There are times when I want to say "Enough is enough". Here it goes again. I'm having back surgery for the 10th time tomorrow. This time to remove the device which I have had in for 10 years to block the neurotransmitters in the brain that controls pain. It quite working 2 years ago and I have been fighting the doctors and insurance to remove it so they can do a full body MRI in an effort to locate the pain source & other heath issues. There are times when enough is enough, but then I have to be thankful because if the device hadn't stopped working, they wouldn't have removed it as it is about $12,000+. I will have to make the decision in 30 days whether to have it implanted a second time. It did help while it was on. Your prayers are welcomed.

i've wondered:

why i can't hit lottto.

why i never married.

why i qwit smokin.

whut was i thinkin when i got back in school.

but i haven't thought about 'catchin breaks'

since i was a kid, and it wasn't really about 'catchin a break'

it was more about why did i have to go though changes

for people to get with the program, i tried hard to be/live peacefull.

[Edited 4/22/12 21:54pm]

KingBAD said:

i've wondered:

why i can't hit lottto.

why i never married.

why i qwit smokin.

whut was i thinkin when i got back in school.

but i haven't thought about 'catchin breaks'

since i was a kid, and it wasn't really about 'catchin a break'

it was more about why did i have to go though changes

for people to with the program, i tried hard to be/live peacefull.

well stated.

mzsadii said:

KingBAD said:

i've wondered:

why i can't hit lottto.

why i never married.

why i qwit smokin.

whut was i thinkin when i got back in school.

but i haven't thought about 'catchin breaks'

since i was a kid, and it wasn't really about 'catchin a break'

it was more about why did i have to go though changes

for people to get with the program, i tried hard to be/live peacefull.

well stated.

why thank que...

Sorry to hear about your health issue.

But to answer your question; "YES!"

All my f*cking life.

It's like running uphill, all the time, with occassional plateus that allow a break to catch your breath before you need to run up that damned hill again.

For once in my life I'd like to just "BE". To have things fall into place for me the way it does for others.

I know compared to so many others I have a good life and I know that I shouldn't complain because I have so many things other do not have but.....when it comes to romantic love and truly being loved, yes I do feel that way.

JustErin said:

I know compared to so many others I have a good life and I know that I shouldn't complain because I have so many things other do not have but.....when it comes to romantic love and truly being loved, yes I do feel that way.

I can very much relate

mzsadii: I hope that everything goes well with your surgery.

I've had some health problems, but nothing like this, so I won't to pretend to imagine what you're going through.

But yes, I've felt like that...

I have a good career, lots of education, and have been able to provide a nice life for myself, but the one thing that I've always wanted seems to elude me: a decent serious relationship.

I think that I have met every loser, freak and weirdo in this area, and it is extremely disheartening. But I know things could be worse...

Life is hard..

I'll be praying for you!

Sorry about your health issues. I hope that things will work out and that you will come to a decision that will be best for you.

To answer your question, yes I've asked myselfl this plenty of times. Seems like once you get one thing straight, two more problems pop up. I know its just "life" and it's all about handling what is thrown at you, but sometimes it just makes me want to holler.

Well first...I'll be praying for your health situation and am sending positive vibes for you to hang in there, hon.

If I had to be absolutely honest, I've never really looksed at the difficult times in my life as way to ask myself why I couldn't catch a break. in the past, I think I would just normally shut down physically, emotionally, and psychologically rather than ask "why". But thankfully those times are over.

At the season I am in life now, I look at tribulations in my life more along the lines of "God, what am I supposed to learn through this situation?", or even "God, use this to show me where you are in this". I truly believe that trials and tribulations in many cases have the ability to make a person tougher, with stronger endurance and strength of character they didn't even know they had before when life was cherries and roses. I believe that whatever problems or difficulties that transpire in life do not translate into the end of us. When you come out of the fire, the question then becomes how to use your life and circumstance to illustrate the power of that which is bigger than yourself and still go for your biggest potential...and whether or not you choose to come out of it all shining like refined gold, or smelling like smoke.

You're going to be okay.

PurpleJedi said:

Sorry to hear about your health issue.

But to answer your question; "YES!"

All my f*cking life.

It's like running uphill, all the time, with occassional plateus that allow a break to catch your breath before you need to run up that damned hill again.

For once in my life I'd like to just "BE". To have things fall into place for me the way it does for others.

Oh, whoops, when I posted the TV theme song earlier, I accidentally cut out my response! It was something like this but probably written better:

I had meant to say I understand the frustrations and tensions (and expense) of having some kind of either chronic and repeat treatment medical issue. As well, I have some friends going through major issues like breast cancer, and hear about their unique dilemmas and ups and downs.

I had health insurance pay for some expensive treatments about 12 years ago only to then retro actively say I didn't qualify and then asked for a refund of their payments from the clinic over a year later. The clinic in turn mailed me a new bill of around $20k. It was horrible from a financial sense, but I eventually paid it off in installments. What's funny, is that now I get a letter in the mail about a class action lawsuit against that health insurance company that I could be a part of. I doubt I would get back that crazy amount, but it is a funny twist all these years later.

