Does anyone else have this? I'm mainly asking to guys as apprantly its more common amongst men. I always thought it was just me not coming to terms with my sexuality, as I felt uneasy and numb and guilty right after I climax. It felt like I have done something wrong so I made it a habit not to cam during sex, then for a while I been trying celibacy coz it felt so bad...

Guys you know what I'm talking bout? Gay or straight

sex/masturbation to escape daily problems/depression is depressing

but happy sex/masturbation is great

I'm starting to think that the last guy I was with felt this way. When we first met we would have the hottest, filthiest sex but as we became closer and more emotionally involved he started to back off and the sex started to happen less frequently and started to get vanilla and even boring. It's like he thought doing all that dirty stuff was inappropriate with someone he cared about and I even started to pick up the vibe that he was feeling guilty immediately after the little sex we did have.

Or maybe he was just fucking someone else.

sex is draining. you expend yourself physically, and dump a bunch of chemicals into your system. It's like doing drugs, quite literally.

So yeah, you might feel more vulnerable afterward, but it does not have to be depression. It could be love or it could be hunger or fatigue.

My guess is you are already prone to depression, and that is the issue, not the sex itself. Or that the sex/partner is not emotionally supportive for you, and brings out the feeling of loneliness after the rush.

I want to add, as a young girl I was taught not to look forward to sex. I was taught that sex was something only filthy people enjoyed. I guess this was sort of an emotional chastity belt of sorts to teach me shame so that I would save myself for marriage.

This may not apply to you but search your heart on your feelings towards sex. Shame towards sexual acts doesn't only affect women.

I see sex as a way to express my affection towards someone I care about. I need to have an emotional connection with my sex partner, otherwise I feel cheap afterwards. No emotional connection can cause feelings of guilt and shame post coitus.

Men need an emotional connection just like women do IMHO, its what makes us have a rush after the act and allows us to linger in the moment in a warm embrace instead of wanting to run out the room half naked in shame.

paintedlady said:

I want to add, as a young girl I was taught not to look forward to sex. I was taught that sex was something only filthy people enjoyed. I guess this was sort of an emotional chastity belt of sorts to teach me shame so that I would save myself for marriage.

This may not apply to you but search your heart on your feelings towards sex. Shame towards sexual acts doesn't only affect women.

I see sex as a way to express my affection towards someone I care about. I need to have an emotional connection with my sex partner, otherwise I feel cheap afterwards. No emotional connection can cause feelings of guilt and shame post coitus.

Men need an emotional connection just like women do IMHO, its what makes us have a rush after the act and allows us to linger in the moment in a warm embrace instead of wanting to run out the room half naked in shame.

Yeah I guess that is true, we grow up thinking sex is dirty or naughty, and maybe that lingers in the back of our minds.

There's certainly a reason people want to cuddle after sex...or even on the other side, there is a reason people want to run out the door after sex. It's the same reason, but different situations bring different responses.

good points so far

but I think the current/younger generations are not shy about sex...at all lol

NDRU said:

paintedlady said:

I want to add, as a young girl I was taught not to look forward to sex. I was taught that sex was something only filthy people enjoyed. I guess this was sort of an emotional chastity belt of sorts to teach me shame so that I would save myself for marriage.

This may not apply to you but search your heart on your feelings towards sex. Shame towards sexual acts doesn't only affect women.

I see sex as a way to express my affection towards someone I care about. I need to have an emotional connection with my sex partner, otherwise I feel cheap afterwards. No emotional connection can cause feelings of guilt and shame post coitus.

Men need an emotional connection just like women do IMHO, its what makes us have a rush after the act and allows us to linger in the moment in a warm embrace instead of wanting to run out the room half naked in shame.

Yeah I guess that is true, we grow up thinking sex is dirty or naughty, and maybe that lingers in the back of our minds.

There's certainly a reason people want to cuddle after sex...or even on the other side, there is a reason people want to run out the door after sex. It's the same reason, but different situations bring different responses.

