You thought they were lying about being anorexic by saying they had cancer?

I have a friend, became friends recently. She is a lovely person, always supportive.

But she is maybe 90lbs (41 kilograms) or less and is 5' 2" tall.

She is hairy... lots of facial hair and a THICK head of hair... she says she is in remission but is always taking tons of pills and seems dizzy or drunk when I see her.

She had cervical cancer.... twice.

She is overly concerned about her daughter getting fat.

She is always focus on her looks and attire (though she looks cute as can be)

So I am beginning to suspect that its not cancer... but I am concerned about her lack of weight.

She is emaciated. She tells me she hates to eat.

What would you do? Should I just keep my big mouth shut?

"I have a friend, became friends recently."

I would ask said new friend if she needed any help with anything ...

and I would watch more ~ gather info and perspective

Then I would sit with discrenment ...

Could the pills be suppressing her appetite?

Anorexia/malnutrition (I believe) leads to body hair as the body tries to compensate for warmth as it loses fat.

I can't give you advice as to how to proceed with her personally.

I would definitely say something... but I wouldn't go about it in a way that would be considered as accusatory or as "calling out". If this is a friend, approach subject gently with care and concern. Be careful not to quickly push them to the defensive... best of luck...

She is so frail and thin.... simply emaciated.

I asked her if she was still fighting cancer, she said no... but she gets thinner and thinner.

I knew her for a year, and bagan hanging with her since last summer.

She grows weaker and sometimes is too weak to pick up her son from school... driving... she can't even drive 4 blocks away from her home.

I am worried.... she says she is OK... but if its not cancer then what else can it be?

paintedlady said:

She is so frail and thin.... simply emaciated.

I asked her if she was still fighting cancer, she said no... but she gets thinner and thinner.

I knew her for a year, and bagan hanging with her since last summer.

She grows weaker and sometimes is too weak to pick up her son from school... driving... she can't even drive 4 blocks away from her home.

I am worried.... she says she is OK... but if its not cancer then what else can it be?

Depression?

Medication?

She takes pills... some that make her hands shake uncontrollably and iron pills.

She also slurs her speach and speaks to a whisper when talking to her so its like she starts of a sentence in normal volume then it tapers to a whisper until you say

"Huh?" and she then has to repeat herself.

Its pretty hard to understand what she talks about at time, she also loses focus easily during conversation.

BUT she is soooo sweet! She complains of having no friends and so she's calling me her bf now.

I am surprised because I do don't think we know each other that well... but she is so nice and her kids are great... I really adore her children. I just hope she isn't anorexic.

Her clothes just get looser and looser and no her body trembles while she speaks to me... I feel like she's a quivering chiguagua

Today, just a little while ago, I hugged her and I hurt her. a bone cracked and I was like :eek:SORRY!

paintedlady said:

She takes pills... some that make her hands shake uncontrollably and iron pills.

She also slurs her speach and speaks to a whisper when talking to her so its like she starts of a sentence in normal volume then it tapers to a whisper until you say

"Huh?" and she then has to repeat herself.

Its pretty hard to understand what she talks about at time, she also loses focus easily during conversation.

BUT she is soooo sweet! She complains of having no friends and so she's calling me her bf now.

I am surprised because I do don't think we know each other that well... but she is so nice and her kids are great... I really adore her children. I just hope she isn't anorexic.

Her clothes just get looser and looser and no her body trembles while she speaks to me... I feel like she's a quivering chiguagua

Today, just a little while ago, I hugged her and I hurt her. a bone cracked and I was like :eek:SORRY!

It's probably the pills. I would ask her about them; what they are and such. I don't think it's out of line to ask her how she is medically and expressing concern about the weakness and lack of focus. I would NOT mention her weight. If she truly is anorexic, that would be giving her negative attention about her body. And if she's really sick, you may make her self conscious about her body. Just tread lightly and make sure she knows your concern is coming from a good place. Good luck!

JuliePurplehead said:

It's probably the pills. I would ask her about them; what they are and such. I don't think it's out of line to ask her how she is medically and expressing concern about the weakness and lack of focus. I would NOT mention her weight. If she truly is anorexic, that would be giving her negative attention about her body. And if she's really sick, you may make her self conscious about her body. Just tread lightly and make sure she knows your concern is coming from a good place. Good luck!

...and offer to smoke up with her.

That'll get her eating again.

....sorry to make light of something so serious... just couldn't resist...

PurpleJedi said:

JuliePurplehead said:

It's probably the pills. I would ask her about them; what they are and such. I don't think it's out of line to ask her how she is medically and expressing concern about the weakness and lack of focus. I would NOT mention her weight. If she truly is anorexic, that would be giving her negative attention about her body. And if she's really sick, you may make her self conscious about her body. Just tread lightly and make sure she knows your concern is coming from a good place. Good luck!

