JoeTyler said:

Love is the silliest human invention

Not at all. I think love has evolutionary advantages, for humans and all of animal-kind.

You know, I was happy when I was single. And now I'm happy being coupled. If the relationship were to end I'd be extremely sad to lose my man but I'm sure I'd eventually get over it (we all do) and I'd go back to being happy single again.

We don't need our relationship status to define our happiness for us. It just is. Or isn't.

morningsong said:

JustErin said:

I just wanted to be clear.

Yeah, I know. I just found it funny.

But to answer your question. Arranged marriages might develop into love or they may not....I guess it depends on how they get along but usually the parents (more often now with their child's help) do pick someone that is a pretty good match.

Thing is, usually those in that situation will never actually say they are unhappy. They are literally raised to believe that this is just how it goes and for some cultures that still practice this, keeping up appearances and stupid family honour is more important than anything...even one's happiness.

Graycap23 said:

JustErin said:

You really don't know anything about the chemistry of 'love' and it's stages in the brain?

It actually makes complete sense how you can feel love and hate for the same person at different stages.

I know this..............it is strickly a human trait.

I'm not so sure it is...but even if it was strictly a human phenomenon, it still is real and definitely not just an illusion. This shit really happens.

i have known my husband for 10 years, and married to him for 9 years. we have been through many difficult times, not with each other, but from other life circumstances. through it all it made us closer and bond more with each other. i know many people won't believe this. however i believe that God brought us into each others lives. and it was meant to be, and having him in my life the last 10 years has been a huge blessing.

so many things factor into "love", the most important things i think are "trust" and "respect", if you don't have those 2 things, than it will never work.

dJJ said:

JustErin said:

I thought he wasn't wanting to keep it going, or at least didn't feel the same way back...?

Are you hoping to just win him over while he stays with you?

Are you cool with maybe just being used (or maybe you're just using him as well) and you're prepared to deal with the temporary happiness he might give you?

I have no idea.

We've been texting and mailing, and the tone has been friendly, joking and lightly. He has never said anything about if or what he feels for me.

For me it's just that I've been confused because I couldn't get over him. So, I'm excited to see him, also to check if my feelings are still there when I see him.

I think (maybe wishfull?) he feels the same way. He was approached for this thing in Amsterdam, and he checked with me what I thought of it. If it wasn't for me, I don't think he would have accepted this offer to go to A'dam for a couple of days.

I don't think he is using me, nor that I use him. I think this offers us a chance to see eachother again, without any heavy stuff attached to it. Because the job is a good excuse.

I don't know if I'm prepared for just a little temporary happiness. The only thing I allow myself to do is to see how it develops and go with the flow. Maybe I'll be very hurt after it. I'll take the risk, because I want to find out how it will be if we see eachother again.

In the little time we were together, I think we didn't give eachother a chance. He wants to have children. And I don't know if I want to. The talks were very serious from the start, about kids, about who is going to move to which country etcetera. When he broke up with me, he probably thought it was a good thing for both of us.

It's just that we both haven't been able to just move on and set our minds to another partner.

I mean, I did move on, in the sense that I'm making decisions about my life, without taking him in consideration. E.g. I'm selling my house so I can move to a smaller one etcetera. And I have no clue how it would have to work if we would get together again. And I don't want to worry about that now.

I just want to see him again and see how we feel about eachother.

Good luck, I hope it all works out the way you wish it to.

JustErin said:

tinaz said:

Im curious.. those of you who are poo-pooing all this love business, are you ngle?

Well, I'm not married and have no plans to ever be but I am in a serious relationship. But I dont think saying shit is random and not destined means you poo poo love so this question was probably not directed to me as well.

No, it wasnt

tinaz said:

JustErin said:

tinaz said: Well, I'm not married and have no plans to ever be but I am in a serious relationship. But I dont think saying shit is random and not destined means you poo poo love so this question was probably not directed to me as well.

