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Thread started 02/28/12 7:49pm

Nothinbutjoy

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Wedding etiquette question

My family and I will be attending the wedding of a dear family friend this June. We will be traveling out of state to attend. The family friend will be arranging and paying for our lodging. At this time we don't know where or what type of lodging will be provided, but it will be where the wedding party will be staying.

My husband wants to check in and upgrade our room. I say that would be rude.

Thoughts?
I'm firmly planted in denial
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Reply #1 posted 02/28/12 8:00pm

JustErin

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Not rude or inappropriate at all. I would do the same thing.

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Reply #2 posted 02/28/12 8:01pm

Nothinbutjoy

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So it doesn't come across as, "what you arranged isn't good enough?"
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Reply #3 posted 02/28/12 8:02pm

JustErin

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Not to me it doesn't.

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Reply #4 posted 02/28/12 8:03pm

Nothinbutjoy

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K...thanks!

biggrin
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Reply #5 posted 02/28/12 8:22pm

NDRU

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Wedding gifts plucked from the mini-bar may be pushing it though.

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Reply #6 posted 02/28/12 8:29pm

insomnia

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If you can do it without issue, I don't see it as being rude. However, they might have a block of rooms reserved for wedding guests, and the hotel has booked around that need, making switiching tricky. You might end up on the opposite side of the building from where all of the festivities are.

Everything old is new again...
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Reply #7 posted 02/28/12 8:29pm

fielder

Super tacky. If you can afford to upgrade your room you probably shouldn't be allowing them to cover your room in the first place.

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Reply #8 posted 02/28/12 8:32pm

Nothinbutjoy

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fielder said:

Super tacky. If you can afford to upgrade your room you probably shouldn't be allowing them to cover your room in the first place.




I actually asked her not to pay, but she insisted.
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Reply #9 posted 02/28/12 8:39pm

JustErin

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Nothinbutjoy said:

fielder said:

Super tacky. If you can afford to upgrade your room you probably shouldn't be allowing them to cover your room in the first place.

I actually asked her not to pay, but she insisted.

Of course she insisted, that's normal for such arrangements. But seriously, there is nothing wrong with upgrading.

Tacky would be other people taking issue with it and making a big deal out of nothing.

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Reply #10 posted 02/28/12 9:24pm

luv4u

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It' not inappropriate if your hubby chooses to upgrade the room.

canada

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REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince
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Reply #11 posted 02/28/12 9:50pm

lazycrockett

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insomnia said:

If you can do it without issue, I don't see it as being rude. However, they might have a block of rooms reserved for wedding guests, and the hotel has booked around that need, making switiching tricky. You might end up on the opposite side of the building from where all of the festivities are.

This is most likely the situation. If the rooms are blocked you're pretty much in the room you have. Also it seems that since its been paid for it is what it is.

If you really want the upgrade I would suggest going off block and booking and paying for the suite yourself. It will save alot of time and headache, and Im sorry but I think it could cause alot of issues with the other guest/family members in the party.

Honestly I would just let it go.

Also this is in June which, depending on the location, is going to the busy season.

[Edited 2/28/12 21:51pm]

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Reply #12 posted 02/28/12 11:29pm

Ottensen

As long as he's paying for the upgrade himself it's not a problem at all. He'll simply provide his credit card at check in and you'll be fine. I think your bridal party will be too busy with authentic wedding logistic issues to mind one bit. These situations are not uncommon for guests coming in for out of town weddings, so as long as you're taking care of the upgrade expense yourself it's generally fine.

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Reply #13 posted 02/29/12 12:05am

Dewrede

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why would he wanna upgrade if he doesn't know what the room is like yet

[Edited 2/29/12 0:05am]

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Reply #14 posted 02/29/12 1:51am

Ottensen

Dewrede said:

why would he wanna upgrade if he doesn't know what the room is like yet

[Edited 2/29/12 0:05am]

It stands to reason that their travel intenerary/info has been discussed already.

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Reply #15 posted 02/29/12 2:10am

Dewrede

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^

Apparently not ; 'At this time we don't know where or what type of lodging will be provided'

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Reply #16 posted 02/29/12 4:26am

roseypink56

I'm with you nothingbutjoy in thinking it isn't nice but maybe that is just me.

Have fun at the wedding!!!

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Reply #17 posted 02/29/12 4:33am

Ottensen

Dewrede said:

^

Apparently not ; 'At this time we don't know where or what type of lodging will be provided'

Then call the wedding organizers, call the hotel or check the hotel website, determine if they can upgrade the rooms outside of the wedding block. Easy enough and not really that big a deal.

