Genesia said:

Timmy84 said:

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest.

Putting your spouse first doesn't mean disrespecting your parents.

I didn't say that it did.

[Edited 5/11/12 17:23pm]

On one hand you leave your mother and father and cleave to your spouse and become one flesh. On the other, you honor your mother and father. I think becoming one flesh takes priority. I don't see how one is automatically disrespectful by not allowing their parents to run their life.

Maybe we are all grabbing stuff out of the air without giving it proper context.

In the case of Usher, his mom, and his ex-wife there have been reports Usher's mother was meddlesome in all things concerning her sons life. It appears Usher may be a mamma's boy; there's nothing wrong with that either as long as there are defined lines of respect when children reach adulthood. So I think people have responded in that context or at least I have.

Genesia and Timmy are correct is shouldn't be an either or propersitions but the human condition... sometimes says otherwise.

becasue i never married

my daughters come first

but i have always demanded that

they respect their respective mothers

which, at certain ages, was no walk

in the parkafter a cetain point

parents and kids may have to take

a number when it comes to whomever

i may marry, but that will come in time

as far as it goes

we are all family and should act

accordinly

TD3 said:

Maybe we are all grabbing stuff out of the air without giving it proper context.

In the case of Usher, his mom, and his ex-wife there have been reports Usher's mother was meddlesome in all things concerning her sons life. It appears Usher may be a mamma's boy; there's nothing wrong with that either as long as there are defined lines of respect when children reach adulthood. So I think people have responded in that context or at least I have.

Genesia and Timmy are correct is shouldn't be an either or propersitions but the human condition... sometimes says otherwise.

Ex? Did you say EX-wife?

Why does this woman even get a say? Why is she even a factor? She's an ex!

Definitely spouse but with that being said, my mom would NEVER interfere unless there was something to really interfere about. I have a lot of respect for my mom and I know she would never say anything to me about my spouse (who doesn't exist, btw!) unless she was deeply concerned. And I would never be with a spouse that pushed me away from my mom because there's nothing she does that makes her undeserving of my love.

paintedlady said:

TD3 said:

Maybe we are all grabbing stuff out of the air without giving it proper context.

In the case of Usher, his mom, and his ex-wife there have been reports Usher's mother was meddlesome in all things concerning her sons life. It appears Usher may be a mamma's boy; there's nothing wrong with that either as long as there are defined lines of respect when children reach adulthood. So I think people have responded in that context or at least I have.

Genesia and Timmy are correct is shouldn't be an either or propersitions but the human condition... sometimes says otherwise.

Ex? Did you say EX-wife?

Why does this woman even get a say? Why is she even a factor? She's an ex!

Yeah, that's my understanding ex-wife, right script? Hey, I don't know. For some folks being divorced is all relative. It's like trying to scrape gum of the bottom of you shoe, no matter how much you scrape the bottom some still sticks.

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[Edited 5/11/12 20:27pm]

TD3 said:

paintedlady said:

Ex? Did you say EX-wife?

Why does this woman even get a say? Why is she even a factor? She's an ex!

Yeah, that's my understanding ex-wife, right script? Hey, I don't know. For some folks being divorced is all relative. It's like trying to scrap gum of the bottom of you shoe, no matter how much you scrape the bottom some still sticks.

I think the reason why some still considered the ex to be family is if their child and the ex has a child or children together. From the looks of the Raymond family, neither Ursh nor Jonetta considers Tomeka to be "family".

It's a different kind of relationship and a different kind of love. I don't think you can compare.

But if you have children, it's the children. They even come before yourself.

TD3 said:

paintedlady said:

Ex? Did you say EX-wife?

Why does this woman even get a say? Why is she even a factor? She's an ex!

Yeah, that's my understanding ex-wife, right script? Hey, I don't know. For some folks being divorced is all relative. It's like trying to scrape gum of the bottom of you shoe, no matter how much you scrape the bottom some still sticks.

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[Edited 5/11/12 20:27pm]

You are NOT lying! Usher got prollums.

Yes, Ms Trina, Tameka is the ex

paintedlady said:

TD3 said:

Yeah, that's my understanding ex-wife, right script? Hey, I don't know. For some folks being divorced is all relative. It's like trying to scrape gum of the bottom of you shoe, no matter how much you scrape the bottom some still sticks.

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[Edited 5/11/12 20:27pm]

You are NOT lying! Usher got prollums.

thanx script.

My pleasure, Ms Trina!

i love my parents, but they've long ago done (finished) raising me, and i'm an adult now and married. so God comes first, then my husband, son, and my parents. i love my parents, but my husband will always come before them for sure!

musicjunky318 said:

It's a different kind of relationship and a different kind of love. I don't think you can compare.

But if you have children, it's the children. They even come before yourself.

I agree; these are two very different relationships. I see this conflict mostly in the U.S because in most other countries a spouse becomes part of your family not a replacement.

I love my parents and would never marry anyone they didn't approve of. That said, I know my parents will never interfere in my relationship unless they really thought it was necessary. I guess it depends on what kind of family you have.

And considering that 50% of marriages in the U.S end in divorce...well your parents will always be your parents. Your spouse only has 50% chances of staying with you so...

Values:

Parents

Spouse

In bed:

Spouse

Parents

In that order.

