It maybe simple, but it's irritating as fuck. IMO, common sense should tell you that with any invitation, a response (whether you will be in attendance or not) should be required...BUT when you receive an invite that specially tells you that RSVP is required...and then you don't RSVP at all, yet show up, it's tasteless. I do know some folks where when they have had parties or weddings, they would actually call the people on their list that they haven't heard from by the RSVP deadline to see if they are coming or not. I mean in some cases, you really have to have a headcount on how many will be there, especially if the event having a sit down dinner or something and you are paying per head, but in a way, I feel like, I shouldn't have to call or contact you to see if you are coming to an event that I've thought enough of you to send you an invite. I understand that sometimes people forget, but I also know people who actually put that stuff on a calendar to remind them to RSVP.

What is your opinion on the whole RSVP thing?

Maybe you shouldn't use acronyms like that If you want to make sure people understand what you'd like them to do.

In the US, RSVP is understood to mean 'please respond as to whether or not you plan to attend'. I doubt most people know exactly what the letters in RSVP even stand for (répondez s'il vous plaît).

In response to the original post, it's rude. Especially for something where a formal invitation is received. If you get invited to an event via Facebook along with 1,000 other people then it's probably not so bad to not RSVP.

novabrkr said:

Maybe you shouldn't use acronyms like that If you want to make sure people understand what you'd like them to do.

Nevermind, Jone said what I was going to say.

[Edited 9/17/12 8:22am]

jone70 said:

In the US, RSVP is understood to mean 'please respond as to whether or not you plan to attend'. I doubt most people know exactly what the letters in RSVP even stand for (répondez s'il vous plaît).

In response to the original post, it's rude. Especially for something where a formal invitation is received. If you get invited to an event via Facebook along with 1,000 other people then it's probably not so bad to not RSVP.

Thank you.

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

That is absolutely not what it implies. And anyone who who is in a position to receive an invitation for which a reply is requested (ie, anyone who even slightly well-connected socially) knows that.

Not to reply to an invitation that contains an RSVP is to out yourself as a social ninny and rude, to boot.

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

Actually, in the French phrase, the verb 'répondre' is conjugated in the imperative tense which implies that it is a command, not an option.

.

[Edited 9/17/12 8:56am]

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

It's a cultural thing. RSVP is written on children's birthday party invitations and kids of 7 and 8 even know what it means.

I honestly can't imagine anyone in the US not knowing that it means you are expected to reply with an answer on whether or not you are attending.

And yes, it's rude not to respond.

jone70 said:

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

Actually, in the French phrase, the verb 'répondre' is conjugated in the imperative tense which implies that it is a command, not an option.

Those Frenchies can be so bossy.

jone70 said:

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

Actually, in the French phrase, the verb 'répondre' is conjugated in the imperative tense which implies that it is a command, not an option.

.

[Edited 9/17/12 8:56am]

No, "s'il vous plait" means "if it pleases you". The verb being in the imperative mood does not make it a "command" in that context.

novabrkr said:

jone70 said:

Actually, in the French phrase, the verb 'répondre' is conjugated in the imperative tense which implies that it is a command, not an option.

.

[Edited 9/17/12 8:56am]

No, "s'il vous plait" means "if it pleases you". The verb being in the imperative mood does not make it a "command" in that context.

I disagree. While s'il vous plaît literally translates to if it pleases you, the main verb, répondre is still in the imperative. For example, if I say, "Fermez la porte, s'il vous plaît" (Close the door, please.) I'm not really asking if you'll close the door if it pleases you, I'm commanding it; adding "please" is just being polite.

If the verb répondre was in conjugated in the conditional, then it would be different. "Répondriez, s'il vous plaît -- would you respond, please?" But that's not how it translates, it means, "Respond, please."

.

[Edited 9/17/12 10:06am]

CarrieMpls said:

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

It's a cultural thing. RSVP is written on children's birthday party invitations and kids of 7 and 8 even know what it means.

