I'm with justerin on this one... if you're having sex with me, then you need to let OTHER heffas know that we are monogamous and you aren't available.

Why? Two reasons:

1- I don't share dick and never expect to.

2- Mutual respect. If he doesn't want other guys thinking he is in the "friend zone" then I want the same consideration.

I am not just a "friend", I am MORE then that.

Appearing too available tends to bring trouble your way IMHO.. so while I have someone I consider as my SO then I will respect them and let others know with out question who they are with one simple phrase.

"He's my boyfriend." This tells other guys to back off.... him telling other women the same also defines boundaries and there should be boundaries if you do not want other people thinking you or your SO is available to be courted.

It is why the phrase exists in the first place... now if we break up it will most likely be for any other reason than some 3rd party moving in on the relationship in a romatic way.

I have no problem saying "Girlfriend" @ all. I'll say my "girl" sometimes too. I usually refer to a friend as a friend. If we're more, I let it be known...

JustErin said:

Yeah, I knew you would say that. It doesn't make it any harder or easier for the person being dumped...it makes it easier the the dumper since they have the excuse of saying yeah, well I said we were just friends, remember? Saying you're my "friend" is just a way of letting the other person know at that moment that they aren't that into you....so If you like them and you know they aren't into you the same I see no reason to stick around and make it worse for yourself. They can go fuck off. [Edited 1/28/12 17:25pm]

I don't think so, really. Like I said, the "dumper" will explain it to you either way if he really likes or liked you (no matter what he called you) or will find a way to degrade what you had either way too (by either saying "we were just friends anyway", or by saying "yeah, you were my girlfriend, but you aren't any longer"). So what difference does it make? None.

And no, someone calling you a friend should actually mean they are into you (if they are intelligent and sensitive enough to comprehend what "friendship" means).

I, for instance, call very few people friends. But those who I call "friend", appreciate it and still know that they are not to be compared with other "friends" I have and that every friendship is unique in itself and that every person I call "friend" has an incomparable value.

You know, friendship also means sticking to that person in not so good times. But friendship also means wishing the best for one another and letting someone go or letting them free when they feel it might make them happier.

Wanting someone to label you "more" than they label others is not a sign of wanting their love and loving them a lot, it's actually a sign of loving yourself too much.

JustErin said:

Any dude that continues to call me his "friend" after a couple months of dating can fuck right off.

I was thinking this same thing but didn't want to come out and say it.

To me it's like a slap in the face and a disrespect to be referred to as a 'friend' in those circumstances.

Using "friend" instead of girlfriend or boyfriend means the person is not that interested in you. Using the term girlfriend/boyfriend means that you are committed to the lady you are dating and visa versa. It might be a label, but this label says I am committed to you in a relationship. The term "friend" means basically we are friends with benefits.

KingBAD said:

whutz that like???

you know, when you get put in "THE FRIEND ZONE"

i always say "we just fuckin" if it's not a serious relationship.

oh nooooo not the "friend zone". Sorry to say, but the friend zone means you're unequivocally out of the picture for romance, but you're cool enough to kick-it with.

And that works for you? What do you say if you ARE in a serious relationship?

.

[Edited 1/29/12 1:58am]

Dren5 said:

JustErin said:

Any dude that continues to call me his "friend" after a couple months of dating can fuck right off.

I was thinking this same thing but didn't want to come out and say it.

To me it's like a slap in the face and a disrespect to be referred to as a 'friend' in those circumstances.

paintedlady said:

I'm with justerin on this one... if you're having sex with me, then you need to let OTHER heffas know that we are monogamous and you aren't available.

Why? Two reasons:

1- I don't share dick and never expect to.

2- Mutual respect. If he doesn't want other guys thinking he is in the "friend zone" then I want the same consideration.

I am not just a "friend", I am MORE then that.

Appearing too available tends to bring trouble your way IMHO.. so while I have someone I consider as my SO then I will respect them and let others know with out question who they are with one simple phrase.

"He's my boyfriend." This tells other guys to back off.... him telling other women the same also defines boundaries and there should be boundaries if you do not want other people thinking you or your SO is available to be courted.

It is why the phrase exists in the first place... now if we break up it will most likely be for any other reason than some 3rd party moving in on the relationship in a romatic way.

^Exactly, how would anyone know what the relationship is unless you tell them (this includes the two people in the relationship.)

Dren5 said:

JustErin said:

Any dude that continues to call me his "friend" after a couple months of dating can fuck right off.

I was thinking this same thing but didn't want to come out and say it.

To me it's like a slap in the face and a disrespect to be referred to as a 'friend' in those circumstances.

