My mother is ill very ill, she has Alzheimer's and has MRSA and Psuedomonis, (she's bed ridden with a trachestomy tube in her throat, feeding tube, and cathether for urine due to a choking incident three years ago).

She breathes fine on her own and her vitals are stable no blood pressure medication etc.. While she responds well to antibiotic treatment whenshe gets a reoccurring bout of MRSA and or Pseudomonis she has recently contracted a bone infection. Her Doctors will not perform knee amputation because they feel she will not survive general anesthesia.

I'm torn, my mother was an ER and ICU nurse the one thing she asked was not to have an "orange bracelet" on her, it was her biggest wish. She specifically told me her dying was nobody's business but between her and her God but I'm getting constant pressure due to her recent bone infection (she neeeds amputation from the knee), but no doctor will do it due to her severe condition so essentailly they are going to let the infection run its' course, (they are trying treating her with the highest antibiotics available).

Do I supercede her wishes for her own sake and sign the DNR, (I don't want her to suffer), or do I continue to fufill HER wishes and not agree to the DNR. I'm the only one who has been authorized to make this decision.

My heart is broken and I want to do right by my Mommy.... Please pray for her

[Edited 4/23/12 19:25pm]

[Edited 4/23/12 19:29pm]

Nammie - what a horrible situation to be in. I empathise. Thank goodness my father signed the DNR in his will. I honestly think anyone would IF they realized just how bad it can get - not just for family, but for them. I think anyone that has not requested DNR with family or will hasn't given it enough thought, unless they really do think that in order to die properly, they must suffer. I don't know anyone like that, but I'm sure they exist. Others, just don't plan properly. They think that they will always have their faculty about them, not understanding that they could live for years on tubes.

Nammie - I think as long as your mother is conscious, she'll refuse. This is the time where you and maybe a couple of the Drs. need to have that heart to heart with her about what YOU should do FOR HER when the time comes that she does lose her faculty and is in pain.

Somehow you must make her understand, that she doesn't have to suffer to die a good life.

Genesia said:

Do you have a durable power of attorney for health care? It's important for you to have that, so you can act on your mom's behalf. If she has Alzheimer's, it won't be long before she can't act on her own behalf (if she can now). You need to get that squared away. Here's the thing about the DNR - and "God's will": If someone resuscitates your mom, she may end up on life support. Is this God's will? Or was it God's will that she die without people taking extraordinary measures? At some point, she will no longer know what's happening to her. At that point, if her systems fail, it may be more humane to let her go. I'm not talking about withholding care - I'm simply talking about not taking extraordinary measures if her health collapses. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sure it's gut wrenching. I have my parents' power of attorney for health care. They're both in good health, but I know the time will come when I will have to deal with similar issues.

I DO have durable power of attorney AND A HEALTH CARE PROXY . She is to the point that I'm her only voice and I don't beleve she will die of heart faliure or stroke . Her demise I believe will be from due to infection (MRSA or Pseudominis) but I feel the pressure from the doctors for the DRN aree due to the comfort of the doctors and their own comfort level

nammie said:

Genesia said:

nammie said:

I DO have durable power of attorney AND A HEALTH CARE PROXY . She is to the point that I'm her only voice and I don't beleve she will die of heart faliure or stroke . Her demise I believe will be from due to infection (MRSA or Pseudominis) but I feel the pressure from the doctors for the DRN aree due to the comfort of the doctors and their own comfort level

That may be partly true. Frankly, a lot can go wrong with a resuscitation. If your mom were to go into cardiac arrest, she could end up with brain damage severe enough to require life support. If her infection is advanced when that happens, how much time will you have bought her? What is her quality of life at that point? Can you handle making a decision to withdraw life support? There are a lot of things to consider. The convenience of her doctors should be the least of it - but they may have points that you should consider.

That IS the question. And I touble thinking the conesquence

30 minutes after they have exausted every thing they could think of

to get me back up to a steady heartbeat and a propper bloodpressure

if she refuses you should respect her wishes, I have just the opposite, both my parents told me no machines, no life support my entire life and I was sooo against it until my mother was diagnosed with Altzheimers and knew I had the chance to do it my way. I signed the DNR when I admitted her to the assisted living facility. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I did it because it was her wish and I have to respect that.

When the quality of life one might be returning to is not one you'd wish on your worst enemy.

Personally, I don't want to come back from any illness that robs me of living a life where I am myself or can enjoy the company of loved ones.

Sorry you're having to deal with such a terrible decision.

