women of the ORG, what do you think of this lady's theory? i find her confidence a bit over the top, but think she has a point.

do you agree that women in general sabotage their better looking sisters out of sheer spite and/or insecurity???

discuss. men, you too please. do you see women acting this way?

By Samantha Brick

PUBLISHED: 19:08 EST, 2 April 2012 | UPDATED: 09:10 EST, 5 April 2012

On a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when a stewardess came over and gave me a bottle of champagne.

‘This is from the captain — he wants to welcome you on board and hopes you have a great flight today,’ she explained.

You’re probably thinking ‘what a lovely surprise’. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me.

Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I don’t know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was standing behind him in the queue, while there was another occasion when a charming gentleman paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris.

Another time, as I was walking through London’s Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful bunch of flowers. Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill.

And whenever I’ve asked what I’ve done to deserve such treatment, the donors of these gifts have always said the same thing: my pleasing appearance and pretty smile made their day.

While I’m no Elle Macpherson, I’m tall, slim, blonde and, so I’m often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty — the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.

If you’re a woman reading this, I’d hazard that you’ve already formed your own opinion about me — and it won’t be very flattering. For while many doors have been opened (literally) as a result of my looks, just as many have been metaphorically slammed in my face — and usually by my own sex.

I’m not smug and I’m no flirt, yet over the years I’ve been dropped by countless friends who felt threatened if I was merely in the presence of their other halves. If their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.

And it is not just jealous wives who have frozen me out of their lives. Insecure female bosses have also barred me from promotions at work.

And most poignantly of all, not one girlfriend has ever asked me to be her bridesmaid.

You’d think we women would applaud each other for taking pride in our appearances.

I work at mine — I don’t drink or smoke, I work out, even when I don’t feel like it, and very rarely succumb to chocolate. Unfortunately women find nothing more annoying than someone else being the most attractive girl in a room.

Take last week, out walking the dogs a neighbour passed by in her car. I waved — she blatantly blanked me. Yet this is someone whose sons have stayed at my house, and who has been welcomed into my home on countless occasions.

I approached a mutual friend and discreetly enquired if I’d made a faux pas. It seems the only crime I’ve committed is not leaving the house with a bag over my head. She doesn’t like me, I discovered, because she views me as a threat. The friend pointed out she is shorter, heavier and older than me

And, according to our mutual friend, she is adamant that something could happen between her husband and me, ‘were the right circumstances in place’. Yet I’m happily married, and have been for the past four years.

This isn’t the first time such paranoia has gripped the women around me. In my early 20s, when I first started in television as a researcher, one female boss in her late 30s would regularly invite me over for dinner after a long day in the office.

I always accepted her invitation, as during office hours we got along famously. But one evening her partner was at home. We were all a couple of glasses of wine into the evening. Then he and I said we both liked the song we were listening to.

She laid into her bewildered partner for ‘fancying’ me, then turned on me, calling me unrepeatable names before ridiculing me for dying my hair and wearing lipstick. I declined any further invitations.

Therapist Marisa Peer, author of self-help guide Ultimate Confidence, says that women have always measured themselves against each other by their looks rather than achievements — and it can make the lives of the good-looking very difficult.

‘Many of my clients are models, yet people are always astounded when I explain they don’t have it easy,’ she says. If you are attractive other women think you lead a perfect life — which simply isn’t true.

‘They don’t realise you are just as vulnerable as they are. It’s hard when everyone resents you for your looks. Men think “what’s the point, she’s out of my league” and don’t ask you out. And women don’t want to hang out with someone more attractive than they are.’

I certainly found that out the hard way, particularly in the office.

One contract I accepted was blighted by a jealous female boss. It was the height of summer and I’d opted to wear knee length, cap-sleeved dresses. They were modest, yet pretty; more Kate Middleton than Katie Price.

But my boss pulled me into her office and informed me my dress style was distracting her male employees. I didn’t dare point out that there were other women in the office wearing similar attire.

Rather than argue, I worked out the rest of my contract wearing baggy, sombre-coloured trouser suits. It was clear that when you have a female boss, it’s best to let them shine, but when you have a male boss, it’s a different game: I have written in the Mail on how I have flirted to get ahead at work, something I’m sure many women do.

Women, however, are far more problematic. With one phenomenally tricky boss, I eventually managed to carve out a positive working relationship. But a year in, her attitude towards me changed; the deterioration began when she started to put on weight.

We were both employed by a big broadcasting company. One of our male UK chiefs recommended I take the company’s global leadership course, which meant doors would have opened for me around the world.