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Reply #18 posted 02/29/12 4:34am

Spinlight

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Seems to me that the path of least resistance is to make your own reservation if your husband is firmly set on upgrading. It's not that it's rude, per se, but it could be misinterpreted by sensitive folks. Why bother with that hassle? There is the issue also that if you're getting a reserved block that you wouldn't be in the same location as your group since you'd be making a separate reservation in the summer time (like someone else mentioned).

It also could potentially make you guys look like cheapskates anyway. lol

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Reply #19 posted 02/29/12 7:13am

nd33

Count your blessings that your friends are financially well off and also generous, then donate the money that could be spent on upgrading to a worthy cause?

[Edited 2/29/12 7:14am]

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Reply #20 posted 02/29/12 7:29am

Genesia

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JustErin said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

fielder said: I actually asked her not to pay, but she insisted.

Of course she insisted, that's normal for such arrangements. But seriously, there is nothing wrong with upgrading.

Tacky would be other people taking issue with it and making a big deal out of nothing.

This.

It is standard for the bridal party to pay for hotel rooms for out of town guests - and to include them in the rehearsal dinner and brunch the day after the wedding. (Leaving your guests on their own is very bad form.) Upgrading a room is nothing for anyone to get twisted over - if someone wants a little more space or a king size bed, it's not a big deal. shrug

[Edited 2/29/12 8:24am]

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Reply #21 posted 02/29/12 8:12am

retina

To be honest, if I was getting married and was treating everybody to what I obviously thought was a sufficient or even nice hotel room, I would feel a bit annoyed if they didn't think it was enough. I guess if it had been a longer stay it would have been more understandable but a night or two? Surely it can't be torture to settle with what you've generously been given for that amount of time.

It all depends on the people in question though. If you're invited to the wedding you probably know them well enough to anticipate how they would react.

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Reply #22 posted 02/29/12 8:13am

Dewrede

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^

yeahthat i'd be offended

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Reply #23 posted 02/29/12 8:17am

CarrieMpls

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If I were getting married and one of my guests upgraded their hotel room I'm sure I wouldn't even know and I definitely wouldn't care.

I can't afford to put up guests in a hotel room, though. lol So what do I know?

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Reply #24 posted 02/29/12 8:23am

Nothinbutjoy

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JustErin said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

fielder said: I actually asked her not to pay, but she insisted.

Of course she insisted, that's normal for such arrangements. But seriously, there is nothing wrong with upgrading.

Tacky would be other people taking issue with it and making a big deal out of nothing.

That's what I thought. I did ask her not to pay, but when she insisted I dropped it immediately. It is a very nice thing for her to do. She wants to do it, so I'm accepting the gift. That's why I'm having trouble with the idea of upgrading. It's a gift.

I also see the point of the hotel setting up a block of rooms. I don't want to be removed from the group, so I'll see what the arrangements are and then decide if we need to upgrade.

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Reply #25 posted 02/29/12 8:26am

Genesia

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CarrieMpls said:

If I were getting married and one of my guests upgraded their hotel room I'm sure I wouldn't even know and I definitely wouldn't care.

I can't afford to put up guests in a hotel room, though. lol So what do I know?

It really sort of depends on the relationship. It's pretty common for close family and friends. Less so for "hangers on." lol

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Reply #26 posted 02/29/12 9:36am

XxAxX

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since the accommodations have already been booked, it might cause problems to upgrade. for example, your friend will be presented with the bill, including charges for the upgrade. the hotel will likely have trouble understanding that it should separate the upgrade charge from the fee it is charging your friend. at this point, your friend might not want the hassle of clearing that up.

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Reply #27 posted 02/29/12 10:22am

NDRU

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CarrieMpls said:

If I were getting married and one of my guests upgraded their hotel room I'm sure I wouldn't even know and I definitely wouldn't care.

I can't afford to put up guests in a hotel room, though. lol So what do I know?

This is what I think, I can't imagine anyone would even know

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Reply #28 posted 02/29/12 11:02am

lazycrockett

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NDRU said:

CarrieMpls said:

If I were getting married and one of my guests upgraded their hotel room I'm sure I wouldn't even know and I definitely wouldn't care.

I can't afford to put up guests in a hotel room, though. lol So what do I know?

This is what I think, I can't imagine anyone would even know

You would be amazed what folks ask the front desk for when checking in. Everyone wants upgraded and if Aunt Emma is shoved in a small room while someone non family gets an upgrade a stink will be made.

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Reply #29 posted 02/29/12 11:57am

PurpleJedi

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XxAxX said:

since the accommodations have already been booked, it might cause problems to upgrade. for example, your friend will be presented with the bill, including charges for the upgrade. the hotel will likely have trouble understanding that it should separate the upgrade charge from the fee it is charging your friend. at this point, your friend might not want the hassle of clearing that up.

yeahthat

So long as your upgrade doesn't cause the bride/groom any additional costs or hassles, then it should be no problem.

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