It's sad how the actual value of friendship has dropped...

JustErin said:

What I said has nothing with to do with wanting to be labelled more than what they label others and everything to do with realizing what you really are to them....and then either accepting that or not. Experience has showed me that when a dude only calls you his friend while he clearly benefits from all the things a romantic relationship offers, he is not into you and will never be into you. I will no longer waste a second of my time on assholes like this.

A "romantic relationship"? You're doing it again!

Every relationship is a relationship and there can be romantic moments in every relationship. Or don't you sometimes just hang out and talk with who you would want to call your "boyfriend", have a good glass of wine, tell him your secrets and discuss Ogden and Richard's Semiotic Triangle?

Or, the other way round, haven't you ever slept with someone you "only" call a "friend"?

It would all be so easy... If you like to spend time with, kiss, cuddle with, talk to, love, spend money and time on and trust another person and they want to do the same with you, you will not only feel that, but he will automatically NOT do the same with another woman, no matter whether the word he describes you with "allows" him to do it or not.

[My woman has the "right" to sleep with other man if she wants to; I told her that I wouldn't be angry with her if she does it, maybe only disappointed with myself. But, guess what, she still doesn't do it, because she doesn't want to. And if she finds someone better than me, I would want her to go, just like I would go if I find someone better than her. It's natural. And she's still one of my best friends. And vice versa.]

Yes, if you have the feeling that he's in just for your pussy, ass, throat and wonderful tits, then yes, he shouldn't "benefit" from anything, if you don't benefit from the same. But calling you "girlfriend" won't change that, and "assholes" like that could even call you "girlfriend" just to make you stick around a little longer.

But if he's "not that into you", you'll feel it either way, no matter what he calls you, trust me.

Dave1992 said:

Dren5 said:

I was thinking this same thing but didn't want to come out and say it.

To me it's like a slap in the face and a disrespect to be referred to as a 'friend' in those circumstances.

It's sad how the actual value of friendship has dropped...

Friendship is most important, that's how people get to be closer but in this context the friendship should turn into something more lasting, eventually. The friendship doesn't stop just because there's a committment.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Dave1992 said:

It's sad how the actual value of friendship has dropped...

Friendship is most important, that's how people get to be closer but in this context the friendship should turn into something more lasting, eventually. The friendship doesn't stop just because there's a committment.

But there is no comment in life at all. Even if you get married, there is no commitment. It's an illusion. It all comes down to either trusting that person or not. And them calling you some special word does not make them more trust-worthy.

Friendships can be "more lasting", too. The first person I called "friend" still is a friend of mine - I love that person, I still hug that person and I still spend lots of time with that person. The person I am currently often sleeping with was a friend before I slept with her, is a friend when we do not sleep with each other, and is a friend when we do sleep with each other. A "friend" is a person you love and trust and can expect the same feelings from. Finito.

Dave1992 said:

JustErin said:

What I said has nothing with to do with wanting to be labelled more than what they label others and everything to do with realizing what you really are to them....and then either accepting that or not. Experience has showed me that when a dude only calls you his friend while he clearly benefits from all the things a romantic relationship offers, he is not into you and will never be into you. I will no longer waste a second of my time on assholes like this.

A "romantic relationship"? You're doing it again!

Every relationship is a relationship and there can be romantic moments in every relationship. Or don't you sometimes just hang out and talk with who you would want to call your "boyfriend", have a good glass of wine, tell him your secrets and discuss Ogden and Richard's Semiotic Triangle?

Or, the other way round, haven't you ever slept with someone you "only" call a "friend"?

It would all be so easy... If you like to spend time with, kiss, cuddle with, talk to, love, spend money and time on and trust another person and they want to do the same with you, you will not only feel that, but he will automatically NOT do the same with another woman, no matter whether the word he describes you with "allows" him to do it or not.

[My woman has the "right" to sleep with other man if she wants to; I told her that I wouldn't be angry with her if she does it, maybe only disappointed with myself. But, guess what, she still doesn't do it, because she doesn't want to. And if she finds someone better than me, I would want her to go, just like I would go if I find someone better than her. It's natural. And she's still one of my best friends. And vice versa.]

Yes, if you have the feeling that he's in just for your pussy, ass, throat and wonderful tits, then yes, he shouldn't "benefit" from anything, if you don't benefit from the same. But calling you "girlfriend" won't change that, and "assholes" like that could even call you "girlfriend" just to make you stick around a little longer.

But if he's "not that into you", you'll feel it either way, no matter what he calls you, trust me.

You'll never be Number 23 so stop trying.

This thread, and more specifically Dave1192's POV clearly illustrates what my guy told me the other day.