All I needed were two personal recommendations to be eligible. As everyone in the office agreed I was good at my job, I didn’t think this would be a problem.

But while the male executive signed the paperwork without hesitation my immediate boss refused to sign. When I asked her right-hand woman why, she pulled me to one side and explained that my boss was jealous of me.

Things between us rapidly deteriorated. Whenever I wore something new she’d sneer at me in front of other colleagues that she was the star, not me.

Six months later I handed in my notice. Privately she begged me to stay, blaming the nasty comments on her hormones. She was in her early 40s and confided she was having marital problems. But by then I’d had enough.

I find that older women are the most hostile to beautiful women — perhaps because they feel their own bloom fading. Because my husband is ten years older than me, his social circle is that bit older too.

As a Frenchman, he takes great pride in hearing other men declare that I’m a beautiful woman and always tells me to laugh off bitchy comments from other women.

Yet I dread the inevitable snarky comments. ‘Here she comes. We’re in the village hall yet Sam’s dressed for the Albert Hall,’ was one I recently overheard. As a result I find dinner parties and social gatherings fraught and if I can’t wriggle out of them, then often dress down in jeans and a demure, albeit pretty, top.

But even these ploys don’t always work. Take last summer and a birthday party I attended with my husband. At one point the host, who was celebrating his 50th, decided he wanted a photo with all the women guests. Positioning us, the photographer suggested I stand immediately to his right for the shot.

Another woman I barely knew pushed me out of the way, shouting it wasn’t fair on all the other women if I was dominating the snap. I was devastated and burst into tears. On my own in the loos one woman privately consoled me — well out of ear-shot of her girlfriends.

So now I’m 41 and probably one of very few women entering her fifth decade welcoming the decline of my looks. I can’t wait for the wrinkles and the grey hair that will help me blend into the background.

Perhaps then the sisterhood will finally stop judging me so harshly on what I look like, and instead accept me for who I am.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html#ixzz1rjgLX900

Seriously... while i dont think she is butt ugly, she must hang around some pretty damn awful looking people if she is the hottest thing around..

I dont "hate" pretty women, UNLESS they think they are all that and act that way... that attitude just infuriates me.. I cant stand people who think they are better than anyone else for whatever reason, be it looks, money, who they married..etc etc etc..

I only read about 2/3 of it, then I had enough.

First of all, I think she's quite bad looking actually.

Apart from that, yes, she might be right to a degree - I can imagine jealousy playing a big role in people's behaviour towards others (unfortunately), but she seems to be suggesting that jealousy usually derives from looks, which is bullshit. People can be jealous because you have better manners than them, dress better, are more laid-back, more intelligent and more successful than them etc. It's all about dealing with it and showing people that there's no need to be jealous, because extremely successful people can still be extremely nice people, for instance.

She also seems to suggest that women generally think that looks are the cat's whiskers, which is a terrible stereotype I don't support.

Generally, it's a very brave thing to say and one thing is simply true: some people look better than others and some people are very jealous of others. But I don't think being ugly will save you from people treating you badly, just like good looks won't guarantee you an awesome life. Charisma and a positive impression is about way more than simply looking good.

tinaz said:

Seriously... while i dont think she is butt ugly, she must hang around some pretty damn awful looking people if she is the hottest thing around..

I dont "hate" pretty women, UNLESS they think they are all that and act that way... that attitude just infuriates me.. I cant stand people who think they are better than anyone else for whatever reason, be it looks, money, who they married..etc etc etc..

I find it quite unsettling when people openly talk about how good they look. Not because self-confidence in other people unsettles me personally, but rather because I feel embarrassed for them and don't know what to say.

People should be able to take compliments seriously and thank for them. I think looking into the mirror and acknowledging that you look good is also important. But measuring your looks against the looks of other people is dispensable and ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with feeling satisfied with yourself, but it's important to stay level-headed and to not make a fool of yourself!

First let me say that yes, jealousy among women can be an issue. I don’t deny that it happens and I’m sure this woman has been on the receiving end of it a time or two.

And I have some downright gorgeous friends. Of course, petty jealousies can get the best of everyone now and again, but I’ve (mostly) grown out of that. I can’t imagine being jealous of a friend spending time with my bf, ‘cause I wouldn’t be friends with someone who I wouldn’t trust my bf around.

All that said, I think her problem is more about her attitude than her looks. Or something else about her. You tend to attract what you put out. I rarely see these problems in my life, but that’s because I wouldn’t put up with it. I’ve never seen office dynamics such as she’s described and I’ve moved around the same company with various teams and bosses and so on for 15 years.

