i lived without anyones help through domestic abuse, nobody helped, when i reached out they called me crazy. so i have some issues to overcome with people, when push comes to shove who really cares? who really repects you? who really can help? nobody could have helped me and they where so up themselves. i eventually saved myself, the system had failed but i got away from domestic abuse eventually. i can't understand the abuser, ofcourse now i am a tough nut if someone wants to fight me i don't back down, but when the abuser abused me i had worse than a nightmare on my hands, i don't know how i never even thought of suicide, how i used to be thankful and hopeful, i have lost all that now. it was like a trade, give up the abuse but get all this negativity come out after it all. i guess i wasn't bored, i was striving and trying to survive, instinct had directed me. now i am here, today. it lookd so hard just to get through the day, living a life of obscurity. some people know i have been abused, but i don't tell everyone, and i don't tell the details, i am afraid to because i am afraid they won't get it, they won't believe the abuser was that way towards me, they won't believe me, they will say i deserved it when i didn't. they don't know the abuser will abuse you nomatter what, if you provoke them or show any strength or fight that will do you even worse, they will break you to the bone in everyway. the neighbors knew, but not even they could have helped me. the first thing they say is get away, ha, how many times i tried to. but nobody wants to see a mess, a wreck, would you let someone who looks down beat and trodden into your house? would you let them rent? no you would be scared and call them crazy. and the abuser takes all your money, it's not like you have money. if you don't give the money, you cop it. you get beaten, yelled at, you have no personal space, you have no possessions, everything is liable. this abuser killed my baby rabbit by throwing it over a 7 storey high balcony, i will never forget him holding it over it over the ledge and how he just laughed and laughed. i will never forget that feeling, of being a total utter failure. that was when i was still young not when the days i lived with him years later. i can't get over it, i can't forgive myself for i loved that rabbit like it was my baby at the time. he was my pet. and if i had called the police then i was crazy and i was the bad one, i have heard it all before, there is nothing i have not witnessed when it comes to being abused. it never ended there. my bed i slept on it right? well that got cut up by a knife. how many times i got spat on, how many times i got a knife held in my face, how many times i got something thrown at me, or spillt on me. if i took a shower i got abuse. if i washed my clothes i got abuse. if i used the fridge i got abuse. i was only skin and bones by they time they put in hospital. i wasn't allowed to watch televsion. i wasn't allowed to own anything, mobile he broke it, perfume he broke it, clothes he ripped it, money he took it, i wasn't allowed in the lounge room to sit on the sofa. when i told my parents they said if you can leave, not even one bit help until i was in hospital, bitches i never believed they even cared. i payed for his bills. i payed for my abusers bills. not my parents, i lost so much weight i would have died eventually from starvation. you think the government cares???ha, at centrelink, at school, everywhere they tell you one thing: why aren't your parents helping you? go **** yourselves government, really go **** yourselves. you think you can justify your inaction. i remember when i took him to court, my so called family said to withdraw my police statement. you know the police don't do ****. they just drag you into court, as if you are going to get jsutice, as if you are going to change what has happened to you. that day i had to appear in court next to him to show that i was not afraid of him, he thretened me and bullied me all the while the whole time i had to hold back tears it was so painful, i will never forget. lest we forget, i think we anzac day is like my rememberence day of all the inhhumanity i have come across in my lifetime. people have smiles but nothing can erase it, nobody gives a ****. that is what i can say and i am speaking from experience, it is the truth. nobody, that is a fact. alot of people look at me and say i am lucky, or i hear stories of what people have to live with, say their annoying husbands, sisters...it is not ok first of all, i am just saying that is not even one tenth as bad as what i have been through in terms of abuse. i hear people complain, **** sometimes i think that is nothing compared to what i have experienced. not saying there is not worse, there is. i am not lucky, i am here today and i don't how i got through what i did, it won't happen again i know i have no tolerance, but if it did i would jump off a building, i am done. i have had enough. as a matter fact, i wouldn't be surprised if i did jump off a building one day.

Here's one BIG hug coming your way hun....

getUpanDance said:

Here's one BIG hug coming your way hun....

thanks.

Oh.... this is so sad.

Actually, I didn't read all of this because it seems entirely too personal, but I'm sending you some love and also hoping that you will find someone to talk to? A therapist or someone?

Also, if you don't mind, let me recommend, "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay. It's a really good book and might help you

Hope it all works out .

lauralevesque said:

Oh.... this is so sad.

Actually, I didn't read all of this because it seems entirely too personal, but I'm sending you some love and also hoping that you will find someone to talk to? A therapist or someone?

Also, if you don't mind, let me recommend, "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay. It's a really good book and might help you

Hope it all works out .

why should i HEAL MY LIFE? that is the most stupid advice i have ever heard. god will recify everything, we humans can not judge, i believe people don't get away with anything. thats why god created the afterlife.

flyorra said:

lauralevesque said:

Oh.... this is so sad.

