First of all, I'm glad that me & my daughter have an open line of communication,,,but, it seems that its not good enough.

She has a knack for sketching and drawing since elementary school, but this past whole year she has been into drawing very disturbing & gruesome subjects. And thats not all, it didn't hit me until much later when I realized that she is more expressive with her drawing than interacting with people, the girl is scared out of her wit to have a simple conversation with people, I have no idea why. She's living in her own little world and she's more than willing to stay in her room 24/7 without any outside contact with the world - except me, of course. I'm afraid if she continues this way she might became needy.

I didn't show my concern to her because I'm afraid it might backfire and she would never confide to me at all after that(for fear of being burdensome, which is another bullshit notion that got into her head from god knows where), and then there's this pride factor, which will kick in IF I took her to her school's psychiatrist, which I SO wanna do right now.

And I'm afraid that my family ain't much help, good intentions notwithstanding. My mother is giving me the "She's only going through her teen age phase" shrug while my aunties are giving me the tired "Be glad she ain't hooked on drugs or blah blah", but I've been through the headache of teen agism, its just I don't want her to carry the baggage of teen age years into her adulthood, and I don't want to hurt her in the process even though my intention is to help her.

In short, she seems like she's on the verge of going through what terrifies me the most - depression. I'm a manic depressive myself, and I can't even entertain the thought of my child going through the same headache.

Does anybody have this same problem? If so, how do you deal with it? Sorry for the long post btw.

I feel for ya Harl...and you don't normally spill like that, so it must really be bothering you.

I would definately get help through counseling. The anti-social aspect is what worries me...I know all kids are different, and i have a nephew who has not formed good social skills, as he gets older, I want (need) to spend more time with him.

Have a heart to heart with her and let here know that whatever avenue you take, it's with good intentions.

Revolution said:

I feel for ya Harl...and you don't normally spill like that, so it must really be bothering you.

I would definately get help through counseling. The anti-social aspect is what worries me...I know all kids are different, and i have a nephew who has not formed good social skills, as he gets older, I want (need) to spend more time with him.

Have a heart to heart with her and let here know that whatever avenue you take, it's with good intentions.

Thank you. I def want to walk down the counseling route myself, but its going to require some walking on egg shells to get to that point, because from where she's sitting, she wouldn't understand why would she need counseling.

Thanks again.

I'm not a parent, but maybe I can help due to some kind of first-hand experience, from the view of the child.

How old is she?

I remember going through two phases of quite severe depression when I was younger.

The first was when I was about ten - It took almost a year to somehow get out of it and in that year I changed completely. I seperated emotionally from my mother (whom I started to absolutely not get along with at all), didn't spend any time outside and didn't really have any friends or anyone to talk to apart from my father. However, I never told him that I cried every single night and didn't want to live anymore, because I was afraid it would hurt him and bother him too much - I really loved him a lot and I knew he loved me too. He was going through a rough patch at that time, so I didn't want to make it any worse.

Basically, I reconstructed my whole world - my emotional world, the way I thought and processed things, my interests, changed the people I surrounded myself with and basically just made it myself. As a result, I had changed so much I never connected with my mum again, but I learned logic and how to take care of myself and how to react to certain "dangerous" emotions. I reconstructed my world because I started to really feel tired. Tired of not sleeping, tired of being sad, tired of feeling lonely, tired of not moving forward and tired of feeling misunderstood. I knew I had two choices: either taking my own life or changing everything inside and around me. I tried taking my life once, but then I realised I had to be there for my little brother (who was born around that time) and for my father and I didn't want to hurt any of them by taking my life. So I changed, but I still think I changed for good.

The second time was a couple of years ago, when I was about 17. I remember drinking a bottle of wine a day, locking the door to my room, not talking to anyone (although I did have loads of friends who were worried and loads of people who cared). By that time, I was already living in the basement of my father's house and my dad was trying very hard to keep the close contact we used to have when we were not living together. But someone I couldn't. I knew I still loved him, but I felt like noone would understand why I was so sad. He knew I was drinking a lot and he often tried talking to me about it, but I don't think he ever knew how much I actually drank. In the end, I seeked help myself. I changed a lot about my life again and basically started all over again (just like the first time I felt this way). I seeked help because of the alcohol problem and I seeked help because of the depression. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't and I'm sure I wouldn't have wanted my father to approach me about my depression (he asked me a couple of times whether I thought I suffered from depression, but I always said "no"). The most important thing was to keep it all private and not to share it with anyone I was close to, because I felt ashamed and weak. They still don't know to this day.

Maybe this will help you in one way or another. I didn't want anyone close to me to know about my feelings, because I would have felt extremely embarrassed and because I didn't want to bother any of the people I loved. Try to unobtrusively show her or expose her to the beautiful details in life and, most importantly, make her feel that she is not alone and that there are people who understand her, even if only few.

It's difficult to express and to go into more details, really, but if you feel like I could help you out with sharing more about something specific, feel free to orgnote me.

