mzsadii said:

TD3 said:

Word assocaition.

Online Dating = Serial Killer?

I'm just sayin'.

Yeah my thought too or something worse a strange staker.

Yeah that thought crosses my mind too about dudes online being odd balls. Like, what's the reason they are going online to get dates. He told me in chat that he's a little guy (he said he's 5'6) but I saw pics of him and his body is really nice apparently because he works out a lot. So, I will not wear heels when I meet him. I'm not a fat girl and not petite either, kinda in the middle (which a lot of dudes seem to like these days) so hopefully we won't look like an odd couple walking around, LOL!

Yeah it's important to be careful of stalkers, online AND offline. It could happen on facebook too and it's common among people you know more than those you don't know although keeping safety in mind is still important either way.

Dave1992 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah I hear ya' that's how I've felt/am feeling but I just don't know what the alternatives are these days. So many people live their lives online that it's almost like you have to be online otherwise you won't meet anyone in real life...

You're probably absolutely right, and that's the saddest part... I'd much rather meet one of the few people who actually brace themselves against "online dating" and look for emotional thrills in real life. Those people might be in the minority, but if someone resorts to internet life as a means to fulfill personal and emotional needs I somehow automatically lose interest in them, so I'd much rather stay off there.

But I guess things are different when you're older, less patient, have less time on your hands and are tired of going through endless bullshit until you can actually be with a person who helps you and whom you can trust. So, my opinion might change in the future.

This is precisely how it was for me when I decided to give online dating a go, and it wasn't pathetic at all. The experience gave me the freedom to meet people who were complimentary and compatible to me, and again, I never budged from my criteria in what I was looking for, so there was never any opening for disappointment or misunderstanding. I've led a very interesting life as it is (in some instances with experiences beyond my wildest dreams), and have evolved from the thrills that appealed to me in youth. And although it may be true that some people live lives online or resort to online dating as a desperate measure, my desires and experience were a reflection of my tendency to be a methodical, strategic person, who at this age is not interested in going to a metal concert with someone I might meet in real life vs. finding someone someone with personality and tastes complimentary to my own & going to see George Duke or Chick Corea.

Everythang ain't for everybody.

You have be highly discerning and rock solid in character in order for it to work. I also think the type of site one tries makes a difference as well. I'm a little bit of a snob, I'll admit- so the way the site is put together and the type of people it attracted was crucial in my experience. I wouldn't be caught dead looking for love on a meat market site where you see any and everybody having not a modicum of taste, tact, nor just plain common sense.

Obviously, as I'm off the market for good with marriage and all, I don't know how the climate has changed online in the last couple years, but I never had the misfortune of meeting any weirdos or sheisters. I imagine if you cast the net wide enough though, eventually a person will have to run into at least one. But luckily for me, my experiences were all great and I made meaningful friendships with some pretty intelligent, dynamic, well-accomplished men.

Idk.. If I were single I probably would be open to looking into it.. because where does a 44 year old who doesnt bar hop, who doesnt do church stuff, find other single men with similar interests that arent gross ugly pigs who have let themselves go? I honestly would have no idea where to go?

I dont think its pathetic at all.. Christ, I think the womens behaviour ina bar scene and the men getting all boned up on the skanks WAY more pathetic than any "LEGIT" dating site...

tinaz said:

Idk.. If I were single I probably would be open to looking into it.. because where does a 44 year old who doesnt bar hop, who doesnt do church stuff, find other single men with similar interests that arent gross ugly pigs who have let themselves go? I honestly would have no idea where to go?

I dont think its pathetic at all.. Christ, I think the womens behaviour ina bar scene and the men getting all boned up on the skanks WAY more pathetic than any "LEGIT" dating site...

Hey Tinaz!

Yeah I hear you because I got tired of the bar stuff like immediately after college was over, LOL. Also because you recognize that a bar is just not the best place to meet a guy at all. Funny that you mention church stuff because I actually go to church but there's usually more women than men and a lot of the men are either married or otherwise not available.

Should I be afraid of the 2nd guy who mentioned that he's been sober for eight years though? I've never done drugs before and was a bit shaken by his comment.

