I'm so friggin mad I could spit! Here's the deal. My brother and I lost our mother back in Novmeber, 2011. We are now in the process of ordering her grave marker. The stone has room for a sentiment. I took it upon myself to go on line and do research on companies which sell markers. It's a very simple process of picking out a stone, inserting the name and dates a brief sentiment. I chose the following:

In memory of our dear, devoted mother. We miss you so. Mike & "Trisha Baby"

Trisha Baby is the nickname my mom gave me. Mike, of course, is my bossy ass brother who's 3 years older than i. Anyway, he called me and said he thought the sentiment was "too flowery." I asked him what he meant and he said it was too much. The stone is lovely just as I designed it and all the letters are centered and aligned properly. He said it was too much and doesn't really speak of her. WTF??? Our mother was completely devoted to us. She didn't have a slew of friends, but those she did have were life-long. For the most part, we were the center of her life. She loved us unconditionally and we knew it.

My brother is a Leo, and those of you who follow the zodiac know how bossy and rigid they can be sometimes. This muhfuggah performed on my ass today. "I DON'T LIKE IT! IT'S TOO MUCH! YOU DON'T SEE OTHER MARKERS WITH ALL THAT WORDING!" I said, "I don't give a rat's ass what other folks do, I know what Mom would have liked. Plus, what i said is absolutley true and you know it!"

Every other week he's calling me telling me how much he misses her. I have her ashes on my dresser with he picture, and I'm not ashamed to say that I talk to her. It comforts me...

Sorry I went off on a tangent, but what do you think aboout my sentiment?

I can understand why your brother's response upsets you.

Have you asked him what he would like it to say?

Y'all might be able to come to an agreement.

I was going to ask that, too.

What does he want it to say?

Who is paying for it? If he's not putting out any money, then too bad.

If you're sharing the cost, you're going to have to come to some agreement.

Maybe Her closest friend or another relative could serve as a "tie-breaker", sharing what he or she thinks your mom would like.

Personally, I think it's too casual. And the headstone should be about her - it's her grave, after all - not about you and your brother.

Genesia said:

Personally, I think it's too casual. And the headstone should be about her - it's her grave, after all - not about you and your brother.

OK, I understand your point of it being about her, but what's too casual?

Shyra said:

Genesia said:

Personally, I think it's too casual. And the headstone should be about her - it's her grave, after all - not about you and your brother.

OK, I understand your point of it being about her, but what's too casual?

Putting a nickname in quotes, for one thing.

Headstones are forever. In my opinion, there should be a gravity and a solemnity to them.

If it were me, I would put, "In memory of our dear, devoted mother." Full stop.

chocolate1 said:

I was going to ask that, too.

What does he want it to say?

Who is paying for it? If he's not putting out any money, then too bad.

If you're sharing the cost, you're going to have to come to some agreement.

Maybe Her closest friend or another relative could serve as a "tie-breaker", sharing what he or she thinks your mom would like.

Yes, I forgot to mention that I asked him if we could compromise because he always wants it his way. and what he would prefer, and he said he didn't know, but that he would let me know. I think he just wanted it to say "In Memory of Our Mohter" or something lame like that.

Not spelling "Mother" correctly would definitely be lame.

Genesia said:

Shyra said:

OK, I understand your point of it being about her, but what's too casual?

Putting a nickname in quotes, for one thing.

Headstones are forever. In my opinion, there should be a gravity and a solemnity to them.

If it were me, I would put, "In memory of our dear, devoted mother." Full stop.

OK, I see your point, and I did think, "Is this too self-serving." But I liked the thought of perople knowing who her children are because she's being interred in Tuskegee, AL where she was born, but hasn't lived there in over 50 years.

Shyra said:

Genesia said:

Putting a nickname in quotes, for one thing.

Headstones are forever. In my opinion, there should be a gravity and a solemnity to them.

If it were me, I would put, "In memory of our dear, devoted mother." Full stop.

OK, I see your point, and I did think, "Is this too self-serving." But I liked the thought of perople knowing who her children are because she's being interred in Tuskegee, AL where she was born, but hasn't lived there in over 50 years.

Saying "in memory of our mother" lets the world know she had children, which is what matters. A hundred years from now, you'll be dead, too - but the stone will still be there. It should be about her and only her, in my opinion. It's not like it's a family directory or something.

Shyra, I can understand why you would want to put that statement there. You love your mom and you miss her, and you want those who will see her marker to know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. However, your brother does have a point. What you are wanting to place on the marker speaks of your pain, your loss, it doesn't speak of your mother, of who she was.

