During that one year of your absense, did you contact her almost daily or frequently? Did you explain to her why you left? If not, then that's probably where the problem lies, and she feels neglected or abandoned. Wishing you two the best, still.

So much love to you both

Deadflow3r said:

728huey said:

I'll pray for her but also pray to God for forgiveness and to protect her and look out for her best interests. Hopefully, your daughter will see this blessing from above and communicate with you.

Yes, I prayed a lot before I left and knew I had to leave and heal in order to be a better mother for her. The older folks on the org know my ordeal. Anyway she is but 10 years old, 11 in January, it is all so painful for her I am sure but she acts like she is glad that I am gone.

This sounds like a coping mechanism.

May you and your daughter both heal.

dJJ said:

I wish you both the best.

In times my mother and I had no contact, she did send me postcards telling me she loves me.

She stopped it, because I never responded. However, I just couldn't respond but I cherished her postcards, and till this day I miss those cards.

So, if any form of communication is hard, maybe you can send her postcards, saying that you love her immensely. And even is she does not rspond, I hope you will know that it is a very important message to send her and she probably secretly will cherish it.

I like the idea of sending post cards.

I have been either texting her or calling her on a nearly daily basis since I left but she does not want to talk to me by phone any longer and sometimes does not return my texts.

All my calls and texts say is a variation of "thinking of u" "love u always" " how is your day?" etc.

I do not ask her to tell me about the adults she is staying with. They are adults and they can speak for themselves. I also do not ask her if they are kind to her etc.

excited said:

hope things work out ok, i don't know your situation but communication is important, keep the cards/letters going even if she doesn't respond she will know she is in her mum's thoughts x

Yes, I think the pretty cards and little packages of stationary or whatever may be just enought to remember that I am always thinking of her.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

During that one year of your absense, did you contact her almost daily or frequently? Did you explain to her why you left? If not, then that's probably where the problem lies, and she feels neglected or abandoned. Wishing you two the best, still.

Yes, we have talked about why I have left.

I told her I needed to make changes in my life.

I told her she could stay with Auntie however long she wanted.

She now fears that I will come bakc to my hometown and force her into a vehicle and take her to New Orleans to live in a homeless shelter or get shot at. ( because I gather that to her New Orleans is only about floods, homeless people and endless gang violence).

Soooo, I once told her I missed her and that I wish was walking in the park beside me.

This led to her saying to her therapist, (whose name is being kept from me) that she is deeply afraid of me and does not want to speak ot me every night.

So then I started texting her only.

I no longer say "wish u were here" but simply say "thinking of you"

I have repeated over and over again that I needed to make the change and have not stopped loving her and want only what is best for her etc.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Deadflow3r said:

Yes, I prayed a lot before I left and knew I had to leave and heal in order to be a better mother for her. The older folks on the org know my ordeal. Anyway she is but 10 years old, 11 in January, it is all so painful for her I am sure but she acts like she is glad that I am gone.

This sounds like a coping mechanism.

Sadly u may be right.

People also say she is very quiet.

When I was younger I was very quiet, the good little girl, until I started running away.

I had the type of mother that was very domineering and there was no talking to her.

She was a total drama queen if she didn't get her way. (She was an Italian Catholic- go figure)

I ask for prayers because I have a feeling that my daughter will be a preasure cooker just like me; when u least expect it - p00f!!!

i am praying for you and your daughter. this must be a very difficult time for you both. God bless, and stay strong, your daughter will need you.

luv4u said:

Thank you, and thanks if you had anything to do with making this a sticky

nammie said:

I'm praying for you BOTH. I hope things work out for the best and in the future you two have the loving, caring, and respectful relationship that meets your hearts desire..

Thanks, the tween years are difficult anyway, and I know that, without a mom disapearing and heading about a 30 hour drive away.

I had tried for years to make it work and stay together.

I finally listened to the answers of my prayers and left.

I was just getting sicker and sicker the longer I stayed.

morningsong said:

You and your daughter are most definitely in my prayers

chocolate1 said:

paintedlady said:

You are in my prayers... I think about you two every now and then. Your story touched me, and I know you love her dearly.

Keep trying Deadflower, do not give up on her, she needs you more than she realises.

I will keep your family in my prayers.

It really doesn't matter what she does; get a voodoo doll of me and stick pins in it for all I care, I will never stop loving her or give up on her in any way as long as I am alive!!!

To babynoz and all the rest of you who have written; thanks so much.

It has been a huge worry for me; especially in the past month and simply knowing that others are praying for my little girl makes me feel so much better.

I am a single mom, 51, with no other children.

She has no first cousins on my side.

She lives with her Aunt who is 58 and not always in the best of heal and her aunts roomate of 40 years who is now approaching her 70th birthday.

I seen many times in my life that when people don't have a good family and support system and shit hits the fan when they become legally adults; they do stupid shit and get into huge financial and legal problems.

I am on disability and could not seem to get my act together where I was.