I find that sometimes you have make sure you keep in touch and have the support of good friends (and of course family) and try to concentrate on a perspective of life being the glass half full way or pepper everything with humor. And it just so happens that I was looking up this tv theme song because it came up in conversation, and the header of this thread said "break".

JustErin said:

I know compared to so many others I have a good life and I know that I shouldn't complain because I have so many things other do not have but.....when it comes to romantic love and truly being loved, yes I do feel that way.

Love is one of the most important things in life. I can't complain either, but being single for so long makes things sometimes difficult.

UPDATE: Thanks for your warm thoughts & prayers.

Surgery went well & now its time to heal Hurts like hell, but still grinning & bearing it. Coolest thing about the surgery other than my doctor is good-looking was the purple paper gown. It was thincker than most and had a place where they inserted a vacuum hose that pumped warm air, so I wasn't chilled in recovery. I looked like I was in a hazmet suit.

[Edited 4/23/12 15:54pm]

mzsadii said:

UPDATE: Thanks for your warm thoughts & prayers.

Surgery went well & now its time to heal Hurts like hell, but still grinning & bearing it. Coolest thing about the surgery other than my doctor is good-looking was the purple paper gown. It was thincker than most and had a place where they inserted a vacuum hose that pumped warm air, so I wasn't chilled in recovery. I looked like I was in a hazmet suit.

[Edited 4/23/12 15:54pm]

Glad to know everything went well!

mzsadii said:

UPDATE: Thanks for your warm thoughts & prayers.

Surgery went well & now its time to heal Hurts like hell, but still grinning & bearing it. Coolest thing about the surgery other than my doctor is good-looking was the purple paper gown. It was thincker than most and had a place where they inserted a vacuum hose that pumped warm air, so I wasn't chilled in recovery. I looked like I was in a hazmet suit.

[Edited 4/23/12 15:54pm]

I'm thankful that things went well...chronic ailments can be debilitating in every way,

During times when I've had a lot on my plate I used to stay frustrated and angry for long periods and depression would set in, not to mention the anxiety attacks.

Now I allow myself to have what I call a private "pity party" when I need it. I rage at the universe, cry and cuss a lot, but the difference is that now I set a limit on it by resolving my feelings before the day is done. A few years ago I realized that even though I can't control everything that life throws at me, many times I can control my reaction to circumstances and that realization has helped me put things in perspective. It works well most of the time.

Be well...I'll keep you in my prayers.

mzsadii said:

UPDATE: Thanks for your warm thoughts & prayers.

Surgery went well & now its time to heal Hurts like hell, but still grinning & bearing it. Coolest thing about the surgery other than my doctor is good-looking was the purple paper gown. It was thincker than most and had a place where they inserted a vacuum hose that pumped warm air, so I wasn't chilled in recovery. I looked like I was in a hazmet suit.

[Edited 4/23/12 15:54pm]

I am glad your surgery went well.... here's to aspeedy recovery and continued good health and well being to you. Amen.

mzsadii said:

UPDATE: Thanks for your warm thoughts & prayers.

Surgery went well & now its time to heal Hurts like hell, but still grinning & bearing it. Coolest thing about the surgery other than my doctor is good-looking was the purple paper gown. It was thincker than most and had a place where they inserted a vacuum hose that pumped warm air, so I wasn't chilled in recovery. I looked like I was in a hazmet suit.

[Edited 4/23/12 15:54pm]

Glad to hear some good news!

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. You'll be in my prayers

And every minute of every day, subconsciously, I ask myself that question.

Sometimes all I really needs is a hug and someone to tell me it'll be okay...

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. You'll be in my prayers

And every minute of every day, subconsciously, I ask myself that question.

Sometimes all I really needs is a hug and someone to tell me it'll be okay...

We all could use a hug like this I guess...

It's a similar situation for me. I miss the times when I had somebody to give me a hug and tell me it will be okay .

Serious said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. You'll be in my prayers

And every minute of every day, subconsciously, I ask myself that question.

Sometimes all I really needs is a hug and someone to tell me it'll be okay...

We all could use a hug like this I guess...

It's a similar situation for me. I miss the times when I had somebody to give me a hug and tell me it will be okay .

Thanks, doll. I'm here for you.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Serious said:

We all could use a hug like this I guess...

It's a similar situation for me. I miss the times when I had somebody to give me a hug and tell me it will be okay .

Thanks, doll. I'm here for you.

Hey, thanks, family. I appreciate all th prayers, hugs, and well wishes. I am doing better than expected. Damn these sutures itch like hell. But that's all I have to complain about. LOL.

As special shout out and going to destinyretro1 for helping make my bedrest full of shades of Purple Funk.

[Edited 4/25/12 18:47pm]

Nope.

Never.

Not to say that I don't experience lots of difficult shit. I just don't think that way. I don't stand in judgment of those who do, though. My husband says it a lot and I feel like he has every reason to feel that way. I'm just always aware of 1. How much worse it always could be, and 2. Life is hard; it won't ever stop being hard. It just is.

PunkMistress said:

Nope.

Never.

Not to say that I don't experience lots of difficult shit. I just don't think that way. I don't stand in judgment of those who do, though. My husband says it a lot and I feel like he has every reason to feel that way. I'm just always aware of 1. How much worse it always could be, and 2. Life is hard; it won't ever stop being hard. It just is.