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One of the worst things that has happened in our educational system is the notion that if you don't get a four-year degree - or don't go to college, at all - you're doomed to a lower standard of living.
This is absolute nonsense. Some people are simply not suited - for whatever reason - to the baccalaureate track. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Some kids would do better (and be a lot happier) learning a trade or getting a two-year degree that sets them up for an entry-level job, from which they can work their way up. And they won't have a huge student loan debt to pay off - which will put them ahead of their allegedly "smarter" contemporaries.
Nothing chaps my ass more than the notion that there are "jobs Americans won't do." Seriously? I am a firm believer that there is honor in all work. I would happily shake the hand of someone who scrubs floors or digs ditches, over that of someone who collects a government check for doing nothing. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Many of these young people are sufferring from clinical depression or are even bipolar. When kids are acting out that badly, people tend to overlook the fact that the kid is dealing with some serious mental issues that require both medication and therapy. This is not always the case, but often times, it is. And all the talking and love in the world will not help unless the disease is being treated. [Edited 9/7/12 10:05am] "It's not nice to fuck with K.B.! All you haters will see!" - Kitbradley
"The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing." - Socrates | |
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I'm firmly planted in denial |
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Absolutely!
There is nothing more satisfying than earning a good living from honest work.
I have a nephew that just didn't excell in high school and mom can not afford college.
I sent him iron worker info and he is pursuing if since he failed the fire fighter exam.
Plumbers, electricians, custodians, corrections officers.... all sorts of career fields can provide a good living and training is usually paid for.
Sometimes our youth gets lost in the shuffle for what ever reason, but it is up to us to give (especially our young men) our youth a GOOD plan to follow. Step by step instructions to guiding a young person on a career path, and apartment hunting and savings plans.
This way you teach the child life skills that he will need to survive on his own. Sometimes parents baby their children and do not teach LIFE SKILLS.
Help that young man to help himself by giving him a life plan. He will get his ass in gear once he has a gameplan to follow and hope will fill his heart and he will focus on something positive.
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True story: My Sweetie was a Big Brother. His "little" (who towers over him by about a foot
Well, that young man graduated from college this spring. Today (seriously - just today), he accepted his first career-type job - making over $40K a year, plus moving expenses and a car.
The amazing part is that, for the first six months of their big/little relationship, this kid wouldn't even talk to Sweetie. Gave him nothing but one-word answers. But Sweetie hung in there with him and really worked to earn his trust. Presented himself as a role model and impressed upon the kid that if he worked hard, there was no limit to what he could achieve. He pushed him through high school and was at his graduation, drove him to and from college 400 miles away, and encouraged him every step of the way.
I thought he was going to bust his buttons today, he was so proud of that young man. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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) was a kid whose dad was out of the picture and whose mother had a drug problem. 
I get the mom to talk to the son and tell him he shouldn't be on that path. If he's not fine with talking to his mother I'd say the parent might need to get him some psychological help, find him someone he can talk to openly about his problems | |
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The Steered Straight program works more than it fails.
Inspiring!
Thanks for sharing this... cbarnes shouldn't be discouraged, its a tough road but I know he loves that boy and his patience and hard work will reap its rewards in the long run.
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Children all want to succeed and make their loved ones proud, they just need to be taught how to succeeed and know that someone cares about them.| Ex-Moderator |
That's a really great story, Genesia!! And one I plan to share with my bf. He kinda wanted kids but we're getting a bit too old for that kinda thing to happen and I've assured him that doesn't mean he/we can't get involved in a kid's life. I have let him know I'd consider fostering or adopting an older child sometime down the road if/when we're ready, but I think this would be a great program to get involved with as well.
As for your other point about not everyone needs to go to college - that's so true too! My oldest niece went through job corps. School was never really her "thing" and while she graduated on time, college right away didn't quite work out. She received certification for medical office stuff but was not able to find a job in her field. She's been working 2 part-time jobs to further her experience (a daycare position and a pizza place) and she finally scored full-time work at a lawfirm doing phone intake. She now has a firm plan for moving out on her own from her mom's house. I am very proud of her. |
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Great advice!
As you probably agree with me, I think listening to him really makes a difference. Listen without interupting or telling him what you think about it and don't give advice yet. That is not an easy thing to do, when confronted with some immature ideas you'll get to hear.
Ask him what he what kind of life he wants for himself.
I strongly belief in support and gentle confrontation. Genesia her story is very inspiring and shows that it really is possible to make a difference!
And I just paid my plumbers bill: Plumbers really make a lot of money!
He can build a nice life for himself, if he doesn't spend his money on drugs and alcohol, even if he's not Einstein. Show him that side of life, introduce him to men who have good jobs without a fancy degree. These kind of realistic role models can make a big immpact and change his views. He might think that you are to different from him and therefore you have no idea what you are talking about.
Maybe you can arrange that the two of you meet other black man, with solid jobs as electrician, plumber or gardener, and whom want to talk to him about their lives. Then, maybe, you can discuss with him that he can live with you, so he has no stress from his relationship with his mother. And then tell him he can't have weed in the house, however, that if the two of you can establish reasonable house rules, he can make something of his life.