...and offer to smoke up with her.

That'll get her eating again.

....sorry to make light of something so serious... just couldn't resist...

I am the meatball next to her (spaghetti) and I have NO BUSINESS smoking any pot to get something that I naturally have 24/7.

Fat bitches need to excuse to eat! We just DO.

paintedlady said:

PurpleJedi said:

...and offer to smoke up with her.

That'll get her eating again.

....sorry to make light of something so serious... just couldn't resist...

I am the meatball next to her (spaghetti) and I have NO BUSINESS smoking any pot to get something that I naturally have 24/7.

Fat bitches need to excuse to eat! We just DO.

I have heard (in all seriousness) that marijuana IS used medicinally to spur hunger in people whose medication has suppressed it.

I don't have the wiki link to back that up....just what I've heard.

So, you could be a "good friend" and make the sacrifice for her well-being.

JuliePurplehead said:

It's probably the pills. I would ask her about them; what they are and such. I don't think it's out of line to ask her how she is medically and expressing concern about the weakness and lack of focus. I would NOT mention her weight. If she truly is anorexic, that would be giving her negative attention about her body. And if she's really sick, you may make her self conscious about her body. Just tread lightly and make sure she knows your concern is coming from a good place. Good luck!

TY Julie, I will this helps me a bunch.

Actually all posts were very helpful. Thanks guys.

Big mouth about her weight and when she is slurring or trembling again I will ask her about her meds.

She is a friend I want to make sure is OK for the long run, her kids need her. She's an awsome mom.

Imma make her a flan for tomorrow. If she doesn't eat it I am sure her kids will.

She has a houseFULL of kids.

PurpleJedi said:

paintedlady said:

I am the meatball next to her (spaghetti) and I have NO BUSINESS smoking any pot to get something that I naturally have 24/7.

Fat bitches need to excuse to eat! We just DO.

I have heard (in all seriousness) that marijuana IS used medicinally to spur hunger in people whose medication has suppressed it.

I don't have the wiki link to back that up....just what I've heard.

So, you could be a "good friend" and make the sacrifice for her well-being.

My kids need me more ... I need no heart attack no time soon. I am fat enough and I NEED to lose weight.

Imma have to find her a skinny friend.... to help her with that.

paintedlady said:

PurpleJedi said:

I have heard (in all seriousness) that marijuana IS used medicinally to spur hunger in people whose medication has suppressed it.

I don't have the wiki link to back that up....just what I've heard.

So, you could be a "good friend" and make the sacrifice for her well-being.

My kids need me more ... I need no heart attack no time soon. I am fat enough and I NEED to lose weight.

Imma have to find her a skinny friend.... to help her with that.

It sounds like the medication affecting her appetite or stress doing that. It sounds like you are concerned and if you need to approach her, go ahead, but be careful how you choose your words. I've been accused of being anorexic too by people and those in the medical field a few years ago when I was really depressed and suffering from a back injury and had no meds to regulate my moods yet and my appetite was affected. I didn't realize I lost weight but I was underweight. Once I was in the hospital for something and the nurse was accusing me of making myself throw up when I was really having a hard time peeing all at once (sorry for the visual). Anyways I was offended by it cause I don't starve myself though the most I have done is avoid junk food and sometimes forget to eat if hours pass and I'm busy, but do it as soon as I remember.

[Edited 2/6/12 20:26pm]

paintedlady said:

You thought they were lying about being anorexic by saying they had cancer?

I have a friend, became friends recently. She is a lovely person, always supportive.

But she is maybe 90lbs (41 kilograms) or less and is 5' 2" tall.

She is hairy... lots of facial hair and a THICK head of hair... she says she is in remission but is always taking tons of pills and seems dizzy or drunk when I see her.

She had cervical cancer.... twice.

She is overly concerned about her daughter getting fat.

She is always focus on her looks and attire (though she looks cute as can be)

So I am beginning to suspect that its not cancer... but I am concerned about her lack of weight.

She is emaciated. She tells me she hates to eat.

What would you do? Should I just keep my big mouth shut?

i tried that once, didn't work. she was emaciated, had sores at the corners of her mouth from bulimia, looked like a walking skeleton but when i said "p----, i'm really worried about you. you look way too thin. are you okay?" she denied everything. nope. everything was fine and dandy. no problem.

also, she avoided me forever from that point out. imo, this type of 'calling out' is best left to doctors and trained professionals who know what to do in a planned intervention.

XxAxX said:

paintedlady said:

You thought they were lying about being anorexic by saying they had cancer?

I have a friend, became friends recently. She is a lovely person, always supportive.

But she is maybe 90lbs (41 kilograms) or less and is 5' 2" tall.

