i am helping my best friend who is a single mother raise her oldest son who is 16. she has been having alot of problems out of him he is currentingly repeating the 9th grade for the 3rd time, he smokes weed and all he want 2 do is just chase girls. i am allowing him 2 move in my place since i am a single man with no kids yet i find the disrespect of todays teen just mind blowing.what would u suggest as a course of action for this kid? i know him and his mom dont get alone 2 well but where i am from parents raise their own kids

See if you can engage him and have him open up about what he is feeling.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

See if you can engage him and have him open up about what he is feeling.

yeah. communication is key. be sympathetic to his feelings and views. without making yourself

out to be a doormat. certain rules and boundaries can actually feel good and safe when you're

that age. my parent's had strict rules. like home by this hour, do those chores etc. but also my

brother and me got a lot of freedom and respect in return. it works two ways.

no one can force him but someone is just gonna have to talk to him and make him realise, in

time, that what he's doing now might not be the best thing for his future. positive stimulation,

attention and also just cool chill time together, coupled with firm rules and some chores.

remember that you get a lot more done when someone feels that they are being heard or at

least treated fairly instead of just being told "no" or "my word is law".

Take him to a jail and leave him there a few hours.

RodeoSchro said:

Take him to a jail and leave him there a few hours.

Overnight if you're gonna go there

RodeoSchro said:

Take him to a jail and leave him there a few hours.

last year he spent a weekend in jail for stealing a scooter this kid i tell u problems problems i have done so much 2 b there for him and i still cant understand why he do the things he do

What about boot camp?

I think that's wonderufl that you are letting him stay with you. My advice would be to not pre-judge him as a "bad kid". What boy wouldn't want to chase girls and smoke pot? It's just what kids do, unfortunately. You just need to try to show him how to be respectful to adults and his mother and of course, you can't CONDONE the pot smoking- but it is a normal thing kids do. Just tell him it's illegal (obviously) and that he can end up in bigger trouble by smoking it- rap sheet, leads to other drugs.....etc.

I think what kids mostly need is someone who will listen to them and actually try to help them instead of immediately pegging them as a 'bad kid".

Good luck

lauralevesque said:

I think that's wonderufl that you are letting him stay with you. My advice would be to not pre-judge him as a "bad kid". What boy wouldn't want to chase girls and smoke pot? It's just what kids do, unfortunately. You just need to try to show him how to be respectful to adults and his mother and of course, you can't CONDONE the pot smoking- but it is a normal thing kids do. Just tell him it's illegal (obviously) and that he can end up in bigger trouble by smoking it- rap sheet, leads to other drugs.....etc.

I think what kids mostly need is someone who will listen to them and actually try to help them instead of immediately pegging them as a 'bad kid".

Good luck

i can understand where u coming from but i am 30 and i never smoked or drank so i have no sympathy for that kind of stuff at all and raising a black kid 2 believe that it is ok ummm wont work he is headed down the path 2 either jail or hell if he get right. i dont condone him i do my best 2 support him but he is one of the kids that is very quite and when he does talk its really sprinkled with lies i have been dealing with this kid since he was 12 he is about to be 17 now .i wanna help him grown in2 being a respectful and mindful black man

cbarnes3121 said:

lauralevesque said:

I think that's wonderufl that you are letting him stay with you. My advice would be to not pre-judge him as a "bad kid". What boy wouldn't want to chase girls and smoke pot? It's just what kids do, unfortunately. You just need to try to show him how to be respectful to adults and his mother and of course, you can't CONDONE the pot smoking- but it is a normal thing kids do. Just tell him it's illegal (obviously) and that he can end up in bigger trouble by smoking it- rap sheet, leads to other drugs.....etc.

I think what kids mostly need is someone who will listen to them and actually try to help them instead of immediately pegging them as a 'bad kid".

Good luck

i can understand where u coming from but i am 30 and i never smoked or drank so i have no sympathy for that kind of stuff at all and raising a black kid 2 believe that it is ok ummm wont work he is headed down the path 2 either jail or hell if he get right. i dont condone him i do my best 2 support him but he is one of the kids that is very quite and when he does talk its really sprinkled with lies i have been dealing with this kid since he was 12 he is about to be 17 now .i wanna help him grown in2 being a respectful and mindful black man

I agree with you. I didn't mean to say just overlook it- I just know that so many kids struggle so hard during their teenage years because those years are just so difficult anyway, with the hormones raging and all of that and it can be hard on them as well, and they feel that no one understands them and everyone just judges them or is on their case- but I see what you're sayinig and I see what your trying to do and it's wonderful. ) We sure don't need anymore badass kids or young adults out there

cbarnes3121 said:

i am helping my best friend who is a single mother raise her oldest son who is 16. she has been having alot of problems out of him he is currentingly repeating the 9th grade for the 3rd time, he smokes weed and all he want 2 do is just chase girls. i am allowing him 2 move in my place since i am a single man with no kids yet i find the disrespect of todays teen just mind blowing.what would u suggest as a course of action for this kid? i know him and his mom dont get alone 2 well but where i am from parents raise their own kids

I applaud you for investing your time and money into the kid.