Because when he gets his sh*t together, earns money with honest labor, he might be able to afford a house for himself in the future. With a house, solid income and a good attitude, he will attract the good and worthwile girls! He will have sex and a great time with a women who is worthy of him. His current lifestyle will not attract the girls that have his best interest in mind. He will end up in jail, getting some random girl pregnant, who probably will not take care of his child as he wishes, because if she goes out having unprotected sex, she is not even taking care of herself.
Make sure that your story is not about what you want for him. He has to get to a point that he wants a good life for himself, and realizes that you are not the enemy. And that his 'friends' and attitudes are the enemy to his hapiness.
99% of my posts are ironic. Maybe this post sides with the other 1%. | |
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he been jail he was arrested last year for stealing a scooter | |
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I forgot the best part. When A. (the kid) was offered that job, who do you think was the first person he called? That's right - Sweetie. Not his mom or anyone else in his family. Pretty damn cool. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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That's awesome about your niece.
Y'know...you hear so much about how "there are no jobs" out there. But there really are plenty of jobs (especially entry-level jobs) for those who are willing to work. Too many kids these days think the world owes them a living - or that they should be able to make big money in their first job (with or without college). It just doesn't work that way. (And frankly, it shouldn't.)
When my own niece was 14, she got her first job at a local fast food place. I asked her how it was going and she said, "It isn't very challenging mentally." I told her, "It isn't that kind of job, sweetheart. It's the kind of job you work now, so you don't have to work it later. All you're supposed to get out of this is a little spending money and a work history. The real rewards come later."
More kids need to hear that sort of thing, but (sadly) they don't hear it from their helicopter parents. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Take him to a prision then, that's where he'll probably end up if he gets caught smoking. | |
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Kiddo doesn't sound like some thugged out kid IMO, just a lazy kid who is a bit depressed about his future and uncertain of himself.
He just needs a game plan... he may not know what he wants to do at all. So just ask him about his hobbies and if he likes to work with his hands or work with people.
Work from that starting point.
Pick up some brouchers of blue collar jobs, and even tell him about how to get a grasp on opportunities... then he will need time lines to stick to.
He may slip up on a deadline or two, so do not beat him up about it, just work on a plan b-c-d etc.
Keep encouraging him and help him to arrive at his appointments on time.
Have him focus on the small steps, and step by step he will accomplish much in the long run.
The only way to eat an elephant is one small bite after another, so you think of the big picture but have him work on the small steps.
Before he knows it... he will be well on his new path to a solid career and stability.
If he can buy a car, he can save up to buy a home
Good luck cbarnes... and God bless
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u sound like a lovely guy, i think what u are doing is great & i'm sure his mum is grateful. maybe & hopefully one day this will pay off 4 u & u will get some satisfaction from having been there 4 him. it's a worry of course, but he is young & all blokes go through an arsehole stage. i think if u continue to be a sensible role model, just listen & make him feel safe he might show some maturity in about 10yrs good luck x | |
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Great advice!
As you probably agree with me, I think listening to him really makes a difference. Listen without interupting or telling him what you think about it and don't give advice yet. That is not an easy thing to do, when confronted with some immature ideas you'll get to hear.
Ask him what he what kind of life he wants for himself.
I strongly belief in support and gentle confrontation. Genesia her story is very inspiring and shows that it really is possible to make a difference!
And I just paid my plumbers bill: Plumbers really make a lot of money!
He can build a nice life for himself, if he doesn't spend his money on drugs and alcohol, even if he's not Einstein. Show him that side of life, introduce him to men who have good jobs without a fancy degree. These kind of realistic role models can make a big immpact and make a positive contribution to the world!
I once told a kid that he acted low class, so, he'll become and stay low class.
Later on, he told me that really was a wake up call for him. So, now his adagium is:
"If you behave low class, you'll stay low class"
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I think it's really sweet you're taking him in, but definitely, definitely outline these boundaries and expectation from the beginning like already suggested, and let his mother know about them too. It's better he's with a family friend than a group home, cause he'll learn more negative things from his peers.
As for the weed, avoiding labels is a good idea for sure , and also educating him on what it really does. I could argue that I myself used to smoke weed in high school, though it was no more than 4-5 times, but I was not a bad kid though on the outside, some people including family saw me as one cause of the reputations of who I hung out with. And considering what had gone on back then, it might make sense, plus once I got away from those people, it was immediately replaced by other addictions though nothing to do with substances. Some are just more prone to those behaviour patterns more than others and it could be genetics, environment or both.
Plan programs for him too few times a week, like something creative or recreational you both can do, a class or the arcade or something like that.
What about budgeting? Maybe his mother can give you allowance to give him, and you both can come up with a plan for you to keep some of it for his savings, or help him open an account, and in a way, overtime he'll realize the value of money instead of throwing it away on drugs if managed right. Make him responsible for picking up some food items sometimes so he knows not to throw it away [Edited 9/14/12 8:20am] | |
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