Yeah, I would be a bit worried because there is no better thing to go on than your intuition....especially if you have good relationship.

I would probably try to talk to her first by asking her to explain her art, see if you can reach her that way. I'd appraoch her in a friendly curious way, not in way that says you're alarmed.

Dave1992 said:

I'm not a parent, but maybe I can help due to some kind of first-hand experience, from the view of the child.

How old is she?

I remember going through two phases of quite severe depression when I was younger.

The first was when I was about ten - It took almost a year to somehow get out of it and in that year I changed completely. I seperated emotionally from my mother (whom I started to absolutely not get along with at all), didn't spend any time outside and didn't really have any friends or anyone to talk to apart from my father. However, I never told him that I cried every single night and didn't want to live anymore, because I was afraid it would hurt him and bother him too much - I really loved him a lot and I knew he loved me too. He was going through a rough patch at that time, so I didn't want to make it any worse.

Basically, I reconstructed my whole world - my emotional world, the way I thought and processed things, my interests, changed the people I surrounded myself with and basically just made it myself. As a result, I had changed so much I never connected with my mum again, but I learned logic and how to take care of myself and how to react to certain "dangerous" emotions. I reconstructed my world because I started to really feel tired. Tired of not sleeping, tired of being sad, tired of feeling lonely, tired of not moving forward and tired of feeling misunderstood. I knew I had two choices: either taking my own life or changing everything inside and around me. I tried taking my life once, but then I realised I had to be there for my little brother (who was born around that time) and for my father and I didn't want to hurt any of them by taking my life. So I changed, but I still think I changed for good.

The second time was a couple of years ago, when I was about 17. I remember drinking a bottle of wine a day, locking the door to my room, not talking to anyone (although I did have loads of friends who were worried and loads of people who cared). By that time, I was already living in the basement of my father's house and my dad was trying very hard to keep the close contact we used to have when we were not living together. But someone I couldn't. I knew I still loved him, but I felt like noone would understand why I was so sad. He knew I was drinking a lot and he often tried talking to me about it, but I don't think he ever knew how much I actually drank. In the end, I seeked help myself. I changed a lot about my life again and basically started all over again (just like the first time I felt this way). I seeked help because of the alcohol problem and I seeked help because of the depression. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't and I'm sure I wouldn't have wanted my father to approach me about my depression (he asked me a couple of times whether I thought I suffered from depression, but I always said "no"). The most important thing was to keep it all private and not to share it with anyone I was close to, because I felt ashamed and weak. They still don't know to this day.

Maybe this will help you in one way or another. I didn't want anyone close to me to know about my feelings, because I would have felt extremely embarrassed and because I didn't want to bother any of the people I loved. Try to unobtrusively show her or expose her to the beautiful details in life and, most importantly, make her feel that she is not alone and that there are people who understand her, even if only few.

It's difficult to express and to go into more details, really, but if you feel like I could help you out with sharing more about something specific, feel free to orgnote me.

AKA the synopsis of every person suffering from depression I've been through this garbage too.

And thats exactly why I encourage her to talk my ears off because god knows otherwise,,,,,

The thing that messes me up though is, she's perfectly aware of how folks at school view her and how family thinks there's "something wrong with her", she's not entirely clueless about why she's not, social, for lack of a better term.

Yet, she seems perfectly ok with the idea of living comfortabely with whatever she's going though, which I'm trying to fight from happening, because too much of that has the potential of leading through drastic things. Like you mentioned earlier, suicide. You have no idea how hard it is to type this, and out on the open, but I have to. I'm also terrified by the thought that we might end estranged if I tried to help her, she has my stubborn streak, but if push comes to shove, I might settle with playing the villian parent role if it will serve the grand scheme of things; her.

She's an artist? She likes being alone like I do...

IF she always liked being alone as a little girl and was pretty self reliant when it came to entertainment then I wouldn't worry.

NOW.... socially she should have ONE good friend. All you need is one, someone she can talk to and share/grow emotionally with. If she has no friends at all then you should worry!

I (as an artistic teen) hated dumb assed people in my school, I never felt a need to run in any crowd and wore clothing that made me unpopular on purpose. I drew what I wanted, mostly sexual stuff.

So as her mom you should ask her straight out why she likes to draw the stuff she draws. My son likes anime and all things "Japan" so he is into drawing bloody scenes and warriors. We speak of things he is interested in and I allow the warrior drawings coated in blood and decapitations for now... so as he knows he should come to me if anyone messes with him. I also am involved in his school and soeak to his teacher and classmates almost daily. He gets bullied and I am teaching him now how to assert himself. He's good and the drawings are just drawings.

So its all relative.

Figure out if she has no one to talk to her own age, no friends at all is a very bad sign. Get to know the friends your children keep VERY well. Don't need some weirdo intoducing bad habits. Does she have other hobbies? What is her usual day like?( No need to answer here.)

Do you and her talk about each others day when you two see eachother after school/work and catch up on each other's day?* This part is key to keeping her healthy in the mind and you nipping any BS in the bud.

