I know a woman whose daughter is off 2 college. The Mother was the type who was the cheerleading Mom, the driver, PTA, etc......she was involved in every thing the daughter was doing. I asked her yesterday what she was going 2 do with her new found freedom now that her daughter is off to college. Her repsonse just blew me away. She said, "What freedom, I'm moving 2 D.C." Her daughter is going 2 school in D.C.

When does the daughter get 2 grow up?

When the daughter finally cusses out her mother and tells her mom to stop living through her.

I feel for that mom not having her own identity... she'll be OK once the daughter does that.

paintedlady said:

When the daughter finally cusses out her mother and tells her mom to stop living through her.

I feel for that mom not having her own identity... she'll be OK once the daughter does that.

This just plain sad. I feel bad 4 the daughter.

There are all types of parents. Ones that don't give a shit about their children and never talk to them and ones that get obsessed and live through their children. I hope to find some balance and be in the middle somewhere.

Is the daughter going to live on campus, or is Mom moving so that she can commute?

I agree with paintedlady. This nonsense will only stop when the daughter gets enough.

I wonder if this type of thing happens if a young woman goes from her parents home directly into her home her husband provides for her and is immediately a mom and isn't forced to set aside any goals and dreams she had in order to start her family?

It must be tough be expected to set aside any personal goal and pour all your energy into raising a child then to suddenly not be needed in that capacity anymore...

She's gotta have some girlfriends she can start new hobbies with? What about her husband/SO?

paintedlady said:

I wonder if this type of thing happens if a young woman goes from her parents home directly into her home her husband provides for her and is immediately a mom and isn't forced to set aside any goals and dreams she had in order to start her family?

It must be tough be expected to set aside any personal goal and pour all your energy into raising a child then to suddenly not be needed in that capacity anymore...

She's gotta have some girlfriends she can start new hobbies with? What about her husband/SO?

She is a single parent. From what I can tell, she mostly hangs out with the daughter.

paintedlady said:

When the daughter finally cusses out her mother and tells her mom to stop living through her.

I feel for that mom not having her own identity... she'll be OK once the daughter does that.

My mom wasn't quite this bad after my father passed away, but she always wanted to know where I was at, where was I going and what time was I going to be back home. It got on my everloving nerves and sometimes it frustrated me to the point where I talked to her disrespectfully (and then had to apologize later, though I don't think she understood my point). But she didn't stop being obsessive with me until she started dating again...and when I moved out 4 years ago (things got a whole lot better after I moved out).

[Edited 8/17/12 8:48am]

Graycap23 said:

paintedlady said:

I wonder if this type of thing happens if a young woman goes from her parents home directly into her home her husband provides for her and is immediately a mom and isn't forced to set aside any goals and dreams she had in order to start her family?

It must be tough be expected to set aside any personal goal and pour all your energy into raising a child then to suddenly not be needed in that capacity anymore...

She's gotta have some girlfriends she can start new hobbies with? What about her husband/SO?

She is a single parent. From what I can tell, she mostly hangs out with the daughter.

Ok! Its no wonder why she is smothering her daughter.

This is why husbands are important because they help their wives return to "woman" role in a healthier way. She needs a new role to play.

mom needs a boyfriend, distract her

XxAxX said:

mom needs a boyfriend, distract her

Lol..........the wifey won't go 4 that.

Graycap23 said:

I know a woman whose daughter is off 2 college. The Mother was the type who was the cheerleading Mom, the driver, PTA, etc......she was involved in every thing the daughter was doing. I asked her yesterday what she was going 2 do with her new found freedom now that her daughter is off to college. Her repsonse just blew me away. She said, "What freedom, I'm moving 2 D.C." Her daughter is going 2 school in D.C.

When does the daughter get 2 grow up?

How did you respond?

