Sooo......

We have a family emergency of sorts centered in the Northern region of Thailand.

As a result, I had to book my mother an immediate flight to Bangkok on Monday

Night. Last night (Wed) night, she was to fly in at 10:30 AM from a layover in

Tokyo.

To make and extremely long story short, I did not sleep last night, because

when I arrived at the airport, she wasn't there. I waited an hour and a half

before I asked Airport information to locate her, which of course they had no

clue how to do because they're Thai and that would require actually doing something

serious and 'not fun'.

I call my sis up in Germany to see if she could help me locate my mother, because

calling out from Thailand to a us 800 number for some reason is a chore here.

The number kept dropping.

Anyways, none of the airplane companies involved in the transit could divulge

any information on her, which I understand completely, but at 2 AM in the morning

and wondering where the flying fuck your mother is....well, that's not what you

want to hear.

Anyways, here I am at 9 AM in the morning in a classroom with University students

scared out of thier wits because I went insane-tyrant on their asses, and in Asian

culture they are largely programmed to respond in kind (but submissive lowering

their gaze and pretending to be ashamed).

Good news: Mum is here in Bangkok. She arrived early.

Concerning News: She looked for me 3 times, and immediately figured that I had

forgotten that she was flying in . Seriously? I have never ever ever ever

ever ever dropped the ball on anything for her before. I have never forgotten anything.

I'm this woman's personal booking agent and tour manager for fucks' sake!

Additionally, she had forgotten my phone number (she left her phone records in

the USA), which I understand because she's not exactly here under the best of circumstances

and she's a bit distraught.

But....... I'm really concerned now. I mean really concerned. I know I'm preaching to the

chior because other than Dave1992, most of you folks are old as hell; but, worrying about

aging parents is draining! I really think I need to get her closer to me no matter where I

live. The issue is that I want to move around, go see Korea, maybe Japan for a few years.

But, I think this isn't possible.

Do any of you have issues with parents due to what you think might be old age or

stick-in-the-mud old ways (for example, not having a cellphone, not knowing how

to get one, not knowing how to use the Internet, etc.).

I mean, she didn't even think to go to airport security and have them place an announcment

over the intercomm for me. Had she gone to the security desk, they would have called my

cellphone direct, because I had checked in with them.

I'm concerned. I need to talk to her about this. But, she'll blow it off. She's Thai. It would

be concidered 'losing face' to admit that you're not perfect.

I dont' even know why I'm telling you shallow fucks any of this. Fuck yall.

OMG, I'm so tired and sleepy right now.

Fuck you guys so much. Fuck yall.

Fuck your hairy buttholes from Mars. lawd.

It´s a long flight, she´s no longer in her 30s, 40s or 50s, and you´re having some family problems, going through stress, so I guess it´s only natural that she´d forget stuff.

Your mom speaks Thai so maybe she didn´t think it was THAT serious, whereas you on the other hand were obviously (and understandably) worried about her getting lost at the airport but maybe she didn´t feel that lost at all due to knowing the language perfectly?

I can totally relate though.

I was tired before I started to read this thread...now I am exhausted beyond belief.

I never ever read your long threads but I did this time.

On a serious note, we moved back to the US mainly because I am an only child and my mom worries me some times. My mom has some health issues and I felt I needed to be closer to her so she could be with her only grandchild.

. Thought it might lift her spirits. Sorry your family is going through all of this right now.

[Edited 8/29/12 19:26pm]

considering I work at a place for people with Alzheimer's, I definitely worry. Especially because my mom thinks I will be the one wiping her ass when she gets it!

It is seriously a huge concern Something that changes the lives of those who have to be caregivers. I have no kids, no pets, and I am totally selfish. I cannot imagine suddenly having this change thrust on me.

And I know I'm only thinking about myself here. I can't help it. Everyone has to get old and sick and die, but the crazy thing is how it affects everyone, not just those who it is happening to.

Oh, and it's AGING ya goddamn weirdo!