I found this online:

When writing epitaphs for your mother, grandmother, sister or daughter, you can mention their love, affection, care and devotion. Go through the following examples for inscriptions for ideas.

"She never took no for an answer,

and pushed ahead when others paused.

But a kinder, gentler woman,

you will never meet again."

"God's greatest gift returned to Him - our mother."

"She lives with us in memory and will forever more."

"Goodbye to a wonderful mother and grandmother. She lived a long and wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her. She will be dearly missed, but will live on in our hearts for generations."

I like the following two:

"To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die."

"Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us everyday."

Also, you might consider her favorite Biblical verse (if she had one), or a favorite lyric, or a favorite saying.

Edited to add: I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent, especially one so loved.

[Edited 7/25/12 12:55pm]

I agree with Genesia.

Do you think your brother was trying to say what Genesia is saying? Maybe he is a bit too emotional in his dealing with you and doesn't communicate his opinion in a constructive way?

prittypriss said:

Shyra, I can understand why you would want to put that statement there. You love your mom and you miss her, and you want those who will see her marker to know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. However, your brother does have a point. What you are wanting to place on the marker speaks of your pain, your loss, it doesn't speak of your mother, of who she was.

I found this online:

When writing epitaphs for your mother, grandmother, sister or daughter, you can mention their love, affection, care and devotion. Go through the following examples for inscriptions for ideas.

"She never took no for an answer,

and pushed ahead when others paused.

But a kinder, gentler woman,

you will never meet again."

"God's greatest gift returned to Him - our mother."

"She lives with us in memory and will forever more."

"Goodbye to a wonderful mother and grandmother. She lived a long and wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her. She will be dearly missed, but will live on in our hearts for generations."

I like the following two:

"To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die."

"Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us everyday."

Also, you might consider her favorite Biblical verse (if she had one), or a favorite lyric, or a favorite saying.

Edited to add: I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent, especially one so loved.

[Edited 7/25/12 12:55pm]

Thank you so much. You are very sweet. I do understand now. One sentiment I thought of but immediately nixed was, "She did not suffer fools lightly." Now, THAT was mommy!

Genesia said:

Not spelling "Mother" correctly would definitely be lame.

Thanks, but that was a typo. Plus, my eyesight is not as good as it should be. I've got cataracts and limited vision in my right eye.

Shyra said:

prittypriss said:

Shyra, I can understand why you would want to put that statement there. You love your mom and you miss her, and you want those who will see her marker to know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. However, your brother does have a point. What you are wanting to place on the marker speaks of your pain, your loss, it doesn't speak of your mother, of who she was.

I found this online:

When writing epitaphs for your mother, grandmother, sister or daughter, you can mention their love, affection, care and devotion. Go through the following examples for inscriptions for ideas.

"She never took no for an answer,

and pushed ahead when others paused.

But a kinder, gentler woman,

you will never meet again."

"God's greatest gift returned to Him - our mother."

"She lives with us in memory and will forever more."

"Goodbye to a wonderful mother and grandmother. She lived a long and wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her. She will be dearly missed, but will live on in our hearts for generations."

I like the following two:

"To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die."

"Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us everyday."

Also, you might consider her favorite Biblical verse (if she had one), or a favorite lyric, or a favorite saying.

Edited to add: I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent, especially one so loved.

[Edited 7/25/12 12:55pm]

Thank you so much. You are very sweet. I do understand now. One sentiment I thought of but immediately nixed was, "She did not suffer fools lightly." Now, THAT was mommy!

Shyra said:

prittypriss said:

Shyra, I can understand why you would want to put that statement there. You love your mom and you miss her, and you want those who will see her marker to know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. However, your brother does have a point. What you are wanting to place on the marker speaks of your pain, your loss, it doesn't speak of your mother, of who she was.

I found this online:

When writing epitaphs for your mother, grandmother, sister or daughter, you can mention their love, affection, care and devotion. Go through the following examples for inscriptions for ideas.

"She never took no for an answer,

and pushed ahead when others paused.

But a kinder, gentler woman,

you will never meet again."

"God's greatest gift returned to Him - our mother."

"She lives with us in memory and will forever more."

"Goodbye to a wonderful mother and grandmother. She lived a long and wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her. She will be dearly missed, but will live on in our hearts for generations."

I like the following two:

"To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die."

"Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us everyday."

Also, you might consider her favorite Biblical verse (if she had one), or a favorite lyric, or a favorite saying.