Actually, I didn't read all of this because it seems entirely too personal, but I'm sending you some love and also hoping that you will find someone to talk to? A therapist or someone?

Also, if you don't mind, let me recommend, "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay. It's a really good book and might help you

Hope it all works out .

why should i HEAL MY LIFE? that is the most stupid advice i have ever heard. god will recify everything, we humans can not judge, i believe people don't get away with anything. thats why god created the afterlife.

That's just the title. Calm down. It's actually a very good book on dealing with abuse and unfair things. I'm trying to be nice to you. And God's not recitifing shit. Have you looked around? Bad things happen to good people all the time and rich assholes get richer and there isn't much fairness going on in this world , in all honesty. Sorry I tried to give you some helpful advice.

So sorry you went through this, but it could be worse. You could be dead-be thankful you made it through alive. This is coming from someone who lost five family members in a house fire when I was six years old. I could've been dead a long time ago, but I am here and God does work things out You have a purpose just as I do. You may not know what it is yet, but you will. People tell me I need to tell my story to maybe help others get through trauma and you do too. Your story of abuse and survival may just help an abused person seek help. Even though no help was given to you-use your experience to help others and talking about it will also help you. May God bless you and guide your steps

lauralevesque said:

flyorra said:

why should i HEAL MY LIFE? that is the most stupid advice i have ever heard. god will recify everything, we humans can not judge, i believe people don't get away with anything. thats why god created the afterlife.

That's just the title. Calm down. It's actually a very good book on dealing with abuse and unfair things. I'm trying to be nice to you. And God's not recitifing shit. Have you looked around? Bad things happen to good people all the time and rich assholes get richer and there isn't much fairness going on in this world , in all honesty. Sorry I tried to give you some helpful advice.

Dayum! I'm offended for you! Try to be nice and give some helpful advice....sounds like it's too late or maybe no use.

Forgive me for saying this but you should have killed him. Poison, gun shot to the head, set him afire while he slept, pay somebody to beat him to death...anything. I believe abusers will abuse you no matter what so that is why I say that if the system, your family, nor a kind stranger can help you escape and can give that fucker just punishment...you have to help him escape...through death!

Oh well. I see you are better off choosing your own way to escape. Tell your story to others going through the same thing. By you surviving, you can help others I think.

I couldn't read it without the paragraphs, so

[Edited 5/16/12 17:21pm]

smoothcriminal12 said:

I couldn't read it without the paragraphs, so

[Edited 5/16/12 17:21pm]

Flyorra, you seem so confident and radiant and FUN!

You must have already to some degree managed to put this behind you to face the world, maybe it's just a brave face? Yes god will definitely take care of HIM - and I don't mean that in a good way.

YOU need to take care of YOU though, and once you can let go of your fears and feelings of hatred and anger towards him and place the responsibility of HIS fate with god, you can get on with that.

I wish you all the best!

JuliePurplehead said:

smoothcriminal12 said:

I couldn't read it without the paragraphs, so

[Edited 5/16/12 17:21pm]

x2

Top 10 signs of an abusive man..

1. Jealousy and Possessiveness—Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.

2. Control—He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.

3. Superiority—He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.

4. Manipulates—Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable.

5. Mood Swings—His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.

6. Actions don’t match words—He breaks promises, says he loves you, and then abuses you.

7. Punishes you—An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.

8. Unwilling to seek help
—An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances.

Stay safe and healthy and begin to build relationships with friends and women who will help guide and strengthen you and help to to stay open.

flyorra said:

lauralevesque said:

Oh.... this is so sad.

Actually, I didn't read all of this because it seems entirely too personal, but I'm sending you some love and also hoping that you will find someone to talk to? A therapist or someone?

Also, if you don't mind, let me recommend, "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay. It's a really good book and might help you

Hope it all works out .

why should i HEAL MY LIFE? that is the most stupid advice i have ever heard. god will recify everything, we humans can not judge, i believe people don't get away with anything. thats why god created the afterlife.

Has it ever occur to you that healing starts with YOU? Also, most abusers are victims, themselves. Therefore, it is not only you that needs self-healing, but them as well.

Your in my thoughts flyorra, come back soon...

hi, i won't put it in paragraghs i was just having a moment there and i guess coming out and putting it outhere really helped me. so if you have gone through abuse like i have, please don't bottle it up it will eat you inside. i am really starting to heal since i have become more open and honest about my past, and we have to let go of people in our lives who don't make us feel well, we will be much better off. even if it is our family members. so thank you all for your support, it does motivate me and makes me believe that it was not my fault or wrong doing. thank you so much.