He wants to meet up in a few days, so it will be interesting to meet this guy in person. We started chatting on Saturday and he wants to meet up later this week, is that too soon? I guess I'm worried about passing off as being in a hurry or desperate but I guess acting like a lady should squash any doubts about my self-confidence if there are any doubts he may have, I dunno. All this reminds me why I stopped online dating for a long time, LOL!

SeventeenDayze said:

tinaz said:

Idk.. If I were single I probably would be open to looking into it.. because where does a 44 year old who doesnt bar hop, who doesnt do church stuff, find other single men with similar interests that arent gross ugly pigs who have let themselves go? I honestly would have no idea where to go?

I dont think its pathetic at all.. Christ, I think the womens behaviour ina bar scene and the men getting all boned up on the skanks WAY more pathetic than any "LEGIT" dating site...

Hey Tinaz!

Yeah I hear you because I got tired of the bar stuff like immediately after college was over, LOL. Also because you recognize that a bar is just not the best place to meet a guy at all. Funny that you mention church stuff because I actually go to church but there's usually more women than men and a lot of the men are either married or otherwise not available.

Should I be afraid of the 2nd guy who mentioned that he's been sober for eight years though? I've never done drugs before and was a bit shaken by his comment.

He wants to meet up in a few days, so it will be interesting to meet this guy in person. We started chatting on Saturday and he wants to meet up later this week, is that too soon? I guess I'm worried about passing off as being in a hurry or desperate but I guess acting like a lady should squash any doubts about my self-confidence if there are any doubts he may have, I dunno. All this reminds me why I stopped online dating for a long time, LOL!

Hey!!

I wouldnt be afraid of him.. Lots of people have been through addictions, it doesnt make him a bad person or scary in my eyes... That he was able to kick it and be clean for 8 years says something! He is proud of what he has accomplished...

Its the pack of cigs a day that would turn me off! Im not a freak about people smoking but at a pack a day he's gonna smell like an ashtray..

I dont think meeting him for coffee or something similar is too soon... If you met him somewhere like the grocery store and exchanged numbers you would expect to "date" him soon, I dont see a difference...

But you know the rules, dont give out personal info, meet somewhere public, etc etc..

Ottensen said:

Dave1992 said:

You're probably absolutely right, and that's the saddest part... I'd much rather meet one of the few people who actually brace themselves against "online dating" and look for emotional thrills in real life. Those people might be in the minority, but if someone resorts to internet life as a means to fulfill personal and emotional needs I somehow automatically lose interest in them, so I'd much rather stay off there.

But I guess things are different when you're older, less patient, have less time on your hands and are tired of going through endless bullshit until you can actually be with a person who helps you and whom you can trust. So, my opinion might change in the future.

This is precisely how it was for me when I decided to give online dating a go, and it wasn't pathetic at all. The experience gave me the freedom to meet people who were complimentary and compatible to me, and again, I never budged from my criteria in what I was looking for, so there was never any opening for disappointment or misunderstanding. I've led a very interesting life as it is (in some instances with experiences beyond my wildest dreams), and have evolved from the thrills that appealed to me in youth. And although it may be true that some people live lives online or resort to online dating as a desperate measure, my desires and experience were a reflection of my tendency to be a methodical, strategic person, who at this age is not interested in going to a metal concert with someone I might meet in real life vs. finding someone someone with personality and tastes complimentary to my own & going to see George Duke or Chick Corea.

Everythang ain't for everybody.

You have be highly discerning and rock solid in character in order for it to work. I also think the type of site one tries makes a difference as well. I'm a little bit of a snob, I'll admit- so the way the site is put together and the type of people it attracted was crucial in my experience. I wouldn't be caught dead looking for love on a meat market site where you see any and everybody having not a modicum of taste, tact, nor just plain common sense.

Obviously, as I'm off the market for good with marriage and all, I don't know how the climate has changed online in the last couple years, but I never had the misfortune of meeting any weirdos or sheisters. I imagine if you cast the net wide enough though, eventually a person will have to run into at least one. But luckily for me, my experiences were all great and I made meaningful friendships with some pretty intelligent, dynamic, well-accomplished men.

That's how I imagined it to be for most older people (especially those with proper brains and some intellect). The "pathetic" thing I rather associated with 14-20 year-olds who are simply afraid to talk to people in real life and who think the internet is a safe way to hide their imperfections, which will help them "score".