My boyfriend told me that men NEVER keep female friends unless they intend to have sex with them sooner or later.

Women can be perfectly platonic and have no intention of a romantic conquest but men will not befriend any woman they are not attracted to in some way. All female friends will get hit on or were humped, so no man should have a "friend" while he has a relationship because that will bring trouble.

Men (in his opinion) always see friends as potential lovers.

I thought he was full of shit until I read this thread. I guess he was on to something.

muirdo said:

Dave1992 said:

A "romantic relationship"? You're doing it again!

Every relationship is a relationship and there can be romantic moments in every relationship. Or don't you sometimes just hang out and talk with who you would want to call your "boyfriend", have a good glass of wine, tell him your secrets and discuss Ogden and Richard's Semiotic Triangle?

Or, the other way round, haven't you ever slept with someone you "only" call a "friend"?

It would all be so easy... If you like to spend time with, kiss, cuddle with, talk to, love, spend money and time on and trust another person and they want to do the same with you, you will not only feel that, but he will automatically NOT do the same with another woman, no matter whether the word he describes you with "allows" him to do it or not.

[My woman has the "right" to sleep with other man if she wants to; I told her that I wouldn't be angry with her if she does it, maybe only disappointed with myself. But, guess what, she still doesn't do it, because she doesn't want to. And if she finds someone better than me, I would want her to go, just like I would go if I find someone better than her. It's natural. And she's still one of my best friends. And vice versa.]

Yes, if you have the feeling that he's in just for your pussy, ass, throat and wonderful tits, then yes, he shouldn't "benefit" from anything, if you don't benefit from the same. But calling you "girlfriend" won't change that, and "assholes" like that could even call you "girlfriend" just to make you stick around a little longer.

But if he's "not that into you", you'll feel it either way, no matter what he calls you, trust me.

You'll never be Number 23 so stop trying.

Yeah, because all I want to do is being able to label myself. You did quite a good job reading! But give it another shot, will ya?

paintedlady said:

This thread, and more specifically Dave1192's POV clearly illustrates what my guy told me the other day.

My boyfriend told me that men NEVER keep female friends unless they intend to have sex with them sooner or later.

Women can be perfectly platonic and have no intention of a romantic conquest but men will not befriend any woman they are not attracted to in some way. All female friends will get hit on or were humped, so no man should have a "friend" while he has a relationship because that will bring trouble.

Men (in his opinion) always see friends as potential lovers.

I thought he was full of shit until I read this thread. I guess he was on to something.

Are you sure my POV clearly illustrates that? Because I actually disagree completely.

I have some female friends who I often talk to, hug, watch movies with etc. I never once got close to them on an erotic level and don't plan to ever do so and don't even want to ever do so. I don't feel attracted to them on a physical, erotical level.

On a more general note, I don't think one can ever completely seperate and generalise "women" and "men" in any context.

But, please, would you be so kind to clarify what about my posts made you think that I intend to sleep with all my female "friends" at some point?

I think men and women will ALWAYS have a different POV on this...

Dave1992 said:

paintedlady said:

This thread, and more specifically Dave1192's POV clearly illustrates what my guy told me the other day.

My boyfriend told me that men NEVER keep female friends unless they intend to have sex with them sooner or later.

Women can be perfectly platonic and have no intention of a romantic conquest but men will not befriend any woman they are not attracted to in some way. All female friends will get hit on or were humped, so no man should have a "friend" while he has a relationship because that will bring trouble.

Men (in his opinion) always see friends as potential lovers.

I thought he was full of shit until I read this thread. I guess he was on to something.

Are you sure my POV clearly illustrates that? Because I actually disagree completely.

I have some female friends who I often talk to, hug, watch movies with etc. I never once got close to them on an erotic level and don't plan to ever do so and don't even want to ever do so. I don't feel attracted to them on a physical, erotical level.

On a more general note, I don't think one can ever completely seperate and generalise "women" and "men" in any context.

But, please, would you be so kind to clarify what about my posts made you think that I intend to sleep with all my female "friends" at some point?

You say in your own posts that the term "friend" can apply the same to a person you are in an intimate relationship. You do not "use labels" and therefore do not establish boundaries with other "friends" that may be of a platonic nature or differenciate between the two.

To me you sound like a free individual who keeps his relationships open. Well, that is what I got by reading your posts anyways. So yeah, I told my guy that men do not generally think that way... but he was right. You prove what he said. He was right.

.... and of course I am generalizing, it is understood that I nor you are speaking of ALL men or women, so I should clarify that also.

If you disagree, then its cool. Its just what I recieved by what you wrote.