Its unfortunate that the youngster has chosen to take the route hes taking. If he doesn't shape up he's headed for serious trouble. In some ways i can relate to what you and the kid might be going thru.

First off.

You mentioned his repeating the 9th grade and his lying. Has he had a aptitude test or any kind of counseling(mental or otherwise)? Also does he go to a regular school or a continuation or special edd school? The reason i ask is because maybe he has some kind of thought disorder or mental disability. Even if he doesn't he probably has low self worth because of his failings. Is there anything that he's good(or potentially good)at that doesn't necessarily seem like work ? Maybe something that has to do with sports, games, music, drawing, etc ? There needs to be something that counters the failure he's experiencing at school. He needs to feel like he's successful(or can be) at something. I know he has to take responsibility for his own failings at school but failing a grade 3 times, something isn't right with that picture.

Also the kid probably has massive resentments towards his father and his mother. I don't know the details surrounding his father's departure but whatever the reason the kid probably feel's abandoned by just about everyone. If he does feel unloved or abandoned, well that's going to take a lot of time and effort(on his part and others) to get past.

Im curious was there any abuse or violence in the home ?

As for the marijuana smoking.

He definitely needs to know that you won't allow that stuff into your home. period. You can't stop him from smoking it but you can make it clear that the stuff is not to be brought into your home. let him know that if you suspect he's holding, you're searching his property. Stress to him that your giving him a place to live and food to eat and one of the things you ask in return is that he keep drugs out of your house. If he doesn't respect that then maybe he needs to find another place to live. Also you might wanna take his ass to a young people's AA, NA or MA meeting.

Him being a black male, he needs to understand that the deck is already stacked against him. He needs to realise that a black man without an education can look forwards to a life of poverty, jail, prison, general hardship and probably an early death. The kid has a immature mind and seems unwilling to take responsibility for his actions and his own well being. He needs to see what his potential future holds so maybe you might think about making his ass volunteer at a homeless shelter or at a food bank. Maybe he needs one of them Scared Straight programs or one of them programs where they take teenagers to morgues, to view dead black males(from gang violence). You didn't mention anything about gangs but that kid needs to really understand that the choices he makes now will affect the rest of his life.

There's no easy fixes when dealing with rebellious kids. As some get older they make better decisions and wise up but some never do.

Good luck.

P.S Does he have a job ?

You are a good friend for doing that! He needs a father figure in his life. Teenagers need rules, guidance and some freedom. He needs to finish school, and focus on what he wants to do in the future. He should have a hobby to keep himself busy(sports, music, etc). There is a great psychologist who gives advise on WOR. Her name is Dr. Joy Browne. WOR News Talk Radio, 710. www.wor710.com. She is on in the afternoons and at night. Google for more info. She gives great advise!

[Edited 9/6/12 10:39am]

JoeyC said:

cbarnes3121 said:

i am helping my best friend who is a single mother raise her oldest son who is 16. she has been having alot of problems out of him he is currentingly repeating the 9th grade for the 3rd time, he smokes weed and all he want 2 do is just chase girls. i am allowing him 2 move in my place since i am a single man with no kids yet i find the disrespect of todays teen just mind blowing.what would u suggest as a course of action for this kid? i know him and his mom dont get alone 2 well but where i am from parents raise their own kids

I applaud you for investing your time and money into the kid.

Its unfortunate that the youngster has chosen to take the route hes taking. If he doesn't shape up he's headed for serious trouble. In some ways i can relate to what you and the kid might be going thru.

First off.

You mentioned his repeating the 9th grade and his lying. Has he had a aptitude test or any kind of counseling(mental or otherwise)? Also does he go to a regular school or a continuation or special edd school? The reason i ask is because maybe he has some kind of thought disorder or mental disability. Even if he doesn't he probably has low self worth because of his failings. Is there anything that he's good(or potentially good)at that doesn't necessarily seem like work ? Maybe something that has to do with sports, games, music, drawing, etc ? There needs to be something that counters the failure he's experiencing at school. He needs to feel like he's successful(or can be) at something. I know he has to take responsibility for his own failings at school but failing a grade 3 times, something isn't right with that picture.

