated dating and decided I was done. I had always made my short-term plans to be alone, but I started making my life plans alone as well.

Lo and behold, I met my bf. I'm happy to rearrange my plans, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was perfectly happy before I met him and I'm perfectly happy now. Just in different ways.

You're story gives me hope because I basically have none left. I realize that I am a bit quirky. I've never been "status quo" or "conventional" so that eliminates a large segment of the population there

I feel being happily married is better, but I feel OK single. since I can't say I've met anyone who shares my exalted view of marriage, relationship and sex -- or who has been a perfect match.

If we have a primal connection (my current relationship), we dont' have a mental one. IF we have a mental connection, we lack emotional sychronicity. If we mesh emotionally, our ideologies pull us apart. I want everything harmonized!

I don't really want a marriage like some of my friends have. If I can't have the ultimate, I'd rather be single.

[Edited 10/3/12 11:47am]

Just know that you are loved - single OR married!

I enjoyed my time as a single girl, but I'm loving being married at this phase of life; I think I have a better sense of priorities, my dude's a terrific partner and we fit like puzzle pieces, and even better we're at a point of maturity in our spiritual lives where no matter what each day brings, God has us in snyc and on a kind of cruise control.

I was totally ready to remain single, then bim bam boom; one day in church in I was in the pew behind his, he turned around to look at me because he heard me sing during Worship. From that day on (as the saying goes), "it was all over but the shoutin' " . So ya just never know. There's nothing wrong with being cozy with yourself in single mode, but there's also nothing wrong with remaining open to the possibilities of what God has in store for you, too, even at a later phase in life

51, single and loving every minute of it.

Ottensen said:

I enjoyed my time as a single girl, but I'm loving being married at this phase of life; I think I have a better sense of priorities, my dude's a terrific partner and we fit like puzzle pieces, and even better we're at a point of maturity in our spiritual lives where no matter what each day brings, God has us in snyc and on a kind of cruise control.

I was totally ready to remain single, then bim bam boom; one day in church in I was in the pew behind his, he turned around to look at me because he heard me sing during Worship. From that day on (as the saying goes), "it was all over but the shoutin' " . So ya just never know. There's nothing wrong with being cozy with yourself in single mode, but there's also nothing wrong with remaining open to the possibilities of what God has in store for you, too, even at a later phase in life

Ha, that's a nice story to hear that you met him in church I go to church regularly and seems like the only guy there who is heterosexual, employed and loves God is the preacher, LOL!

I wonder if you were wearing a tight skirt while singing in church

I stay busy with different hobbies and whatnot but still sometimes wonder if I'm ready to enter a new phase of life. I don't really go to singles bars at all and gave up on internet dating a long time ago.

The thing that scares me about marriage is the idea of sharing a bathroom with someone, having to agree with someone on mundane things (even important things) and the idea of having kids seems to be out of the question. I don't think I want to go through those physical changes and what guy wants a woman who doesn't want kids? LOL

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen said:

I enjoyed my time as a single girl, but I'm loving being married at this phase of life; I think I have a better sense of priorities, my dude's a terrific partner and we fit like puzzle pieces, and even better we're at a point of maturity in our spiritual lives where no matter what each day brings, God has us in snyc and on a kind of cruise control.

I was totally ready to remain single, then bim bam boom; one day in church in I was in the pew behind his, he turned around to look at me because he heard me sing during Worship. From that day on (as the saying goes), "it was all over but the shoutin' " . So ya just never know. There's nothing wrong with being cozy with yourself in single mode, but there's also nothing wrong with remaining open to the possibilities of what God has in store for you, too, even at a later phase in life

Ha, that's a nice story to hear that you met him in church I go to church regularly and seems like the only guy there who is heterosexual, employed and loves God is the preacher, LOL!

I wonder if you were wearing a tight skirt while singing in church

I stay busy with different hobbies and whatnot but still sometimes wonder if I'm ready to enter a new phase of life. I don't really go to singles bars at all and gave up on internet dating a long time ago.

