fielder said:

I'm with your daughter. You sound like a horrible and selfish mother. Everything you say is just an excuse for ditching your own child. Someone had to say it. I'm sure this post will hurt you and everyone will say I'm terrible but at the end of the day I didn't ditch my child.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:06pm]

Flower asked for PRAYERS, not JUDGMENT. If you are not down with the request... GET OFF OF THE THREAD!!!

Who do you think you are anyway??

prodigalfan said:

fielder said:

I'm with your daughter. You sound like a horrible and selfish mother. Everything you say is just an excuse for ditching your own child. Someone had to say it. I'm sure this post will hurt you and everyone will say I'm terrible but at the end of the day I didn't ditch my child.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:06pm]

Flower asked for PRAYERS, not JUDGMENT. If you are not down with the request... GET OFF OF THE THREAD!!!

Who do you think you are anyway??

I think I am a human being who is sick of people destroying our society. Somebody needs to say something to these people.

KidaDynamite said:

fielder said:

I'm with your daughter. You sound like a horrible and selfish mother. Everything you say is just an excuse for ditching your own child. Someone had to say it. I'm sure this post will hurt you and everyone will say I'm terrible but at the end of the day I didn't ditch my child.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:06pm]

You sound like you have some personal issues you need to deal with.

There, I said it.

We all do but I certainly haven't ditched any of my children and then looked for sympathy.

i'm still praying for your situation.

may all be healed, mended and restored for you and yours.

her "baby" is an adult now and she's done with raising her, but it doesn't mean she's stopped loving her....and sometimes love is tough, just like this world is. And unless you're there, you're no one to judge her situation.

I hope things work out with you both one day, and hopefully bring you closer when things get better.

who invited the delta bravo?

anyway.....life and relationships are hard...I'll be glad to give positive thoughts for you DF.

fielder said:

KidaDynamite said:

You sound like you have some personal issues you need to deal with.

There, I said it.

We all do but I certainly haven't ditched any of my children and then looked for sympathy.

Yeah, we all do but I mean, it sounds like you have some REALLY deep rooted issues that are eating away at you and you're unleashing your anger about it on here.

alphastreet said:

her "baby" is an adult now and she's done with raising her, but it doesn't mean she's stopped loving her....and sometimes love is tough, just like this world is. And unless you're there, you're no one to judge her situation.

I hope things work out with you both one day, and hopefully bring you closer when things get better.

No she isnt...

Deadflow3r, while I may not agree with the path you have choosen, ya know I loves ya and wish you peace and happiness! The same for your baby girl!

Tina put it perfectly.

I don't know whether I fully understand the path/situation but I'm not in it and this thread isn't about judging.

Lots of us orgers love u Miss DF and our POSITIVE thoughts are with you and your girl.

johnart said:

Tina put it perfectly.

I don't know whether I fully understand the path/situation but I'm not in it and this thread isn't about judging.

Lots of us orgers love u Miss DF and our POSITIVE thoughts are with you and your girl.

Thanks guys

I am sorry that I have been unable to get back to this thread or a computer period in weeks.

True, I am not asking for judgement, but lets face it - the internet gives us all access to the world in a tiny way just as Prince's music gave his thoughts voice to the masses. Once we put ourselves out there we must accept what comes our way. I have critisized Prince countless times for stuff that has absolutley NOTHING to do with his music.

BUT

He did write about his relationships in his songs and give his point of view as to why they failed. Having put that out there, verses writing songs about cute little animals, he needed to accept feedback on what others thought of said relationships.

SO GIVEN THAT, I NEED TO ACCEPT CRITISISM FOR WHAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PRAYERS.

I will read what I have already posted to see if I can explain more.

Thanks for your support!

[Edited 10/6/12 6:25am]

For Tinaz and others who might actually wish to understand = here it goes.

I grew up with a fall down drunk of a dad.

I accepted that he had a disease.

He woke us up at 2am screaming on many a morning.

I get it that he was unable to stay sober.

However I feel that I did not need to be constantly exposed to that. He should have moved out and sought help and not had his 3 kids exposed to that on a regular basis.

My mother constantly ragged on him and shouted that she was going to leave his drunken ass. She never left him until I was 21 and I am the youngest. When I was 9 I asked her to leave..When my siblings were 18 they left home and barely came back for visits.

In my opinion she should have left him and taken us. If she still loved him she could have continued to see him, have sex with him or whatever but make sure that all the things that happened in our home after the bars closed we were not exposed to.

Now for me.

I was put on disabilty for depression.

That medication made my fat and sleepy all of the time'

it i tried to watch a Disney DVD with my daughter I slept halfway throught it.

I was the mother on the bench watching her child play.

I looked like shit and weighed 250 lbs.