No, it wasnt

Fun

JustErin said:

tinaz said:

No, it wasnt

Fun

Graycap23 said:

Love is a human illusion.

i think animals also fall in love

XxAxX said:

Graycap23 said:

Love is a human illusion.

i think animals also fall in love

I've seen too many animal specials to see that love doesn't attract some animals at first. Maybe lions lol

XxAxX said:

Graycap23 said:

Love is a human illusion.

i think animals also fall in love

I agree, somewhat... I dont know if they have the same kind of "couple" love but I know that my animals "love" me... They dont act the same to strangers, or even to my husband.. And they do grieve the loss of their companions whether its a human or another animal...

tinaz said:

XxAxX said:

i think animals also fall in love

I agree, somewhat... I dont know if they have the same kind of "couple" love but I know that my animals "love" me... They dont act the same to strangers, or even to my husband.. And they do grieve the loss of their companions whether its a human or another animal...

It's obvious that animals build relationships, bond and have attachements both with humans and other animals. I'd definitely call that a kind of love, even if we can never know/understand the depths of it.

tinaz said:

XxAxX said:

i think animals also fall in love

I agree, somewhat... I dont know if they have the same kind of "couple" love but I know that my animals "love" me... They dont act the same to strangers, or even to my husband.. And they do grieve the loss of their companions whether its a human or another animal...

Some animals mate for life.

http://www.mnn.com/earth-...d-faithful

JustErin said:

morningsong said:

I just wanted to be clear.

Yeah, I know. I just found it funny.

But to answer your question. Arranged marriages might develop into love or they may not....I guess it depends on how they get along but usually the parents (more often now with their child's help) do pick someone that is a pretty good match.

Thing is, usually those in that situation will never actually say they are unhappy. They are literally raised to believe that this is just how it goes and for some cultures that still practice this, keeping up appearances and stupid family honour is more important than anything...even one's happiness.

I sure there are a lot of scenerios, some of them horrific. I also wonder if in some cases, the expectations and preceptions going in are so different that it allows for a more binding love to blossom. Just saying. The other day I was thinking about Samuel L. Jackson and his wife, and I remember reading years ago an interview of the two of them and being left with the impression that they would probably be getting a divorce after their daughter graduated from high school, the whole honeymoon romantic feelings were all gone. But now their daughter is in her 30s and they are still together because they want to be. I haven't kept up much with their personal life but I think somebody must have had an attitude adjustment for it to be still working for them.

Love ain't destined

life can't be that cruel

JoeTyler said:

Love ain't destined

life can't be that cruel

Amen brotha.

imago said:

I have never believed it.

To me, ANYTHING that is destined means there's a really cruel and senseless creator behind it all--and you're either favored or not. THAT's a universe I don't accept.

I also don't believe there's a 'one" for you. There are potentially billions (at least a few hundred million) that you could be madly in love with depending on circumstances.

I also don't believe love is everlasting. One of you will fall out of it eventually, or one will die, etc.

So, while it lasts, enjoy it. When it ends, don't long for it back. I think the greatest thing about being in love is how strong and purposeful it makes you feel--even if that's a fleeting emotion, I just think it's plain wonderful.

I've met someone recently I think I could be in love with. For me, it's not entirely emotional though---there's a great deal of pragmatism I factor in now. For example, fast foward 10 years--will I still be happy in this relationship? Etc. Etc. I just don't beleive love is the key element to a bond--I think it's a start.

So true. Love isnt destined and it's kinda foolish to think that, because the norm is to fall out of love and find someone else or that someone falls out of love with you which logically means you were not meant to be. It just sounds awesome to hear you are/ were destined to be when you are/were with that person because it makes you feel special, but that's it. Reality sucks sometimes and that's why people choose to believe things that arent real lmao...

JoeTyler said:

Love ain't destined

life can't be that cruel

There's no such thing as "destiny", except for stuff like "death". We're all destined for death, by design. Anything is is pretty much what we make of it, what we feel comfortable with, what we like to believe.

and how many types of love are there? sooo many. brotherly, sisterly, motherly, fatherly, friendly, horny, etc. imo real, true love is rare. convenience love is quite common

XxAxX said:

and how many types of love are there? sooo many. brotherly, sisterly, motherly, fatherly, friendly, horny, etc. imo real, true love is rare. convenience love is quite common

But then again what is true love? Is brotherly love not true love? In some languages there are different words for all these different types of loves. For example: philia, eros, agape, storge, and xenia.

