I met this guy a few weeks ago. Sexy as hell. Handsome face. Full head of hair. Rockin' body. Great sense of humor. Voice that can melt butter. Hella cool cat. Carries himself in a very confident manner. But he is constantly talking about how this, that, and the other thing is wrong with his body. Not a conversation goes by without him nitpicking about his physical features. The first few times I felt the need to verbally disagree with him. Now I'm starting to feel weird about constantly giving him compliments. I also feel strange when I let what he says go unchallenged because there's this awkward moment of silence. And I don't want him to interpret my silence as being in agreement with him. Because I'm not.

[Edited 2/24/12 3:08am]

Have surgery!

sounds exhausting I don't think there is much you can do about his hang-ups, insecurities likes this run deep.

Well, for starters stop describing him only by how hot he is. It's no wonder he's hard on himself.

He's really insecure because he knows that he is judged by his looks. It's a lot of pressure!

Are you dating him, or is one of you interested in the other? I'm just curious if this is a reaction to rejection. If it is, maybe you just need to reassure him a little and let him down gently (albeit firmly).

If not that, then the next time he does it, tell him you've noticed he makes several comments like this and that it's clear there's some bigger issue going on, but you don't know how to solve it. Tell him these constant comments make you uncomfortable and you don't know what to say. Then tell him that comments like these push people away. If you're inclined, you might give him one--ONE--pep talk, but the ultimate thing is to end by saying that you will not be entertaining these conversations any more and that you're just going to ignore these comments from now on--and that eventually it will drive a wedge in your relationship if he persists on doing it.

I've been there and being friends with someone like that is draining.

I say change the subject to something you know he's good at or a topic that both interests you. If the conversation goes right back to his "self issues", then drop him. He's either sincerely in need of some positivity in his life, or is just a crucial attention seeker who needs a therapist.

He's saying all that stuff because he wants your attention and compliments.

The next time he says, "Man, my nose is too big and my delts aren't up to snuff" tell him, "You are 100% right." And then move on to another subject.

I bet that will shut up his attention-getting routine.

RodeoSchro said:

He's saying all that stuff because he wants your attention and compliments.

The next time he says, "Man, my nose is too big and my delts aren't up to snuff" tell him, "You are 100% right." And then move on to another subject.

I bet that will shut up his attention-getting routine.

I agree those comments should just be ignored...My response would be... Ok, or uh huh.. Keep your answer consistant everytime and he should begin to realize he isnt going to get your compliments... How annoying!

tinaz said:

I agree those comments should just be ignored...My response would be... Ok, or uh huh.. Keep your answer consistant everytime and he should begin to realize he isnt going to get your compliments... How annoying!

Ignoring or just say "Well, if that's how you feel then its really too bad... heck, that stuff isn't really important to me anyways."

That is the quickest way to shut down someone who chooses to focus on the physical.. it is also a great opportunity to draw focus to one of his personality flaws and begin speaking on it.

"Heck to me you look great... but if I were you, (insert personality flaw) would cause me greater concern."

But that's just me.... I can be sorta evil that way.

paintedlady said:

tinaz said:

I agree those comments should just be ignored...My response would be... Ok, or uh huh.. Keep your answer consistant everytime and he should begin to realize he isnt going to get your compliments... How annoying!

Ignoring or just say "Well, if that's how you feel then its really too bad... heck, that stuff isn't really important to me anyways."

That is the quickest way to shut down someone who chooses to focus on the physical.. it is also a great opportunity to draw focus to one of his personality flaws and begin speaking on it.

"Heck to me you look great... but if I were you, (insert personality flaw) would cause me greater concern."

But that's just me.... I can be sorta evil that way.

me toooo

I'd say "bye".

"Get over yourself"?

next time he starts in, just put this brad pitt mask on his face and tell him, "don't worry dear, NOW you look perfect*"

"

*kidding!

Efan said:

Are you dating him, or is one of you interested in the other? I'm just curious if this is a reaction to rejection. If it is, maybe you just need to reassure him a little and let him down gently (albeit firmly).

If not that, then the next time he does it, tell him you've noticed he makes several comments like this and that it's clear there's some bigger issue going on, but you don't know how to solve it. Tell him these constant comments make you uncomfortable and you don't know what to say. Then tell him that comments like these push people away. If you're inclined, you might give him one--ONE--pep talk, but the ultimate thing is to end by saying that you will not be entertaining these conversations any more and that you're just going to ignore these comments from now on--and that eventually it will drive a wedge in your relationship if he persists on doing it.

I would also tell him he needs to get some counseling and do the "violin" hand motion thing whenever he starts to go down that road. Or even better, if he just cannot stop himself, finish his sentence for him (because you have heard it all before) with an eye roll....."yes, I too wish your penis was bigger"

I'd say, give him this

[img:$uid]http://i800.photobucket.com/albums/yy281/iwanigor/ACAMHA.jpg[/img:$uid]

missfee said:

RodeoSchro said:

He's saying all that stuff because he wants your attention and compliments.

The next time he says, "Man, my nose is too big and my delts aren't up to snuff" tell him, "You are 100% right." And then move on to another subject.

I bet that will shut up his attention-getting routine.

That was my ex "Nigel" in a nutshell. I spent way too much time telling him how fine he was, how "edible" he was, and a whole lot of emotional pick me ups that seemed to stick around unitl life handed him crap. Then it was back to square one and a sista got tired. All the things he hated about his body were things I loved. He would always say to me "I don't understand why you want to see me nude so much" and "what's so great about this body..." and the one I hated most--how much he hated his voice. Sure it was different but not THAT different. It was a little scratchy but it sounded fine to me.

It made me feel like I wasn't doing enough for him or wasn't good enough for him. It got old. Much as I would have loved spending the rest of my twenties (what's left of 'em at this point) rolling around with that curly haired, big eyed hunk of cuddly bear, all that tearing himself down got to me. I should have agreed with him, but I think that would have spiraled him into a deeper funk.

I had to let him be by himself to work it out. Hell, I got enough issues with myself to work through. Those I can tackle with exercise and an understanding of my genetics. I miss his fine ass, but not that drama of tearing himself down constantly. When he wasn't like that, we had a good time. I mean side-splitting, balloon blowing, chasing birds in the park kind of wacky and simple fun...

[Edited 2/25/12 10:03am]