Dave1992 said:

tinaz said:

Seriously... while i dont think she is butt ugly, she must hang around some pretty damn awful looking people if she is the hottest thing around..

I dont "hate" pretty women, UNLESS they think they are all that and act that way... that attitude just infuriates me.. I cant stand people who think they are better than anyone else for whatever reason, be it looks, money, who they married..etc etc etc..

I find it quite unsettling when people openly talk about how good they look. Not because self-confidence in other people unsettles me personally, but rather because I feel embarrassed for them and don't know what to say.

People should be able to take compliments seriously and thank for them. I think looking into the mirror and acknowledging that you look good is also important. But measuring your looks against the looks of other people is dispensable and ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with feeling satisfied with yourself, but it's important to stay level-headed and to not make a fool of yourself!

EXACTLY!!

Oh, please. Women at work aren't jealous of her because of how she looks (she's above average, I suppose, but hardly a raving beauty. She might want to do something about her stringy hair, for starters). They're pissed at her because of shit like this, "I have written in the Mail on how I have flirted to get ahead at work, something I’m sure many women do." And yet, a few paragraphs earlier, she'd been protesting that, "I’m not smug and I’m no flirt." Honey, you just called bullshit on yourself!

Her neighbor who "blanked her" when she drove by, probably had something else on her mind and didn't see her. And then, she proceeded to talk about said woman behind her back. Yeah, we chicks really dig that kind of behavior.

This woman needs to get over herself. She can't wait for gray hair and wrinkles? Please. She'll be first in line at the salon and Dr. Botox.

Genesia said:

Oh, please. Women at work aren't jealous of her because of how she looks (she's above average, I suppose, but hardly a raving beauty. She might want to do something about her stringy hair, for starters). They're pissed at her because of shit like this, "I have written in the Mail on how I have flirted to get ahead at work, something I’m sure many women do." And yet, a few paragraphs earlier, she'd been protesting that, "I’m not smug and I’m no flirt." Honey, you just called bullshit on yourself!

Her neighbor who "blanked her" when she drove by, probably had something else on her mind and didn't see her. And then, she proceeded to talk about said woman behind her back. Yeah, we chicks really dig that kind of behavior.

This woman needs to get over herself. She can't wait for gray hair and wrinkles? Please. She'll be first in line at the salon and Dr. Botox.

And that's exactly what I meant by it's her "attitude" not her looks.

I miss the days when women only wanted to look hot for their husbands, and viceversa...

this whole "I need the whole neighbourhood/internet to say yes you're so beauty" thing is getting ridiculous

another symbol of western decadence

CarrieMpls said:

Genesia said:

Oh, please. Women at work aren't jealous of her because of how she looks (she's above average, I suppose, but hardly a raving beauty. She might want to do something about her stringy hair, for starters). They're pissed at her because of shit like this, "I have written in the Mail on how I have flirted to get ahead at work, something I’m sure many women do." And yet, a few paragraphs earlier, she'd been protesting that, "I’m not smug and I’m no flirt." Honey, you just called bullshit on yourself!

Her neighbor who "blanked her" when she drove by, probably had something else on her mind and didn't see her. And then, she proceeded to talk about said woman behind her back. Yeah, we chicks really dig that kind of behavior.

This woman needs to get over herself. She can't wait for gray hair and wrinkles? Please. She'll be first in line at the salon and Dr. Botox.

And that's exactly what I meant by it's her "attitude" not her looks.

Yup. And, like you, I have never experienced workplace the kind of workplace "jealousy" she describes.

What Genesia said...

Now I have been given advice like

"You should really think about surgery for your nose, its too big"

"You should lose weight."

"You look like a Haitian"

The back-handed compliments and snide remarks come from women who are either trying to help me and are just too crass or they are projecting their own insecurities on me, point is, only YOU allow how other people make you feel about yourself and I will never allow some person who is insecure make me feel bad about how I look.

"Too pretty"??? There is no such thing since there is always someone prettier, ALWAYS! So be the best you, you can be and enjoy you to the fullest. F-that, life is just too short to be worried about what others think anyways.

That woman is immature.

Women are so hard on each other so I don't doubt what she's claiming, and I'm sure jealousy happens...but I think the real dislike happens when other women see a pretty girl reveling in the attention she gets. Maybe they think it's being thrown in their face, or that they automatically think that pretty girl thinks she's better than everyone else...even if that's not the case at all.

