Beautifulstarr123 said:

ThisOne said:

if i were 2 marry again it would only b 4 sex

You were married before? Interesting.

yes but its not interesting ~ it's depressing

i actually made a vow 2 never marry again!!!!

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I remembered so many years ago, I was walking passed this couple talking about marriage. Only a earshot away from them, the woman tells the man if she can't have a two carat diamond ring, there will be no wedding. She's not marrying him. I think many people's expectations and ideas about love nowadays are too overboard, and convoluted.

If that dude had any balls, he would have told her 'have a nice life', walked away and never looked back. Who the fuck is she to give ultimatums - sounds like a high-maintenance pain-in-the-ass.

But I'm sure he pussied out and went through with it, like some of my friends did. Now all they do is bitch and moan about how miserable their home lives are. Idiots.

JustErin said:

Rightly said:

JustErin said: Justerin, You really are sorted! (As they say in England) Your man sho'is lucky.

I have no man now. He entered a "business arrangement" with a suitable partner.

Well, his loss.

kewlschool said:

JustErin said:

I have no man now. He entered a "business arrangement" with a suitable partner.

Well, his loss.

For once I can honestly say I agree, it definitely is his loss.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

All for Love?

As it turns out, the Bryan Adams anthem doesn't speak for at least 25 percent of guys out there. A survey by Match.com found that some men will marry even if there's no spark, report our friends at YourTango. So, what compels these apathetic suitors to pop the question? According to the survey, reasons include having someone to cook their dinner, do their laundry and give them convenient access to sex. And here we thought it was 2012…

Scroll down to find the link:

http://glo.msn.com/beauty...etId%3D800

I can see maybe doing it for sex but that's a big, big maybe. Personally im at the point in my life when concerning a long term partner, love is more important than sex. Then again sometimes ill see a random woman and think, 'damn woman, you just don't know, Id put in work with(for) you !'.

Sometimes i do mistake lust for love but overall I'm pretty good a distinguishing between the two.

I have to be honest though and say that people irritate me sometimes so if i was married to a person i wasn't clicking with, i would be miserable.....and mean.

As far as marrying just to get someone to cook and clean for me, never.

Shoot i cooked better than my last girlfriend and i know how to clean, iron, wash clothes and sew so I'm good.

JoeyC said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

All for Love?

As it turns out, the Bryan Adams anthem doesn't speak for at least 25 percent of guys out there. A survey by Match.com found that some men will marry even if there's no spark, report our friends at YourTango. So, what compels these apathetic suitors to pop the question? According to the survey, reasons include having someone to cook their dinner, do their laundry and give them convenient access to sex. And here we thought it was 2012…

Scroll down to find the link:

http://glo.msn.com/beauty...etId%3D800

I can see maybe doing it for sex but that's a big, big maybe. Personally im at the point in my life when concerning a long term partner, love is more important than sex. Then again sometimes ill see a random woman and think, 'damn woman, you just don't know, Id put in work with(for) you !'.

Sometimes i do mistake lust for love but overall I'm pretty good a distinguishing between the two.

I have to be honest though and say that people irritate me sometimes so if i was married to a person i wasn't clicking with, i would be miserable.....and mean.

As far as marrying just to get someone to cook and clean for me, never.

Shoot i cooked better than my last girlfriend and i know how to clean, iron, wash clothes and sew so I'm good.

At least you're not among the 25%

uPtoWnNY said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I remembered so many years ago, I was walking passed this couple talking about marriage. Only a earshot away from them, the woman tells the man if she can't have a two carat diamond ring, there will be no wedding. She's not marrying him. I think many people's expectations and ideas about love nowadays are too overboard, and convoluted.

If that dude had any balls, he would have told her 'have a nice life', walked away and never looked back. Who the fuck is she to give ultimatums - sounds like a high-maintenance pain-in-the-ass.

But I'm sure he pussied out and went through with it, like some of my friends did. Now all they do is bitch and moan about how miserable their home lives are. Idiots.

Not everyone has the balls like you have, and he's probably busted and crazy by now, catering to her delusions

ThisOne said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

You were married before? Interesting.

yes but its not interesting ~ it's depressing

i actually made a vow 2 never marry again!!!!