She is hairy... lots of facial hair and a THICK head of hair... she says she is in remission but is always taking tons of pills and seems dizzy or drunk when I see her.

She had cervical cancer.... twice.

She is overly concerned about her daughter getting fat.

She is always focus on her looks and attire (though she looks cute as can be)

So I am beginning to suspect that its not cancer... but I am concerned about her lack of weight.

She is emaciated. She tells me she hates to eat.

What would you do? Should I just keep my big mouth shut?

i tried that once, didn't work. she was emaciated, had sores at the corners of her mouth from bulimia, looked like a walking skeleton but when i said "p----, i'm really worried about you. you look way too thin. are you okay?" she denied everything. nope. everything was fine and dandy. no problem.

also, she avoided me forever from that point out. imo, this type of 'calling out' is best left to doctors and trained professionals who know what to do in a planned intervention.

Yeah, Imma keep my mouth shut. I will offer support and be an open ear though.

alphastreet said:

It sounds like the medication affecting her appetite or stress doing that. It sounds like you are concerned and if you need to approach her, go ahead, but be careful how you choose your words. I've been accused of being anorexic too by people and those in the medical field a few years ago when I was really depressed and suffering from a back injury and had no meds to regulate my moods yet and my appetite was affected. I didn't realize I lost weight but I was underweight. Once I was in the hospital for something and the nurse was accusing me of making myself throw up when I was really having a hard time peeing all at once (sorry for the visual). Anyways I was offended by it cause I don't starve myself though the most I have done is avoid junk food and sometimes forget to eat if hours pass and I'm busy, but do it as soon as I remember.

[Edited 2/6/12 20:26pm]

I am taking what you say into careful consideration... I am glad you posted. I didn't know meds could have such an effect on your appetite, makes sense though.

Her speech on food bothers me though, she told me she hates to eat. So that is what triggered my concern and I began to wonder if she was anorexic.

TY.

I think a chemical imbalance may have caused it for me, so it could be that as well, thus stress.

[Edited 2/7/12 14:01pm]

paintedlady said:

She takes pills... some that make her hands shake uncontrollably and iron pills.

She also slurs her speach and speaks to a whisper when talking to her so its like she starts of a sentence in normal volume then it tapers to a whisper until you say

"Huh?" and she then has to repeat herself.

Its pretty hard to understand what she talks about at time, she also loses focus easily during conversation.

BUT she is soooo sweet! She complains of having no friends and so she's calling me her bf now.

I am surprised because I do don't think we know each other that well... but she is so nice and her kids are great... I really adore her children. I just hope she isn't anorexic.

Her clothes just get looser and looser and no her body trembles while she speaks to me... I feel like she's a quivering chiguagua

Today, just a little while ago, I hugged her and I hurt her. a bone cracked and I was like :eek:SORRY!

If you really care about her, you should talk her into getting some help. Sounds like she might be taking antidepressants if her hands shake and she loses focus. Speech slurring is also an indication of some medication. Maybe she is seeing someone, but she needs someone to really get to the crux of her problem. If she continues down the path she's on now, she might not make it. Being bone thin and emaciated is not healthy. I know, I been there.

Shyra said:

paintedlady said:

She takes pills... some that make her hands shake uncontrollably and iron pills.

She also slurs her speach and speaks to a whisper when talking to her so its like she starts of a sentence in normal volume then it tapers to a whisper until you say

"Huh?" and she then has to repeat herself.

Its pretty hard to understand what she talks about at time, she also loses focus easily during conversation.

BUT she is soooo sweet! She complains of having no friends and so she's calling me her bf now.

I am surprised because I do don't think we know each other that well... but she is so nice and her kids are great... I really adore her children. I just hope she isn't anorexic.

Her clothes just get looser and looser and no her body trembles while she speaks to me... I feel like she's a quivering chiguagua

Today, just a little while ago, I hugged her and I hurt her. a bone cracked and I was like :eek:SORRY!

If you really care about her, you should talk her into getting some help. Sounds like she might be taking antidepressants if her hands shake and she loses focus. Speech slurring is also an indication of some medication. Maybe she is seeing someone, but she needs someone to really get to the crux of her problem. If she continues down the path she's on now, she might not make it. Being bone thin and emaciated is not healthy. I know, I been there.

I saw her husband today... 3rd day in a row she was too tired to get her child from school.