If she really likes to draw, its time you introduce her to a professional anatomy/drawing painting class that will hone her ability and allow her to explore her talent in a positive direction.

paintedlady said:

She's an artist? She likes being alone like I do...

IF she always liked being alone as a little girl and was pretty self reliant when it came to entertainment then I wouldn't worry.

NOW.... socially she should have ONE good friend. All you need is one, someone she can talk to and share/grow emotionally with. If she has no friends at all then you should worry!

I (as an artistic teen) hated dumb assed people in my school, I never felt a need to run in any crowd and wore clothing that made me unpopular on purpose. I drew what I wanted, mostly sexual stuff.

So as her mom you should ask her straight out why she likes to draw the stuff she draws. My son likes anime and all things "Japan" so he is into drawing bloody scenes and warriors. We speak of things he is interested in and I allow the warrior drawings coated in blood and decapitations for now... so as he knows he should come to me if anyone messes with him. I also am involved in his school and soeak to his teacher and classmates almost daily. He gets bullied and I am teaching him now how to assert himself. He's good and the drawings are just drawings.

So its all relative.

Figure out if she has no one to talk to her own age, no friends at all is a very bad sign. Get to know the friends your children keep VERY well. Don't need some weirdo intoducing bad habits. Does she have other hobbies? What is her usual day like?( No need to answer here.)

Do you and her talk about each others day when you two see eachother after school/work and catch up on each other's day?* This part is key to keeping her healthy in the mind and you nipping any BS in the bud.

If she really likes to draw, its time you introduce her to a professional anatomy/drawing painting class that will hone her ability and allow her to explore her talent in a positive direction.

She is definitly way more creative and intellectually equipped than I when I was her age, fact is, I learned alot from her. Which is a good & a bad sign, I love that she's a curious person and very well read for her age, but it brought her this indifferent attitude toward folks her age (Like you, she thinks the kids in her school are walking around with "mucus in their skulls instead of brain cells" - her words) - NOT cute, because I know that she'll get herself into fights with mentality, and she did.

I think the problem escalated when her only friend moved with her parents to Denver. After that she became content with through herself completely into solitude. I find comfort in the fact that she talks to me about what happens in her daily routine, and I even try in my simple way to give her some cretique when she shows me her work - even though I'm hiding my disturbance from it -- I'm glad that at least she's investing her time on something that enhances her creativity. Tthe issue is though, when I try to bring her out with me whenever I go outside like shopping for the house or just walking, its like pulling teeth with a screwdriver.

Good call on the professional anatomy advice, I'l try to get that settled out, I truly hope this thing works.

Oh... duh, and also express these concerns with her pediatrician/doctor ... it never hurts to see a family therapist to make sure.

I have counselors/therapists available to me for my children at their school and hospital. This can come through their school, or church but it MUST be someone you trust and knows has the best intention for your family.

Harlepolis said:

paintedlady said:

She's an artist? She likes being alone like I do...

IF she always liked being alone as a little girl and was pretty self reliant when it came to entertainment then I wouldn't worry.

NOW.... socially she should have ONE good friend. All you need is one, someone she can talk to and share/grow emotionally with. If she has no friends at all then you should worry!

I (as an artistic teen) hated dumb assed people in my school, I never felt a need to run in any crowd and wore clothing that made me unpopular on purpose. I drew what I wanted, mostly sexual stuff.

So as her mom you should ask her straight out why she likes to draw the stuff she draws. My son likes anime and all things "Japan" so he is into drawing bloody scenes and warriors. We speak of things he is interested in and I allow the warrior drawings coated in blood and decapitations for now... so as he knows he should come to me if anyone messes with him. I also am involved in his school and soeak to his teacher and classmates almost daily. He gets bullied and I am teaching him now how to assert himself. He's good and the drawings are just drawings.

So its all relative.

Figure out if she has no one to talk to her own age, no friends at all is a very bad sign. Get to know the friends your children keep VERY well. Don't need some weirdo intoducing bad habits. Does she have other hobbies? What is her usual day like?( No need to answer here.)

Do you and her talk about each others day when you two see eachother after school/work and catch up on each other's day?* This part is key to keeping her healthy in the mind and you nipping any BS in the bud.

If she really likes to draw, its time you introduce her to a professional anatomy/drawing painting class that will hone her ability and allow her to explore her talent in a positive direction.

She is definitly way more creative and intellectually equipped than I when I was her age, fact is, I learned alot from her. Which is a good & a bad sign, I love that she's a curious person and very well read for her age, but it brought her this indifferent attitude toward folks her age (Like you, she thinks the kids in her school are walking around with "mucus in their skulls instead of brain cells" - her words) - NOT cute, because I know that she'll get herself into fights with mentality, and she did.

I think the problem escalated when her only friend moved with her parents to Denver. After that she became content with through herself completely into solitude. I find comfort in the fact that she talks to me about what happens in her daily routine, and I even try in my simple way to give her some cretique when she shows me her work - even though I'm hiding my disturbance from it -- I'm glad that at least she's investing her time on something that enhances her creativity. Tthe issue is though, when I try to bring her out with me whenever I go outside like shopping for the house or just walking, its like pulling teeth with a screwdriver.