Edit: I think I might have broken her thread, so I'm going to send her an orgnote instead.

[Edited 4/23/12 21:58pm]

nammie said:

My mother is ill very ill, she has Alzheimer's and has MRSA and Psuedomonis, (she's bed ridden with a trachestomy tube in her throat, feeding tube, and cathether for urine due to a choking incident three years ago).

She breathes fine on her own and her vitals are stable no blood pressure medication etc.. While she responds well to antibiotic treatment whenshe gets a reoccurring bout of MRSA and or Pseudomonis she has recently contracted a bone infection. Her Doctors will not perform knee amputation because they feel she will not survive general anesthesia.

I'm torn, my mother was an ER and ICU nurse the one thing she asked was not to have an "orange bracelet" on her, it was her biggest wish. She specifically told me her dying was nobody's business but between her and her God but I'm getting constant pressure due to her recent bone infection (she neeeds amputation from the knee), but no doctor will do it due to her severe condition so essentailly they are going to let the infection run its' course, (they are trying treating her with the highest antibiotics available).

Do I supercede her wishes for her own sake and sign the DNR, (I don't want her to suffer), or do I continue to fufill HER wishes and not agree to the DNR. I'm the only one who has been authorized to make this decision.

My heart is broken and I want to do right by my Mommy.... Please pray for her

[Edited 4/23/12 19:25pm]

[Edited 4/23/12 19:29pm]

that is a very difficult decision. i don't know what to tell you. listen to what your heart says.

KingBAD said:

30 minutes after they have exausted every thing they could think of

to get me back up to a steady heartbeat and a propper bloodpressure

i don't really read threads as posted

however with the responses you've been gettin you may think this inappropriate, it's for me...

as for askin such ADVICE here on this site i would suggest you contact someone with REAL

knowlege in dealin with grief and dire discisions...

PEACE

KingBAD said:

KingBAD said:

30 minutes after they have exausted every thing they could think of

to get me back up to a steady heartbeat and a propper bloodpressure

i don't really read threads as posted

however with the responses you've been gettin you may think this inappropriate, it's for me...

as for askin such ADVICE here on this site i would suggest you contact someone with REAL

knowlege in dealin with grief and dire discisions...

PEACE

This is actually really good advice. Have you contacted your local hospice? They will usually assist the family if the loved one has been given less than six months to live. (If the person actually lives longer, it's okay. It's just the prognosis they look at. In other words, they won't drop you if your mom improves temporarily.) They are experts at "end of life" decisions and can help you one-on-one with your questions/concerns/fears.

Genesia said:

KingBAD said:

i don't really read threads as posted

however with the responses you've been gettin you may think this inappropriate, it's for me...

as for askin such ADVICE here on this site i would suggest you contact someone with REAL

knowlege in dealin with grief and dire discisions...

PEACE

This is actually really good advice. Have you contacted your local hospice? They will usually assist the family if the loved one has been given less than six months to live. (If the person actually lives longer, it's okay. It's just the prognosis they look at. In other words, they won't drop you if your mom improves temporarily.) They are experts at "end of life" decisions and can help you one-on-one with your questions/concerns/fears.

Even if your mother doesn't go on hospice, they may be able to help you with counseling, questions, grief/coping, etc.

i'm so sorry u have this decision to make, but it's vital that this is clarified for the people taking care of her.

but firstly i'm shocked that patients have to wear orange wristbands to denote their resuscitation status!!? practical yes, but a bit undignified.. maybe your mum, as a nurse had an issue with this. there is a preconception that if someone does not wish to be resuscitated that drs will give up on them.. not true!

MANY factors have to be considered from a medical standpoint & her drs have already indicated that her condition is deteriorating, they are clearly very concerned about her health but signing a DNR does not mean she cannot still receive antibiotics for her infection or have any other active treatment which will prolong her life.

DNR means that even after all efforts are made to keep her alive, if her heart stops or if she stops breathing for any reason the drs do not attempt to start it again.

for somebody that is old, frail and very poorly, in the thoes of dying, resuscitation is actually a very undignified proceedure. nobody really feels comfortable with it in these circumstances.

speak to her dr again to help u make informed choice. u are obviously a loving & caring person, whatever u do will be out of love 4 her

I watched my father go through this with my grandmother and it is one of the toughest, most heart-wretching decisions one will ever have to face.

Your mother is blessed to have you as I suspect you are blessed to have her.