Dave1992 said:

Ottensen said:

This is precisely how it was for me when I decided to give online dating a go, and it wasn't pathetic at all. The experience gave me the freedom to meet people who were complimentary and compatible to me, and again, I never budged from my criteria in what I was looking for, so there was never any opening for disappointment or misunderstanding. I've led a very interesting life as it is (in some instances with experiences beyond my wildest dreams), and have evolved from the thrills that appealed to me in youth. And although it may be true that some people live lives online or resort to online dating as a desperate measure, my desires and experience were a reflection of my tendency to be a methodical, strategic person, who at this age is not interested in going to a metal concert with someone I might meet in real life vs. finding someone someone with personality and tastes complimentary to my own & going to see George Duke or Chick Corea.

Everythang ain't for everybody.

You have be highly discerning and rock solid in character in order for it to work. I also think the type of site one tries makes a difference as well. I'm a little bit of a snob, I'll admit- so the way the site is put together and the type of people it attracted was crucial in my experience. I wouldn't be caught dead looking for love on a meat market site where you see any and everybody having not a modicum of taste, tact, nor just plain common sense.

Obviously, as I'm off the market for good with marriage and all, I don't know how the climate has changed online in the last couple years, but I never had the misfortune of meeting any weirdos or sheisters. I imagine if you cast the net wide enough though, eventually a person will have to run into at least one. But luckily for me, my experiences were all great and I made meaningful friendships with some pretty intelligent, dynamic, well-accomplished men.

That's how I imagined it to be for most older people (especially those with proper brains and some intellect). The "pathetic" thing I rather associated with 14-20 year-olds who are simply afraid to talk to people in real life and who think the internet is a safe way to hide their imperfections, which will help them "score".

Yeah it's true because it seems like now people always have their eyes on a computer screen or on their phones constantly. It seems like a lot of younger folks (like 18-21) are really incapable of having meaningful conversations without technology....

The 2nd guy makes me laugh and seems to be a bit of a clown, would be nice to have a close male friend again.

the truth is, i've heard many on this site who have met someone on the org

and made plans with that person, met that person and continued to have

a ralationship with that person while only on the org

i concider that online datin, and it's not just a few people that have done this.

read the post os many who say "OH NO NEVER" then look back at how they

speak of meetin orgers

i don't know about datin services but like i said i've done 'online' datin

KingBAD said:

the truth is, i've heard many on this site who have met someone on the org

and made plans with that person, met that person and continued to have

a ralationship with that person while only on the org

i concider that online datin, and it's not just a few people that have done this.

read the post os many who say "OH NO NEVER" then look back at how they

speak of meetin orgers

i don't know about datin services but like i said i've done 'online' datin

Yeah, but the significant difference is that hardly any of these people joined the org to find someone for their daily (romantic) lives. When I look at a dating site and I know that all the people are there simply to meet other people, it makes a weird impression on me; dunno, it's just too "direct" for my taste.

If I happen to meet an interesting people online (which has happened already!), no problem - I embrace it. But if I happen to meet a person online who was obviously looking for company I might feel a bit weird embracing that person...

it's something you wanna experience before you die, but i'd give it a big NAY for sure. talk, chat but date>not even online.

I met my fiance through a dating site. We've been together for about 3 years now. I would say my experience with it was fairly postitive although I will admit that I was just about to give up on it right before he and I started messaging ! I could only take so many messages that just said 'hi' or 'hai mami wats gewd'.

To me, it's not that different from meeting someone out and about. After all, the people you meet online, are indeed people who exist out in the real world anyway.

Some are cool, and some are creeps, some are normal, some are killers, but you could encounter all these people online or at a coffee shop/store/bar/library/etc.

thekidsgirl said:

To me, it's not that different from meeting someone out and about. After all, the people you meet online, are indeed people who exist out in the real world anyway.

Some are cool, and some are creeps, some are normal, some are killers, but you could encounter all these people online or at a coffee shop/store/bar/library/etc.

Ok, so I met the 2nd guy tonight and he's nice looking, looks a bit younger in person than in pics and was a gentleman. Something MUST be wrong because I'm only used to assholes! LOL!