Is there anybody who protects her daughter agains her symbiotic mother?

dJJ said:

Graycap23 said:

I know a woman whose daughter is off 2 college. The Mother was the type who was the cheerleading Mom, the driver, PTA, etc......she was involved in every thing the daughter was doing. I asked her yesterday what she was going 2 do with her new found freedom now that her daughter is off to college. Her repsonse just blew me away. She said, "What freedom, I'm moving 2 D.C." Her daughter is going 2 school in D.C.

When does the daughter get 2 grow up?

How did you respond?

Is there anybody who protects her daughter agains her symbiotic mother?

I was stunned. I asked her if she was serious about moving.

If her daughter doesn't have a problem with it, then I'm not sure what the issue is? If daughter has not expressed concern or is horrified at the prospect of having her mother in the same city, then I say let mom move to D.C. to be with her daughter. As long as they are both happy with the situation, there's nothing wrong with it. Some people are just extremely close their mothers. Other's hate their mother's guts. I often hear people I work with talk about how much they hate their mothers. I feel sorry for them. There is NOTHING like the love and support of a good mother. My mother is my best friend and I thank God for her everyday!

Graycap23 said:

dJJ said:

How did you respond?

Is there anybody who protects her daughter agains her symbiotic mother?

I was stunned. I asked her if she was serious about moving.

Did you stipulate that her behaviour is unhealthy for her daughter?

kitbradley said:

If her daughter doesn't have a problem with it, then I'm not sure what the issue is? If daughter has not expressed concern or is horrified at the prospect of having her mother in the same city, then I say let mom move to D.C. to be with her daughter. As long as they are both happy with the situation, there's nothing wrong with it. Some people are just extremely close their mothers. Other's hate their mother's guts. I often hear people I work with talk about how much they hate their mothers. I feel sorry for them. There is NOTHING like the love and support of a good mother. My mother is my best friend and I thank God for her everyday!

More than likely a daughter with a controlling mom like that will not have the gumption to speak up to her mother unless she was beyond her limit.

It is hard standing up to your parents, nevermind one that helicopters over her every move.

dJJ said:

Graycap23 said:

I was stunned. I asked her if she was serious about moving.

Did you stipulate that her behaviour is unhealthy for her daughter?

I was caught off guard by her saying she was moving. I was like

Graycap23 said:

dJJ said:

Did you stipulate that her behaviour is unhealthy for her daughter?

I was caught off guard by her saying she was moving. I was like

I wouldn't of said a thing because a person like that is usually never open to reason. They sorta have to learn the hard way.

Sounds a whole hell of a lot better than what I got from the parenting pool. Chances are pretty good that her daughter has no problem with it. Did you ask? Hard as it is to believe, some kids actually like their parents, have good relationships with them and enjoy having them around. When she meets a man or woman she wants to move in with and/or "spend the rest of ther life with", the mom will have to move on.

paintedlady said:

I wonder if this type of thing happens if a young woman goes from her parents home directly into her home her husband provides for her and is immediately a mom and isn't forced to set aside any goals and dreams she had in order to start her family?

It must be tough be expected to set aside any personal goal and pour all your energy into raising a child then to suddenly not be needed in that capacity anymore...

She's gotta have some girlfriends she can start new hobbies with? What about her husband/SO?

She should have stopped with that a long time ago, not just now when her daughter is going to college.

I don't believe you should give up your own life to raise children. it's not heathly.

Of course, when they are very young, they need a lot of attention, but after a while, you should also let go a bit.

Graycap23 said:

I know a woman whose daughter is off 2 college. The Mother was the type who was the cheerleading Mom, the driver, PTA, etc......she was involved in every thing the daughter was doing. I asked her yesterday what she was going 2 do with her new found freedom now that her daughter is off to college. Her repsonse just blew me away. She said, "What freedom, I'm moving 2 D.C." Her daughter is going 2 school in D.C.

When does the daughter get 2 grow up?

Whose saying that she's going there to actually STALK her kid? She's just moving closer so they're in the same city. I doubt it means she'll be in the kid's dorm room all the time.

