JustErin said:

BobGeorge909 said:

JustErin said:

Actually, it's not funny at all...

and I still would not be a cheater!

Could it involve a personal injury atty. at some point?

Divorce lawyer maybe.

I understand why some people look for emotional comfort elsewhere if they aren't getting it in their present relationship. But to cheat on your woman or man when everything is going wonderfully in the relationship, rather than perhaps talking about what needs work, is cowardly and conceited.

Personally, if a man wanna get with me, he better be able to keep his dick in his pants just as much as I am willing to keep my legs closed to anyone but him.

To cheat means he breached my trust, he betrayed the emotional and physical bond we share. Once that's broken with me, it's over. There's no going back.

My two cents.

Spelling edit

[Edited 3/27/12 5:53am]

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

Well, if they ALL do it, then I would say it's relative.

Like if a man runs naked and takes an animal down with bare hands, killing it by biting it's throat and eating it's guts raw, then he is sick, needs a bath soon and probably should never attend any social gathering or function without proper security measures having been put into place. But if a lion does it, it's perfectly normal, unless that lion happens to be attending a formal fund raising event attended by president barack obama in which case the lion best refrain from biting anything at all lest he make a mess all over his cummerbund.

i couldn't agree more. lions are usually said to be messy eaters

See? It's a very simple concept.

JustErin said:

JustErin said:

NDRU said:

This is key to not judging others. I mean, obviously some guys are just jerks, but especially when you don't know the details of a relationship, then it's not fair to condemn someone for cheating.

There are worse things that happen every day in non-cheating households.

I completely agree...but still, Ashley Madison is gross.

yeah, that web site does seem pretty wrong. My guess is very few members are the dedicated husbands of women in comas

NDRU said:

violator said:

NDRU said:

yeah, that web site does seem pretty wrong. My guess is very few members are the dedicated husbands of women in comas

My guess is very few members are women.

My guess is a lot of the women on there are fakes.

JustErin said:

Um....because it simply was in reference to something I specifically said in the past and this article is about the specific city I lived in. It's not that big of a deal.

Geez, if you want to talk about women cheaters be my guest.

Nah, not just you or this thread.

I think that in general, whenever any discussion having to do with cheating/infidelity comes up, it automatically focuses on guys.

Maybe in the 1950's men were the main culprits, but it's the 21st century and Facebook is the great equalizer.

NDRU said:

XxAxX said:

i couldn't agree more. lions are usually said to be messy eaters

See? It's a very simple concept.

yes. the take home message is to always bring napkins to the zoo for the lions

JustErin said:

Ashley Madison

In the history of vile businesses, this could be the vilest.

I agree a lot of what PJ has had said.

When women speak of men cheating, they speak of the "other woman" almost in third person... as if there some special "ho" closet these chicks are popping out of. Who do you think these guys are fucking around with? More often than not, these women are in some type of committed relationship also. Needless to say, I think the numbers are far more even, women just don't fess up about cheating and I'll add, they don't get caught as often.

When I started I working women were truly a minority flying business trips. Most of those men were married with children and most of them fucked around on trips. Now that the numbers are even with women flying for business just a much, I find women fuck around too. Partly because the opportunity presents itself and partly because anytime you put women and men together, people are bound to be attracted to one another. People think just because you have a ring on your finger, your sex drive and sexual attraction gets neutralized, uh it doesn't. Call it biology, the human condition, the flesh is weak, one of the seven sins, whatever ........

==========================

[Edited 3/27/12 7:19am]

Ace said:

JustErin said:

Ashley Madison

In the history of vile businesses, this could be the vilest.

JustErin said:

but remarkably I have never cheated, never even been tempted to do it.

If you are the other woman/man involved with a married person, you aren't considered a cheater?

sextonseven said:

JustErin said:

but remarkably I have never cheated, never even been tempted to do it.

If you are the other woman/man involved with a married person, you aren't considered a cheater?

No, not a cheater...just not a very nice person...depending on the situation, I suppose.

sextonseven said:

JustErin said:

but remarkably I have never cheated, never even been tempted to do it.

If you are the other woman/man involved with a married person, you aren't considered a cheater?

I wouldn’t call it cheating by definition, but it’s certainly in the same ballpark. Knowingly messing with someone who’s in a committed relationship is wrong.

And I say this as someone who did it once. I’m not proud of myself, but it happened. Mostly due to circumstance, as others here have talked about. It was with a guy I had been dating. He broke up with me to go back to his ex. A month or so later he and I were out with mutual friends drinking and dancing and ended up, well... Whoops. That was it, though, and I felt horrible about it.

I know something like that won’t ever happen again, but I also know it happened and I can’t change it. So I am forever going to show up on a survey as having been an “other woman”. I don't think of myself as a bad person, just someone who made a mistake.

Interestingly, my bf told me he cheated on a girlfriend in the past. He told me the circumstances around it, his regret, etc. Instead of making me worried, it made me trust him more. Based on our conversation, it helped me understand that he’s learned lessons from his past mistakes and knows how to avoid making them in the future. We talk about what will happen 5 years from now, if we get bored of each other, if we grow apart, etc.

So he’ll always be someone who checks the “cheated” box on surveys. But he won’t ever do it again. Dammit.

Men and women have different ideas of what cheating is. Some women consider flirting as a form of cheating, while men don't. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

That's why couples need to lay some ground rules about what is and isn't acceptable.

As far as moments of weakness, yeah we all have them. But it takes strength of character and a sense of honour to both you and your partner not to give into them, whether physically or emotionally. Cost-benefit analysis goes a long way.

We're not all Freudian lab rats here.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Men and women have different ideas of what cheating is. Some women consider flirting as a form of cheating, while men don't. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

That's why couples need to lay some ground rules about what is and isn't acceptable.