Respect for parents, and the spouse better do the same and allow you to maintain a relationship with them. But when it comes to having your own life, it should be between the spouses.

DysregulatedToxicity said:

novabrkr said:

Values:

Parents

Spouse

In bed:

Spouse

Parents

so you tryed that

sleepin with the parents thing,

how did that work out for you???

My parents wouldnt want to come first... The husband comes before the parent... What kind of marriage would it be if they didnt... If your gettin married its time to be grown ups...

I think alot of marriages dont work out because people arent putting each other first...

Love and respect my parents, but the days of me needing them in any sort of way is longgggggg gone...

Genesia said:

The spouse comes before anyone - before children, and certainly before parents.

I'm not sure hardly anyone that has kids would agree with that.

Both my wife and I agree 100% that the kids come first, and so does every other couple I've ever known that had kids.

Except for really greedy aholes, that is. There's always a few of them around.

RodeoSchro said:

Genesia said:

The spouse comes before anyone - before children, and certainly before parents.

I'm not sure hardly anyone that has kids would agree with that.

Both my wife and I agree 100% that the kids come first, and so does every other couple I've ever known that had kids.

Except for really greedy aholes, that is. There's always a few of them around.

People actually have the time to think about something like this?

smoothcriminal12 said:

People actually have the time to think about something like this?

There are other things in life than booty shaking!

tinaz said:

smoothcriminal12 said:

People actually have the time to think about something like this?

There are other things in life than booty shaking!

You are so dense!

Nothing is more important than booty shaking.

Dude, come on. Would anyone really want life to be this simple? Like anything--religion, politics, whatever: take each situation as it comes and do what feels right each time.

Mom's in the hospital with a ruptured spleen but your wife has a really important office Christmas party. Sorry, Mama! The Lady spent two weeks finding the perfect dress and really wants to impress her new co-workers with her knowledge of fine wine and h'ors deovres.

Your husband got a last-minute once-in-a-lifetime gig opening for one of his favorite bands, but your parents and siblings made an appointment eight months ago at the most prestious photography studio in the area to get a family portrait taken ()? Sorry, fam. What would I regret missing more?

nursev said:

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

I speak from experience.

TYPICALLY...when a man marries, his parents lose a son while the wife's parents gain one (at least in our society).

Guys tend to be more laid back when it comes to family shit, and women tend to be more "sensitive" to all that crap ("can you believe your brother did THIS, can you believe your mother said THAT, I can't believe your sister didn't call and just showed up..."). This is a stereotype, but just about every relationship that I know deals with this.

I spent a whole year not talking to my brother b/c my ex was convinced that his wife (the 2 of them were like oil & vinegar) was mailing us anonymous letters. Huge confrontation that changed the family dynamic for YEARS after. Turns out there was some stupid marketing ploy sending out anonymous newspaper clippings.

In any event...the point is that women typically are more emotional and because there is ALWAYS tension and drama in ANY family...the man tends to do what comes naturally and side with his wife, and distance himself from his own family. It's just what happens.

There are varying degrees to this, of course, and I even know a couple where the opposite is the case.

But a committed husband typically sides with the woman he loves.

HOWEVER...(and you young'uns listen up here)...blood will ALWAYS be thicker than water. No matter how much stress and aggravation it may cause...you should ALWAYS respect your parents and be considerate. They raised you, fed you, clothed you, and made you into the adult that you are. No one is perfect, even the face staring back in the mirror, so you take your family's problems with a grain of salt.

If the time comes when that woman decides that she made a mistake marrying you and leaves you, it's your family who will be there to support you and help you get yourself back together.

...and always, ALWAYS, call your momma.

PurpleJedi said:

nursev said:

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

I speak from experience.

TYPICALLY...when a man marries, his parents lose a son while the wife's parents gain one (at least in our society).

Guys tend to be more laid back when it comes to family shit, and women tend to be more "sensitive" to all that crap ("can you believe your brother did THIS, can you believe your mother said THAT, I can't believe your sister didn't call and just showed up..."). This is a stereotype, but just about every relationship that I know deals with this.

I spent a whole year not talking to my brother b/c my ex was convinced that his wife (the 2 of them were like oil & vinegar) was mailing us anonymous letters. Huge confrontation that changed the family dynamic for YEARS after. Turns out there was some stupid marketing ploy sending out anonymous newspaper clippings.

In any event...the point is that women typically are more emotional and because there is ALWAYS tension and drama in ANY family...the man tends to do what comes naturally and side with his wife, and distance himself from his own family. It's just what happens.

There are varying degrees to this, of course, and I even know a couple where the opposite is the case.

But a committed husband typically sides with the woman he loves.

HOWEVER...(and you young'uns listen up here)...blood will ALWAYS be thicker than water. No matter how much stress and aggravation it may cause...you should ALWAYS respect your parents and be considerate. They raised you, fed you, clothed you, and made you into the adult that you are. No one is perfect, even the face staring back in the mirror, so you take your family's problems with a grain of salt.

If the time comes when that woman decides that she made a mistake marrying you and leaves you, it's your family who will be there to support you and help you get yourself back together.

...and always, ALWAYS, call your momma.

Spoken from a man whose been there-folks need to read and learn and call ya momma