My depression was making me suicidal but never tried because of daughter.

the weight caused high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea

so basically there were 4 chances that I would not even make it to her 18th birthday. I was dying physically and mentally.

i was a horder and could not get a handle on the situation;

i had a psychologist

i had a therapist coming to the house every other week for 4 years. I wasn't getting any better.

my daughter was the one thing i ALWAYS WANTED in life and like some horrible twighlight zone I was the mother I never wanted to be. NEVER. AFTER FOUR YEARS OF TRYING . i DECIDED I needed to take matters into my own hands and be my own therapist.

I prayed about it and decided maybe I would not be around for a couple of years but that was better than slowly dying on her and leaving her with sad memories of a mother that wasn't .

I felt if i could not be a decent mother at the time, then like my dad, I needed to take myself out of the situation and work on healing myself.

So far so good on my end. I still have a long way to go but clearly my physical health and mental health are doing much much better.

I hope to at least see her in January.

I text her every day because she said she would rather that then have to talk to me on the phone.

After 4 years of drugs and therapy I realized that staying there with her and getting healthier while being an active and supportive mother was not one of my options.

I wish it was.

The truth hurt for sure.

dJJ said:

Deadflow3r said:

I like the idea of sending post cards.

I have been either texting her or calling her on a nearly daily basis since I left but she does not want to talk to me by phone any longer and sometimes does not return my texts.

All my calls and texts say is a variation of "thinking of u" "love u always" " how is your day?" etc.

I do not ask her to tell me about the adults she is staying with. They are adults and they can speak for themselves. I also do not ask her if they are kind to her etc.

That's why I'm telling you how it was for me. Eventhough I did not respond to my mother, because I was to angry and hurt, her postcards really meant a lot to me.

We have a fall out again at the moment, and it really hurts.

This thread and Dewrede his sudden death, inspire me to get over myself and get in to contact again. I'm rightly angry, however, I'm not right about stubbornly abandon her out of my life.

So, even as an adult, my mother still inflicts emotional turmoil in me. However, the love is very strong, even during the periods that I could not stand her and did not want her in my life.

If you send her cards, without expecting anything from her, just letting her know that you love her, and that you miss her, eventhough it was your own decision.

And never deny that your decision has an impact on her. The moment that my mother stopped excusing her own behavior, was when I could open up to her again.

Before that she always came with some sort of reason. Now she just admits that she has been selfish now and then. As soon as she realized that her behavior had a negative impact on me, and she genuinely admitted that, I could open up to her. It's not that I wanted her to take the blame or being filled with guild. It's just that I needed to know that she realized how her choices were bad for me. As soon as she validated that, we could get on again.

I understand that you have your reasons for your departure. However, she feels abandoned. And when you deny to yourself and her, that you abandoned her, she will feel that you don't think about her. So, don't defend yourself, because when you defend yourself, you take away her right to feel the ways she feels; abandoned and be angry about that.

As soon as she realizes that you do listen and think about her feelings and life, and that you know you have hurt her, you create space for her. She has to know that she is entitled to her own feelings and thoughts about this. You are entitled to your feelings and thoughts, so please, never ignore or evaluate hers by immediately respond that you did what was best.

Just listen to her and tell her that you know she is hurt and that you do care about that, and that you do know that she has to pay an offer right now. Tell her that you love her.

Don't expect her to be the reasonable adult, just let her be the hurted and abandoned teenager that she is. And try to console her by sending her cards to tell her that you love her.

Just send her those cards, even when she never responds. I never told my mother that I still miss her cards. She probably will be very surprised, if I ever tell her that her cards ment so much to me. Maybe one day I can get over my stupid pride and fear for getting hurt again, and tell her that I loved receiving her cards.

Sorry for the way to long mail. It's just that your story helps me to not only take the position of the child, however, also think about how it is for a mother, and that she is great, even if she doesn't 100% of the time behave the way I want her to. Every mother has the right to prioritize her own health, so she can later on be a better mother. And every mother has, at least once a week, the right to screw up. Just like every daughter has the right to feel hurt about that.

Nobody is perfect, right? And love is not about blaming the other for not being perfect.

Really wish both of you the best

Thank you so much for participating on this thread.

I wish she was at least half as verbal as you are.

I would gladly welcome the angry words and even downright hateful ones.

What I am getting right now is month after month of the silent treatment. 14 months in all of it.

Hopefully she breaks her silence at some point and lets me have it.

I look forward to it!!!!!

But because she is quiet and the adults in her life say, " she is just fine and never mentions you" I can only hope she truly is O.K.. Thus all the praying that I do and praying that I ask others to do. I feel like I moved to Antartica.

I have been volunteering close to full time at a homeless shelter and writing a book.

I think I can handle at least a part time job as I have much more energy then I use to.

I want her to see a more energetic and happy person who is ready to focus on her and her childhood when she sees me again.

I want her to see why I did all this.

JerseyKRS said:

who invited the delta bravo?

anyway.....life and relationships are hard...I'll be glad to give positive thoughts for you DF.

F@#k , now I have to look up "delta bravo"!

THANKS A LOT CHRIS!!! (lol)