I think I wanna see him again, but I don't wanna seem to eager. I dunno, I think most guys who meet me in person would never assume that I was eager or clingy at all. What's a girl to do now?

It seems like he and I have had totally opposite experiences...I just hope I don't pass off as too much of a nerd but I dunno, I kinda like being nerdy at first and then wild later

SeventeenDayze said:

thekidsgirl said:

To me, it's not that different from meeting someone out and about. After all, the people you meet online, are indeed people who exist out in the real world anyway.

Some are cool, and some are creeps, some are normal, some are killers, but you could encounter all these people online or at a coffee shop/store/bar/library/etc.

Ok, so I met the 2nd guy tonight and he's nice looking, looks a bit younger in person than in pics and was a gentleman. Something MUST be wrong because I'm only used to assholes! LOL!

I think I wanna see him again, but I don't wanna seem to eager. I dunno, I think most guys who meet me in person would never assume that I was eager or clingy at all. What's a girl to do now?

It seems like he and I have had totally opposite experiences...I just hope I don't pass off as too much of a nerd but I dunno, I kinda like being nerdy at first and then wild later

From life experience, I've learned that everyone is a nice person, but will that stand the test of time or not? I trusted someone who was too nice in the beginning though very weird too, but he lied about everything, I kept testing him...do that and then go from there I guess.

alphastreet said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Ok, so I met the 2nd guy tonight and he's nice looking, looks a bit younger in person than in pics and was a gentleman. Something MUST be wrong because I'm only used to assholes! LOL!

I think I wanna see him again, but I don't wanna seem to eager. I dunno, I think most guys who meet me in person would never assume that I was eager or clingy at all. What's a girl to do now?

It seems like he and I have had totally opposite experiences...I just hope I don't pass off as too much of a nerd but I dunno, I kinda like being nerdy at first and then wild later

From life experience, I've learned that everyone is a nice person, but will that stand the test of time or not? I trusted someone who was too nice in the beginning though very weird too, but he lied about everything, I kept testing him...do that and then go from there I guess.

Yeah you're right. It seemed like he wanted to meet up again but I'm not sure. Before we met in person, he at one point asked me if I kissed on the first date and I said no. A little later, he went on to say that he felt like I had a "1950s approach" about things. I laughed it off. He still met me anyway and it seemed okay. I'm not sure but it seems like perhaps he was looking for something to move faster and I simply don't want to do that.

We sent a few messages back and forth but he hasn't mentioned meeting up again. Maybe I should just move on. This is the exact reason why I stopped online dating (and perhaps real world dating) a long time ago. I cannot keep going through this cycle of rejection and wondering if something's wrong with me...oddly enough on my way to the date, random guys on the street were commenting on how beautiful they though I was.....maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship I guess.

nursev said:

HELL NAW!!!!!

I'm with ya on that.

SeventeenDayze said:

alphastreet said:

From life experience, I've learned that everyone is a nice person, but will that stand the test of time or not? I trusted someone who was too nice in the beginning though very weird too, but he lied about everything, I kept testing him...do that and then go from there I guess.

Yeah you're right. It seemed like he wanted to meet up again but I'm not sure. Before we met in person, he at one point asked me if I kissed on the first date and I said no. A little later, he went on to say that he felt like I had a "1950s approach" about things. I laughed it off. He still met me anyway and it seemed okay. I'm not sure but it seems like perhaps he was looking for something to move faster and I simply don't want to do that.

We sent a few messages back and forth but he hasn't mentioned meeting up again. Maybe I should just move on. This is the exact reason why I stopped online dating (and perhaps real world dating) a long time ago. I cannot keep going through this cycle of rejection and wondering if something's wrong with me...oddly enough on my way to the date, random guys on the street were commenting on how beautiful they though I was.....maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship I guess.

Guys who say stuff like that seem desperate, don't think of it as rejection, think of it as a relief that you won't have to deal with him if he's not asking again, actions speak louder than words with guys. A lot of their words are bullshit IMO

alphastreet said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah you're right. It seemed like he wanted to meet up again but I'm not sure. Before we met in person, he at one point asked me if I kissed on the first date and I said no. A little later, he went on to say that he felt like I had a "1950s approach" about things. I laughed it off. He still met me anyway and it seemed okay. I'm not sure but it seems like perhaps he was looking for something to move faster and I simply don't want to do that.