[Edited 8/29/12 22:25pm]

this is happening to my mom too she's over 80, fiercely independent, and increasingly forgetful. she came to stay with me; despite detailed directions to my place she went to the wrong place. endd up sitting uotside someone else's front door. eventually left her bags there with a kinda pissy note about how i wasn't around and she was going for a bite to eat.

meanwhile there i was frantically trying to figure out where she could be....

she repeats herself a lot now, and doesn't remember things we tell her. as long as she is in familiar suroundings she's mostly okay, but when she isn't it's touhc and go. love her dearly, don't know how we will address the point when she is not safe to drive anymore..

Dan... Your problems are likely compounded by your family emergency.

With regards the future I think we should also regard the past ie; what our parents gave up (or didn't) to ensure our safe and healthy futures.

In short if you want to be closer to Mum to be there for her ( be it she comes to you or you go to her), then it would be prudent to put your wishes and plans to travel on hold a little to be able to do so.

There again your Mum may thrive on a challenge (and if she is anything like you I'm sure she will).

This may be obvious to you... and if it is then I'll stay

I hope the family emergency works out to the good

It finally hit me when I went on vacation this summer with the folks...that my dad is an OLD MAN.

I mean, he looks young and in my mind he's the same man that he's always been, stuck in age around 50ish.

But he cannot get around like he used to. This is a man who used to wake up at 4am during blizzards to go shovel out the grounds at his job...and he has problems with stairs now.

My parents simply can't get around like they used to and they are not even that old yet. My mom mentioned to me the other day that when she went grocery shopping recently she pulled the car up on the lawn to the front door and unloaded the groceries on to the front step, then parked the car back in the driveway and got out and walked back up to the door and brought them up from there. She laughed about this. I took at as a sign they need to move if they can't even carry their groceries 20 feet up the sidewalk.

They also live in a split level house so can't even go inside without using stairs.

It's really scary and quite motivating for me to not let my health go like they have.

My mom turned 65 just a couple weeks ago and is retiring in a few months and my dad was laid off a couple of years ago and ended up retiring early (he'll only be 63 this November). I'm worried how they'll support themselves and just selfish enough to not want to have to support them. I'm barely getting started myself.

CarrieMpls said:

My parents simply can't get around like they used to and they are not even that old yet. My mom mentioned to me the other day that when she went grocery shopping recently she pulled the car up on the lawn to the front door and unloaded the groceries on to the front step, then parked the car back in the driveway and got out and walked back up to the door and brought them up from there. She laughed about this. I took at as a sign they need to move if they can't even carry their groceries 20 feet up the sidewalk.

They also live in a split level house so can't even go inside without using stairs.

It's really scary and quite motivating for me to not let my health go like they have.

My mom turned 65 just a couple weeks ago and is retiring in a few months and my dad was laid off a couple of years ago and ended up retiring early (he'll only be 63 this November). I'm worried how they'll support themselves and just selfish enough to not want to have to support them. I'm barely getting started myself.

I see my parents unloading groceries and it's heartbreaking.

My dad turned 70 this year. He has back issues and a bad ankle. He still goes out and trims the weeds though.

The ONE positive about my "situation" is that I am back home to help out for a while.

I am trying to convince them to sell the house and get a condo somewhere with no upkeep.

PurpleJedi said:

CarrieMpls said:

My parents simply can't get around like they used to and they are not even that old yet. My mom mentioned to me the other day that when she went grocery shopping recently she pulled the car up on the lawn to the front door and unloaded the groceries on to the front step, then parked the car back in the driveway and got out and walked back up to the door and brought them up from there. She laughed about this. I took at as a sign they need to move if they can't even carry their groceries 20 feet up the sidewalk.

They also live in a split level house so can't even go inside without using stairs.

It's really scary and quite motivating for me to not let my health go like they have.

My mom turned 65 just a couple weeks ago and is retiring in a few months and my dad was laid off a couple of years ago and ended up retiring early (he'll only be 63 this November). I'm worried how they'll support themselves and just selfish enough to not want to have to support them. I'm barely getting started myself.

I see my parents unloading groceries and it's heartbreaking.

My dad turned 70 this year. He has back issues and a bad ankle. He still goes out and trims the weeds though.