JustErin said:

Women are so hard on each other so I don't doubt what she's claiming, and I'm sure jealousy happens...but I think the real dislike happens when other women see a pretty girl reveling in the attention she gets. Maybe they think it's being thrown in their face, or that they automatically think that pretty girl thinks she's better than everyone else...even if that's not the case at all.

Oh, I think it's pretty clear from the article that that's exactly what she thinks!

Genesia said:

Most pretty women I know never sweat what others are thinking of them... only the women who are intimidated by other women do that sort of thing. IMHO.

Most pretty women I know step with confidence into any setting and even if they are accused of being arrogant or conceited they never allow that to bother them. They just take it all in stride and never wish for gray hair or wrinkles. I never met a pretty woman who allows herself to be bothered so by other women's opinions, she usually just surrounds herself with men and other pretty women just like her in an unapologetic fashion.

Jealousy does exist, but I am not really confident in saying grown women DON'T stoop that low. That usually is some drama among younger circles of girls who don't know themselves are are trying to figure life out in general.

Grown women with full lives? Naw, most of them are above that.

crap, gotta proofread first ... edit.

[Edited 4/12/12 6:05am]

tinaz said:

Seriously... while i dont think she is butt ugly, she must hang around some pretty damn awful looking people if she is the hottest thing around..

I dont "hate" pretty women, UNLESS they think they are all that and act that way... that attitude just infuriates me.. I cant stand people who think they are better than anyone else for whatever reason, be it looks, money, who they married..etc etc etc..

i have worked with women who were absolutely stunning and yes, they did know it and yes, it affected the way they treated other people. 'you aren't as special as i am...."

Dave1992 said:

I only read about 2/3 of it, then I had enough.

First of all, I think she's quite bad looking actually.

Apart from that, yes, she might be right to a degree - I can imagine jealousy playing a big role in people's behaviour towards others (unfortunately), but she seems to be suggesting that jealousy usually derives from looks, which is bullshit. People can be jealous because you have better manners than them, dress better, are more laid-back, more intelligent and more successful than them etc. It's all about dealing with it and showing people that there's no need to be jealous, because extremely successful people can still be extremely nice people, for instance.

She also seems to suggest that women generally think that looks are the cat's whiskers, which is a terrible stereotype I don't support.

Generally, it's a very brave thing to say and one thing is simply true: some people look better than others and some people are very jealous of others. But I don't think being ugly will save you from people treating you badly, just like good looks won't guarantee you an awesome life. Charisma and a positive impression is about way more than simply looking good.

good points, thanks for your input!!

CarrieMpls said:

First let me say that yes, jealousy among women can be an issue. I don’t deny that it happens and I’m sure this woman has been on the receiving end of it a time or two.

And I have some downright gorgeous friends. Of course, petty jealousies can get the best of everyone now and again, but I’ve (mostly) grown out of that. I can’t imagine being jealous of a friend spending time with my bf, ‘cause I wouldn’t be friends with someone who I wouldn’t trust my bf around.

All that said, I think her problem is more about her attitude than her looks. Or something else about her. You tend to attract what you put out. I rarely see these problems in my life, but that’s because I wouldn’t put up with it. I’ve never seen office dynamics such as she’s described and I’ve moved around the same company with various teams and bosses and so on for 15 years.

i bet it's a combination of both. i have seen office dynamics like the ones she describes, but usually the good looks of the woman in question were supplemented by her 'god loves me more than you 'cause i'm so pretty' attitude.

Genesia said:

Oh, please. Women at work aren't jealous of her because of how she looks (she's above average, I suppose, but hardly a raving beauty. She might want to do something about her stringy hair, for starters). They're pissed at her because of shit like this, "I have written in the Mail on how I have flirted to get ahead at work, something I’m sure many women do." And yet, a few paragraphs earlier, she'd been protesting that, "I’m not smug and I’m no flirt." Honey, you just called bullshit on yourself!

Her neighbor who "blanked her" when she drove by, probably had something else on her mind and didn't see her. And then, she proceeded to talk about said woman behind her back. Yeah, we chicks really dig that kind of behavior.

This woman needs to get over herself. She can't wait for gray hair and wrinkles? Please. She'll be first in line at the salon and Dr. Botox.

yep

JoeTyler said:

I miss the days when women only wanted to look hot for their husbands, and viceversa...

this whole "I need the whole neighbourhood/internet to say yes you're so beauty" thing is getting ridiculous

another symbol of western decadence

i'm not beautiful just for you today

paintedlady said:

What Genesia said...

