This is something that drives me crazy, when gay men get so crazy about who is masculine & who is feminine.

Maybe it's cause i am a pretty big, strong guy... but i get some guys trying to idk.. ''prove'' to me how masculine they are0_o, this guy i recently had a summer fling with leaves to go away for a month. He came back the other day & last night was instant messaging me telling me how masculine he has become & how he is going to be able to beat me at wrestling & that he started lifting weights

I was like... errrr do you want a cookie?, he's not the only one who has done this to me.

Idk why guys get so caught up in who is fem or not! i mean if i like a guy is feminin it's whatever & if he is ''masculine'' that's whatever to. but people really take these thing's incredibly seriously as to who has to be the ''woman'' and who has to be the ''man''

Asking who is the man & who is the woman in a same sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork?

So why do gay men get so caught up in these ''roles''? why does one have to be defined as masc or fem for somebody?

Chile most are "acting" butch.

Follow one home and see if his ass doesn't slip into a kimono.

All of society gets caught up in gender roles, it's not just the gay community.

I think particularly when you're young, in teens and 20's, you're still trying stuff out, learning who you are. That leads to the kind of stuff you're talking about - trying to fit into a role or stereotyoe, or even conversely, trying hard NOT to fit into one.

I've only ever had masculine guys approach me most of the time.

I don't know if I would define myself as being 'caught' up in anything, but I find it a big turnoff if they act like teenage girls. I mean flipping out at the fact that Madonna (or anybody for that matter) is coming to your city at the age of 40? I just find that terribly unnatractive.

There are tons of straight guys who act tougher than they really are too though.

I think the stereotypes are drilled into their heads, especially younger men who choose to only be with men. They see a lifestyle associated with it and imitate it as if it's really them when they weren't really brought up like that. Then sometimes you can tell when they fake either their sassiness or their "butchiness". It's like men who prefer to be women and think all there is to be straight is watch sports, "proving you're tough" and all of that. As human beings, we're very complex and if we do anything that is beyond the so-called norms in both straight and gay worlds, we're not "being ourselves". Some gay folks will tell you that like some straight people will. But all it is is really they have chips on their shoulders. Also in gay culture, there's always this saying: "you GOTS to like Madonna (or any female pop star", "otherwise you're not gay". Yeah I don't get that either.

Gunsnhalen said:

Maybe it's cause i am a pretty big, strong guy... but i get some guys trying to idk.. ''prove'' to me how masculine they are0_o, this guy i recently had a summer fling with leaves to go away for a month. He came back the other day & last night was instant messaging me telling me how masculine he has become & how he is going to be able to beat me at wrestling & that he started lifting weights

Is there more to what he was saying, or is that it? Because I don't see how this text plays into what you're asking. Maybe he just wanted to flirt with some sexy talk. I've had a couple spontaneous wrestling sessions in bed, and they were all about the sexual tension of pent-up testosterone combusting into some passionate male-on-male physical contact. It wasn't about masculine and feminine in the slightest; it was about two men wrestling and accidentally breaking some lamps.

All that said, oftentimes I don't know what the fuck is going on with you gay guys in your 20s. No offense or anything.

Efan said:

Gunsnhalen said:

Maybe it's cause i am a pretty big, strong guy... but i get some guys trying to idk.. ''prove'' to me how masculine they are0_o, this guy i recently had a summer fling with leaves to go away for a month. He came back the other day & last night was instant messaging me telling me how masculine he has become & how he is going to be able to beat me at wrestling & that he started lifting weights

Is there more to what he was saying, or is that it? Because I don't see how this text plays into what you're asking. Maybe he just wanted to flirt with some sexy talk. I've had a couple spontaneous wrestling sessions in bed, and they were all about the sexual tension of pent-up testosterone combusting into some passionate male-on-male physical contact. It wasn't about masculine and feminine in the slightest; it was about two men wrestling and accidentally breaking some lamps.

All that said, oftentimes I don't know what the fuck is going on with you gay guys in your 20s. No offense or anything.

Having watched the "coming out" process a number of times, up close and personal, I don't get it, either. I have seen guys fall into drugs, alcohol and reckless sexual behavior more times than I care to remember.

Genesia said:

Efan said:

Is there more to what he was saying, or is that it? Because I don't see how this text plays into what you're asking. Maybe he just wanted to flirt with some sexy talk. I've had a couple spontaneous wrestling sessions in bed, and they were all about the sexual tension of pent-up testosterone combusting into some passionate male-on-male physical contact. It wasn't about masculine and feminine in the slightest; it was about two men wrestling and accidentally breaking some lamps.