The ONE positive about my "situation" is that I am back home to help out for a while.

I am trying to convince them to sell the house and get a condo somewhere with no upkeep.

I have been doing the exact same thing - telling them to sell and move to a townhome that only has one level. I think once my mom retires she'll have time to deal with all that.

imago said:

ZombieKitten said:

I've waited at an airport terminal coupla hours while the person picking me up was waiting at another terminal and I don't think either of us were having a senior moment, just the flight had multiple flight numbers - not even STAFF seemed to know where my frikkin plane was coming in

I once missed my friends at the airport (before the days of cell phones_, and it turned out they had eaten some strong pot brownies and they were waiting for me at "Departures" instead of "Arrivals" so we were in the same place, just one floor apart.

My dad is 80 and still plays golf four times a week (a full round - 18 holes). So physically, I don't have any serious worries about him - he's still pretty spry. And since he got his cataracts fixed, he sees better than he has in years.

But he is starting to get forgetful. I don't know if it's because his hearing is going or that he has some early dementia (there's no Alzheimer's in my family - a fact that I hope that continues to hold).

My mom, on the other hand, is sharp as a tack mentally (at 75), but she has Parkinson's disease. It's managed very well - the only time you see even a slight tremor is when it's getting time for her to medicate again. And she still plays golf several times a week, herself.

But, yeah - I worry about them being in Arizona when I'm in Wisconsin. And I know that, at some point, I or one of my sisters (or maybe more than one of us) will have to move there to look after them. I just hope it's later rather than sooner. Not because I'd mind caring for them, but because I have to continue to earn a living so I can pay for my own retirement. I'll probably have an inheritance - but it won't that much.

NDRU said:

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

I've waited at an airport terminal coupla hours while the person picking me up was waiting at another terminal and I don't think either of us were having a senior moment, just the flight had multiple flight numbers - not even STAFF seemed to know where my frikkin plane was coming in

I once missed my friends at the airport (before the days of cell phones_, and it turned out they had eaten some strong pot brownies and they were waiting for me at "Departures" instead of "Arrivals" so we were in the same place, just one floor apart.

whooopsies!

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

I once missed my friends at the airport (before the days of cell phones_, and it turned out they had eaten some strong pot brownies and they were waiting for me at "Departures" instead of "Arrivals" so we were in the same place, just one floor apart.

whooopsies!

It's also possible that I smoked huge amounts of pot before going to pick them up and never thought to check departures

NDRU said:

XxAxX said:

whooopsies!

It's also possible that I smoked huge amounts of pot before going to pick them up and never thought to check departures

it actually makes sense. to you, they were 'arriving' but to them they were 'departing'

imago said:

Sooo......

We have a family emergency of sorts centered in the Northern region of Thailand.

As a result, I had to book my mother an immediate flight to Bangkok on Monday

Night. Last night (Wed) night, she was to fly in at 10:30 AM from a layover in

Tokyo.

To make and extremely long story short, I did not sleep last night, because

when I arrived at the airport, she wasn't there. I waited an hour and a half

before I asked Airport information to locate her, which of course they had no

clue how to do because they're Thai and that would require actually doing something

serious and 'not fun'.

I call my sis up in Germany to see if she could help me locate my mother, because

calling out from Thailand to a us 800 number for some reason is a chore here.

The number kept dropping.

Anyways, none of the airplane companies involved in the transit could divulge

any information on her, which I understand completely, but at 2 AM in the morning

and wondering where the flying fuck your mother is....well, that's not what you

want to hear.

Anyways, here I am at 9 AM in the morning in a classroom with University students

scared out of thier wits because I went insane-tyrant on their asses, and in Asian

culture they are largely programmed to respond in kind (but submissive lowering

their gaze and pretending to be ashamed).

Good news: Mum is here in Bangkok. She arrived early.

Concerning News: She looked for me 3 times, and immediately figured that I had

forgotten that she was flying in . Seriously? I have never ever ever ever

ever ever dropped the ball on anything for her before. I have never forgotten anything.

I'm this woman's personal booking agent and tour manager for fucks' sake!