I honestly can't imagine anyone in the US not knowing that it means you are expected to reply with an answer on whether or not you are attending.

And yes, it's rude not to respond.

Well, because of this thread I did a Google search on this issue and it seems like there are lots of people that don't know how you should exactly behave when it's written at the end of a letter (yes, even in the US and it seems like the expression is understood in different ways in different regions of the country as well). There are so many rants posted on the net due to it that it's clearly causing problems.

But, yeah, over here writing RSVP at the end of an invitation really just means you're pretentious. It's a cultural thing.

When someone writes "RSVP" on any invitation, they need a confirmation one way or the other. Period. You're rude if you don't give one. Manners 101. A lot of people are completely clueless about basic manner skills unfortunately.

morningsong said:

When someone writes "RSVP" on any invitation, they need a confirmation one way or the other. Period. You're rude if you don't give one. Manners 101. A lot of people are completely clueless about basic manner skills unfortunately.

And there it is.

what's RSVP ??

morningsong said:

When someone writes "RSVP" on any invitation, they need a confirmation one way or the other. Period. You're rude if you don't give one. Manners 101. A lot of people are completely clueless about basic manner skills unfortunately.

Exactly. The only exception to this is when the invitation bears the words, "Regrets only." In that case, you need only let them know if you're NOT coming. Otherwise, the hosts assume you plan to attend.

jone70 said:

novabrkr said:

No, "s'il vous plait" means "if it pleases you". The verb being in the imperative mood does not make it a "command" in that context.

I disagree. While s'il vous plaît literally translates to if it pleases you, the main verb, répondre is still in the imperative. For example, if I say, "Fermez la porte, s'il vous plaît" (Close the door, please.) I'm not really asking if you'll close the door if it pleases you, I'm commanding it; adding "please" is just being polite.

.

[Edited 9/17/12 10:02am]

When worded in that manner it's not the type of a command that doesn't leave the other person the option to not to do it if he doesn't feel like doing it. You're right in that the expression isn't really used as a conditional in most cases, but you can't simply translate it as "please" either. It's of course the case that anyone using such a phrase would really like to have a reply, but they shouldn't expect to get it with 100% certainty either. However, I'm aware that this thread isn't really about what the French expression literally means or how it is used by the French.

Sure, not closing the door when you're requested might be rude. Not answering to an event invitation - especially if you're expected to do it the old-fashioned way by using mail - certainly is nowhere nearly as rude.

novabrkr said:

jone70 said:

I disagree. While s'il vous plaît literally translates to if it pleases you, the main verb, répondre is still in the imperative. For example, if I say, "Fermez la porte, s'il vous plaît" (Close the door, please.) I'm not really asking if you'll close the door if it pleases you, I'm commanding it; adding "please" is just being polite.

.

[Edited 9/17/12 10:02am]

When worded in that manner it's not the type of a command that doesn't leave the other person the option to not to do it if he doesn't feel like doing it. You're right in that the expression isn't really used as a conditional in most cases, but you can't simply translate it as "please" either. It's of course the case that anyone using such a phrase would really like to have a reply, but they shouldn't expect to get it with 100% certainty either. However, I'm aware that this thread isn't really about what the French expression literally means or how it is used by the French.

Sure, not closing the door when you're requested might be rude. Not answering to an event invitation - especially if you're expected to do it the old-fashioned way by using mail - certainly is nowhere nearly as rude.

Exactly!

If you don't understand that society and relationships entail certain obligations, you must be 12.

This debate about what "s'il vous plait" means is ludicrous. People who don't RSVP when they are asked to are clods.

Genesia said:

novabrkr said:

When worded in that manner it's not the type of a command that doesn't leave the other person the option to not to do it if he doesn't feel like doing it. You're right in that the expression isn't really used as a conditional in most cases, but you can't simply translate it as "please" either. It's of course the case that anyone using such a phrase would really like to have a reply, but they shouldn't expect to get it with 100% certainty either. However, I'm aware that this thread isn't really about what the French expression literally means or how it is used by the French.