Now I have been given advice like

"You should really think about surgery for your nose, its too big"

"You should lose weight."

"You look like a Haitian"

The back-handed compliments and snide remarks come from women who are either trying to help me and are just too crass or they are projecting their own insecurities on me, point is, only YOU allow how other people make you feel about yourself and I will never allow some person who is insecure make me feel bad about how I look.

"Too pretty"??? There is no such thing since there is always someone prettier, ALWAYS! So be the best you, you can be and enjoy you to the fullest. F-that, life is just too short to be worried about what others think anyways.

That woman is immature.

good point.

JustErin said:

Women are so hard on each other so I don't doubt what she's claiming, and I'm sure jealousy happens...but I think the real dislike happens when other women see a pretty girl reveling in the attention she gets. Maybe they think it's being thrown in their face, or that they automatically think that pretty girl thinks she's better than everyone else...even if that's not the case at all.

judging from the content of the article in question and the very fact that it was written, i would guess that the author is fairly outspoken about her ideas and opinions; in general people don't like this behavior in a woman.

Like Dave, I read about 2/3'ds of this and quit.

Yeah women can be cruel to other women they percieve as "more beautiful" than them. How do you think this fairy tale came about?

Even the most beautiful women can be intimidated...

But truthfully, all women at some point or other have felt a little insecure around more prettier women, either by their confidence or by the attention they get from other men. It's perfectly natural. But it's all about what you do with it. You can face it, accept it, and embrace yourself because you yourself are beautiful. Or you could bitch and moan about it and take you anger out on your percieved competition. It's all about maturity and faith in yourself.

XxAxX said:

JustErin said:

Women are so hard on each other so I don't doubt what she's claiming, and I'm sure jealousy happens...but I think the real dislike happens when other women see a pretty girl reveling in the attention she gets. Maybe they think it's being thrown in their face, or that they automatically think that pretty girl thinks she's better than everyone else...even if that's not the case at all.

judging from the content of the article in question and the very fact that it was written, i would guess that the author is fairly outspoken about her ideas and opinions; in general people don't like this behavior in a woman.

Being outspoken in your ideas or opinions is unfavourable behaviour in a woman?

Despite all the "love yourself", "you're beautiful as you are" talk that people spew out all the time, people HATE it when someone actually has the nerve to mention that they think they are attractive, especially if they are also considered attractive by many.

The fact that she may think a little too highly of herself (and maybe even be a little paranoid) does not discredit some of the points she makes.

I also disagree that older women are less likely to feel jealousy or at least act out on it. Young and old act out this way all the time.

While I’m no Elle Macpherson

good she had to point that out for us

I work with some actually real pretty girls and rarely ever were their tiffs looks-related, it's mostly stuff to do with attitude issues, especially when it comes to boss-trainees relationships.

actually just this past week we witnessed a real vicious fight as one of the female bosses made the mistake of asking one of the new girls (not even at her department) to go fetch her purse for her I guess the sensitivity stems from the fact you often don't see these same women ask such things of male trainees.

granted, the same scenario happens amongst male employees too.

JustErin said:

XxAxX said:

judging from the content of the article in question and the very fact that it was written, i would guess that the author is fairly outspoken about her ideas and opinions; in general people don't like this behavior in a woman.

Being outspoken in your ideas or opinions is unfavourable behaviour in a woman?

Despite all the "love yourself", "you're beautiful as you are" talk that people spew out all the time, people HATE it when someone actually has the nerve to mention that they think they are attractive, especially if they are also considered attractive by many.

The fact that she may think a little too highly of herself (and maybe even be a little paranoid) does not discredit some of the points she makes.

I also disagree that older women are less likely to feel jealousy or at least act out on it. Young and old act out this way all the time.

I dont think people hate a comment here and there, but it all depends on how much you hear about it and the attitude that goes along with it... How many people do you know that walk around talking about how beautiful they are... THOSE kind of people are annoying and noone likes to be around annoying people so they blame it on jealousy... it usually boils down to a persons personality..

Pretty? She looks like my sister.

TheDigitalGardener said:

Pretty? She looks like my sister.

Wow.

I don't get it, she doesn't have pretty friends? I mean, she's alright looking but seriously she's not that pretty, definitely nothing exotic or unique looking, not to the point that she's so much prettier than every female she comes in contact with. And yet no one has ever asked her to be a bridesmaid because she's too pretty? I think there might be a little bit more to it like the things that tend to come out of her mouth make other women want to keep their distance.

she's not pretty