Also the kid probably has massive resentments towards his father and his mother. I don't know the details surrounding his father's departure but whatever the reason the kid probably feel's abandoned by just about everyone. If he does feel unloved or abandoned, well that's going to take a lot of time and effort(on his part and others) to get past.

Im curious was there any abuse or violence in the home ?

As for the marijuana smoking.

He definitely needs to know that you won't allow that stuff into your home. period. You can't stop him from smoking it but you can make it clear that the stuff is not to be brought into your home. let him know that if you suspect he's holding, you're searching his property. Stress to him that your giving him a place to live and food to eat and one of the things you ask in return is that he keep drugs out of your house. If he doesn't respect that then maybe he needs to find another place to live. Also you might wanna take his ass to a young people's AA, NA or MA meeting.

Him being a black male, he needs to understand that the deck is already stacked against him. He needs to realise that a black man without an education can look forwards to a life of poverty, jail, prison, general hardship and probably an early death. The kid has a immature mind and seems unwilling to take responsibility for his actions and his own well being. He needs to see what his potential future holds so maybe you might think about making his ass volunteer at a homeless shelter or at a food bank. Maybe he needs one of them Scared Straight programs or one of them programs where they take teenagers to morgues, to view dead black males(from gang violence). You didn't mention anything about gangs but that kid needs to really understand that the choices he makes now will affect the rest of his life.

There's no easy fixes when dealing with rebellious kids. As some get older they make better decisions and wise up but some never do.

Good luck.

P.S Does he have a job ?

This is great advice.

Unfortunately, the time to "fix" this kid was when he was 6 - not 16. You might be able to turn him around, but I wouldn't bet the rent.

It's more than kind of you to try, though.

At around age 23 the human brain fully develops. That is when young men and women are able to make rational - adult decisions. Boys mature later than girls also. Don't forget to have the talk about sex!

Dalia11 said:

At around age 23 the human brain fully develops. That is when young men and women are able to make rational - adult decisions. Boys mature later than girls also. Don't forget to have the talk about sex!

i have had every talk and struggle wit this kid when he was arrested i was there waiting 8 hours for them 2 release him, whenever he needs i am there for him i talk to him and listen 2 him all the time i have a degree in pyschology so i try so many methods with him and nothing seems 2 work with him. he is already having sex and he has this arrogant attitude as if he can do whatever he wants and cant be questioned. if i didnt love him as if he was my own i would probably admit to myself that he is a lost cause but due to the love u keep reaching and hoping that it will sink in. his father has been in jail every since he was 2 years old so basically never been in his life. his relationship with his mom is so dsyfunctional i have suggested so many times they seek help to reseolve their problems. i am sorta tired of being the doormat the keeper of peace

cbarnes3121 said:

Dalia11 said:

At around age 23 the human brain fully develops. That is when young men and women are able to make rational - adult decisions. Boys mature later than girls also. Don't forget to have the talk about sex!

i have had every talk and struggle wit this kid when he was arrested i was there waiting 8 hours for them 2 release him, whenever he needs i am there for him i talk to him and listen 2 him all the time i have a degree in pyschology so i try so many methods with him and nothing seems 2 work with him. he is already having sex and he has this arrogant attitude as if he can do whatever he wants and cant be questioned. if i didnt love him as if he was my own i would probably admit to myself that he is a lost cause but due to the love u keep reaching and hoping that it will sink in. his father has been in jail every since he was 2 years old so basically never been in his life. his relationship with his mom is so dsyfunctional i have suggested so many times they seek help to reseolve their problems. i am sorta tired of being the doormat the keeper of peace

If this is the way you are holding the experience to come, you shouldn't have him in your home.

It's a miracle for any boy to make it through puberty.

Try getting in touch with Dr. Browne. She will know the best strategies to handle the situation.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

cbarnes3121 said:

i have had every talk and struggle wit this kid when he was arrested i was there waiting 8 hours for them 2 release him, whenever he needs i am there for him i talk to him and listen 2 him all the time i have a degree in pyschology so i try so many methods with him and nothing seems 2 work with him. he is already having sex and he has this arrogant attitude as if he can do whatever he wants and cant be questioned. if i didnt love him as if he was my own i would probably admit to myself that he is a lost cause but due to the love u keep reaching and hoping that it will sink in. his father has been in jail every since he was 2 years old so basically never been in his life. his relationship with his mom is so dsyfunctional i have suggested so many times they seek help to reseolve their problems. i am sorta tired of being the doormat the keeper of peace

If this is the way you are holding the experience to come, you shouldn't have him in your home.