Good call on the professional anatomy advice, I'l try to get that settled out, I truly hope this thing works.

Her best buddy moved away

Its hard finding someone you click on many levels with. I can relate to your daughter. I made an eclectic group of friends AT school... but since they always came with issues I never hung out with them outside of school. They were more of my associates since they were into being popular.

I was more of a lone wolf and found another lone wolf to roam with in our own unique way.

If she moved away I would have been alone for the most part.

I would ask her about her artwork straight out. If it bothers you you should say so.

A STRONG reaction is a GOOD one for any artist, good or bad. Art is only bad when people haave no reaction and can feel nothing from it.

So she must be a good artist if it disturbs you... she isn't "bland".

Get her in an art class.... and see a therapist. Do NOT be surprised if she becomes fascinated with phallic objects and dicks during ort after her class... that shits normal.

paintedlady said:

Oh... duh, and also express these concerns with her pediatrician/doctor ... it never hurts to see a family therapist to make sure.

I have counselors/therapists available to me for my children at their school and hospital. This can come through their school, or church but it MUST be someone you trust and knows has the best intention for your family.

when i was a kid i was good at drawin

and very creative in my characters,

a lot of my creations took on morbitity

and strange animalistic people rather,

people with animal characteristics.

my family distroyed my work,

imagine years later when most cartoons

were those very characters

art is the mind findin expression

of imagination, if it's not on paper

it's just in the head. YOU can see

it on paper, you won't see it in her head...

The more I think of this the more I say that baygirl is just fine, she just has an appreciation that is beyond her years when it comes to expressing her art.

I was like that too...

You two seem close and I think she is gonna be more than fine because she has an awesome mom looking out for her. Get that child in an art class so she can see what real bits on people look like and then she'll .... well she'll really like drawing dicks in art class.... but atleast you'll know why and she'll have a better opportunity to express her art when she is introduced to new mediums.

She's the quiet artistic type that doesn't run with rowdy girls seeking popularity... I think she's better off than most kids her age. She already has a strong sense of self and appreciates who she is as an individual.

She'll make friends in art class with people who can vibe with her. Kudos mom!

Thank you for the much needed feedback guys

paintedlady said:

She's an artist? She likes being alone like I do...

IF she always liked being alone as a little girl and was pretty self reliant when it came to entertainment then I wouldn't worry.

NOW.... socially she should have ONE good friend. All you need is one, someone she can talk to and share/grow emotionally with. If she has no friends at all then you should worry!

I (as an artistic teen) hated dumb assed people in my school, I never felt a need to run in any crowd and wore clothing that made me unpopular on purpose. I drew what I wanted, mostly sexual stuff.

So as her mom you should ask her straight out why she likes to draw the stuff she draws. My son likes anime and all things "Japan" so he is into drawing bloody scenes and warriors. We speak of things he is interested in and I allow the warrior drawings coated in blood and decapitations for now... so as he knows he should come to me if anyone messes with him. I also am involved in his school and soeak to his teacher and classmates almost daily. He gets bullied and I am teaching him now how to assert himself. He's good and the drawings are just drawings.

So its all relative.

Figure out if she has no one to talk to her own age, no friends at all is a very bad sign. Get to know the friends your children keep VERY well. Don't need some weirdo intoducing bad habits. Does she have other hobbies? What is her usual day like?( No need to answer here.)

Do you and her talk about each others day when you two see eachother after school/work and catch up on each other's day?* This part is key to keeping her healthy in the mind and you nipping any BS in the bud.

If she really likes to draw, its time you introduce her to a professional anatomy/drawing painting class that will hone her ability and allow her to explore her talent in a positive direction.

I hate to be the guy who just posts, "This," but......THIS!

As a musician myself, there are certain things I could sing, but don't feel like I could ever say. And I used to like to draw morbid things when I was younger and I'd like to think I turned out okay.

Like paintedlady said, encourage her talents, because she's obviously got them. Artistic kids often feel like they're alone in the world (I still feel this way once in awhile even though I know it's not the truth) because they think differently and I'd bet this is part of how she's feeling. ASk her to explain her art if she can, get her talking about it. Chances are, you'll learn more about her from asking about her art than you will asking her to talk about herself.

paintedlady said:

She's an artist? She likes being alone like I do...

IF she always liked being alone as a little girl and was pretty self reliant when it came to entertainment then I wouldn't worry.

NOW.... socially she should have ONE good friend. All you need is one, someone she can talk to and share/grow emotionally with. If she has no friends at all then you should worry!

I (as an artistic teen) hated dumb assed people in my school, I never felt a need to run in any crowd and wore clothing that made me unpopular on purpose. I drew what I wanted, mostly sexual stuff.

So as her mom you should ask her straight out why she likes to draw the stuff she draws. My son likes anime and all things "Japan" so he is into drawing bloody scenes and warriors. We speak of things he is interested in and I allow the warrior drawings coated in blood and decapitations for now... so as he knows he should come to me if anyone messes with him. I also am involved in his school and soeak to his teacher and classmates almost daily. He gets bullied and I am teaching him now how to assert himself. He's good and the drawings are just drawings.

So its all relative.

Figure out if she has no one to talk to her own age, no friends at all is a very bad sign. Get to know the friends your children keep VERY well. Don't need some weirdo intoducing bad habits. Does she have other hobbies? What is her usual day like?( No need to answer here.)

Do you and her talk about each others day when you two see eachother after school/work and catch up on each other's day?* This part is key to keeping her healthy in the mind and you nipping any BS in the bud.

If she really likes to draw, its time you introduce her to a professional anatomy/drawing painting class that will hone her ability and allow her to explore her talent in a positive direction.

Wonderful advice.

Our youngest daughter sometimes draws disturbing stuff. Violent things, weird anthropomorphic vegetables wielding bloody axes. I've also found sexual drawings, but thankfully those are never violent, just depictions of people kissing or being naked in bed together. One was a series of panels that showed a man and a woman naked (dude was hanging down to his KNEES, I pity her boyfriends' egos with those expectations), then kissing in bed, then the woman with a big pregnant belly, then a baby. The mom and dad were smiling in all the panels. Once I found a pair of lesbian vampires kissing each other. I sometimes ask calm questions about drawings I find, but mostly make no deal of it.

She's been a loner since she was very small, and her preschool teachers actually expressed concern about it, but I asked, "Does she seem happy when she plays by herself?" They said yes, so I told them to let her do what makes her happy as long as she wasn't being hurtful to anyone else or herself. She enjoys reading, drawing and playing her instrument by herself, but she is able to relate to others and show affection to us.

I'm sure your darling daughter will be fine, especially with a mother who is so involved, caring and aware.

paintedlady said:

The more I think of this the more I say that baygirl is just fine, she just has an appreciation that is beyond her years when it comes to expressing her art.

I was like that too...

You two seem close and I think she is gonna be more than fine because she has an awesome mom looking out for her. Get that child in an art class so she can see what real bits on people look like and then she'll .... well she'll really like drawing dicks in art class.... but atleast you'll know why and she'll have a better opportunity to express her art when she is introduced to new mediums.

She's the quiet artistic type that doesn't run with rowdy girls seeking popularity... I think she's better off than most kids her age. She already has a strong sense of self and appreciates who she is as an individual.

She'll make friends in art class with people who can vibe with her. Kudos mom!

YES!

Painted, you should be everyone's mom!

Harle, I can definitely relate to the intellectual snobbery, too. LOL. Our little one looks down her nose at most kids her age. I can't stand it, as much as I'm proud of her for being intelligent and well-read. We definitely discourage thinking you're better than anyone else. Especially since that shit can get your ass kicked, helloooo! And because it makes you an asshole. Chris and I want her to understand that it's okay to not need the approval of others, but that in no way means you have the right to offend them just because you don't desire their friendship.

I'm also a mom with clinical depression who gets terrified at the signs of the same in my kids. When they were younger and we went through some scary stuff with their biological father, I took them to family counseling. They weren't 100 percent comfortable opening up, but I think it did them some good to have an expert tell them their uncomfortable feelings are okay and normal, and to have a safe space to talk about things with someone who isn't their mom, i.e. someone they're not afraid of upsetting or hurting.

I definitely second the art-class advice, or maybe even some books if that's not an option. All in all, I'd say keep doing exactly what you're doing. Keep talking to her, keep encouraging her to talk to you, keep that line of communication (and your eyes) open. My mom was such an ostrich with her head in the sand when it came to anything going on with me. I'm determined to be the exact opposite with my kids, and kudos to you for doing the same.

I think I would talk to the school psychiatrist about your worries.

Maybe even with a mentor from school?

I would want to share and discuss what worries me. Maybe there are things going on between her and classmates or on internet.

Together with the psychiatrist I would discuss and plan on how to act. And evaluate how it went to see if I could be of any better support for her.

I also want to advise to make sure to get support for yourself too. Makes you stronger so you can be somebody she knows she can rely on.

It's allways nice to back yourself up with some professional knowledge and diverse information about her in different settings.

Good luck.

I do think it is important to do something. Don't wait and see. Better save than sorry.

Wish you and your daughter well!

I don't have anything to add, but I ran across this and thought it might interest..

March 29, 2012
The best way to nurture children's inner lives, Sylvia Boorstein says, is by taking care of our own inner selves for their sake. At a public event in suburban Detroit, Krista Tippett draws out the warmth and wisdom of the celebrated Jewish-Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist. And, in a light-hearted moment that is an audience pleaser, Boorstein shares what GPS might teach us about "recalculating" and our own inner equanimity.
» Learn more + listen to the show.

dJJ said:

I think I would talk to the school psychiatrist about your worries.

Maybe even with a mentor from school?

I would want to share and discuss what worries me. Maybe there are things going on between her and classmates or on internet.

Together with the psychiatrist I would discuss and plan on how to act. And evaluate how it went to see if I could be of any better support for her.

I also want to advise to make sure to get support for yourself too. Makes you stronger so you can be somebody she knows she can rely on.

It's allways nice to back yourself up with some professional knowledge and diverse information about her in different settings.

Good luck.

I do think it is important to do something. Don't wait and see. Better save than sorry.

Wish you and your daughter well!

And thats exactly my intention when I posted this thread I've been through some stuff when I was her age, but A) We're so different, when I got hurt I lashed out on folks and I built a tough facade, whereas she's openly vulnrable and when she gets hurt, she bottles it up. And B) Even though I gained some emotional intelligence pretaining folks who go through depression, I still fall short when it comes to the professional intelligence.

Basically I needed some headache free guidance. I love my family but one thing they're not good at is keeping their mouth shut, which really ain't skin off my teeth, but I perish the thought when my child see a difference of their treatment to her like she's somebody with a terminal illness. One good thing about her relationship with my family, is they never changed on her, they treat her like the the rest of the kids, I try to maintain that by keeping this from them.

You guys have no idea how comforting your advices were. Appearantly, she felt that I was disturbed by her work, when we were eating out, I asked her casually if there're other thngs she worked on and didn't show me? She said yeah, and asked "Can I handle it if she'll show me?" My heart sank, but after remembering what you guys said, I shrugged it off. And true to form, I handled well(Paintedlady, I mentioned Gustav Klimt and the rest of 'em. Nice touch! it sparked the conversation more).

Whoever said lack of understanding creates fear never lied. I still don't fully understand what she's going through, but I'll be, with professional help.

[Edited 3/29/12 16:32pm]

Harlepolis said:

dJJ said:

I think I would talk to the school psychiatrist about your worries.

Maybe even with a mentor from school?

I would want to share and discuss what worries me. Maybe there are things going on between her and classmates or on internet.

Together with the psychiatrist I would discuss and plan on how to act. And evaluate how it went to see if I could be of any better support for her.

I also want to advise to make sure to get support for yourself too. Makes you stronger so you can be somebody she knows she can rely on.

It's allways nice to back yourself up with some professional knowledge and diverse information about her in different settings.

Good luck.

I do think it is important to do something. Don't wait and see. Better save than sorry.

Wish you and your daughter well!

And thats exactly my intention when I posted this thread I've been through some stuff when I was her age, but A) We're so different, when I got hurt I lashed out on folks and I built a tough facade, whereas she's openly vulnrable and when she gets hurt, she bottles it up. And B) Even though I gained some emotional intelligence pretaining folks who go through depression, I still fall short when it comes to the professional intelligence.

Basically I needed some headache free guidance. I love my family but one thing they're not good at is keeping their mouth shut, which really ain't skin off my teeth, but I perish the thought when my child see a difference of their treatment to her like she's somebody with a terminal illness. One good thing about her relationship with my family, is they never changed on her, they treat her like the the rest of the kids, I try to maintain that by keeping this from them.

You guys have no idea how comforting your advices were. Appearantly, she felt that I was disturbed by her work, when we were eating out, I asked her casually if there're other thngs she worked on and didn't show me? She said yeah, and asked "Can I handle it if she'll show me?" My heart sank, but after remembering what you guys said, I shrugged it off. And true to form, I handled well(Paintedlady, I mentioned Gustav Klimt and the rest of 'em. Nice touch! it sparked the conversation more).

Whoever said lack of understanding creates fear never lied. I still don't fully understand what she's going through, but I'll be, with professional help.

[Edited 3/29/12 16:32pm]

You are a great mom!

I'm so impressed on how you ask advice and are there for her. I wished my mom was like that when I was having my depressions as a child.

You'r support and adult guidance really will help her.

Lots of love to the two of you

Harlepolis said:

dJJ said:

I think I would talk to the school psychiatrist about your worries.

Maybe even with a mentor from school?

I would want to share and discuss what worries me. Maybe there are things going on between her and classmates or on internet.

Together with the psychiatrist I would discuss and plan on how to act. And evaluate how it went to see if I could be of any better support for her.

I also want to advise to make sure to get support for yourself too. Makes you stronger so you can be somebody she knows she can rely on.

It's allways nice to back yourself up with some professional knowledge and diverse information about her in different settings.

Good luck.

I do think it is important to do something. Don't wait and see. Better save than sorry.

Wish you and your daughter well!

And thats exactly my intention when I posted this thread I've been through some stuff when I was her age, but A) We're so different, when I got hurt I lashed out on folks and I built a tough facade, whereas she's openly vulnrable and when she gets hurt, she bottles it up. And B) Even though I gained some emotional intelligence pretaining folks who go through depression, I still fall short when it comes to the professional intelligence.

Basically I needed some headache free guidance. I love my family but one thing they're not good at is keeping their mouth shut, which really ain't skin off my teeth, but I perish the thought when my child see a difference of their treatment to her like she's somebody with a terminal illness. One good thing about her relationship with my family, is they never changed on her, they treat her like the the rest of the kids, I try to maintain that by keeping this from them.

You guys have no idea how comforting your advices were. Appearantly, she felt that I was disturbed by her work, when we were eating out, I asked her casually if there're other thngs she worked on and didn't show me? She said yeah, and asked "Can I handle it if she'll show me?" My heart sank, but after remembering what you guys said, I shrugged it off. And true to form, I handled well(Paintedlady, I mentioned Gustav Klimt and the rest of 'em. Nice touch! it sparked the conversation more).

Whoever said lack of understanding creates fear never lied. I still don't fully understand what she's going through, but I'll be, with professional help.

[Edited 3/29/12 16:32pm]

I really like your daughter. She doesn't sound like she has any issues. " Mom, can you handle it if I show you?" She knows her art will disturb any mom.

I am so glad you guys were able to connect and talk about her art. I think who ever you seek councel from should know you just need a way to find a easier way to connect with her to initiate conversation since she seems to be the quiet type.

IMHO depression isn't an issue here... maybe lonliness due to her friend moving away.

[Edited 3/29/12 18:24pm]

I see a lot of people are recommending psychiatrists etc. I am not saying that there isn't a legitimate medical need for it, but I will say that you have to be very careful with doing that.

School counselors often do not keep things private among the staff, and if you have a child of color mental health providers tend to be quick to medicate. It's not a field where many have taken the time to learn enough to be culturally competent across the board. A young teen can sense when there is discomfort from a mental health provider.

Being a loner is not necessarily a sign that something might be wrong--it can be a sign of a very strong and self accepted individual. Some kids like the peace of being away from their foolish peers. Artists are often introverts and need time to focus and create freely--they are not competing with anyone but themselves. Hence, the need for others is drastically reduced. If she has a good friend or two, that is likely ideal to the type of person she is.

I often would feel concerned about the kids who are constantly surrounded by peers. Sometimes,but not always, they have major self esteem issues and are around the group for self validation. Those kids scare me more than the loners because rejection is detrimental to them and although they are around a group all of the time, they do not have any real friends, and are alone within a group.

Just another way to think about things......

Oh...and to answer your main question.....if it were me, I wouldn't be worried. I would just make an effort to give her even more opportunity to spill her guts.....

StillGotIt said:

I see a lot of people are recommending psychiatrists etc. I am not saying that there isn't a legitimate medical need for it, but I will say that you have to be very careful with doing that.

School counselors often do not keep things private among the staff, and if you have a child of color mental health providers tend to be quick to medicate. It's not a field where many have taken the time to learn enough to be culturally competent across the board. A young teen can sense when there is discomfort from a mental health provider.

Being a loner is not necessarily a sign that something might be wrong--it can be a sign of a very strong and self accepted individual. Some kids like the peace of being away from their foolish peers. Artists are often introverts and need time to focus and create freely--they are not competing with anyone but themselves. Hence, the need for others is drastically reduced. If she has a good friend or two, that is likely ideal to the type of person she is.

I often would feel concerned about the kids who are constantly surrounded by peers. Sometimes,but not always, they have major self esteem issues and are around the group for self validation. Those kids scare me more than the loners because rejection is detrimental to them and although they are around a group all of the time, they do not have any real friends, and are alone within a group.

Just another way to think about things......

Thank you for the warning.

And make no mistake, if it took me years to fight from taking chemical medication to resorting to organic, and I know enough people who became dependent on medication so much that they no longer function without it, so believe me, I'll not let this girl get tampered with.

I certainly hope that its loneliness than depression. At least, I could handle the former, and even if it will take time, I know that I will get her out of it. Its the latter with ALL its baggage that I hope she won't encounter in her lifetime.

Thank you for the heads up.

Harlepolis said:

StillGotIt said:

I see a lot of people are recommending psychiatrists etc. I am not saying that there isn't a legitimate medical need for it, but I will say that you have to be very careful with doing that.

School counselors often do not keep things private among the staff, and if you have a child of color mental health providers tend to be quick to medicate. It's not a field where many have taken the time to learn enough to be culturally competent across the board. A young teen can sense when there is discomfort from a mental health provider.

Being a loner is not necessarily a sign that something might be wrong--it can be a sign of a very strong and self accepted individual. Some kids like the peace of being away from their foolish peers. Artists are often introverts and need time to focus and create freely--they are not competing with anyone but themselves. Hence, the need for others is drastically reduced. If she has a good friend or two, that is likely ideal to the type of person she is.

I often would feel concerned about the kids who are constantly surrounded by peers. Sometimes,but not always, they have major self esteem issues and are around the group for self validation. Those kids scare me more than the loners because rejection is detrimental to them and although they are around a group all of the time, they do not have any real friends, and are alone within a group.

Just another way to think about things......

Thank you for the warning.

And make no mistake, if it took me years to fight from taking chemical medication to resorting to organic, and I know enough people who became dependent on medication so much that they no longer function without it, so believe me, I'll not let this girl get tampered with.

I certainly hope that its loneliness than depression. At least, I could handle the former, and even if it will take time, I know that I will get her out of it. Its the latter with ALL its baggage that I hope she won't encounter in her lifetime.

Thank you for the heads up.

Congrats on getting off of the chemical meds. That can be extremely difficult. It likely is loneliness if her best buddy moved away. Just helping her to stay busy and involved I think is the best initial approach. She probably just needs time and she will find another kindred soul--you are doing the right thing. Just that she knows she has your ear has to be of great comfort....a lot of children don't have that. I wish you and your baby the best and good health

StillGotIt said:

I see a lot of people are recommending psychiatrists etc. I am not saying that there isn't a legitimate medical need for it, but I will say that you have to be very careful with doing that.

School counselors often do not keep things private among the staff, and if you have a child of color mental health providers tend to be quick to medicate. It's not a field where many have taken the time to learn enough to be culturally competent across the board. A young teen can sense when there is discomfort from a mental health provider.

Being a loner is not necessarily a sign that something might be wrong--it can be a sign of a very strong and self accepted individual. Some kids like the peace of being away from their foolish peers. Artists are often introverts and need time to focus and create freely--they are not competing with anyone but themselves. Hence, the need for others is drastically reduced. If she has a good friend or two, that is likely ideal to the type of person she is.

I often would feel concerned about the kids who are constantly surrounded by peers. Sometimes,but not always, they have major self esteem issues and are around the group for self validation. Those kids scare me more than the loners because rejection is detrimental to them and although they are around a group all of the time, they do not have any real friends, and are alone within a group.

Just another way to think about things......

I agree with you on that. However, I don't agree with the assumption she is going to be a helpless victim of the school or health system when she aproaches them with her worries and discusses it with relevant professionals.

And ofcourse, next to professional advice, you own judgement should be leading. However, not discussing it with a professional because you assume that person will immediately diagnose, medicate and stigmatize doesn't sound reasonable. Discussing, listening and weighing everything in conjunction with a professional, to me, seems more grounded than wanting to solve everything on your own because you don't trust others.

dJJ said:

StillGotIt said:

I see a lot of people are recommending psychiatrists etc. I am not saying that there isn't a legitimate medical need for it, but I will say that you have to be very careful with doing that.

School counselors often do not keep things private among the staff, and if you have a child of color mental health providers tend to be quick to medicate. It's not a field where many have taken the time to learn enough to be culturally competent across the board. A young teen can sense when there is discomfort from a mental health provider.

Being a loner is not necessarily a sign that something might be wrong--it can be a sign of a very strong and self accepted individual. Some kids like the peace of being away from their foolish peers. Artists are often introverts and need time to focus and create freely--they are not competing with anyone but themselves. Hence, the need for others is drastically reduced. If she has a good friend or two, that is likely ideal to the type of person she is.

I often would feel concerned about the kids who are constantly surrounded by peers. Sometimes,but not always, they have major self esteem issues and are around the group for self validation. Those kids scare me more than the loners because rejection is detrimental to them and although they are around a group all of the time, they do not have any real friends, and are alone within a group.

Just another way to think about things......

I agree with you on that. However, I don't agree with the assumption she is going to be a helpless victim of the school or health system when she aproaches them with her worries and discusses it with relevant professionals.

And ofcourse, next to professional advice, you own judgement should be leading. However, not discussing it with a professional because you assume that person will immediately diagnose, medicate and stigmatize doesn't sound reasonable. Discussing, listening and weighing everything in conjunction with a professional, to me, seems more grounded than wanting to solve everything on your own because you don't trust others.

Please...reread what I wrote. I never suggested that she not discuss it with professionals. I only suggested caution, which is totally warranted.

StillGotIt said:

dJJ said:

I agree with you on that. However, I don't agree with the assumption she is going to be a helpless victim of the school or health system when she aproaches them with her worries and discusses it with relevant professionals.

And ofcourse, next to professional advice, you own judgement should be leading. However, not discussing it with a professional because you assume that person will immediately diagnose, medicate and stigmatize doesn't sound reasonable. Discussing, listening and weighing everything in conjunction with a professional, to me, seems more grounded than wanting to solve everything on your own because you don't trust others.

Please...reread what I wrote. I never suggested that she not discuss it with professionals. I only suggested caution, which is totally warranted.

True.

KingBAD said:

when i was a kid i was good at drawin

and very creative in my characters,

a lot of my creations took on morbitity

and strange animalistic people rather,

people with animal characteristics.

my family distroyed my work,

imagine years later when most cartoons

were those very characters

art is the mind findin expression

of imagination, if it's not on paper

it's just in the head. YOU can see

it on paper, you won't see it in her head...

I'm so sad to hear that your creativity was squashed in such a harsh and hurtful way.