Sure, not closing the door when you're requested might be rude. Not answering to an event invitation - especially if you're expected to do it the old-fashioned way by using mail - certainly is nowhere nearly as rude.

Exactly!

If you don't understand that society and relationships entail certain obligations, you must be 12.

What does your comment have to do with what you've bolded out from my post?

For that matter, I'm not even really expressing correctly with that statement. The expression itself is not a command, it's a request. The fact that both languages happen to use the imperative for such purposes doesn't make it a command.

Efan said:

This debate about what "s'il vous plait" means is ludicrous. People who don't RSVP when they are asked to are clods.

Both jone70 and I have made it clear that the meaning or the use of that phrase is not really relevant to the question itself.

My own point all along has been that you shouldn't expect any and every person to understand matters of etiquette by using expressions that people are known to interpret in various different ways.

Efan said:

This debate about what "s'il vous plait" means is ludicrous. People who don't RSVP when they are asked to are clods.

CarrieMpls said:

novabrkr said:

Perhaps the acronym itself is common in the US, but the expression itself implies only that it would be preferred that you reply. Some people might think that they don't necessarily have to reply (the French expression itself in no way makes it seem it's mandatory to respond).

If you use any type of abbreviations or acronymns there's always a risk that people will not know what they stand for. I really doubt everyone even in the US knows what it stands for exactly and what you're supposed to do when it's used.

It's a cultural thing. RSVP is written on children's birthday party invitations and kids of 7 and 8 even know what it means.

I honestly can't imagine anyone in the US not knowing that it means you are expected to reply with an answer on whether or not you are attending.

And yes, it's rude not to respond.

Exactly. Regardless as to what the literal translation means or what tense is used, in standard AMERICAN ETIQUETTE it is a request for a person to reply to an invitation to an event, period ....and you are absolutely right that we learn that in the US from the time we are old enough to start socializing at childrens' birthday parties. Even if we go through life not likely knowing how to spell the acronym out correctly , we have a designated intention with a very clear expectation for the use of that phrase in our culture.

Efan said:

This debate about what "s'il vous plait" means is ludicrous. People who don't RSVP when they are asked to are clods.

Yup.

ZombieKitten said:

Ive never once seen regrets only on an invite :-O I would have had no idea what to do if I saw that! RSVPs here are always accompanied by date to do it by and mostly cell phone no so you can text yes or no making it super easy. Yup, I only ever get kids birthday invites soooo... What do I know!

"Regrets only" is used for an event where you need a kinda/sorta head count, but the numbers aren't as critical. My parents often used that if (for example), they were having a larger party - like a fire-up before a football game. All the people they were inviting were good friends or clients of my dad's. They figured the good friends would come (my mom always made sure nobody else was having a party before she scheduled hers), so the "regrets only" was mainly aimed at the clients, who would be a little less likely to come.

It just means that if you aren't planning to attend, you call the host/ess. If you are going, you needn't do anything.

It ticks me off also. I have planned a couple of family reunions and it is SO HARD to get folks to to RSVP. I have even gone as far as to include email addresses, phone numbers and stamped post cards and the response is still not well. When you ask them why didn't they respond, you always end up getting a lame excuse.

Don't even mention getting them to pay their money on time!!

daPrettyman said:

It ticks me off also. I have planned a couple of family reunions and it is SO HARD to get folks to to RSVP. I have even gone as far as to include email addresses, phone numbers and stamped post cards and the response is still not well. When you ask them why didn't they respond, you always end up getting a lame excuse.

Don't even mention getting them to pay their money on time!!

Urgh, family reunions are the worse. I feel for you. I'd never plan any of that mess. And yes MESS is what it turns out to be. You got folks there who did RSVP and paid their money, even if was just paid the day before, and somebody of somebody of somebody brings Lil' Junie's uncle's son and he brings his girlfriend and her three kids, etc. and NONE have paid a dime yet gone on over to the grill and made up some EXTRA plates to take home just like they have done grocery shopping.