IMO a person's mentality on sex will not only affect their abilty but also their enjoyment of sex. I have had conversations with gilrfriends who expect men to teach them everything since it is believed that men should be more open and aware in all things regarding sex.

That's lots of needless pressure tossed on guys (the straight ones anyway) ... it's just not fair to men and I think more women whould open up and not be afraid to take the lead at times.

JoeTyler said:

good points so far

but I think the current/younger generations are not shy about sex...at all lol

This depends on culture and religious upbringing. Not everyone is on the same page.

JoeTyler said:

good points so far

but I think the current/younger generations are not shy about sex...at all lol

That is probably why they might be shocked to discover that things like "post-coital depression" exist

It makes me understand what it feels like to be Catholic

I'll try to sleep with people that I like a lot

agreed with most points

paintedlady said:

JoeTyler said:

good points so far

but I think the current/younger generations are not shy about sex...at all lol

This depends on culture and religious upbringing. Not everyone is on the same page.

I do think this attitude that "kids today have sex at the drop of a hat" is blown way out of proportion.

Kids always had sex, but not all of them did, and not all of them do now.

If I was a kid, sex would still be a big deal and it would still make me nervous and I would probably be a virgin 'til 18 just like the first time around.

NDRU said:

JoeTyler said:

good points so far

but I think the current/younger generations are not shy about sex...at all lol

That is probably why they might be shocked to discover that things like "post-coital depression" exist

Yeah I thought it was just me

LightOfArt said:

NDRU said:

That is probably why they might be shocked to discover that things like "post-coital depression" exist

Yeah I thought it was just me

No, it's definitely not jsut you. But like I say, it's not always depression. It depends on the person.

Woody Allen said something like "the two certainties in life are sex and death. The difference is that after death you don't feel nauseous."

NDRU said:

LightOfArt said:

Yeah I thought it was just me

No, it's definitely not jsut you. But like I say, it's not always depression. It depends on the person.

Woody Allen said something like "the two certainties in life are sex and death. The difference is that after death you don't feel nauseous."

haha good quote.

maybe its wrong to call it depression since it lasts for a few hours tops. mood alteration?

NDRU said:

paintedlady said:

This depends on culture and religious upbringing. Not everyone is on the same page.

I do think this attitude that "kids today have sex at the drop of a hat" is blown way out of proportion.

Kids always had sex, but not all of them did, and not all of them do now.

If I was a kid, sex would still be a big deal and it would still make me nervous and I would probably be a virgin 'til 18 just like the first time around.

My son waited until he was older (relatively speaking) as well. He was a high school senior when he started having sex.

My mother ran hot and cold with religion, and even though I was taught to feel shame about sex I still started at 12. I was almost 15 when I had sex a second time, but I had a very relaxed view on sex. Now my son (now 21) waited like I should have... I just made it a point to teach him things that my mother didn't teach me.

Parents are smarter now and parents are more honest. So now kids today make more informed decisions regarding sex... at least I hope they do.

LightOfArt said:

It makes me understand what it feels like to be Catholic

I'll try to sleep with people that I like a lot

agreed with most points

Just search your feelings.

Is maturbation healthy in your opinion? Do you like your body? How well do you know your body?

don't answer... these are just questions to ask yourself.

Then you should go about just getting to know friends better and once you meet someone special that you really want to share sex with then you should try sex then.

Maybe having easy/cheap sex is not your thing? For now?

Maybe you just need to develop a healthier mindset towards sex and what sex means to you.

paintedlady said:

LightOfArt said:

It makes me understand what it feels like to be Catholic

I'll try to sleep with people that I like a lot

agreed with most points

Just search your feelings.

Is maturbation healthy in your opinion? Do you like your body? How well do you know your body?

don't answer... these are just questions to ask yourself.

Then you should go about just getting to know friends better and once you meet someone special that you really want to share sex with then you should try sex then.

Maybe having easy/cheap sex is not your thing? For now?

Maybe you just need to develop a healthier mindset towards sex and what sex means to you.

i just get up and take a shower

that stops me from bein any part

of it

I usually fall asleep right after I fuck,
but I think that there might be a smidgen of sadness there before I pass out.