Labels exist for boundaries, and you keep no boundaries.

tinaz said:

I think men and women will ALWAYS have a different POV on this...

men are from Mars....

dammit I mispell everrrryyyyythang!

[Edited 1/29/12 6:55am]

Dave1992 said:

paintedlady said:

This thread, and more specifically Dave1192's POV clearly illustrates what my guy told me the other day.

My boyfriend told me that men NEVER keep female friends unless they intend to have sex with them sooner or later.

Women can be perfectly platonic and have no intention of a romantic conquest but men will not befriend any woman they are not attracted to in some way. All female friends will get hit on or were humped, so no man should have a "friend" while he has a relationship because that will bring trouble.

Men (in his opinion) always see friends as potential lovers.

I thought he was full of shit until I read this thread. I guess he was on to something.

Are you sure my POV clearly illustrates that? Because I actually disagree completely.

I have some female friends who I often talk to, hug, watch movies with etc. I never once got close to them on an erotic level and don't plan to ever do so and don't even want to ever do so. I don't feel attracted to them on a physical, erotical level.

On a more general note, I don't think one can ever completely seperate and generalise "women" and "men" in any context.

But, please, would you be so kind to clarify what about my posts made you think that I intend to sleep with all my female "friends" at some point?

This paragraph right here Dave explains why women do not wanna be called "friends"... If you are sleeping with them, they are obviously "higher" on your "friend" list than say the casual friends you hang out with...

There are diff "levels" of friendship then, and in "most" womens eyes, if you are fucking you have a closer "bond" with them and they deserve to know what your intentions are, unless casual sex was agreed upon, IN WORDS and explained the "rules" of such a relationship...

paintedlady said:

tinaz said:

I think men and women will ALWAYS have a different POV on this...

men are from Mars....

dammit I mispell everrrryyyyythang!

[Edited 1/29/12 6:55am]

Yes they are!!!!

JustErin said:

Any dude that continues to call me his "friend" after a couple months of dating can fuck right off.

Yup.

My boyfriend is most certainly not a "friend". He's something different, hence the different label.

paintedlady said:

Dave1992 said:

Are you sure my POV clearly illustrates that? Because I actually disagree completely.

I have some female friends who I often talk to, hug, watch movies with etc. I never once got close to them on an erotic level and don't plan to ever do so and don't even want to ever do so. I don't feel attracted to them on a physical, erotical level.

On a more general note, I don't think one can ever completely seperate and generalise "women" and "men" in any context.

But, please, would you be so kind to clarify what about my posts made you think that I intend to sleep with all my female "friends" at some point?

You say in your own posts that the term "friend" can apply the same to a person you are in an intimate relationship. You do not "use labels" and therefore do not establish boundaries with other "friends" that may be of a platonic nature or differenciate between the two.

To me you sound like a free individual who keeps his relationships open. Well, that is what I got by reading your posts anyways. So yeah, I told my guy that men do not generally think that way... but he was right. You prove what he said. He was right.

.... and of course I am generalizing, it is understood that I nor you are speaking of ALL men or women, so I should clarify that also.

If you disagree, then its cool. Its just what I recieved by what you wrote.

Labels exist for boundaries, and you keep no boundaries.

"You say in your own posts that the term "friend" can apply the same to a person you are in an intimate relationship. You do not "use labels" and therefore do not establish boundaries with other "friends" that may be of a platonic nature or differenciate between the two."

But I also said that every relationship is unique. Some are better, some are less serious, some are platonic, some aren't. I do not not sleep with another woman than the one I am currently spending most time with because it would be "cheating" and because I am not allowed to or because I would hurt her, but because I don't want to.

If the wish to have sex with other people ever arises, there arleady is something going wrong with the person I am currently sleeping with. It's the same vice versa. If she wants to spend more time with someone else, I wouldn't want her to force herself with me. I know that I can satisfy a woman with most of her needs, but I also know that I am by far not perfect and that my character has many faults, so if she finds someone who will make her more happy, I will let her go, no matter whether she was my "friend", "girlfriend" or even "mother".

Like I said, every relationship is unique and I let my friends feel that they are unique and I let one of them feel they are the most unique. I am just a very private person and don't discuss private relations and feelings with other people, so if anybody asks whether I have a "girlfriend", I simply say "I have many girlfriends and many boyfriends; I won't tell you who I'm sleeping with and I won't tell you who I'm in love with and how much and why.".

If love is kept between two people, they are the masters and have control over this love. If it is made too public, other people will try to take over and I hate that.

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who is going to really angry when she sees this."--Mitch Hedberg live on T.V.