We sent a few messages back and forth but he hasn't mentioned meeting up again. Maybe I should just move on. This is the exact reason why I stopped online dating (and perhaps real world dating) a long time ago. I cannot keep going through this cycle of rejection and wondering if something's wrong with me...oddly enough on my way to the date, random guys on the street were commenting on how beautiful they though I was.....maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship I guess.

Guys who say stuff like that seem desperate, don't think of it as rejection, think of it as a relief that you won't have to deal with him if he's not asking again, actions speak louder than words with guys. A lot of their words are bullshit IMO

Thanks, Alpha. I guess it was hard not to take it personally at first because it's been nearly a year since I even attempted to go on a date because I hate the dynamics of it all. It seems like the guys who are in the dating scene past a certain age are either A.) cheating on their spouses and pretending to be single B.) looking for a sugar mama C.) hooking up because they are perpetual frat boys...

He's been online and doesn't IM me anymore and hasn't responded to the last few messages I sent him. I guess he was just a lot of hot air.

I never imagined at this age (early 30s) that my financial situation and love life would be this stagnant. It's just unreal sometimes...

if it wasn't for bein ONLINE

how else did you think you were gonna find me?

i haven't been to one of the midget's shows

since he could almost dance, and said cuss words.

i myself shied away from the stage life...

so.

you can poo-poooooo the web

but remember whut side your bread

is buttered on

Shyra said:

When this guy asked me to get in the car with him, I politely declined and asked him to park. We had a nice convo I guess but it seems like he was bewildered by simple stuff like, he couldn't understand why I go downtown in my city a few times a week when I live 4 subway stops away. I really didn't know how to answer that because in my mind taking a 7-minute subway ride into downtown to mill around seems like it's not that big of a deal. I dunno, this guy said he was 40 and had never been on an airplane and didnt' say he had a fear of flying. I didn't tell him that I've been to like 7 countries by myself...not even gonna go there.

I also felt like it was weird that he was telling me at one point how messed up his childhood was and then he asked me about mine. I said it was "good enough" but didn't go into detail.

Was I wrong for not getting in the car? Not kissing on the first date? Wrong for not going into detail about emotional baggage on the first date that I ever seen this dude? Am I really THAT much out of touch?

Genesia said:

The addict sounds as totally awesome as the guy your mom met online. Maybe you could double?

Sounds like revenge on mommy dearest

seventeendayze: I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping your self-respect on the first date, I'm the same way though with one guy I lost my head cause I fell for him trying to impress me too much and preying on my weaknesses. And if he's already criticizng small things about you, he may be self-righteous and he'll do it with other things down the road. If I lived on a subway line, I would be going downtown often too being so close (lucky!) , nothing wrong with that.

BobGeorge909 said:

Shyra said:

I've never done it, but my brother used to find all his girlfriends on line. He's had some looney tunes and some really nice ladies. The last one was really nice, and they were going to get married, but alas, it didn't work out, but they still keep in touch.

I'm like Ottie. I have some preety stringent requirements and I am not willing to compromise in my old age. Hell, if you don't have as much as I do, I don't want to be bothered. I ran into an old boyfriend a few months back. We had dated back when we were in our mid twenties. Since then, I have advanced in my career, bought a house, and have accumulated some nice savings, but this nuccah still lives in a room in a house with 4 other dudes, drives a raggedy ass car that requires a fuckin screwdriver to open the passenger door. , and this fool can't understand why I won't give him some pussy. Nuccah, please!

look around u baby I know u seen it all before Every Nuccah in the Club lookin 4 a dime Nothin less, nothin more Sometimes that Nuccah is a buffalo Nuccah and worth more than a dime.

LawdJebus! This is funny as hell! I looked at your profile and damn if you and "nuccah" don't favor! Hell, at first I thought it was him! Y'all could be brothers!

Shyra said:

alphastreet said:

Genesia said:

The addict sounds as totally awesome as the guy your mom met online. Maybe you could double?