As far as moments of weakness, yeah we all have them. But it takes strength of character and a sense of honour to both you and your partner not to give into them, whether physically or emotionally. Cost-benefit analysis goes a long way.

We're not all Freudian lab rats here.

this.

TD3 said:

I agree a lot of what PJ has had said.

When women speak of men cheating, they speak of the "other woman" almost in third person... as if there some special "ho" closet these chicks are popping out of. Who do you think these guys are fucking around with? More often than not, these women are in some type of committed relationship also. Needless to say, I think the numbers are far more even, women just don't fess up about cheating and I'll add, they don't get caught as often.

When I started I working women were truly a minority flying business trips. Most of those men were married with children and most of them fucked around on trips. Now that the numbers are even with women flying for business just a much, I find women fuck around too. Partly because the opportunity presents itself and partly because anytime you put women and men together, people are bound to be attracted to one another. People think just because you have a ring on your finger, your sex drive and sexual attraction gets neutralized, uh it doesn't. Call it biology, the human condition, the flesh is weak, one of the seven sins, whatever ........

==========================

[Edited 3/27/12 7:19am]

Yeah, the older I get the more I believe we're all fighting an unnatural, unphill battle to try and tell ourselves we live in a monogamous world. We ain't nothing but mammals

Sex can be just sex.

sextonseven said:

JustErin said:

but remarkably I have never cheated, never even been tempted to do it.

If you are the other woman/man involved with a married person, you aren't considered a cheater?

Yes, someone once posed this question to me after I acted high and mighty about "never having cheated"

I guess when you do this you are not necessarily cheating on someone, but you are involved in cheating. So it's kind of a slight distinction, and maybe not much (or any) better?

[Edited 3/27/12 10:46am]

nd33 said:

Yeah, the older I get the more I believe we're all fighting an unnatural, unphill battle to try and tell ourselves we live in a monogamous world. We ain't nothing but mammals

Sex can be just sex.

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

JustErin said:

nd33 said:

Yeah, the older I get the more I believe we're all fighting an unnatural, unphill battle to try and tell ourselves we live in a monogamous world. We ain't nothing but mammals

Sex can be just sex.

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

With all due respect, not everyone shares your polyamorous views...

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

JustErin said:

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

With all due respect, not everyone shares your polyamorous views...

I think more people want to admit they believe this but for cultural religious reasons refuse to deal with what is real inside of themselves. Just sayin

JustErin said:

nd33 said:

Yeah, the older I get the more I believe we're all fighting an unnatural, unphill battle to try and tell ourselves we live in a monogamous world. We ain't nothing but mammals

Sex can be just sex.

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

I agree. I think it's good if monogamy is what you strive for. This is always my starting point in a relationship. But I'm also honest if I feel the need to fuck around a bit, once in a blue moon.

I think open relationships can work, but it does require honesty (although not in too much detail)

However, if you're insecure about yourself, it will never ever work.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

JustErin said:

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

With all due respect, not everyone shares your polyamorous views...

To each his own.

If you choose to live your life jumping from one bed to the next, then fine.

If you choose to live your life tethered to one bed for life, then fine.

Just be HONEST about it.

We are all HUMAN...and as such we not only have choices, but the will with which to make them.

I will not steal, I will not wish you ill, and I will not break my vow to you. That doesn't make me holier than anyone, but definitely a whole hell of a lot more honorable than those who DO.

As for "mistakes"...I'm pretty sure that we SHOULD all be mature enough to understand what a mistake is or isn't. A genuine mistake can be easily forgiven. A conscious decision to do what ought not to be done, ...not so easy.

MacDaddy said:

JustErin said:

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

I agree. I think it's good if monogamy is what you strive for. This is always my starting point in a relationship. But I'm also honest if I feel the need to fuck around a bit, once in a blue moon.

I think open relationships can work, but it does require honesty (although not in too much detail)

However, if you're insecure about yourself, it will never ever work.

That's pretty different than cheating though

the subject of cheating is hard 2 actually say who does it more or the circumstances. men are thrown under the bus first cause it's been protrayed that men are the bastards and manwhores etc. the circumstances are never really told on why men are protrayed that way cause men get the same amount of emotional detachement from women that women get from men. i'm not saying there aren't dogs out there that wanna hump everything in site cause there are men like that.

having been online for more than 15 years and talking 2 a variety of women and men, the reasons why some cheat comes down 2 the emotional side then the lust side. in my own personal relationships, i have been with married women that were seperated and just looking 2 get some. was it wrong? i belive now it was. of those that weren't married, i belive it comes 2 defining what ur relationship truly is. are u just dating? are u committed?

in this day and age i do belive women hide their cheating better than men, hell if u watch maury 9/10 of these lie detector shows of cheating have the women finding out their men have been unfaithful but i'm damn sure there are the same amount of women that are out there doing their share of cheating too.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

JustErin said:

I totally agree with you but most people don't think it's this way at all.

People need to remember that monogamy is nothing more than a choice and like many choices we make in our lives we sometimes falter, it doesn't make someone automatically a bad person and those that think it does can just live in their delusional, I make no mistakes, holier than thou bubbles.

People "cheat" and falter in so many other ways on a daily basis...but make one slip when it comes to monogamy and sex and for many all hell breaks loose, you're simply a horrible person.

In my opinion many people have an unhealthy, unrealistic view on sex.

With all due respect, not everyone shares your polyamorous views...

Um...I never stated my view on polyamorous relationships.

In the case of those of us married in front of God and everybody, monogamy isn't just a choice.

It's a committment.

RodeoSchro said:

In the case of those of us married in front of God and everybody, monogamy isn't just a choice.

It's a committment.

Sure thing. It's not like choosing a cell phone.