My dream, which I am working on, was to get on a roll here and be able to not only get healthy but support both of us well enough that if she should loose me she would not be pennyless.

Also, more importantly, to try and build a support system here that would be there for her should anything happen to me.

a mother daughter relationship is so important i hope and pray that things will improve

[Edited 9/11/12 8:06am]

Deadflow3r said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

During that one year of your absense, did you contact her almost daily or frequently? Did you explain to her why you left? If not, then that's probably where the problem lies, and she feels neglected or abandoned. Wishing you two the best, still.

Yes, we have talked about why I have left.

I told her I needed to make changes in my life.

I told her she could stay with Auntie however long she wanted.

She now fears that I will come bakc to my hometown and force her into a vehicle and take her to New Orleans to live in a homeless shelter or get shot at. ( because I gather that to her New Orleans is only about floods, homeless people and endless gang violence).

Soooo, I once told her I missed her and that I wish was walking in the park beside me.

This led to her saying to her therapist, (whose name is being kept from me) that she is deeply afraid of me and does not want to speak ot me every night.

So then I started texting her only.

I no longer say "wish u were here" but simply say "thinking of you"

I have repeated over and over again that I needed to make the change and have not stopped loving her and want only what is best for her etc.

You stated that you haven't been back to Massachusetts for a year. Would visiting her may have taken a toll on you, mentally?

I have been in a similar situation as yours with my daughter. Because my work schedule at the time was too demanding for us to have a stable home, she lived with my sister and brother-in-law for four years. I was living up north, while my family moved south. During that time, I made visits, called her often. It affected my attendance, and evaluation, so eventally, I lost my job. It was worth the sacrifice to me, and now we're very close, though we have our disagreements and spats every now and then. Teenagers . Till this day, she tells me she understood what I did, and wanted the best for her. She tells me to stop being hard on myself.

Pray for guidance and wisdom. Take it day by day, step by step. Again, wishing you the best

Youa re one of my favorite orgers Deadflow3r, and i pray everything turns out great for you in this situation

Gunsnhalen said:

Youa re one of my favorite orgers Deadflow3r, and i pray everything turns out great for you in this situation

Thanks so much for your love.

With Dewrede's death I have come to realize that our strange internet/Prince connections are very real, although weird. I have enjoyed knowing you and Scarlet.

I have never asked for prayers from others before in my life that I can recall.

Maybe I did when my sister was hospitalized, but I don't think so.

Anyway I feel that the prayers have made me stronger and more sure of myself.

LOVE U ALL!!!

kpowers said:

SIMPLE YET SWEET, THANK YOU!

She's very young right now {practically still a baby in my eyes} so it just might be hard for her to truly understand where you stand with your situation. I pray that she comes along soon and that you two will be closer than ever before.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Deadflow3r said:

Yes, we have talked about why I have left.

I told her I needed to make changes in my life.

I told her she could stay with Auntie however long she wanted.

She now fears that I will come bakc to my hometown and force her into a vehicle and take her to New Orleans to live in a homeless shelter or get shot at. ( because I gather that to her New Orleans is only about floods, homeless people and endless gang violence).

Soooo, I once told her I missed her and that I wish was walking in the park beside me.

This led to her saying to her therapist, (whose name is being kept from me) that she is deeply afraid of me and does not want to speak ot me every night.

So then I started texting her only.

I no longer say "wish u were here" but simply say "thinking of you"

I have repeated over and over again that I needed to make the change and have not stopped loving her and want only what is best for her etc.

You stated that you haven't been back to Massachusetts for a year. Would visiting her may have taken a toll on you, mentally?

I have been in a similar situation as yours with my daughter. Because my work schedule at the time was too demanding for us to have a stable home, she lived with my sister and brother-in-law for four years. I was living up north, while my family moved south. During that time, I made visits, called her often. It affected my attendance, and evaluation, so eventally, I lost my job. It was worth the sacrifice to me, and now we're very close, though we have our disagreements and spats every now and then. Teenagers . Till this day, she tells me she understood what I did, and wanted the best for her. She tells me to stop being hard on myself.

Pray for guidance and wisdom. Take it day by day, step by step. Again, wishing you the best

Thanks for sharing your story with me.

I pray each and every day for guidance and hope that I act with wisdom concerning her for the remainder of my life. She has such a tiny family/ support system, there is no room for me to fuck up.

I had a drea

m 2 nights ago about her.

She got a new chess game (the little girl never plays board games, not even candyland) and she left it set up on a small table outdoors underneath some electrical wiring.

She was told to go get it.

I don't know if I told her or her aunt.

However my daughter and I went outside to retrieve the board game.

My sister stayed inside.

The game was struck by lightening and sparks flew out of the game so big and high that it hit the electrical wires overhead.

It all caught fire, then the house caught fire.

I said " I need to go in and get auntie out of the house" .

She began pulling my arm and saying, "NO, lets just GO". She was not concerned with my sister, just concerned with getting the hell out of there and far away as quickly as possible.