It's a miracle for any boy to make it through puberty.

i am a man who has been through puberty we all have had issues or problems but u dont disrespect a person that helps u . puberty is not that big of a deal

cbarnes3121 said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

If this is the way you are holding the experience to come, you shouldn't have him in your home.

It's a miracle for any boy to make it through puberty.

i am a man who has been through puberty we all have had issues or problems but u dont disrespect a person that helps u . puberty is not that big of a deal

Puberty is a huge deal, especially when you are confused on top of it. Add to that the physical desire to have sex but also the likelyhood that sex is seen as love.

.

[Edited 9/6/12 13:03pm]

Ok then just a little advice without knowing al the ins and outs.

First off you said the boy is repeating 9th grade for the third time, obviously there is a reason for this and it needs to be found out.

My own experience is that he can't see no future so why put an effort into education. This may have been the original idea behind not putting the effort in but now 3 years on and the kids that were below him are now stepping over him, regurdless of who you are this has got to hurt, grinding down what ever confidence he has and causing him to lash out.

I admire you taking him on ...but there is no easy fix. He may resent you as you are of the confidence to take on the burden he sees himself as been. So I think you are going to have it hard!!!

But if you think it is you he is attacking , you would be wrong, he is attacking himself, trying to make you give up on him...DON'T.

Take it easy for a while, strong rules and weight pulling, give him chores you are not a holiday home but do these chores with him and not let himself been seen as a servant or slave.

But as you spend time together, and this is the point, you will be spending time together, listen to him and also give a little of yourself to him and find out what he is interested in ...besides the usual girls and stuff. If there is common ground then a project together may be a good idea, but remember he is not you. So make sure he is the main ideas importer to the project, you can guide this but he must steer.

Build up his confidence and trust him (after a time) he is very close to been a man and this nearly man needs a role-model to set himself against. but you only have to start the process, once that wheel is turning then it is up to him to drive.

Good luck and never give up. With your involvement you have up the odds a lot and you may have to pay....but the gains outweigh all this but it takes time...give yourself that time.

most importantly .....do not sacrifice yourself,

you have to be better then yourself but remember, you are all you are.

jfrost said:

Ok then just a little advice without knowing al the ins and outs.

First off you said the boy is repeating 9th grade for the third time, obviously there is a reason for this and it needs to be found out.

My own experience is that he can't see no future so why put an effort into education. This may have been the original idea behind not putting the effort in but now 3 years on and the kids that were below him are now stepping over him, regurdless of who you are this has got to hurt, grinding down what ever confidence he has and causing him to lash out.

I admire you taking him on ...but there is no easy fix. He may resent you as you are of the confidence to take on the burden he sees himself as been. So I think you are going to have it hard!!!

But if you think it is you he is attacking , you would be wrong, he is attacking himself, trying to make you give up on him...DON'T.

Take it easy for a while, strong rules and weight pulling, give him chores you are not a holiday home but do these chores with him and not let himself been seen as a servant or slave.

But as you spend time together, and this is the point, you will be spending time together, listen to him and also give a little of yourself to him and find out what he is interested in ...besides the usual girls and stuff. If there is common ground then a project together may be a good idea, but remember he is not you. So make sure he is the main ideas importer to the project, you can guide this but he must steer.

Build up his confidence and trust him (after a time) he is very close to been a man and this nearly man needs a role-model to set himself against. but you only have to start the process, once that wheel is turning then it is up to him to drive.

Good luck and never give up. With your involvement you have up the odds a lot and you may have to pay....but the gains outweigh all this but it takes time...give yourself that time.

most importantly .....do not sacrifice yourself,

you have to be better then yourself but remember, you are all you are.

This is all great advice.

Also, don't call him a bad teen, not even to yourself. That will influence the way you interact with him.

You've recieved a lot of good advice from people here, including the extablishment of ground rules int he house.

I think what this kid needs to understand is...his life as of this moment is way too comfortable. He lives in his momma house, he eats her food, he uses her money...

And to top it off, he's still a minor.

You gotta let this boy know that life isn't a bowl of cherries, good times, and partying. The real world will tear him to peices if he doesn't learn to adapt, and quickly.