Dave1992 said:

paintedlady said:

You say in your own posts that the term "friend" can apply the same to a person you are in an intimate relationship. You do not "use labels" and therefore do not establish boundaries with other "friends" that may be of a platonic nature or differenciate between the two.

To me you sound like a free individual who keeps his relationships open. Well, that is what I got by reading your posts anyways. So yeah, I told my guy that men do not generally think that way... but he was right. You prove what he said. He was right.

.... and of course I am generalizing, it is understood that I nor you are speaking of ALL men or women, so I should clarify that also.

If you disagree, then its cool. Its just what I recieved by what you wrote.

Labels exist for boundaries, and you keep no boundaries.

"You say in your own posts that the term "friend" can apply the same to a person you are in an intimate relationship. You do not "use labels" and therefore do not establish boundaries with other "friends" that may be of a platonic nature or differenciate between the two."

But I also said that every relationship is unique. Some are better, some are less serious, some are platonic, some aren't. I do not not sleep with another woman than the one I am currently spending most time with because it would be "cheating" and because I am not allowed to or because I would hurt her, but because I don't want to.

If the wish to have sex with other people ever arises, there arleady is something going wrong with the person I am currently sleeping with. It's the same vice versa. If she wants to spend more time with someone else, I wouldn't want her to force herself with me. I know that I can satisfy a woman with most of her needs, but I also know that I am by far not perfect and that my character has many faults, so if she finds someone who will make her more happy, I will let her go, no matter whether she was my "friend", "girlfriend" or even "mother".

Like I said, every relationship is unique and I let my friends feel that they are unique and I let one of them feel they are the most unique. I am just a very private person and don't discuss private relations and feelings with other people, so if anybody asks whether I have a "girlfriend", I simply say "I have many girlfriends and many boyfriends; I won't tell you who I'm sleeping with and I won't tell you who I'm in love with and how much and why.".

If love is kept between two people, they are the masters and have control over this love. If it is made too public, other people will try to take over and I hate that.

It is understood that you value and respect your lover/friend.... but you not using a term to let other women know you are not "available" when introducing your lover as "friend" most likely will cause confusion for other women. You know where YOU stand but other women won't know.

I guess when guys are used to making the first move it isn't a problem so much as it is for women.

Men tend to be the agressors when pursuing any romantic relationship (usually), so in that way I guess guys might not find a serious need to set such firm boundaries as women tend to.

You see, with my male friends, I NEED to let them know I have a BF, if I don't then they may think I am available or treat me as if I am free to hang out with them and will gripe if I spend too much time away from them...

if he understands that the other guy is my BF, he gives me the space I need to allow my relationship to take its course without question and even encourage my time away from him.

Folks

All you have to do is type "Dave1992 girlfriend" into the search box at the top right hand of your screen and you'll see how much shit this boy talks.

He likes to come across as some kind of super intellect which he clearly isn't.

His superior intellect is nothing to life experience...I have underwear that has more life experience than he has ever had.

Don't be fooled by his attempt to fool you that he is more intelligent than you...He's not....there's a fair chance he's better looking but don't put his gibberish in the same league as someone more intelligent.

[Edited 1/29/12 10:23am]

A big huge part of this for me is my age.

I am 50 and I am waaaay beyond being a girl, girlfriend or any word like that.

Partner is O.K. or just friend but "girlfriend" just sounds so high school.

That's just me. I am not opposed to other women referring to their men as their boyfriend, etc. I just don't want to be called anybodies "girlfriend".

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

kewlschool

Using "friend" instead of girlfriend or boyfriend means the person is not that interested in you. Using the term girlfriend/boyfriend means that you are committed to the lady you are dating and visa versa. It might be a label, but this label says I am committed to you in a relationship. The term "friend" means basically we are friends with benefits.

KingBAD said:

whutz that like???

you know, when you get put in "THE FRIEND ZONE"

i always say "we just fuckin" if it's not a serious relationship.

oh nooooo not the "friend zone". Sorry to say, but the friend zone means you're unequivocally out of the picture for romance, but you're cool enough to kick-it with.

And that works for you? What do you say if you ARE in a serious relationship?

.

[Edited 1/29/12 1:58am]

"hey, i'ld like to introduce you to my love___________"

or as i refer to them "MY BITCH" but that could cause a prollum in the wrong company...

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

oh nooooo not the "friend zone". Sorry to say, but the friend zone means you're unequivocally out of the picture for romance, but you're cool enough to kick-it with.

And that works for you? What do you say if you ARE in a serious relationship?

Which leads me to another phrase worthy of clarification.

What does kicking it mean? I keep hearing different interpretations.

Purely platonic activities? Dinner and movie? kissing? Making out? Sex without strings?