I say "girlfriend" but that really doesn't quite seem right for someone I've been with for 14 years.

People in this area say "partner" a lot. It may have originated in the gay community, but it sums it up a little better. But it also always made me think "sex partner" when I heard it, even though "life partner" was I think more what was intended.

Anyway I've grown comfortable with being referred to as having a "partner" though I don't usually describe my girlfriend that way.

Pomade said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

oh nooooo not the "friend zone". Sorry to say, but the friend zone means you're unequivocally out of the picture for romance, but you're cool enough to kick-it with.

And that works for you? What do you say if you ARE in a serious relationship?

Which leads me to another phrase worthy of clarification.

What does kicking it mean? I keep hearing different interpretations.

Purely platonic activities? Dinner and movie? kissing? Making out? Sex without strings?

CarrieMpls said:

JustErin said:

Any dude that continues to call me his "friend" after a couple months of dating can fuck right off.

Yup.

My boyfriend is most certainly not a "friend". He's something different, hence the different label.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Pomade said:

Which leads me to another phrase worthy of clarification.

What does kicking it mean? I keep hearing different interpretations.

Purely platonic activities? Dinner and movie? kissing? Making out? Sex without strings?

Pomade said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

hmmmnnn don't know what happened there.....my take on "kicking it" is its a purelyplatonic relationship. some may interpret it as F-buddies but I think for the most part its someone you just hang out with--no intimacy.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Pomade said:

hmmmnnn don't know what happened there.....my take on "kicking it" is its a purelyplatonic relationship. some may interpret it as F-buddies but I think for the most part its someone you just hang out with--no intimacy.

Thank you

NDRU said:

I say "girlfriend" but that really doesn't quite seem right for someone I've been with for 14 years.

People in this area say "partner" a lot. It may have originated in the gay community, but it sums it up a little better. But it also always made me think "sex partner" when I heard it, even though "life partner" was I think more what was intended.

Anyway I've grown comfortable with being referred to as having a "partner" though I don't usually describe my girlfriend that way.

"partner" is cool as it signifies a bond between two people. that was the original point - distinguishing between a committment or not.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

NDRU said:

I say "girlfriend" but that really doesn't quite seem right for someone I've been with for 14 years.

People in this area say "partner" a lot. It may have originated in the gay community, but it sums it up a little better. But it also always made me think "sex partner" when I heard it, even though "life partner" was I think more what was intended.

Anyway I've grown comfortable with being referred to as having a "partner" though I don't usually describe my girlfriend that way.

"partner" is cool as it signifies a bond between two people. that was the original point - distinguishing between a committment or not.

Exactly, it makes perfect sense as a way for non-married people to signify a more permanent commitment.

muirdo said:

Folks

All you have to do is type "Dave1992 girlfriend" into the search box at the top right hand of your screen and you'll see how much shit this boy talks.

He likes to come across as some kind of super intellect which he clearly isn't.

His superior intellect is nothing to life experience...I have underwear that has more life experience than he has ever had.

Don't be fooled by his attempt to fool you that he is more intelligent than you...He's not....there's a fair chance he's better looking but don't put his gibberish in the same league as someone more intelligent.

[Edited 1/29/12 10:23am]

Again, what is your point? Yes, I used to have a person I put a label on for some time. I think that was more than two or three years ago...? I have never said I never did that, did I? People develop and people change. If you are still the same person you were three years ago, I feel sorry for you.

I don't have the need to show other people I am "more intelligent". This was a normal, friendly discussion with arguments based on proper, well-rounded reasons (from both sides) until you entered.

Do you feel better now, trying to hurt me? Do you feel more intelligent now, saying I am trying to "fool" people? Are you proud of yourself?

When a person doesn't know how else to defend their stupidity than by saying it is based on "life experience", I actually have nothing more to say, because that is the most pathetic thing one can do. Actually, you don't even have a point, there is no proper thesis in your argument. You just throw in some little set phrase in the middle of your post with the sheer goal to hurt or expose me. Now if that isn't pathetic, I don't know what else is.

I may not be as old as you and may have a different (maybe far-fetched? maybe naive?) world-view to some of you, and I can assure you it is bound to change, which I am proud of, but at least I, in my tender age, have manners compared to you, muirdo.

You can show your intellect and oh-so-valuable life-experience by taking part in this discussion respectfully and with well-rounded arguments on your side. If you continue to show how cool you are by trying to put down others, you remain nothing but a pathetic idiot.

paintedlady said:

Dave1992 said:

"You say in your own posts that the term "friend" can apply the same to a person you are in an intimate relationship. You do not "use labels" and therefore do not establish boundaries with other "friends" that may be of a platonic nature or differenciate between the two."

But I also said that every relationship is unique. Some are better, some are less serious, some are platonic, some aren't. I do not not sleep with another woman than the one I am currently spending most time with because it would be "cheating" and because I am not allowed to or because I would hurt her, but because I don't want to.