Edited to add: I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent, especially one so loved.

[Edited 7/25/12 12:55pm]

Thank you so much. You are very sweet. I do understand now. One sentiment I thought of but immediately nixed was, "She did not suffer fools lightly." Now, THAT was mommy!

I think I would have liked your mother!

Shyra said:

In memory of our dear, devoted mother. We miss you so. Mike & "Trisha Baby"

"Trisha Baby" is more like something I'd expect to see on the brick wall at the back of the vacant lot written in spray paint (...like PDogz, lol). I'm very sorry for the loss of your mom.

.

[Edited 7/25/12 22:33pm]

prittypriss said:

Shyra, I can understand why you would want to put that statement there. You love your mom and you miss her, and you want those who will see her marker to know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. However, your brother does have a point. What you are wanting to place on the marker speaks of your pain, your loss, it doesn't speak of your mother, of who she was.

I found this online:

When writing epitaphs for your mother, grandmother, sister or daughter, you can mention their love, affection, care and devotion. Go through the following examples for inscriptions for ideas.

"She never took no for an answer,

and pushed ahead when others paused.

But a kinder, gentler woman,

you will never meet again."

"God's greatest gift returned to Him - our mother."

"She lives with us in memory and will forever more."

"Goodbye to a wonderful mother and grandmother. She lived a long and wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her. She will be dearly missed, but will live on in our hearts for generations."

I like the following two:

"To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die."

"Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us everyday."

Also, you might consider her favorite Biblical verse (if she had one), or a favorite lyric, or a favorite saying.

Edited to add: I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent, especially one so loved.

[Edited 7/25/12 12:55pm]

Prittypriss offers good advice and great suggestions.

Shyra, I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope you and your brother come to a quick agreement.

And from one of the org's typo queens -- who cares about your spelling/typo's . No shade Genesia

Shyra said:

chocolate1 said:

I was going to ask that, too.

What does he want it to say?

Who is paying for it? If he's not putting out any money, then too bad.

If you're sharing the cost, you're going to have to come to some agreement.

Maybe Her closest friend or another relative could serve as a "tie-breaker", sharing what he or she thinks your mom would like.

Yes, I forgot to mention that I asked him if we could compromise because he always wants it his way. and what he would prefer, and he said he didn't know, but that he would let me know. I think he just wanted it to say "In Memory of Our Mohter" or something lame like that.

Leos can be very blunt and inflexible but they generally have pretty good instincts. How about showing him the website with the suggestions and see if y'all can agree on something? Remind him that y'all need to be gentle with each other since feelings are still raw from the loss both of you have suffered.

My mom's stone reads "Safe In God's Arms Till We Meet Again".

Shyra said:

I'm so friggin mad I could spit! Here's the deal. My brother and I lost our mother back in Novmeber, 2011. We are now in the process of ordering her grave marker. The stone has room for a sentiment. I took it upon myself to go on line and do research on companies which sell markers. It's a very simple process of picking out a stone, inserting the name and dates a brief sentiment. I chose the following:

In memory of our dear, devoted mother. We miss you so. Mike & "Trisha Baby"

Trisha Baby is the nickname my mom gave me. Mike, of course, is my bossy ass brother who's 3 years older than i. Anyway, he called me and said he thought the sentiment was "too flowery." I asked him what he meant and he said it was too much. The stone is lovely just as I designed it and all the letters are centered and aligned properly. He said it was too much and doesn't really speak of her. WTF??? Our mother was completely devoted to us. She didn't have a slew of friends, but those she did have were life-long. For the most part, we were the center of her life. She loved us unconditionally and we knew it.

My brother is a Leo, and those of you who follow the zodiac know how bossy and rigid they can be sometimes. This muhfuggah performed on my ass today. "I DON'T LIKE IT! IT'S TOO MUCH! YOU DON'T SEE OTHER MARKERS WITH ALL THAT WORDING!" I said, "I don't give a rat's ass what other folks do, I know what Mom would have liked. Plus, what i said is absolutley true and you know it!"

Every other week he's calling me telling me how much he misses her. I have her ashes on my dresser with he picture, and I'm not ashamed to say that I talk to her. It comforts me...

Sorry I went off on a tangent, but what do you think aboout my sentiment?

personally, i like your sentiment. it comes from the heart. but if i were your brother i'd want to be able to contribute my own sentiment. maybe you could come up with something together. sorry for your loss. hang in there.

Thank you all so very much for your replies and well wishes. We haven't come to an agreement yet. I'm giving him a reprieve since today is his birthday.