All that said, oftentimes I don't know what the fuck is going on with you gay guys in your 20s. No offense or anything.

Having watched the "coming out" process a number of times, up close and personal, I don't get it, either. I have seen guys fall into drugs, alcohol and reckless sexual behavior more times than I care to remember.

Sadly i have seen that to and it makes me sad.

Efan said:

Gunsnhalen said:

Maybe it's cause i am a pretty big, strong guy... but i get some guys trying to idk.. ''prove'' to me how masculine they are0_o, this guy i recently had a summer fling with leaves to go away for a month. He came back the other day & last night was instant messaging me telling me how masculine he has become & how he is going to be able to beat me at wrestling & that he started lifting weights

Is there more to what he was saying, or is that it? Because I don't see how this text plays into what you're asking. Maybe he just wanted to flirt with some sexy talk. I've had a couple spontaneous wrestling sessions in bed, and they were all about the sexual tension of pent-up testosterone combusting into some passionate male-on-male physical contact. It wasn't about masculine and feminine in the slightest; it was about two men wrestling and accidentally breaking some lamps.

All that said, oftentimes I don't know what the fuck is going on with you gay guys in your 20s. No offense or anything.

Wrestling sessions are fine, but this guy has told me many times he wishes he was strong like me. And he has always tried to prove & act lke he is ''hard'' but i mean... the boy is just not hard. He is not a thug & he is not a bad bitch like he comes off.

He has this weird obsession with wanting to be stronger then me so he can ''dominate'' people easier.

And the issue is not just that, that was just a so so example. There are guys i meet who tell me oh ''you are the the top so you are more masculine and should text me first and always decide what we do'' what the fuck is that?

Timmy84 said:

I think the stereotypes are drilled into their heads, especially younger men who choose to only be with men. They see a lifestyle associated with it and imitate it as if it's really them when they weren't really brought up like that. Then sometimes you can tell when they fake either their sassiness or their "butchiness". It's like men who prefer to be women and think all there is to be straight is watch sports, "proving you're tough" and all of that. As human beings, we're very complex and if we do anything that is beyond the so-called norms in both straight and gay worlds, we're not "being ourselves". Some gay folks will tell you that like some straight people will. But all it is is really they have chips on their shoulders. Also in gay culture, there's always this saying: "you GOTS to like Madonna (or any female pop star", "otherwise you're not gay". Yeah I don't get that either.

As mentioned to Efan, i have met guys who think i should text first & should decide shit because i'm a top & i am more masculine

First off i have NEVER believed that just cause one is a ''top'' that they are more masculine, that is pure 100% FDA bullshit And i get those guys that freak out because i don't worship Glee or Lady GaGa and there like omg are u sure your gay? boy...

And on the flip side there are those ''homeboys'' who hate on fem guys and try so hard to show how tough they are & they only do manly thing's & they only fuck manly guys and yada yada

grant it i have only been out for 2 years & i am 21 so idk... if that is still fairly new? but i have never totally understood wtf all these thing's have to do with ''being a man''

Gunsnhalen said:

Timmy84 said:

I think the stereotypes are drilled into their heads, especially younger men who choose to only be with men. They see a lifestyle associated with it and imitate it as if it's really them when they weren't really brought up like that. Then sometimes you can tell when they fake either their sassiness or their "butchiness". It's like men who prefer to be women and think all there is to be straight is watch sports, "proving you're tough" and all of that. As human beings, we're very complex and if we do anything that is beyond the so-called norms in both straight and gay worlds, we're not "being ourselves". Some gay folks will tell you that like some straight people will. But all it is is really they have chips on their shoulders. Also in gay culture, there's always this saying: "you GOTS to like Madonna (or any female pop star", "otherwise you're not gay". Yeah I don't get that either.

As mentioned to Efan, i have met guys who think i should text first & should decide shit because i'm a top & i am more masculine

First off i have NEVER believed that just cause one is a ''top'' that they are more masculine, that is pure 100% FDA bullshit And i get those guys that freak out because i don't worship Glee or Lady GaGa and there like omg are u sure your gay? boy...

And on the flip side there are those ''homeboys'' who hate on fem guys and try so hard to show how tough they are & they only do manly thing's & they only fuck manly guys and yada yada

grant it i have only been out for 2 years & i am 21 so idk... if that is still fairly new? but i have never totally understood wtf all these thing's have to do with ''being a man''

I SO can relate! I get a lot of flack from some gay people for "acting" too butch...they think since I don't like the stereotypical gay stuff, I MUST be trying to "act" straight or they have me pegged as some log cabin republican. I have felt many times like an outsider at gay bars. I like classic rock and baseball and couldn't give a shit about Project Runway. But boy are they wrong...my partney always laughs and is like you should see him behind closed doors...