If the wish to have sex with other people ever arises, there arleady is something going wrong with the person I am currently sleeping with. It's the same vice versa. If she wants to spend more time with someone else, I wouldn't want her to force herself with me. I know that I can satisfy a woman with most of her needs, but I also know that I am by far not perfect and that my character has many faults, so if she finds someone who will make her more happy, I will let her go, no matter whether she was my "friend", "girlfriend" or even "mother".

Like I said, every relationship is unique and I let my friends feel that they are unique and I let one of them feel they are the most unique. I am just a very private person and don't discuss private relations and feelings with other people, so if anybody asks whether I have a "girlfriend", I simply say "I have many girlfriends and many boyfriends; I won't tell you who I'm sleeping with and I won't tell you who I'm in love with and how much and why.".

If love is kept between two people, they are the masters and have control over this love. If it is made too public, other people will try to take over and I hate that.

It is understood that you value and respect your lover/friend.... but you not using a term to let other women know you are not "available" when introducing your lover as "friend" most likely will cause confusion for other women. You know where YOU stand but other women won't know.

I guess when guys are used to making the first move it isn't a problem so much as it is for women.

Men tend to be the agressors when pursuing any romantic relationship (usually), so in that way I guess guys might not find a serious need to set such firm boundaries as women tend to.

You see, with my male friends, I NEED to let them know I have a BF, if I don't then they may think I am available or treat me as if I am free to hang out with them and will gripe if I spend too much time away from them...

if he understands that the other guy is my BF, he gives me the space I need to allow my relationship to take its course without question and even encourage my time away from him.

I see your point and it's definitely understandable.

However, I am approachable any time - I like getting to know people and I like finding new friends. I'm also free to hang out with, talk about music, love, God with and to have a glass of wine with. All on a platonical level, without complications or any signs of jealousy from any side. Because my friends trust me and I trust them. That's my definition of being approachable. But if someone gets too close physically or even wants to kiss me without me really wanting it too, I'll back off for quite a long time, no matter how attractive that person is, no matter whether I would have someone to call a "girlfriend".

I see your point about there being less need for men to do it, but I was never too aggressive in my approach and usually wait for her to do "the first step", even if I do show sexual interest, if there is any. And my (little but nevertheless opinion-forming) experience shows me that women often do send other signals before being sure you are sexually approachable. And if those signs show up and I am not interested in sex, I just don't react to them.

The thing is, even if I would shout about that I have one girlfriend and she is the only one for me, noone could guarantee that this will last and there is still a chance I would find someone who would make me even happier and that my "girlfriend" would find someone better too. It may be more complicated to "distance" yourself from someone you gave a "label", but it is not impossible and should certainly not be the (only) reason you stay with that person.

Dave1992 said:

paintedlady said:

It is understood that you value and respect your lover/friend.... but you not using a term to let other women know you are not "available" when introducing your lover as "friend" most likely will cause confusion for other women. You know where YOU stand but other women won't know.

I guess when guys are used to making the first move it isn't a problem so much as it is for women.

Men tend to be the agressors when pursuing any romantic relationship (usually), so in that way I guess guys might not find a serious need to set such firm boundaries as women tend to.

You see, with my male friends, I NEED to let them know I have a BF, if I don't then they may think I am available or treat me as if I am free to hang out with them and will gripe if I spend too much time away from them...

if he understands that the other guy is my BF, he gives me the space I need to allow my relationship to take its course without question and even encourage my time away from him.

I see your point and it's definitely understandable.

However, I am approachable any time - I like getting to know people and I like finding new friends. I'm also free to hang out with, talk about music, love, God with and to have a glass of wine with. All on a platonical level, without complications or any signs of jealousy from any side. Because my friends trust me and I trust them. That's my definition of being approachable. But if someone gets too close physically or even wants to kiss me without me really wanting it too, I'll back off for quite a long time, no matter how attractive that person is, no matter whether I would have someone to call a "girlfriend".

I see your point about there being less need for men to do it, but I was never too aggressive in my approach and usually wait for her to do "the first step", even if I do show sexual interest, if there is any. And my (little but nevertheless opinion-forming) experience shows me that women often do send other signals before being sure you are sexually approachable. And if those signs show up and I am not interested in sex, I just don't react to them.

The thing is, even if I would shout about that I have one girlfriend and she is the only one for me, noone could guarantee that this will last and there is still a chance I would find someone who would make me even happier and that my "girlfriend" would find someone better too. It may be more complicated to "distance" yourself from someone you gave a "label", but it is not impossible and should certainly not be the (only) reason you stay with that person.

You SHOULD be approachable at your age. Seriously.

My son is 21 (older) and I encourage him to date as much as possibble since I want him to meet many people so that he can better decide which type of person he should settle down with.

I will do the same with my daughter when her time comes to do the same.

You see, I am 40 and in a different space from you. I know exactly what I want because I have dealt with many people and have come to understand who I am very well.

So labels for me are healthy... I too see your need for free thinking and a resistance to any commitment. You still have so much more to experience and I do not recommend you using the words "I love you" to any young lady any time soon with all that you do and will do.