I didn't know what to do. If I went in and both my sister and I died she would have no one. I felt like I should get her out though. it was horrible.

Deadflow3r said:

O.K. I never start a thread like this but I am soooo worried for her.

As many of you know I left her behind in Massachusetts when I moved to New Orleans.

I have not been back for one year now.

I was to go home last week, and she said, "if you come back, just don't talk to me"

Friends say she has changed but can't say how.

I miss my baby but I have gotten so much healthier both physically and mentally since moving away.

I just need you to pray for her and pray that I make the right next move with my life.

Thanks so much fellow orger,

I got your back..

My prayers are with you!!

stay strong and keep us updated!!

Deadflow3r said:

dJJ said:

I wish you both the best.

In times my mother and I had no contact, she did send me postcards telling me she loves me.

She stopped it, because I never responded. However, I just couldn't respond but I cherished her postcards, and till this day I miss those cards.

So, if any form of communication is hard, maybe you can send her postcards, saying that you love her immensely. And even is she does not rspond, I hope you will know that it is a very important message to send her and she probably secretly will cherish it.

I like the idea of sending post cards.

I have been either texting her or calling her on a nearly daily basis since I left but she does not want to talk to me by phone any longer and sometimes does not return my texts.

All my calls and texts say is a variation of "thinking of u" "love u always" " how is your day?" etc.

I do not ask her to tell me about the adults she is staying with. They are adults and they can speak for themselves. I also do not ask her if they are kind to her etc.

That's why I'm telling you how it was for me. Eventhough I did not respond to my mother, because I was to angry and hurt, her postcards really meant a lot to me.

We have a fall out again at the moment, and it really hurts.

This thread and Dewrede his sudden death, inspire me to get over myself and get in to contact again. I'm rightly angry, however, I'm not right about stubbornly abandon her out of my life.

So, even as an adult, my mother still inflicts emotional turmoil in me. However, the love is very strong, even during the periods that I could not stand her and did not want her in my life.

If you send her cards, without expecting anything from her, just letting her know that you love her, and that you miss her, eventhough it was your own decision.

And never deny that your decision has an impact on her. The moment that my mother stopped excusing her own behavior, was when I could open up to her again.

Before that she always came with some sort of reason. Now she just admits that she has been selfish now and then. As soon as she realized that her behavior had a negative impact on me, and she genuinely admitted that, I could open up to her. It's not that I wanted her to take the blame or being filled with guild. It's just that I needed to know that she realized how her choices were bad for me. As soon as she validated that, we could get on again.

I understand that you have your reasons for your departure. However, she feels abandoned. And when you deny to yourself and her, that you abandoned her, she will feel that you don't think about her. So, don't defend yourself, because when you defend yourself, you take away her right to feel the ways she feels; abandoned and be angry about that.

As soon as she realizes that you do listen and think about her feelings and life, and that you know you have hurt her, you create space for her. She has to know that she is entitled to her own feelings and thoughts about this. You are entitled to your feelings and thoughts, so please, never ignore or evaluate hers by immediately respond that you did what was best.

Just listen to her and tell her that you know she is hurt and that you do care about that, and that you do know that she has to pay an offer right now. Tell her that you love her.

Don't expect her to be the reasonable adult, just let her be the hurted and abandoned teenager that she is. And try to console her by sending her cards to tell her that you love her.

Just send her those cards, even when she never responds. I never told my mother that I still miss her cards. She probably will be very surprised, if I ever tell her that her cards ment so much to me. Maybe one day I can get over my stupid pride and fear for getting hurt again, and tell her that I loved receiving her cards.

Sorry for the way to long mail. It's just that your story helps me to not only take the position of the child, however, also think about how it is for a mother, and that she is great, even if she doesn't 100% of the time behave the way I want her to. Every mother has the right to prioritize her own health, so she can later on be a better mother. And every mother has, at least once a week, the right to screw up. Just like every daughter has the right to feel hurt about that.

Nobody is perfect, right? And love is not about blaming the other for not being perfect.

Really wish both of you the best

I will be praying for the both of you. It's difficult being a parent sometimes, especially when you're far away. But if you sow love, you shall reap love. May God bring you back together in peace and harmony, Flower.

oh I'm so sorry about what's going on with your daughter. Def, don't give up having contact with her. Maybe write her letters, or like someone else said postcards.

But atleast with letters you could really get some feelings out. let her know how much you love her.

I hope it all works out for the both of you!

I'm with your daughter. You sound like a horrible and selfish mother. Everything you say is just an excuse for ditching your own child. Someone had to say it. I'm sure this post will hurt you and everyone will say I'm terrible but at the end of the day I didn't ditch my child.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:06pm]

fielder said:

I'm with your daughter. You sound like a horrible and selfish mother. Everything you say is just an excuse for ditching your own child. Someone had to say it. I'm sure this post will hurt you and everyone will say I'm terrible but at the end of the day I didn't ditch my child.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:06pm]

You sound like you have some personal issues you need to deal with.

There, I said it.