If I don't see her tomorrow I will call her to see what's up. Its stuff like this that worries me.

let's look at the flip side of this: what if we approached every single obese person we knew and made a case for them losing weight and becoming healthy? instructed them in their cholesterol risks, heart attack risks, diabetes risks, spinal injury risks, and etc all resulting from eating way too much every day? would that work? or do you think it might stir up controversy??

just curious. it's my impression that doing so would be considered 'rude'

[Edited 2/9/12 9:28am]

[Edited 2/9/12 9:38am]

XxAxX said:

let's look at the flip side of this: what if we approached every single obese person we knew and made a case for them losing weight and becoming healthy? instructed them in their cholesterol risks, heart attack risks, diabetes risks, spinal injury risks, and etc all resulting from eating way too much every day? would that work? or do you think it might stir up controversy??

just curious. it's my impression that doing so would be considered 'rude'

[Edited 2/9/12 9:28am]

I don't think it's the same...

...Painted has become acquainted with this individual and as such, feels somewhat compelled to "help". It's the gray area as far as where to cross the line that prompted this thread to begin with.

Do I have that right Painted???

Anyway, that's how I see it.

If I knew someone who was morbidly obese, not just a passerby but someone that I was friendly with, you can best believe that I would find a way to impart on them the need to put away the twinkies and maybe join me on a walk or two around the park come springtime.

^ right. i get that. but who among us feels compelled to 'help' every single morbidly obese person they know?

XxAxX said:

^ right. i get that. but who among us feels compelled to 'help' every single morbidly obese person they know?

I don't know of anyone who does.

You had a bad experience approaching someone with a similar concern - so did that turn you "off" from doing so in the future with anyone else? (Just asking, not baiting, I swear!)

If Painted posted regular threads about "interventions" for obese/anorexic/alcoholic/lazy/whathaveyous then I could see what you're saying above.

If you had to do it over again...approach someone with a condition that concerned you...would you change your approach based on the negative response that you received before?

PurpleJedi said:

XxAxX said:

^ right. i get that. but who among us feels compelled to 'help' every single morbidly obese person they know?

I don't know of anyone who does.

You had a bad experience approaching someone with a similar concern - so did that turn you "off" from doing so in the future with anyone else? (Just asking, not baiting, I swear!)

If Painted posted regular threads about "interventions" for obese/anorexic/alcoholic/lazy/whathaveyous then I could see what you're saying above.

If you had to do it over again...approach someone with a condition that concerned you...would you change your approach based on the negative response that you received before?

no, that was not where i was going. my past experience has nothing to do with my comment.

what i am saying is that, if person who chooses to confront the thin person is, themselves, let's just say not physically fit (okay, obese), they should likely not say word one about the other person's health issue. just a remark about how turn about is fair play.

paintedlady said:

You thought they were lying about being anorexic by saying they had cancer?

I have a friend, became friends recently. She is a lovely person, always supportive.

But she is maybe 90lbs (41 kilograms) or less and is 5' 2" tall.

She is hairy... lots of facial hair and a THICK head of hair... she says she is in remission but is always taking tons of pills and seems dizzy or drunk when I see her.

She had cervical cancer.... twice.

She is overly concerned about her daughter getting fat.

She is always focus on her looks and attire (though she looks cute as can be)

So I am beginning to suspect that its not cancer... but I am concerned about her lack of weight.

She is emaciated. She tells me she hates to eat.

What would you do? Should I just keep my big mouth shut?

Maybe she is a drug addict? I've known meth addicts who keep their hair. In fact, their hair seems to grow fuller as their body weight diminishes. Meth kills the appetite.

I'd hate to think someone would like about cancer. Damn.

If her daughter is old enough, maybe get her to open up more about her mother's habits and whether she eats, whether she weighs herself constantly and if she has body image issues. If the child can't speak on such things then maybe consult other mutual friends or a family member. Somebody know sumthin'!

HotGritz said:

paintedlady said:

You thought they were lying about being anorexic by saying they had cancer?

I have a friend, became friends recently. She is a lovely person, always supportive.

But she is maybe 90lbs (41 kilograms) or less and is 5' 2" tall.

She is hairy... lots of facial hair and a THICK head of hair... she says she is in remission but is always taking tons of pills and seems dizzy or drunk when I see her.

She had cervical cancer.... twice.

She is overly concerned about her daughter getting fat.

She is always focus on her looks and attire (though she looks cute as can be)

So I am beginning to suspect that its not cancer... but I am concerned about her lack of weight.

She is emaciated. She tells me she hates to eat.

What would you do? Should I just keep my big mouth shut?

Maybe she is a drug addict? I've known meth addicts who keep their hair. In fact, their hair seems to grow fuller as their body weight diminishes. Meth kills the appetite.

I'd hate to think someone would like about cancer. Damn.

If her daughter is old enough, maybe get her to open up more about her mother's habits and whether she eats, whether she weighs herself constantly and if she has body image issues. If the child can't speak on such things then maybe consult other mutual friends or a family member. Somebody know sumthin'!

I was thinking that too.

I don't know WHAT to tell you to do about this situation. But regardless of WHAT the issue is, obviously there IS one. Wow. I dunno.