EvilAngel said:

XxAxX said:

and how many types of love are there? sooo many. brotherly, sisterly, motherly, fatherly, friendly, horny, etc. imo real, true love is rare. convenience love is quite common

But then again what is true love? Is brotherly love not true love? In some languages there are different words for all these different types of loves. For example: philia, eros, agape, storge, and xenia.

oops. that last sentence doesn't really follow hey? sorry. unbeknownst to you, i switched over in my head, but not on the post, to romantic love. i just think that many married people are not actually in what one could call 'love', but are in more of a shared economic/social relationship.

and good point you make, all forms of love are true

Thank you all for your responses.

I know it's human nature to interpret random events as cause & effect. And Maybe this is one of many of these examples of human magical thinking.

I have felt strong about Londonboy from the start and thougt it felt different. Not better or intenser, it just felt as 'belonging'. It didn't feel as an ordinary loveydovey thing. Maybe that's was just the interpretation of a foolish mind of someone in love.

Because of that feeling of us 'belonging', I didn't let him go. Did not want to have sex with anybody else because I felt that I was his. Eventhough I wasn't.

When I started this thread, I was contemplating to just let go of him because that feeling of us belonging together was silly. I was on the verge of mingling with potential partners again. And just at that moment, he aproached me about coming over in Augus.

That didn't help at all with me trying to convince myself that the 'we belong' is just a wishful phantasy.

Well, I have no idea, I do know that I'll postpone the mingling until I've seen him again. And focus on myself till then.

I'll just wait and see what's going to happen.

dJJ said:

Thank you all for your responses.

I know it's human nature to interpret random events as cause & effect. And Maybe this is one of many of these examples of human magical thinking.

I have felt strong about Londonboy from the start and thougt it felt different. Not better or intenser, it just felt as 'belonging'. It didn't feel as an ordinary loveydovey thing. Maybe that's was just the interpretation of a foolish mind of someone in love.

Because of that feeling of us 'belonging', I didn't let him go. Did not want to have sex with anybody else because I felt that I was his. Eventhough I wasn't.

When I started this thread, I was contemplating to just let go of him because that feeling of us belonging together was silly. I was on the verge of mingling with potential partners again. And just at that moment, he aproached me about coming over in Augus.

That didn't help at all with me trying to convince myself that the 'we belong' is just a wishful phantasy.

Well, I have no idea, I do know that I'll postpone the mingling until I've seen him again. And focus on myself till then.

I'll just wait and see what's going to happen.

London Boys seem to have a weird effect one women.

JustErin said:

dJJ said:

Thank you all for your responses.

I know it's human nature to interpret random events as cause & effect. And Maybe this is one of many of these examples of human magical thinking.

I have felt strong about Londonboy from the start and thougt it felt different. Not better or intenser, it just felt as 'belonging'. It didn't feel as an ordinary loveydovey thing. Maybe that's was just the interpretation of a foolish mind of someone in love.

Because of that feeling of us 'belonging', I didn't let him go. Did not want to have sex with anybody else because I felt that I was his. Eventhough I wasn't.

When I started this thread, I was contemplating to just let go of him because that feeling of us belonging together was silly. I was on the verge of mingling with potential partners again. And just at that moment, he aproached me about coming over in Augus.

That didn't help at all with me trying to convince myself that the 'we belong' is just a wishful phantasy.

Well, I have no idea, I do know that I'll postpone the mingling until I've seen him again. And focus on myself till then.

I'll just wait and see what's going to happen.

London Boys seem to have a weird effect one women.

I'm not sure if Londonboy can get all the credits.

I'm also weird without him.

I have not been in any type of sexual relationship in a very long time.

I feel like this makes me vulnerable to seeing hearts and flowers where there is none.

I know many people who feel guilty about hooking up out of loneliness start using terms like "soulmate" to describe their current buddy.

I know that I am feeling a bit of lonliness now and afraid that I may easily join the ranks of those who deceive themselves into believing someone is cosmically destined to be in my life.

Fuck Love. I'm tired of trying

nursev said:

Fuck Love. I'm tired of trying

hahaha it's overrated anyways

So much optimissism in these parts.