Oh wow, sorry to read that it didn't go well for you

well here's the list from that article;

1. Dinner. You may think the woman making dinner for her man is something out the 1950s, but it's still very much a thing. I know way more women than men who rush home to make dinner for their sweetie every day. Men like to be fed.

2. Laundry. Some men will never learn that you can't put red socks in with white pants. If a woman does your laundry, you're spending less money on white shirts.

3. Comfort. There is something very comfortable about coming home to someone at the end of a long day.

4. Everyone else is doing it. As we mentioned, peer pressure goes a long way with men. No one wants to be the last man standing at the bar at 3 a.m. because all his buddies went home a long time ago with their wives or girlfriends.

5. Guilt. I once had a guy friend admit, after proposing to his girlfriend, that he wasn't in love with her anymore but she had "done her time" and stayed with him. Sounds really romantic, right?

6. Fear. Most people fear not only aging, but also dying alone. Men are no exception to this; in fact, men fear it more than women. I've learned this one from my dad.

7. The settling factor. Sometimes it's just easier to go with what you know than trying something different. This goes for both relationships and ice cream flavors.

8. Sex. Yes, even if there aren't exactly fireworks, he can probably still get it up. Sex whenever you want it? How can you go wrong?

9. Growing up. Society has taught us that the next step in a relationship is marriage, then babies. If you opt for a lifestyle that differs from this, then people start wondering what's wrong with you. Sometimes it's better to just succumb to society's standards.

10. The ultimatum. Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give him ultimatums about commitment. Ever. You're just asking for a world of hurt later.

PurpleJedi said:

well here's the list from that article;

10. The ultimatum. Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give him ultimatums about commitment. Ever. You're just asking for a world of hurt later.

Is this why your ex is evil because she gave you an ultimatium?

I'm not surprised by the study either and like Erin I think the percentage is much higher. Men by and large don't have the same support system(s) as women do. For many men most of their support comes from women irrespective of the relationship being intimate or platonic. I don't think anyone would like to think that their mate "settled" but in my opinion butterflies in the stomach is a fleeting aspect of a marriage that subsides pretty quickly. As the saying goes, "When the honeymoon ends the marriage begins". Marriage is hard and it would be nice if romantic love was all one needed to keep it going but there's so much more to it.

==================

[Edited 10/1/12 20:23pm]

TD3 said:

I'm not surprised by the study either and like Erin I think the percentage is much higher. Men by and large don't have the same support system(s) as women do. For many men most of their support comes from women irrespective of the relationship being intimate or platonic. I don't think anyone would like to think that their mate "settled" but in my opinion butterflies in the stomach is a fleeting aspect of a marriage that subsides pretty quickly. As the saying goes, "When the honeymoon ends the marriage begins". Marriage is hard and it would be nice if romantic love was all one needed to keep it going but there's so much more to it.

==================

[Edited 10/1/12 20:23pm]

And this is probably why I am not married. I am addicted to the honeymoon phase and when it ends, I am out of there. I know it's immature but I can't help it

[Edited 10/1/12 22:01pm]

Beautifulstarr123 said:

PurpleJedi said:

well here's the list from that article;

10. The ultimatum. Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give him ultimatums about commitment. Ever. You're just asking for a world of hurt later.

Is this why your ex is evil because she gave you an ultimatium?

That's the LEAST of it.

10. The ultimatum. Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give him ultimatums about commitment. Ever. You're just asking for a world of hurt later.

I don't necessarily agree with ultimatums causing a world of hurt. It depends on what your definition of "ultimatum" is.

If a guy's not willing to commit and that's what you want out of your relationship you need to know that so you can move on. If that's an "ultimatum" then it's a necessary one. Now, that shouldn't come 2 months into a relationship but at some point you need to ensure you're on the same page with the same goals, etc.

ZombieKitten said:

Yup. I'm one of those chumps.

Why are you still married to him? I feel like you bitch about him a lot here. You need to go out and find your perfect someone

aardvark15 said:

ZombieKitten said:

aardvark15 said:

Why are you still married to him? I feel like you bitch about him a lot here. You need to go out and find your perfect someone

I don't have anyone else to bitch to!

aardvark15 said:

ZombieKitten said:

aardvark15 said:

So I blow off my steam here when I need to. I don't have close enough friends I can trust. One time my mother and sister saw a library book I had on the bedside table that was titled "common problems in a marriage" and immediately jumped to conclusions and started gossip behind my back. I heard from a mutual friend all about it. So I don't tell them a thing.