The thing that scares me about marriage is the idea of sharing a bathroom with someone, having to agree with someone on mundane things (even important things) and the idea of having kids seems to be out of the question. I don't think I want to go through those physical changes and what guy wants a woman who doesn't want kids? LOL

Girl, naw! I go to a casual churcfh and people dress pretty modestly, so it was more like jeans, a ratty old Rolling Stones tee shirt and black high top Converse sneakers

Glad you're staying busy with hobbies; it's clear you're not lonely even though you're alone, and you're developing who you need to be and how to make your soul happy. ALWAYS a good thing

As for mundane stuff in a marriage that you mentioned, (outside of the children issue), all that stuff pretty much falls by the wayside pretty quickly if the two of you have a clear understanding of what it means to be of one flesh and of one accord; some people get married and forget the directive from Ephesians that stresses compromise; in marriage we are instructed to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (5:21). Life together will be too full of transformative experiences, the hard the soft, and the sweet to care about stuff like that. Lemme tell you, earlier this summer my dude had a bike accident with a Mercedes that had things been different by just a millisecond could have bust his head open, left him unable to play piano ever again, deaf, dumb & blind, paralyzed, you name it. As I sat nearly rocking myself into a fetal position worried about whether or not he had bleeding on his brain, minor annoyances like why he always steals my sensitive skin deodorant for himself mean nothing, absolutely nothing...it doesn't even show up on the radar, honey.

Now as for that child thing, that's the kind of stuff you get out in pre-marital counseling; along with communication tools, full disclosure of finances, deep dark secrets, and past relationships so that everyone goes into the deal eyes wide open and not with rose colored glasses, and the union is fortified against pesky little surprises, as it were .

Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Ha, that's a nice story to hear that you met him in church I go to church regularly and seems like the only guy there who is heterosexual, employed and loves God is the preacher, LOL!

I wonder if you were wearing a tight skirt while singing in church

I stay busy with different hobbies and whatnot but still sometimes wonder if I'm ready to enter a new phase of life. I don't really go to singles bars at all and gave up on internet dating a long time ago.

The thing that scares me about marriage is the idea of sharing a bathroom with someone, having to agree with someone on mundane things (even important things) and the idea of having kids seems to be out of the question. I don't think I want to go through those physical changes and what guy wants a woman who doesn't want kids? LOL

Girl, naw! I go to a casual churcfh and people dress pretty modestly, so it was more like jeans, a ratty old Rolling Stones tee shirt and black high top Converse sneakers

Glad you're staying busy with hobbies; it's clear you're not lonely even though you're alone, and you're developing who you need to be and how to make your soul happy. ALWAYS a good thing

As for mundane stuff in a marriage that you mentioned, (outside of the children issue), all that stuff pretty much falls by the wayside pretty quickly if the two of you have a clear understanding of what it means to be of one flesh and of one accord; some people get married and forget the directive from Ephesians that stresses compromise; in marriage we are instructed to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (5:21). Life together will be too full of transformative experiences, the hard the soft, and the sweet to care about stuff like that. Lemme tell you, earlier this summer my dude had a bike accident with a Mercedes that had things been different by just a millisecond could have bust his head open, left him unable to play piano ever again, deaf, dumb & blind, paralyzed, you name it. As I sat nearly rocking myself into a fetal position worried about whether or not he had bleeding on his brain, minor annoyances like why he always steals my sensitive skin deodorant for himself mean nothing, absolutely nothing...it doesn't even show up on the radar, honey.

Now as for that child thing, that's the kind of stuff you get out in pre-marital counseling; along with communication tools, full disclosure of finances, deep dark secrets, and past relationships so that everyone goes into the deal eyes wide open and not with rose colored glasses, and the union is fortified against pesky little surprises, as it were .

Wow, that's amazing and glad that he survived that accident btw. You're right, we should appreciate those around us every chance we get because you just never know, right?

SuperSoulFighter said:

I like both.