I say the same to my son. My son has college to focus on... then his job... then love.

Love doesn't pay the bills in the real world so I need to make sure he can be the best provider he can be.

One thing I will say, that in your generation I am glad to see female aggressors welcomed.

When I did it as a young woman the guy would usually be shocked and become skiddish.

I am glad things are chaning at least in that direction.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Pomade said:

hmmmnnn don't know what happened there.....my take on "kicking it" is its a purelyplatonic relationship. some may interpret it as F-buddies but I think for the most part its someone you just hang out with--no intimacy.

No.

"Kicking it" is just a slang/ebonics type term for someone you're either seriously dating or just screwing. Basically it's code for "our private parts have touched".

Actually, fuck it - now I'm confused because I've seen it referred to in the context of strictly platonic relationships, too.

I remember a joke from some sitcom where the guy asked the girl, "Are ya'll kicking it...or kicking it."

All I know is that if I were dating and screwing someone and they referred to us as either 'friends' or told people we're 'kicking it', either way I'd be pissed. Both are too ambiguous. Say "She's my girlfriend" or "We're dating" or .

[Edited 1/29/12 19:52pm]

Dren5 said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

hmmmnnn don't know what happened there.....my take on "kicking it" is its a purelyplatonic relationship. some may interpret it as F-buddies but I think for the most part its someone you just hang out with--no intimacy.

No.

"Kicking it" is just a slang/ebonics type term for someone you're either seriously dating or just screwing. Basically it's code for "our private parts have touched".

Actually, fuck it - now I'm confused because I've seen it referred to in the context of strictly platonic relationships, too.

I remember a joke from some sitcom where the guy asked the girl, "Are ya'll kicking it...or kicking it."

All I know is that if I were dating and screwing someone and they referred to us as either 'friends' or told people we're 'kicking it', either way I'd be pissed. Both are too ambiguous. Say "She's my girlfriend" or "We're dating" or .

[Edited 1/29/12 19:52pm]

"we fuckin" is just kickin it and she ain't beholden to me.

"that's my bitch" give the suggestion that one may wanna

concider stickin they arm in a lions mouth rather than

make her see the need to tell me of ones misbehavior...

Sounds like Dave wants his options open.

Dren5 said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

hmmmnnn don't know what happened there.....my take on "kicking it" is its a purelyplatonic relationship. some may interpret it as F-buddies but I think for the most part its someone you just hang out with--no intimacy.

No.

"Kicking it" is just a slang/ebonics type term for someone you're either seriously dating or just screwing. Basically it's code for "our private parts have touched".

Actually, fuck it - now I'm confused because I've seen it referred to in the context of strictly platonic relationships, too.

I remember a joke from some sitcom where the guy asked the girl, "Are ya'll kicking it...or kicking it."

All I know is that if I were dating and screwing someone and they referred to us as either 'friends' or told people we're 'kicking it', either way I'd be pissed. Both are too ambiguous. Say "She's my girlfriend" or "We're dating" or .

[Edited 1/29/12 19:52pm]

See now, you and KingBad are speaking to my confusion about it. I agree it's just better to just say gf or bf.

I once dumed a guy for not giving me the "girlfriend" title, because I felt he was still advertising himself as being available. He referred to me as friend. I striaght out told him, I don't fuck my friends, so if I am not in a unique category, then he has no purpose cuz i dont do that friends with benefits shit. I was about 22 at the time.

Now...20 years later......hmmmm....I would tell a man to just call me "yours" or dont fucking call me at all. I dont keep anybody I've fucked as a friend (best I can offer is extremely distant associate). It just creates too much drama down the road.

JustErin said:

kewlschool said:

Sounds like Dave wants his options open.

Like I said, the options are basically always there. Going for them or not makes the only difference to me...

In order to prevent these awkward moments where a girl would feel under appreciated if I just called her "friend", I am used to saying that she is one of my "girlfriends".

Tremolina said:

In order to prevent these awkward moments where a girl would feel under appreciated if I just called her "friend", I am used to saying that she is one of my "girlfriends".

JustErin said:

Tremolina said:

In order to prevent these awkward moments where a girl would feel under appreciated if I just called her "friend", I am used to saying that she is one of my "girlfriends".

JustErin said:

Tremolina said:

In order to prevent these awkward moments where a girl would feel under appreciated if I just called her "friend", I am used to saying that she is one of my "girlfriends".

Tremolina said:

JustErin said:

JustErin said:

Tremolina said:

Erin, if you want to you could be my one and only "girlfriend". I'd make an exception for you! And as I don't call any other friends my "girlfriends", you would really be my only one. How's that for a deal?

JustErin said:

Tremolina said:

I hate men.

JustErin said:

I hate men.

Tremolina said:

JustErin said:

I hate men.

JustErin said:

Tremolina said:

Tremolina said:

JustErin said:

I hate men.

Hey, mate, can you leave the tight hole to me?