However, now that I think about it,
that may be due more to the fact that I feel like I'm always paying too much for just so little.

Y'know what,
now that it comes to mind,
I don't want to think about this anymore.

This is an interesting topic, quite a few of the guys i have been with...

They like change once i get them off , quite a few guys once i get them to climax many times they act totally different, some are nice & help me climax as well. But a lot of them will like clean themselves up and put on there clothes and get all quiet. And then will talk about how bad they feel & we shouldn't have done this yada yada.

Then the next time we hangout they say no sex, then they get horny later & want it again

I myself am 21 & this has been going on since last yea from the ages of 19-29 with the people i have been with, but it's so silly to me. It's like there afraid of intimacy or anything, and want to be ''good'' And as soon as they have orgasmed it's like there heads back on & they feel they have commited something wrong.

When i was young i used to have the same mindsight kind of, i wanted to be good & not have sex. But once i was 19 & In my first relationship that changed... i feel no guilt now. But i can't say the same for others whether it was shame in orientation, fear of intimacy, wanting to not be a ''whore'' or whatever the reason was.

Loss of Essence

JustErin said:

I'm starting to think that the last guy I was with felt this way. When we first met we would have the hottest, filthiest sex but as we became closer and more emotionally involved he started to back off and the sex started to happen less frequently and started to get vanilla and even boring. It's like he thought doing all that dirty stuff was inappropriate with someone he cared about and I even started to pick up the vibe that he was feeling guilty immediately after the little sex we did have.

Or maybe he was just fucking someone else.

Yep. Guilt about objectifying. Alon Gratch has written an interesting book about men, that also stipulates this subject.

I like it when both are options, raunchy hard core agressive sex and unifying love sex. Never had both with one person though.

Myself, I fall asleep right after the sex. Works great agains my insomnia.

I think I know what you are talking about. It has caused me to not have sex for quite a while too, as I started to associate nothing but obsession, pain, guilt and addiction with having sex. But, at least in my case, I don't think it was something like a natural kind of "illness" or problem; I'm quite sure it had to do with the person I loved and was sleeping with at the time.

However, I know the feeling of not being quite as able to have the dirty sex I'd have with a stranger with someone I dearly love. I can do it and I can enjoy it, but there's this little thing I'm afraid of since the time with the other person, which is that my partner loses control and develops an unhealthy relationship or even addiction to the raunchy side of sex, because, frankly, I also like the emotional and soft side of having sex.

I don't want the person I love to become painfully addicted to the sake of having dirty sex, the way I once did. That's why I sometimes try to hold back a bit and regain some balance whenever I have the chance. Feels much safer somehow.

Dave1992 said:

I think I know what you are talking about. It has caused me to not have sex for quite a while too, as I started to associate nothing but obsession, pain, guilt and addiction with having sex. But, at least in my case, I don't think it was something like a natural kind of "illness" or problem; I'm quite sure it had to do with the person I loved and was sleeping with at the time.

However, I know the feeling of not being quite as able to have the dirty sex I'd have with a stranger with someone I dearly love. I can do it and I can enjoy it, but there's this little thing I'm afraid of since the time with the other person, which is that my partner loses control and develops an unhealthy relationship or even addiction to the raunchy side of sex, because, frankly, I also like the emotional and soft side of having sex.

I don't want the person I love to become painfully addicted to the sake of having dirty sex, the way I once did. That's why I sometimes try to hold back a bit and regain some balance whenever I have the chance. Feels much safer somehow.

Well said Dave

Pomade said:

Loss of Essence

That's really what it is

The last person I was with (not intentionally) made me feel sad after sex, but I think it was do to me reacting to his own depression/emotional issues.

I felt like I was the one doing all the work and making all the effort with sex, where he'd be content not having it, and that always left me with a bad feeling afterwards. Sometimes mid-way through I'd want to say, "hey, ya know, if you're not in to this we can just quit now"