Additionally, she had forgotten my phone number (she left her phone records in

the USA), which I understand because she's not exactly here under the best of circumstances

and she's a bit distraught.

But....... I'm really concerned now. I mean really concerned. I know I'm preaching to the

chior because other than Dave1992, most of you folks are old as hell; but, worrying about

aging parents is draining! I really think I need to get her closer to me no matter where I

live. The issue is that I want to move around, go see Korea, maybe Japan for a few years.

But, I think this isn't possible.

Do any of you have issues with parents due to what you think might be old age or

stick-in-the-mud old ways (for example, not having a cellphone, not knowing how

to get one, not knowing how to use the Internet, etc.).

I mean, she didn't even think to go to airport security and have them place an announcment

over the intercomm for me. Had she gone to the security desk, they would have called my

cellphone direct, because I had checked in with them.

I'm concerned. I need to talk to her about this. But, she'll blow it off. She's Thai. It would

be concidered 'losing face' to admit that you're not perfect.

I dont' even know why I'm telling you shallow fucks any of this. Fuck yall.

All I can tell ya is to follow your instincts, (or inner voice) in this matter...if you don't you may never forgive yourself.

Now that my mom is gone it's comforting that I did move her close to me so we could have that time together.

I feel your frustratsion.

As people age they fear not being in control of their lives, this often leads to a resentment of their children helping them. Just tell your Mom you CARE, and not WORRY. Worry probably implies you think there is a problem with her doing things on her own.

I went thru with my parents for years before they died.

It's a role change, but you do what you have to do.

[Edited 9/1/12 21:10pm]

littlemissG said:

ZombieKitten said:

My 98 year old grandma has for years stubbornly not taken heed of her 2 daughters pleas to not walk unaided to the bathroom AFTER taking her sleeping tablet. Until last week when a fall has landed her in hospital. She has now promised not to do it again.

Bless her heart...say hi from me and tell her I'm glad she's on the mend,

We're so used to being parented by them and it's weird when the roles reverse and we gradually become almost parent-like toward them. Very touchy situation but sometimes we gotta give 'em the tough love.

My grown sons are starting to do it to me and I'm not amused...

littlemissG said:

I feel your frustratsion.

As people age they fear not being in control of their lives, this often leads to a resentment of their children helping them. Just tell your Mom you CARE, and not WORRY. Worry probably implies you think they is a problem with her doing things on her own.

I went thru with my parents for years before they died.

It's a role change, but you do what you have to do.

Me too, I went through it with my mom and she really went through it with my grandmother, who was a real pistol!

Ah...the circle of life!

sorry Imago I can't help you as my parents are still quite young & independant.. but I just wanted to write that I really enjoy reading your posts, they're so fucking funny!!

I'm going on holidays to Bangkok in January but I heard the North is really pretty.

So, are the students ok again? Did they recover?

And what exactly are you afraid of? What's your worst case scenario?

You'r mother seems to be very normal, she's aging and shows the behaviour that comes with that.

I assume you know her age, so how come that her aging issues are that surprising to you?

Or is this the first time you realize that she actually will become 'old' as in vulnerable and dependant?

Your choice of words in this sentence is interesting:

I think

I need

to get her

closer to me

no matter where I live

leading up to:

I need

to talk to her

about this

Is it possible to first ask her how she experiencing aging and how she feels and thinks about that? Can you aproach her and make her feel save to talk about it? So she doesn't inhibit herself, because she doesn't want to upset you?

imago said:

Sooo......

Concerning News: She looked for me 3 times, and immediately figured that I had

forgotten that she was flying in .

Did she think you forgot because you were busy and occupied with the family emergency?

Or did she assume, that you are never concerned about her needs, and expresses her dissapointment about your indifference* indirectly through this act?

*in her perception

Seriously? I have never ever ever ever

ever ever dropped the ball on anything for her before. I have never forgotten anything.

I'm this woman's personal booking agent and tour manager for fucks' sake!

So, what is the real hurt here? Are you hurt that she might think that your not a good booking agent or that you are a failure as a tour manager?

I dont' even know why I'm telling you shallow fucks any of this. Fuck yall.

Fuck you to.