He has to know that there are responsibilities, and you ahve to make sure he understands the gravity of not learning them. He needs to know how to take care of himself. How hard it is to obtain money (a job with minimum wage)...how hard it is to get ahead in this world. Success is reserved for those who work hard for it. It doesn't just fall into one's lap.

He also needs to learn humility and be grateful for the things he has.

I would give him a piece of paper, and ask him to write down the things he's grateful for, the things he wants out of life, and how he intends to get there. Also on another sheet of paper, tell him to write down qualities he likes about himself, what he wishes he could change, and how he intends to fix them.

This will be a good platform for discussion and might help reach him on a deeper level.

I would also suggest this boy sees a psychologist or psychiatrist to help deal with the drug habit. The sooner he gets off the pot, the better. You can talk about it if he happens to mention in the activities I mentioned above (i.e how he could achieve his goals, quit pot, etc.)

It's time this boy stepped up and became a man.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

You've recieved a lot of good advice from people here, including the extablishment of ground rules int he house.

I think what this kid needs to understand is...his life as of this moment is way too comfortable. He lives in his momma house, he eats her food, he uses her money...

And to top it off, he's still a minor.

You gotta let this boy know that life isn't a bowl of cherries, good times, and partying. The real world will tear him to peices if he doesn't learn to adapt, and quickly.

He has to know that there are responsibilities, and you ahve to make sure he understands the gravity of not learning them. He needs to know how to take care of himself. How hard it is to obtain money (a job with minimum wage)...how hard it is to get ahead in this world. Success is reserved for those who work hard for it. It doesn't just fall into one's lap.

He also needs to learn humility and be grateful for the things he has.

I would give him a piece of paper, and ask him to write down the things he's grateful for, the things he wants out of life, and how he intends to get there. Also on another sheet of paper, tell him to write down qualities he likes about himself, what he wishes he could change, and how he intends to fix them.

This will be a good platform for discussion and might help reach him on a deeper level.

I would also suggest this boy sees a psychologist or psychiatrist to help deal with the drug habit. The sooner he gets off the pot, the better. You can talk about it if he happens to mention in the activities I mentioned above (i.e how he could achieve his goals, quit pot, etc.)

It's time this boy stepped up and became a man.

I don't think this guy sees life as a bowl of cherries, I think he sees it as a bag of shit and he doesn't intended carrying shit but rather throwing it around and making a mess.

To be a man you have to have some self respect, but in order to have that, society has to respect you, and for that to happen, you have to respect society. A vicious circle.

But for now society is your house, start that circle...respect him.

As for the drug thing...include it in your rules in your houseand do not force psychologists or psychiatrists on this boy/man you may only put his back up...let him ask for the help when and if he needs it.

If you think he needs one then YOU go to one first and have you concerns clearly defined and written down, they may give advice but they will help you!

i thank yall from the bottom of my broken heart i have been crying struggling and bending myself hard for the past 4 -5 years with this kid once i feel like i got him ahead he takes 2 steps back ive never been the type 2 give up or give in he just told me today less than 30 minutes ago he intends on dropping out of school and get him a job so he can get a car now thats another challenge i have 2 face but thanks 4 the loving and kinds advice prince fans we r the greatest !!!!

cbarnes3121 said:

i thank yall from the bottom of my broken heart i have been crying struggling and bending myself hard for the past 4 -5 years with this kid once i feel like i got him ahead he takes 2 steps back ive never been the type 2 give up or give in he just told me today less than 30 minutes ago he intends on dropping out of school and get him a job so he can get a car now thats another challenge i have 2 face but thanks 4 the loving and kinds advice prince fans we r the greatest !!!!

Remember this saying:

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink

Ultimately his choices are his to make and you can only do so much. He has to be willing to make responsible choices. Be there for him but don't take on any guilt for his choicemaking.

RodeoSchro said:

Take him to a jail and leave him there a few hours.

I'd say a week...

mom let that ball drop big time. Boys need a stern and consistent parent, not a friend-wanna-be who allows a kid to do what he wants.

You need to tell mom to take a parenting class, otherwise the kid will regress back to the same-o same-o stuff he gets away with doing at mom's home.

Personally, my son would absolutely be homeless and on the streets. I don't mess around and I am not here to be my kid's friend. I am their momma, and they will obey or find housing elsewhere.

True story...

My son didn't want to wash the dishes one night.... he was about 15 at the time and full of himself.

He told me he didn't have to listen to me and if I spanked him he would call the CPS on me.