Gunsnhalen said:

Timmy84 said:

I think the stereotypes are drilled into their heads, especially younger men who choose to only be with men. They see a lifestyle associated with it and imitate it as if it's really them when they weren't really brought up like that. Then sometimes you can tell when they fake either their sassiness or their "butchiness". It's like men who prefer to be women and think all there is to be straight is watch sports, "proving you're tough" and all of that. As human beings, we're very complex and if we do anything that is beyond the so-called norms in both straight and gay worlds, we're not "being ourselves". Some gay folks will tell you that like some straight people will. But all it is is really they have chips on their shoulders. Also in gay culture, there's always this saying: "you GOTS to like Madonna (or any female pop star", "otherwise you're not gay". Yeah I don't get that either.

As mentioned to Efan, i have met guys who think i should text first & should decide shit because i'm a top & i am more masculine

First off i have NEVER believed that just cause one is a ''top'' that they are more masculine, that is pure 100% FDA bullshit And i get those guys that freak out because i don't worship Glee or Lady GaGa and there like omg are u sure your gay? boy...

And on the flip side there are those ''homeboys'' who hate on fem guys and try so hard to show how tough they are & they only do manly thing's & they only fuck manly guys and yada yada

grant it i have only been out for 2 years & i am 21 so idk... if that is still fairly new? but i have never totally understood wtf all these thing's have to do with ''being a man''

If it ain't one extreme, it's another.

I'd blame society. There's such a stereotype about how a man should act and part of it is fucking women. I think the fact that they don't do that messes with their mind and makes them want to prove either that they can be masculine without having to have sex with a woman or that they aren't masculine because they don't have sex with women.

imago said:

Chile most are "acting" butch.

Follow one home and see if his ass doesn't slip into a kimono.

mofo, no

IstenSzek said:

imago said:

Chile most are "acting" butch.

Follow one home and see if his ass doesn't slip into a kimono.

mofo, no

I may be exaggerating.

Negative stereotyping of effeminate people. I know for a fact its more preferable to be butch and male acting, as its assumed you are a top and act like a man. Whereas being fem instantly mean sin the stereotype that you ar a bottom and want to be a woman. Many gays will admit that their femmy friends unless invincible drag queens or very large framed will view femmy guys especially young with contempt and disdain.

These stereotypes are ridiculous especially as a survey haere found only 39% of gay men indulge in anal sex, so what about the other 61%. My partner and I are non anal, and neither of us is femmy.

Gays are limiting themselves by choosing categories. But subcultures even espouse these types. Drag Queens, shemales, fems and camp boys are femmy, bears, cubs, butch lesbians and muscle men are masculine. Chubs are inbetween, it seems the passport to masculinity is face hair or chest hair.

Honey what I am saying is that Gays can be just as judgemental and shallow as everyone else. I mean straight away, I use the word "Honey" and some people will think, is he a fem, as using words like sweetie, honey, sugar, gurlfriend, bitch, queen, ho, cow, fabulous, tragic labels people as femmy.

Its also part of a universal misogynistic culture, to be femmy is woman like and some cretins see this as wrong, any gay man or otherwise who acts like a stereotypical 1950s housewife, being houseproud, looking fabulous is labelled fem.

Gay men have a double task in proving their masculinity to their peers already as labelling themselves gay means they are competing with women for men and that already detracts from masculinity as a masculine aim is to score attractive women. Whereas a masculine gay men is seen as slightly less offensive by macho clods, if they are ultra masculine acting and score effeminate gay men and make them act like the role of a submissive women (ie, raping their ass, calling them degrading names, whipping them and forcing them to polish the sword).

imago said:

Chile most are "acting" butch.

Follow one home and see if his ass doesn't slip into a kimono.

I just sleep with whoever turns me on. Masculine looking men have always been what turns me on sexually. And when I say masculine, I mean ULTRA masculine. Hairy chests, hairy dicks, hairy balls, etc. Hair, hair, hair. Feminine men don't turn me on whatsoever. If I want some fish, I'll get a woman.

vainandy said:

I just sleep with whoever turns me on. Masculine looking men have always been what turns me on sexually. And when I say masculine, I mean ULTRA masculine. Hairy chests, hairy dicks, hairy balls, etc. Hair, hair, hair. Feminine men don't turn me on whatsoever. If I want some fish, I'll get a woman.