Good Question: Is It OK For Parents To H...orite Kid?

When blogger Buzz Bishop wrote that he liked his 5...2-year-old, he started a worldwide conversation.

“Yes, I have a favorite son, and I’m not ashamed to admit it,” Bishop wrote. “I’m guessing you could look deep in the mirror and admit you have a favorite, too.”

But is it wrong to have a favorite child?

[edited for compliance]

“It’s the word favorite that gets people hung up,” said Minneapolis author Carla Barnhill, who wrote “The Myth of the Perfect Mother.”

“I think you definitely have a child you connect with easier, or a child that’s easier to parent,” Barnhill said.

She added: “I don’t think it’s bad to have one, as long as you’re not showing a lot of favoritism.”

She said, in fact, there might be value in looking deep inside — as the blogger suggested — and acknowledging that you do have an internal bias in favor of one kid.

“Then you’re aware you might move into favoritism and make sure you’re compensating,” she said.

But on Facebook, Shaye wrote: “I think it’s horrible to even think about having a favorite kid.”

“I think it hits at some deep pain and they want to make sure they never cause that pain, it strikes into the fear that they may be secretly damaging their kids,” Barnhill said.

She added: “That fear that we’re somehow gonna mess up our kids makes us react and overreact to stuff that’s really not that big of a deal.”

I have been very, very careful to try and NOT show favoritism to any of my kids.

As a child, I distinctly remember thinking that my mom preferred my brother over me. Up until I was in college in fact.

It's funny to hear my brother thinking that they always preferred ME.

I think that, as the article suggests, you sometimes have a kid that you can relate to easier. That would be my youngest. Of course, it's probably natural for parents to have an affitinty to the youngest, since he/she is always considered "the baby" in the family. But no matter what, as long as you show them all an even hand and love them the same, that SHOULD work, right?

PurpleJedi said:

I have been very, very careful to try and NOT show favoritism to any of my kids.

As a child, I distinctly remember thinking that my mom preferred my brother over me. Up until I was in college in fact.

It's funny to hear my brother thinking that they always preferred ME.

I think that, as the article suggests, you sometimes have a kid that you can relate to easier. That would be my youngest. Of course, it's probably natural for parents to have an affitinty to the youngest, since he/she is always considered "the baby" in the family. But no matter what, as long as you show them all an even hand and love them the same, that SHOULD work, right?

Sounds like your mom was good at it. I think my 2 had that problem, one always thought the other was the favorite. At this point I can't really say, it's been a penduulum swing between them, they both are different and they have their strong points, and points that get on my damned nerves. I'd say I approach each one differently.

^^^

I wonder how many people with siblings believed that the other brother/sister was the "favorite"???

PurpleJedi said:

^^^

I wonder how many people with siblings believed that the other brother/sister was the "favorite"???

Im the only girl and oldest, with three younger brothers, I definitely felt that I was not my moms favorite, she did so much more for my brothers just because they were boys

but then they think I am my dads favorite

An episode of ABC's "The Middle" just dealt with this issue

I'm my Mom's favorite,and I have always known it.

[Edited 9/28/12 15:21pm]

EmeraldSkies said:

I'm my Mom's favorite,and I have always known it.

[Edited 9/28/12 15:21pm]

The Smothers Brothers built a career on it!

I'm the favorite as well, I knew it and my brothers knew it.

===============

[Edited 9/28/12 17:39pm]

banks said:

EmeraldSkies said:

I'm my Mom's favorite,and I have always known it.

[Edited 9/28/12 15:21pm]

TD3 said:

I'm the favorite as well, I knew it and my brothers knew it.

===============

[Edited 9/28/12 17:39pm]

My sisters would say that I am the favorite, when we were younger, because I was the youngest and only male. Over years though, my parents and siblings understand that each of holds a special place. Not favorite, just special, different. My mom knows that there are places in my heart that she could never occupy because it's reserved for dad, and so on and so on.

As for my boys, I interact more with my older son and the younger son interacts more with my wife. It's quite obvious and we make conscious efforts to try to balance this out. And it's not even about favorites, it just IS. But we don't want it to lead to favoritism so we try to balnce it.

I relate to my middle child the most but I have no favorite since I love all my kids for different reasons.

How any parent could pick a favorite is beyond me.... but maybe culture and upbringing has much to do with mentalities regarding favoritism with children?

My mother loves her baby boy though... I think its a Latino thing. My father favors his sons and my sister since she makes good money and he can hit her up for favors. He treats me and my younger 12 year old sister like second rate old rags. He told me that girls are "meat for dogs" and that he always wanted only sons. Good ole dad!

The thing about him saying he likes his five year old more than his two, is that he has known the five old longer and also the five year old can communicate better, so not really sure if that is a valid arguement.

But I have two young children and love them equally, could not choose between either of them.

I grew up one of five, the middle child was mum's and grandmother's favourite and the oldest (boy) was my grandfather's and mum's brothers favourite, was rather disheartening for the rest of us!

I only have one and after the tantrums from this morning, he is no longer my favorite.

AND he knows it!

I am the favorite and my mom never even tried to hide it. Growing up, if someone would ask, my

mom would just tell them it was me and shrug. She made it clear that she loved us all but she never

tried to hide what was right there in the open.

Still, favorite or not, I wasn't the spolied child. My sister was spoiled rotten and my brother couldn't

so much as pour himself a bowl of cereal at the age of 7.

i love both of my kids the same

and

freena daffilee

just kidding

Shanti0608 said:

I only have one and after the tantrums from this morning, he is no longer my favorite.

AND he knows it!

Shanti0608 said:

I only have one and after the tantrums from this morning, he is no longer my favorite.

AND he knows it!

banks said:

EmeraldSkies said:

I'm my Mom's favorite,and I have always known it.

[Edited 9/28/12 15:21pm]

My mother was actually pretty good @ not treating me or my sister with any favoritism . I do feel that with multiple kids, there will be those that you can connect with a little more than others, but I would never put one child over the other.

[Edited 9/30/12 3:30am]

Shanti0608 said: