PurpleJedi said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

With all due respect, not everyone shares your polyamorous views...

To each his own.

If you choose to live your life jumping from one bed to the next, then fine.

If you choose to live your life tethered to one bed for life, then fine.

Just be HONEST about it.

We are all HUMAN...and as such we not only have choices, but the will with which to make them.

I will not steal, I will not wish you ill, and I will not break my vow to you. That doesn't make me holier than anyone, but definitely a whole hell of a lot more honorable than those who DO.

As for "mistakes"...I'm pretty sure that we SHOULD all be mature enough to understand what a mistake is or isn't. A genuine mistake can be easily forgiven. A conscious decision to do what ought not to be done, ...not so easy.

Agreed. And as for committed monogamous relationships being unhealthy or representing an unhealthy view of sex, that's bullshit. Don't hate just because I don't open my legs to married men or see myself and my Hello Kitty as too special to sleep with any Tom, Dick, or Harry to come along. I like being with one man, and he likes being with only me, and it's interesting to see how people get on their high horses about somehow being more evolved because they feel what many of us do by choosing monogamy is unnatural...umm, no, let's try this on for size; it's unnatural for you, and actually a great number of us who choose monogamy are doing just fine out here

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

RodeoSchro said:

In the case of those of us married in front of God and everybody, monogamy isn't just a choice.

It's a committment.

Sure thing. It's not like choosing a cell phone.

Yeah, you can't just up and change your plan any old time! Unless you want to pay a large get-out fee!

Wait - maybe marriage IS just like choosing a cell phone!

NDRU said:

MacDaddy said:

I agree. I think it's good if monogamy is what you strive for. This is always my starting point in a relationship. But I'm also honest if I feel the need to fuck around a bit, once in a blue moon.

I think open relationships can work, but it does require honesty (although not in too much detail)

However, if you're insecure about yourself, it will never ever work.

That's pretty different than cheating though

Yeah, I'm not even talking about open relationships...which if that's what both people want then cool.

The main key in any relationship is honesty and let's be honest people seem to have an issue being honest period - in every way.

I've had all kinds of relationships and enjoyed them all for what they were, and up to this point I've never wanted to be in a serious relationship unless monogamy was involved...but if infidelity were to happen on his part, it wouldn't be an automatic deal breaker because a serious relationship for me is about so much more than sex...and although sex is an amazing part of it, it's most certainly not mixed up with love.

BTW, I draw a distinction between "monogamy" and "cheating". Plenty of people are not monogamous, but they aren't cheaters, either. They're unattached, or in a relationship where both sides accept sex outside the relationship.

What I am appaled by is cheating. Going back on one's word. Agreeing to BE monogamous, and then surrepticiously having sex outside the marriage and against the committment/agreement made with one's partner.

There is no excuse for cheating, and I will never respect someone who cheats on their spouse.

Ottensen said:

PurpleJedi said:

To each his own.

If you choose to live your life jumping from one bed to the next, then fine.

If you choose to live your life tethered to one bed for life, then fine.

Just be HONEST about it.

We are all HUMAN...and as such we not only have choices, but the will with which to make them.

I will not steal, I will not wish you ill, and I will not break my vow to you. That doesn't make me holier than anyone, but definitely a whole hell of a lot more honorable than those who DO.

As for "mistakes"...I'm pretty sure that we SHOULD all be mature enough to understand what a mistake is or isn't. A genuine mistake can be easily forgiven. A conscious decision to do what ought not to be done, ...not so easy.

Agreed. And as for committed monogamous relationships being unhealthy or representing an unhealthy view of sex, that's bullshit. Don't hate just because I don't open my legs to married men or see myself and my Hello Kitty as too special to sleep with any Tom, Dick, or Harry to come along. I like being with one man, and he likes being with only me, and it's interesting to see how people get on their high horses about somehow being more evolved because they feel what many of us do by choosing monogamy is unnatural...umm, no, let's try this on for size; it's unnatural for you, and actually a great number of us who choose monogamy are doing just fine out here

Who said any of that in here? I certainly didn't see anyone say that.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

With all due respect, not everyone shares your polyamorous views...

I think more people want to admit they believe this but for cultural religious reasons refuse to deal with what is real inside of themselves. Just sayin

no, no, a thousand times no I am one of those Scorpios who's like a straight up Swan. I'm one of those f**kers that mates for life.

What's with the desperate heteronormalcy of this thread? Men vs women? Really? It's 2012, nerds.

People cheat. PEOPLE. Not men, not women, not more men, not more women. People.

You know why they cheat? Because you, if you are being cheated on, made a terrible, fucked up, wrong decision when you chose to be with the asshole cheating on you. You made a terrible choice if you're still with them and bitching about the act of cheating, too. Relationships come with contracts - some are signed, some are spoken, and if you laid your cards on the table IRT cheating and they still cheated on you, then you should've been thinking with more than your genitals.

Get to know someone. That's your first surefire bet to avoid cheating. Keep communication open. Another surefire bet. Beyond that, it is anyone's game and people "make mistakes" or falter on their commitments all the damn time for any number of reasons.

It has nothing to do with gender and that's an ignorant and archaic view. Hello - Gays and lesbians have cheaters all over the damn place. Gonna say one man has to be more femme? No.

Cheating is a behavior. Like picking your nose. It's gross, but some people do it anyway and if you catch em doing it in plain view, they will simply continue to do it in hiding. If you don't like it, leave 'em and it's no big deal.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

RodeoSchro said:

In the case of those of us married in front of God and everybody, monogamy isn't just a choice.

It's a committment.

Sure thing. It's not like choosing a cell phone.

It's a covenant, which is even deeper int erms of the spiritual connection and bond between two who become one flesh. But for those who don't believe in God this kinda doesn't matter

Ottensen said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Sure thing. It's not like choosing a cell phone.

It's a covenant, which is even deeper int erms of the spiritual connection and bond between two who become one flesh. But for those who don't believe in God this kinda doesn't matter

Apparently, EyesofWonder hasn't seen the divorce rates. Yeah, marriage is soooooo much more important than your cell phone when you can get married and divorced in the span of a weekend.

Ottensen said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Sure thing. It's not like choosing a cell phone.

It's a covenant, which is even deeper int erms of the spiritual connection and bond between two who become one flesh. But for those who don't believe in God this kinda doesn't matter

Covenant! That's the word I was looking for.

You are right, but also people don't have to believe in God in order to place value on a covenant they make with another person.

Spinlight said:

What's with the desperate heteronormalcy of this thread? Men vs women? Really? It's 2012, nerds.

People cheat. PEOPLE. Not men, not women, not more men, not more women. People.

You know why they cheat? Because you, if you are being cheated on, made a terrible, fucked up, wrong decision when you chose to be with the asshole cheating on you. You made a terrible choice if you're still with them and bitching about the act of cheating, too. Relationships come with contracts - some are signed, some are spoken, and if you laid your cards on the table IRT cheating and they still cheated on you, then you should've been thinking with more than your genitals.

Get to know someone. That's your first surefire bet to avoid cheating. Keep communication open. Another surefire bet. Beyond that, it is anyone's game and people "make mistakes" or falter on their commitments all the damn time for any number of reasons.

It has nothing to do with gender and that's an ignorant and archaic view. Hello - Gays and lesbians have cheaters all over the damn place. Gonna say one man has to be more femme? No.

Cheating is a behavior. Like picking your nose. It's gross, but some people do it anyway and if you catch em doing it in plain view, they will simply continue to do it in hiding. If you don't like it, leave 'em and it's no big deal.

Preach it!

Spinlight said:

Ottensen said:

It's a covenant, which is even deeper int erms of the spiritual connection and bond between two who become one flesh. But for those who don't believe in God this kinda doesn't matter

Apparently, EyesofWonder hasn't seen the divorce rates. Yeah, marriage is soooooo much more important than your cell phone when you can get married and divorced in the span of a weekend.

Well damn, this shows how in the dark I am about divorce, because in all sincerity, whenever I've seen divorces it's always been soooooo damn long and drawn out, fighting over the kids, businesses etc. I will also admit that I have a very limited viewpoint because most of the married folks I know just stayed together like old used up swans ...

Ottensen said:

Spinlight said:

Apparently, EyesofWonder hasn't seen the divorce rates. Yeah, marriage is soooooo much more important than your cell phone when you can get married and divorced in the span of a weekend.

Well damn, this shows how in the dark I am about divorce, because in all sincerity, whenever I've seen divorces it's always been soooooo damn long and drawn out, fighting over the kids, businesses etc. I will also admit that I have a very limited viewpoint because most of the married folks I know just stayed together like old used up swans ...

It's a little different if your lives are so entwined.

Frankly, I don't know if I'd ever want my life -that- deeply entwined with another person if I loved them or not. A shared bank account and some shared bills is well enough for me.

Spinlight said:

What's with the desperate heteronormalcy of this thread? Men vs women? Really? It's 2012, nerds.

People cheat. PEOPLE. Not men, not women, not more men, not more women. People.

You know why they cheat? Because you, if you are being cheated on, made a terrible, fucked up, wrong decision when you chose to be with the asshole cheating on you. You made a terrible choice if you're still with them and bitching about the act of cheating, too. Relationships come with contracts - some are signed, some are spoken, and if you laid your cards on the table IRT cheating and they still cheated on you, then you should've been thinking with more than your genitals.

Get to know someone. That's your first surefire bet to avoid cheating. Keep communication open. Another surefire bet. Beyond that, it is anyone's game and people "make mistakes" or falter on their commitments all the damn time for any number of reasons.

It has nothing to do with gender and that's an ignorant and archaic view. Hello - Gays and lesbians have cheaters all over the damn place. Gonna say one man has to be more femme? No.

Cheating is a behavior. Like picking your nose. It's gross, but some people do it anyway and if you catch em doing it in plain view, they will simply continue to do it in hiding. If you don't like it, leave 'em and it's no big deal.

To speak to Spinlight thoughts that this has been a very hertrosexual heavy topic...

People tend to speak from their perspective, their life experiences. I'm a woman married to a man (for 26 year in two weeks) men and women communicate in completely different ways... which of course can and does cause upteem issues and misunderstandings. I know deep. So ever one should share their perspective.... no one has or is excluding anyone.

TD3 said:

Spinlight said:

What's with the desperate heteronormalcy of this thread? Men vs women? Really? It's 2012, nerds.

People cheat. PEOPLE. Not men, not women, not more men, not more women. People.

You know why they cheat? Because you, if you are being cheated on, made a terrible, fucked up, wrong decision when you chose to be with the asshole cheating on you. You made a terrible choice if you're still with them and bitching about the act of cheating, too. Relationships come with contracts - some are signed, some are spoken, and if you laid your cards on the table IRT cheating and they still cheated on you, then you should've been thinking with more than your genitals.

Get to know someone. That's your first surefire bet to avoid cheating. Keep communication open. Another surefire bet. Beyond that, it is anyone's game and people "make mistakes" or falter on their commitments all the damn time for any number of reasons.

It has nothing to do with gender and that's an ignorant and archaic view. Hello - Gays and lesbians have cheaters all over the damn place. Gonna say one man has to be more femme? No.

Cheating is a behavior. Like picking your nose. It's gross, but some people do it anyway and if you catch em doing it in plain view, they will simply continue to do it in hiding. If you don't like it, leave 'em and it's no big deal.

To speak to Spinlight thoughts that this has been a very hertrosexual heavy topic...

People tend to speak from their perspective, their life experiences. I'm a woman married to a man (for 26 year in two weeks) men and women communicate in completely different ways... which of course can and does cause upteem issues and misunderstandings. I know deep. So ever one should share their perspective.... no one has or is excluding anyone.

I'm a person speaking from my own perspective as well, but I tend to not say "ugh men suck!!!! blah!!!!" because I am a man and I know other men who are just fine.

If a person gets cheated on repeatedly, men aren't the problem. There's some cheating lesbians and straight chicks out there who can't get their pussy under control fast enough.

I tend to take responsibility for my part in things that involve me. The times I've been cheated on, I know in hindsight I was thinking with my cock by being with the moron in the first place. I find there's few situations where you can't own up to your own faults first and foremost.

Spinlight said:

Ottensen said:

It's a covenant, which is even deeper int erms of the spiritual connection and bond between two who become one flesh. But for those who don't believe in God this kinda doesn't matter

Apparently, EyesofWonder hasn't seen the divorce rates. Yeah, marriage is soooooo much more important than your cell phone when you can get married and divorced in the span of a weekend.

Dear friend, I have seen divorce rates. Marriage isn't for everybody and anybody.

But to me, it's something important. That's all I want to say. One thing I won't have is someone looking down on me because I intend to be monogamous and faithful to my future bf/husband and expect the same in return from him. 'Tis all.

Spinlight said:

What's with the desperate heteronormalcy of this thread? Men vs women? Really? It's 2012, nerds.

People cheat. PEOPLE. Not men, not women, not more men, not more women. People.

You know why they cheat? Because you, if you are being cheated on, made a terrible, fucked up, wrong decision when you chose to be with the asshole cheating on you. You made a terrible choice if you're still with them and bitching about the act of cheating, too. Relationships come with contracts - some are signed, some are spoken, and if you laid your cards on the table IRT cheating and they still cheated on you, then you should've been thinking with more than your genitals.

Get to know someone. That's your first surefire bet to avoid cheating. Keep communication open. Another surefire bet. Beyond that, it is anyone's game and people "make mistakes" or falter on their commitments all the damn time for any number of reasons.

It has nothing to do with gender and that's an ignorant and archaic view. Hello - Gays and lesbians have cheaters all over the damn place. Gonna say one man has to be more femme? No.

Cheating is a behavior. Like picking your nose. It's gross, but some people do it anyway and if you catch em doing it in plain view, they will simply continue to do it in hiding. If you don't like it, leave 'em and it's no big deal.

My hat is off to you for this glorious post.

Why the fuck are some of you going off on a tangent claiming you're being "looked down on" for choosing monogamy?

Not one person on here made that claim.

JustErin said:

Why the fuck are some of you going off on a tangent claiming you're being "looked down on" for choosing monogamy?

Not one person on here made that claim.

The notion is implied by this entire thread.

And your flip-flopping just serves to make this thread a tad humourous. But hey...it's your party...

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

JustErin said:

Why the fuck are some of you going off on a tangent claiming you're being "looked down on" for choosing monogamy?

Not one person on here made that claim.

The notion is implied by this entire thread.

And your flip-flopping just serves to make this thread a tad humourous. But hey...it's your party...

Bullshit, I've not flip flopped nor implied anything. If I have an opinion I straight up say it.

Perhaps your insecurity leads you to make ridiculous assumptions about others and that's actually more than a tad humorous...but hey, it's your life.

I think there is a difference between looking down on monagamy and saying that people who cheat are not automatically bad human beings.

NDRU said:

I think there is a difference between looking down on monagamy and saying that people who cheat are not automatically bad human beings.

Apparently not.

JustErin said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

The notion is implied by this entire thread.

And your flip-flopping just serves to make this thread a tad humourous. But hey...it's your party...

Bullshit, I've not flip flopped nor implied anything. If I have an opinion I straight up say it.

Perhaps your insecurity leads you to make ridiculous assumptions about others and that's actually more than a tad humorous...but hey, it's your life.

And someone here doesn't know the meaning between opinion based on observation and an assumption.

I have nothing to be insecure about. But I have a voice and my own views. Sorry if my opinions don't sit well with you.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

JustErin said:

Bullshit, I've not flip flopped nor implied anything. If I have an opinion I straight up say it.

Perhaps your insecurity leads you to make ridiculous assumptions about others and that's actually more than a tad humorous...but hey, it's your life.

And someone here doesn't know the meaning between opinion based on observation and an assumption.

I have nothing to be insecure about. But I have a voice and my own views. Sorry if my opinions don't sit well with you.

Hilarious.

If you actually stopped spending your time making such stupid assumptions on your "observations" on shit that is not even being said nor implied in this thread you would have noticed that we both are of the opinion that monogamy is something we both prefer.

[Edited 3/27/12 16:08pm]

Anyhoo, I wonder how many Ottawa jerks in this video are cheaters (which won't make any sense to you guys but I can relate 90% of the things in this - just not the hockey crap).

I do NOT agree with the people on this thread that say a person who sleeps with a married person is a "cheater".

A cheater is a person who is in a relationship and steps OUTSIDE that relationship by sleeping with someone else.

The person they cheat with is simply a homewrecker (male or female).

A homewrecker to me is usually seen as some deperate person who can't get their own man or woman and has to leach on someone else's lovelife.

Now... this is funny to me because of my current situation. I am seeing a "separated" man.

By my own standard I guess I can label myself that same shade of "desperate".

paintedlady said:

I do NOT agree with the people on this thread that say a person who sleeps with a married person is a "cheater".

A cheater is a person who is in a relationship and steps OUTSIDE that relationship by sleeping with someone else.

The person they cheat with is simply a homewrecker (male or female).

A homewrecker to me is usually seen as some deperate person who can't get their own man or woman and has to leach on someone else's lovelife.

Now... this is funny to me because of my current situation. I am seeing a "separated" man.

By my own standard I guess I can label myself that same shade of "desperate".

Do people really think that being involved with someone that is separated is the same as being with a married person?

The only two guys that I slept with that were in a marriage were separated - one eventually got divorced and the other was on a "break" when his wife took off with another guy and they eventually worked it out and are back together. I knew both of these dudes very well (one was my bf for 10 years) but I didn't want to be in a relationship with them. It was just sex.

JustErin said:

paintedlady said:

I do NOT agree with the people on this thread that say a person who sleeps with a married person is a "cheater".

A cheater is a person who is in a relationship and steps OUTSIDE that relationship by sleeping with someone else.

The person they cheat with is simply a homewrecker (male or female).

A homewrecker to me is usually seen as some deperate person who can't get their own man or woman and has to leach on someone else's lovelife.

Now... this is funny to me because of my current situation. I am seeing a "separated" man.

By my own standard I guess I can label myself that same shade of "desperate".

Do people really think that being involved with someone that is separated is the same as being with a married person?

The only two guys that I slept with that were in a marriage were separated - one eventually got divorced and the other was on a "break" when his wife took off with another guy and they eventually worked it out and are back together. I knew both of these dudes very well (one was my bf for 10 years) but I didn't want to be in a relationship with them. It was just sex.

My guy has been separated with his wife for over 9 years now... been humping me for 3. He lives alone. He introduced himself to me as SINGLE damn liar fessed up after we been humping a few months... but it was my choice to stay in that "relationship".

He TREATS me as is if he is actively cheating on his wife since he isn't ready to introduce me to his adult children who love their mom. I am OK with this... I am in no rush to settle down with him but yeah, separated is the same as married.

Only divorced equals single. Because technically, and legally she has claim to him and rights I do not have... next of kin and all that jazz.

[Edited 3/27/12 17:39pm]

[Edited 3/27/12 17:38pm]

paintedlady said:

JustErin said:

Do people really think that being involved with someone that is separated is the same as being with a married person?

The only two guys that I slept with that were in a marriage were separated - one eventually got divorced and the other was on a "break" when his wife took off with another guy and they eventually worked it out and are back together. I knew both of these dudes very well (one was my bf for 10 years) but I didn't want to be in a relationship with them. It was just sex.

My guy has been separated with his wife for over 9 years now... been humping me for 3. He lives alone.

He TREATS me as is if he is actively cheating on his wife since he isn't ready to introduce me to his adult children who love their mom. I am OK with this... I am in no rush to settle down with him but yeah, separated is the same as married.

Only divorced equals single. Because technically, and legally she has claim to him and rights I do not have... next of kin and all that jazz.

Oh, I know only divorced means single. I meant do people really think that sleeping with someone that is separated is just as bad as sleeping with someone that is married but not separated?