I don't really have much more than that to add. I agree with so much that has already been said. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are having to make this decision and I pray that you continue to stay strong and that you have peace with what you decide as I'm sure the decision will be made with respect and love.

Thank you all for your honest thoughtful replies, each and every one was of value to me.

I have spoken with Hospice services ever since her choking incident and I do understand what the services have to offer. I think the issue for me is that I have constantly been asked to implement the DNR since she came home three years ago and I've become defensive about the subject. She's survived three years when they said initially she only had weeks to live but her condition is totally different now but my mindset is slow to accept it, add to that the guilt I feel for allowing her to choke in the first place. I realize now the issue for me is going against her wish NOT to have the DNR yet another failure from me-- I simply haven't forgiven myself for her choking even though I know she has forgiven me.

A vascular surgeon is seeing her today to try to find a way to do the amputation.

My mother has given more lessons to me in this condition then I could have ever learned on my own. I'm so very thankful, greatful, and honored to walk her to her sunset, I just wish I could've done a better job. I cannot express how very proud I am of her, she's shown more grace, strength, and courage than anyone I've ever encountered. The only way I can show her is to sign the DNR and let her and her God decide when to go home.

Cerebus you didn't break my thread or scare anyone off. Thank you so much for your orgnote it meant the world to me.

I love you all!!

Stephanie

nammie said:

Thank you all for your honest thoughtful replies, each and every one was of value to me.

I have spoken with Hospice services ever since her choking incident and I do understand what the services have to offer. I think the issue for me is that I have constantly been asked to implement the DNR since she came home three years ago and I've become defensive about the subject. She's survived three years when they said initially she only had weeks to live but her condition is totally different now but my mindset is slow to accept it, add to that the guilt I feel for allowing her to choke in the first place. I realize now the issue for me is going against her wish NOT to have the DNR yet another failure from me-- I simply haven't forgiven myself for her choking even though I know she has forgiven me.

A vascular surgeon is seeing her today to try to find a way to do the amputation.

My mother has given more lessons to me in this condition then I could have ever learned on my own. I'm so very thankful, greatful, and honored to walk her to her sunset, I just wish I could've done a better job. I cannot express how very proud I am of her, she's shown more grace, strength, and courage than anyone I've ever encountered. The only way I can show her is to sign the DNR and let her and her God decide when to go home.

Cerebus you didn't break my thread or scare anyone off. Thank you so much for your orgnote it meant the world to me.

I love you all!!

Stephanie

Nammie/Stephanie: This is a difficult position for you to be in and you have my prayers. the suggestion of Hospice is good advice. You don't have to be part of their full services and I have found the workers to be very compassionate & caring.

Before you are in a hospital and while of sound mind.

If you know you want one, advise your doctor, so it can be put in your chart.

Let your spouse, parent(s), sibling(s) and friends know of your intention.

The more people who know that is your wish, the more likely you are to get it.

nammie said:

My mother is ill very ill, she has Alzheimer's and has MRSA and Psuedomonis, (she's bed ridden with a trachestomy tube in her throat, feeding tube, and cathether for urine due to a choking incident three years ago).

She breathes fine on her own and her vitals are stable no blood pressure medication etc.. While she responds well to antibiotic treatment whenshe gets a reoccurring bout of MRSA and or Pseudomonis she has recently contracted a bone infection. Her Doctors will not perform knee amputation because they feel she will not survive general anesthesia.

I'm torn, my mother was an ER and ICU nurse the one thing she asked was not to have an "orange bracelet" on her, it was her biggest wish. She specifically told me her dying was nobody's business but between her and her God but I'm getting constant pressure due to her recent bone infection (she neeeds amputation from the knee), but no doctor will do it due to her severe condition so essentailly they are going to let the infection run its' course, (they are trying treating her with the highest antibiotics available).

Do I supercede her wishes for her own sake and sign the DNR, (I don't want her to suffer), or do I continue to fufill HER wishes and not agree to the DNR. I'm the only one who has been authorized to make this decision.

My heart is broken and I want to do right by my Mommy.... Please pray for her

[Edited 4/23/12 19:25pm]

[Edited 4/23/12 19:29pm]

What a heartbreaking place to be. My prayers for you both.

How much pain relief is she getting now?

If she was of sound mine when she told you of her wish, I would honor that wish. She was an ER and ICU nurse so I'm sure she saw enough for her convey her wishes to you.

With no reason to not trust my mother's judgment, I would honor it.

My personal experience is that it's hard to do. My mother is still living, but yeah.