PurpleJedi said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Is this why your ex is evil because she gave you an ultimatium?

That's the LEAST of it.

It's a long story, ok I get it

CarrieMpls said:

10. The ultimatum. Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give him ultimatums about commitment. Ever. You're just asking for a world of hurt later.

I don't necessarily agree with ultimatums causing a world of hurt. It depends on what your definition of "ultimatum" is.

If a guy's not willing to commit and that's what you want out of your relationship you need to know that so you can move on. If that's an "ultimatum" then it's a necessary one. Now, that shouldn't come 2 months into a relationship but at some point you need to ensure you're on the same page with the same goals, etc.

Marry me or else.........?

TD3 said:

I'm not surprised by the study either and like Erin I think the percentage is much higher. Men by and large don't have the same support system(s) as women do. For many men most of their support comes from women irrespective of the relationship being intimate or platonic. I don't think anyone would like to think that their mate "settled" but in my opinion butterflies in the stomach is a fleeting aspect of a marriage that subsides pretty quickly. As the saying goes, "When the honeymoon ends the marriage begins". Marriage is hard and it would be nice if romantic love was all one needed to keep it going but there's so much more to it.

==================

[Edited 10/1/12 20:23pm]

The two of you could be right, but this is just one survey, according to match.com.

ZombieKitten said:

aardvark15 said:

So I blow off my steam here when I need to. I don't have close enough friends I can trust. One time my mother and sister saw a library book I had on the bedside table that was titled "common problems in a marriage" and immediately jumped to conclusions and started gossip behind my back. I heard from a mutual friend all about it. So I don't tell them a thing.

I hope that you don't mind if I ask you a question. Did you marry your spouse in hopes that you can change the way he feels about you, even if it meant giving up your expectations for his?

Beautifulstarr123 said:

ZombieKitten said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I hope that you don't mind if I ask you a question. Did you marry your spouse in hopes that you can change the way he feels about you, even if it meant giving up your expectations for his?

Nope I found this out 12 years into our marriage. I had been under the impression we both felt the same way about each other. Understandably I'm going through a bit of a confusing time right now.

ZombieKitten said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I hope that you don't mind if I ask you a question. Did you marry your spouse in hopes that you can change the way he feels about you, even if it meant giving up your expectations for his?

Nope I found this out 12 years into our marriage. I had been under the impression we both felt the same way about each other. Understandably I'm going through a bit of a confusing time right now.

Wow thats a huge thing to deal with especially on your own..

We are here for you, even the lurkers like me

ZombieKitten said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I hope that you don't mind if I ask you a question. Did you marry your spouse in hopes that you can change the way he feels about you, even if it meant giving up your expectations for his?

Nope I found this out 12 years into our marriage. I had been under the impression we both felt the same way about each other. Understandably I'm going through a bit of a confusing time right now.

Here's the reason I've asked you. When I was lurking through the "Do you think people put too much power on sex" I was reading the dialogue between you and orger Adisa. You told him this

He broke up after going out with me for a year because he said he didn't think he loved me and that I didn't seem interested in kids. After about 8 months he had an about face and moved in with me for fairly practical reasons (his lease expired and he was hours sitting my place while I was overseas). His mother told him that she hoped he wasn't using me (for free graphic design).

I don't know, the more I think about it the practical all his reasons for being with me seem

He clearly said to me he had never been in love despite having been with many women before he met me.

I have taken the impression that he felt this way about you, since the courtship, and that you were compromising your expectations to be with him. I was baffled because 13 years is a long time for your spouse to put up that type of front, unless I hate to say it, there's someone else at the present time, and he's just saying this, to get out of the relationship, I don't know

^^^Despite everything, like others here stated, I hope that your situation work out for the best.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

ZombieKitten said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I have taken the impression that he felt this way about you, since the courtship, and that you were compromising your expectations to be with him. I was baffled because 13 years is a long time for your spouse to put up that type of front, unless I hate to say it, there's someone else at the present time, and he's just saying this, to get out of the relationship, I don't know

Those are all things I can see NOW in hindsight within the context of what I know now (the last paragraph - what I've known since last year, the rest is stuff I've been dwelling on in the last few months)

Ok, you did state in so many words that you're going through a very confusing time. You're trying to piece it all together, and that's understandable. Wishing you the best