SuperSoulFighter said:

I think step # 1 is forgetting about this whole question. Neither one is better.A Dutch comedian (well...half Spanish) once joked: a relationship is solving problems together that you would never have if you were single! Still... Meeting the love of your life is the most wonderful thing... Don't throw in that towel just yet! It may be a cliche, but love comes when you least expect it. By the way, I'm single right now...

It sure does

Unless you've been both single and married at one time or another how can you comment on which is better for you?

I never had any desire to be married, but after recently seeing and feeling what married life could be like with someone I'm more open to it now.

Not desiring it, just not closing the door on it.

It would be nice to hear from Orgers who have been single and married (even divorced) to hear what they have to say about it. I think all of you have made great comments. I guess I'm thinking a time limit would be good so that I can make a decision to just shift gears and deal with it

.

[Edited 10/3/12 20:16pm]

SeventeenDayze said:

It would be nice to hear from Orgers who have been single and married (even divorced) to hear what they have to say about it. I think all of you have made great comments. I guess I'm thinking a time limit would be good so that I can make a decision to just shift gears and deal with it

Why do you need other people's opinion to make a decision?

Anyway, my two cents: if you're not happy with yourself, you won't be happy in a relationship nor will you be happy on your own.

whistle said:

I know what the answer is if you enjoy sex.

Want to come and get some?

MacDaddy said:

whistle said:

MacDaddy said:

Want to come and get some?

As long as we don't have to get married afterwards.

We don't even have to cuddle afterwards.

Well, I should look on the brightside, at least I live in a country where you don't have to be married to have sex or fear being stoned to death. I cannot imagine living somewhere that society dictates who you sleep with. Imagine the first penis you see is the last one you'll ever see, lol. I love America

what about if you mingle?

I want to stay single, I'm too self-absorbed to give my all in a relationship cause I'm way too picky and end up leading on people I don't really like cause I'm afraid to hurt their feelings and they end up treating me badly too cause they turn out desperate or creepy or whatever.

However, though I don't believe in love at first sight, something like that could happen. I keep saying I don't want kids, have said it for years, but lately have been warming up to the idea a little bit though I think I just like the superficial side of it, cause I'm really an impatient person, and feel too selfish to be a parent and that's the truth...but today when I was told not to get pregnant while taking meds I'm on, I don't know if it's cause of society or what, but I suddenly felt so sad and shocked and asked if that means I could never have kids, but was told I would just have to take something else, though I wouldn't want to put anything in my body and do that, cause I would never, ever forgive myself if I gave birth to someone unhealthy because of what I've put myself through.

[Edited 10/4/12 7:04am]

SeventeenDayze said:

It would be nice to hear from Orgers who have been single and married (even divorced) to hear what they have to say about it. I think all of you have made great comments. I guess I'm thinking a time limit would be good so that I can make a decision to just shift gears and deal with it

I was never married, but I had a 17 year long relationship and I am now in another relationship that is pretty difficult for a lot of reasons and I very much prefer being in a relationship to being single. For me being with soembody you love is what makes life worth living. Having friends and family can never make up for not having a person you love and who loves you at your side IMO.

Serious said:

SeventeenDayze said:

It would be nice to hear from Orgers who have been single and married (even divorced) to hear what they have to say about it. I think all of you have made great comments. I guess I'm thinking a time limit would be good so that I can make a decision to just shift gears and deal with it

I was never married, but I had a 17 year long relationship and I am now in another relationship that is pretty difficult for a lot of reasons and I very much prefer being in a relationship to being single. For me being with soembody you love is what makes life worth living. Having friends and family can never make up for not having a person you love and who loves you at your side IMO.

You're right about the fact that friends and family can't always fill in those gaps. I live several states away from my family and on top of that when I lived in the same city (even under the same roof) it still felt like I was miles away. There are rumors in my family going around that my mom is moving in with some guy off the internet that she's only met a handful of times. She's moving but she won't tell us where she's moving to, it's really F'd up.

I think if it weren't for the fact that my family life has been and probably forever will be F'd up, I wouldn't think about "love" too much but I guess I am getting tired of running this race in life alone...