My response...

go right ahead, not only will they take you away from me, they will take you to some foster home where you may be forced to suck some sicko's dick/pussy because you are really a good looking kid. That same CPS worker who takes you from this home will not visit that foster home too often since she may have too many cases to work on, and she really won't care much about your future anyways. He job will solely be to get you away from me, doesn't matter where you end up. Any creep with an extra room and a need for a check from the state can take you in.

Good luck! Oh, and buy some lube to keep under your pillow so getting assfucked won't hurt too badly.

I then handed him the phone.

He hung it up and went to do the dishes.

My son never spoke back to me again.

paintedlady said:

RodeoSchro said:

Take him to a jail and leave him there a few hours.

I'd say a week...

mom let that ball drop big time. Boys need a stern and consistent parent, not a friend-wanna-be who allows a kid to do what he wants.

You need to tell mom to take a parenting class, otherwise the kid will regress back to the same-o same-o stuff he gets away with doing at mom's home.

Personally, my son would absolutely be homeless and on the streets. I don't mess around and I am not here to be my kid's friend. I am their momma, and they will obey or find housing elsewhere.

True story...

My son didn't want to wash the dishes one night.... he was about 15 at the time and full of himself.

He told me he didn't have to listen to me and if I spanked him he would call the CPS on me.

My response...

go right ahead, not only will they take you away from me, they will take you to some foster home where you may be forced to suck some sicko's dick/pussy because you are really a good looking kid. That same CPS worker who takes you from this home will not visit that foster home too often since she may have too many cases to work on, and she really won't care much about your future anyways. He job will solely be to get you away from me, doesn't matter where you end up. Any creep with an extra room and a need for a check from the state can take you in.

Good luck! Oh, and buy some lube to keep under your pillow so getting assfucked won't hurt too badly.

I then handed him the phone.

He hung it up and went to do the dishes.

My son never spoke back to me again.

Beat his ass.

cbarnes3121 said:

i thank yall from the bottom of my broken heart i have been crying struggling and bending myself hard for the past 4 -5 years with this kid once i feel like i got him ahead he takes 2 steps back ive never been the type 2 give up or give in he just told me today less than 30 minutes ago he intends on dropping out of school and get him a job so he can get a car now thats another challenge i have 2 face but thanks 4 the loving and kinds advice prince fans we r the greatest !!!!

You are a true friend. Both mom and son are lucky to have you...

I still say the problem lies with mom. For her son's to change to be a lasting one, she must change.

She sounds like a really nice and easy going mom who hates to say NO to her child.

I understand her pain...

I would let her son go for it...

I would tell him to not get a job, but aim for a career. A career can help him upgrade that car and get a nice house too...

a career maybe that has a paid apprecticeship like Job Corps (corrections officer/iron worker/construction/etc.) or something like that....

tell him about a plan that can get him moving in a right direction and that high school will lead him to an easier path... but if he wants to go the GED-training-blue collar job- route then tell him to be smart about it.

Can not force him to finish school at this point... but he is still open to guidanc, maybe with that guidance you can scare him into staying in school.

FYI

Kids will not stay in school if they think college is a long shot. he's no dummy ... he knows he isn't going to college, set him on a good non-college path.

paintedlady said:

cbarnes3121 said:

i thank yall from the bottom of my broken heart i have been crying struggling and bending myself hard for the past 4 -5 years with this kid once i feel like i got him ahead he takes 2 steps back ive never been the type 2 give up or give in he just told me today less than 30 minutes ago he intends on dropping out of school and get him a job so he can get a car now thats another challenge i have 2 face but thanks 4 the loving and kinds advice prince fans we r the greatest !!!!

You are a true friend. Both mom and son are lucky to have you...

I still say the problem lies with mom. For her son's to change to be a lasting one, she must change.

She sounds like a really nice and easy going mom who hates to say NO to her child.

I understand her pain...

I would let her son go for it...

I would tell him to not get a job, but aim for a career. A career can help him upgrade that car and get a nice house too...

a career maybe that has a paid apprecticeship like Job Corps (corrections officer/iron worker/construction/etc.) or something like that....

tell him about a plan that can get him moving in a right direction and that high school will lead him to an easier path... but if he wants to go the GED-training-blue collar job- route then tell him to be smart about it.

Can not force him to finish school at this point... but he is still open to guidanc, maybe with that guidance you can scare him into staying in school.

FYI

Kids will not stay in school if they think college is a long shot. he's no dummy ... he knows he isn't going to college, set him on a good non-college path.

Sounds like a good idea