Sounds like revenge on mommy dearest

seventeendayze: I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping your self-respect on the first date, I'm the same way though with one guy I lost my head cause I fell for him trying to impress me too much and preying on my weaknesses. And if he's already criticizng small things about you, he may be self-righteous and he'll do it with other things down the road. If I lived on a subway line, I would be going downtown often too being so close (lucky!) , nothing wrong with that.

Well, you're right. I decided to stop contacting him and move on. He's simply not my type and the fact that he was blown away that I didn't live in a "black neighborhood" and "went to college but still poor" tells me thathe lives under one helluva huge rock, mainly his ego I assume. I shoulda known it was going to be a nightmare when he told me that the nickname he calls himself is "god"...

On a lighter note, I've been in touch with an Italian-American medical student guy who seems like a catch. I swear my brain is programmed for the dark hair, olive skinned guys (see Robert Downey Jr, thread) lol

Too bad that "god" is a 5'6 blonde, 40year old juvenille

SeventeenDayze said:

alphastreet said:

Sounds like revenge on mommy dearest

seventeendayze: I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping your self-respect on the first date, I'm the same way though with one guy I lost my head cause I fell for him trying to impress me too much and preying on my weaknesses. And if he's already criticizng small things about you, he may be self-righteous and he'll do it with other things down the road. If I lived on a subway line, I would be going downtown often too being so close (lucky!) , nothing wrong with that.

Well, you're right. I decided to stop contacting him and move on. He's simply not my type and the fact that he was blown away that I didn't live in a "black neighborhood" and "went to college but still poor" tells me thathe lives under one helluva huge rock, mainly his ego I assume. I shoulda known it was going to be a nightmare when he told me that the nickname he calls himself is "god"...

On a lighter note, I've been in touch with an Italian-American medical student guy who seems like a catch. I swear my brain is programmed for the dark hair, olive skinned guys (see Robert Downey Jr, thread) lol

Too bad that "god" is a 5'6 blonde, 40year old juvenille

Oh snap, the guy I had also had a royal nickame for himself! We need to smack these bozos heads into one another!

I can't believe he said all those racist things, but not being aware that's how it came off. Did you confront him? I had a stupid friend like that who knew nothing about non-white people and acted like she wanted to end racism, but came off even worse like she's trying too hard with her stupid questions and assumptions. And I admit I kept her around to feel better about not being like her, and to have more friends but I wasted my time and eventually told her off for many things and ended it. It's a good thing you ended yours quicker

SeventeenDayze said:

So, over the weekend out of curiousity and boredom, I decided to go against what I normally do and created an online dating profile. I usually feel really awkward and suspicious of online dating but I'm giving it a try. I feel like a bit of a loser/idiot but will see how this goes.

So far, I've been in touch with a guy who is my age who said he was married for 3 years and then divorced with no kids. I was the first one to send him a message. We did a bit of chatting a few nights ago. He seemed like the type of guy who could always respond to questions but never seem to start the conversation. I feel like if I kept talking to him I'd be the one who would have to be like, "Hey, let's go on a date dude"...He's at a military base about 20 minutes from where I live.

The other guy I have been chatting with is a construction worker who emailed me first. He's 40 years old, divorced and has three kids (no, this is not the other guy with three kids that I was writing about before). He seemed to be curious about me and asked questions. He also said that he enjoys boxing, running and doing a lot of exercise. He's a good-looking guy, funny, etc. He told me that he's never been on an airplane and I was joking with him about how he should start traveling and take baby steps and travel to other cities that are a few hours away. He then said he was going to take me with him, LOL, this guy is a charmer! Again, the issue is the guy has three sons, so it would be weird because I don't have kids! He also said he lives in a really expensive house and drives two cars...

Okay folks, what do you think? Should I just quit while I'm ahead with the online dating? Should I meet the first guy or the second guy? both? neither?

Moving too fast and jumping from 0 to 70. Talk to him on Skype or something for a while....get to know him that way.

Run a background check...

Email each other back and forth...

Run a background check...

Maybe at some point you could even talk on the phone...

Run a background check...

After awhile, if everything seems okay, agree to meet, but only in a public place and again, go slow.

In general, at this point I'm not against online dating because there's good people as well as shitty ones online. It's just a matter of not being stupid and carefully shifting through all the shit to get to the good ones.

Nay.