Analyst said:

Graycap23 said:

I know a woman whose daughter is off 2 college. The Mother was the type who was the cheerleading Mom, the driver, PTA, etc......she was involved in every thing the daughter was doing. I asked her yesterday what she was going 2 do with her new found freedom now that her daughter is off to college. Her repsonse just blew me away. She said, "What freedom, I'm moving 2 D.C." Her daughter is going 2 school in D.C.

When does the daughter get 2 grow up?

Whose saying that she's going there to actually STALK her kid? She's just moving closer so they're in the same city. I doubt it means she'll be in the kid's dorm room all the time.

This is the org, we know what ppl are doing, even when they don't.

Analyst said:

Graycap23 said:

I know a woman whose daughter is off 2 college. The Mother was the type who was the cheerleading Mom, the driver, PTA, etc......she was involved in every thing the daughter was doing. I asked her yesterday what she was going 2 do with her new found freedom now that her daughter is off to college. Her repsonse just blew me away. She said, "What freedom, I'm moving 2 D.C." Her daughter is going 2 school in D.C.

When does the daughter get 2 grow up?

Whose saying that she's going there to actually STALK her kid? She's just moving closer so they're in the same city. I doubt it means she'll be in the kid's dorm room all the time.

But why uproot your life and move because your child chose an out-of-state school?

In that case, she could have gone to a local college and commuted.

One of my students chose a school in another state because his family was moving and he wanted to be near them....

Why does this Mom have to follow her daughter to another state? It may not be stalking, but how many people do that?

chocolate1 said:

Analyst said:

Whose saying that she's going there to actually STALK her kid? She's just moving closer so they're in the same city. I doubt it means she'll be in the kid's dorm room all the time.

But why uproot your life and move because your child chose an out-of-state school?

In that case, she could have gone to a local college and commuted.

One of my students chose a school in another state because his family was moving and he wanted to be near them....

Why does this Mom have to follow her daughter to another state? It may not be stalking, but how many people do that?

Just because she's moving to be near her kid doesn't mean she's going to be running over there every single day. Maybe she just wants to be in the same general city as her kid. It'd make visiting one another a lot less difficult that way anyway.

And whose to say it was solely for that purpose and that she didn't have other reasons in addition to wanting to be near her kid?

It's weird to me that people are making it out to be some kinda abnormal, stalker thing when all we have to go on is that the kid is going to school in one city and the mom is moving there too.

Only Mom and daughter know the reason.

Threads like this just spark discussion. None of us know for sure.

Since Graycap knows the mother and reacted the way he did, he understands the dynamic better than we do.

chocolate1 said:

Only Mom and daughter know the reason.

Threads like this just spark discussion. None of us know for sure.

Since Graycap knows the mother and reacted the way he did, he understands the dynamic better than we do.

I'm actually going 2 ask her why. I was just so stunned I could barely talk at the time.

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

When the daughter finally cusses out her mother and tells her mom to stop living through her.

I feel for that mom not having her own identity... she'll be OK once the daughter does that.

My mom wasn't quite this bad after my father passed away, but she always wanted to know where I was at, where was I going and what time was I going to be back home. It got on my everloving nerves and sometimes it frustrated me to the point where I talked to her disrespectfully (and then had to apologize later, though I don't think she understood my point). But she didn't stop being obsessive with me until she started dating again...and when I moved out 4 years ago (things got a whole lot better after I moved out).

[Edited 8/17/12 8:48am]

That's where I'm at right now, except there was no passing away, it was a seperation leading to divorce

Graycap23 said:

chocolate1 said:

Only Mom and daughter know the reason.

Threads like this just spark discussion. None of us know for sure.

Since Graycap knows the mother and reacted the way he did, he understands the dynamic better than we do.

I'm actually going 2 ask her why. I was just so stunned I could barely talk at the time.

So true.

I immediately jumped the wagon. However, we all don't know what is going on.

And also, it can be nice to live in the same city, maintain a close relationship without it getting weird.

However, it also sounded a little bit symbiotic.