I just fired back a retort to random nonsense I read on Twitter, read it back and snickered, then realized it was kinda cruel.

Right after that I ended up following a link to something I'd posted weeks ago and read it and winced. It was true, but goddamn it was mean.

I just realized that I'm mean as fuck. Okay, well maybe not just realized, I've had people tell me that before and I've taken note of it but not in it's totality. Like, it just hit me how vicious I can be. Like, appallingly so.

Thing is, I don't feel all that bad about it. Okay, I'll be blunt - I don't feel remorse at all, because every time I've gone that route honestly the people on the receiving end had it coming.

What things have you realized about yourself recently?

lazycrockett said:

...Actually, I can make Willow look like Mary Poppins.

lazycrockett said:

One of my favorite scenes from Buffy!

I am realizing that I am a magnet self-absorbed people since I tend to be a bit too compassionate.

Because of that I am in turn becoming less compassionate and all of the characteristics that I consider good are being whittled away at because I feel as if I am surrounded by some really manipulative opportunists.

People suck.

I've realized that I need to stop helping people so much. When I go over and beyond its never really appreciated or I end up attracting folk with a hidden agenda....or I end up attracting folk who mistake my kindness for something else. From now on, I'm just keeping it general. Fuck everybody else.

As Paintedlady said, people do suck, royally.

This is gonna sound incredibly contradictory after my OP, but somehow they're both true - I give people way more credit and are way more patient and forgiving with people than I should be, too. A lot of times when I should just cut people off cold, I can't/don't. Not really a sudden epiphany though; to some extent I've always been aware that I'm a bit of a sucker or 'easy touch' for some people.

missfee said:

I've realized that I need to stop helping people so much. When I go over and beyond its never really appreciated or I end up attracting folk with a hidden agenda....or I end up attracting folk who mistake my kindness for something else. From now on, I'm just keeping it general. Fuck everybody else.

As Paintedlady said, people do suck, royally.

Why are other genuinely kind women so hard to find?

I've learned quickly to stop helping folks who I just meet and stopped saying "yes" so much.

I also steer clear of overly helpful women. I met a woman who was bossy as hell and would offer help in abundance and even demand to help me when I didn't even ask for help.

Being a single mom I guess she thought I needed clothing and such for my children, although it was appreciated, I NEVER asked or wanted the items, I wouldn't refuse them because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She would show up with fancy dresses my daughter would never need and toys for my sons. I didn't have the heart to turn her generosity away. Then she would sit down to criticize my parenting and scrutinize(or compliment in a shocked way) how I kept house. While handing me a dress she would show up with, she then would instruct me how I would have to have my daughter and my family ready to go to HER church with her and she would then schedule my entire weekend surrounding church and outings events with her.

After a while I grew tired of her busy body ways... I had enough of her trying to insert herself in my life as some sort of unwanted life coach.

So I told her to never buy me another thing, that she was welcomed in my home but that I had all I needed. Her friendship was all I required. She never came over or visited me again.

I realized she only gave me gifts to manipulate me into doing what she wanted me to do.

That was over 5 years ago. I learned from that experience. I learned to say no to random "gifts".

I also tell new friend NOT to feel like they have to give me anything since it causes problems.

I am no charity case and find it quite insulting when someone tries to treat me as such. Fuck them with the high horse the rode in on.

OK single momma rant over.

Dren5 said:

This is gonna sound incredibly contradictory after my OP, but somehow they're both true - I give people way more credit and are way more patient and forgiving with people than I should be, too. A lot of times when I should just cut people off cold, I can't/don't. Not really a sudden epiphany though; to some extent I've always been aware that I'm a bit of a sucker or 'easy touch' for some people.

I guess a more passive (soft spoken) person will naturally attract an aggressive personality.

A buddy of mine is quite bossy, and as soon as she meets other bossy women they are instantly repelled within one sentence. Its like they can sniff each other out.

*Can I have my way with you? No? GTFOH you bitch*

paintedlady said:

Dren5 said:

This is gonna sound incredibly contradictory after my OP, but somehow they're both true - I give people way more credit and are way more patient and forgiving with people than I should be, too. A lot of times when I should just cut people off cold, I can't/don't. Not really a sudden epiphany though; to some extent I've always been aware that I'm a bit of a sucker or 'easy touch' for some people.

I guess a more passive (soft spoken) person will naturally attract an aggressive personality.

A buddy of mine is quite bossy, and as soon as she meets other bossy women they are instantly repelled within one sentence. Its like they can sniff each other out.

*Can I have my way with you? No? GTFOH you bitch*

In some ways, people can under-estimate "soft spoken" folks. As for myself, I'm quiet and when I'm around people I don't know, I'm extra quiet and more observative than anything else. Unless there's something brought up in conversation that I can relate to, that's about the only time that I'll chime in. Also I tend to have an expression on my face of the exact thing that I'm thinking when I don't say anything. I often forget that I have that attribute about myself. As a result, some broads I come in contact with think that I'm this conservative, boring person or either standoffish with an attitude. And with some men they think that I can be easily manipulated or naive. Luckily for me, I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. If you want to get to know me then do so, if not, then fuck off.

paintedlady said:

missfee said:

I've realized that I need to stop helping people so much. When I go over and beyond its never really appreciated or I end up attracting folk with a hidden agenda....or I end up attracting folk who mistake my kindness for something else. From now on, I'm just keeping it general. Fuck everybody else.

As Paintedlady said, people do suck, royally.

Why are other genuinely kind women so hard to find?

Because most folks you encounter almost always have a hidden agenda.

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

Why are other genuinely kind women so hard to find?

Because most folks you encounter almost always have a hidden agenda.

Hard truth spoken.

[Edited 1/30/12 7:06am]

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

I guess a more passive (soft spoken) person will naturally attract an aggressive personality.

A buddy of mine is quite bossy, and as soon as she meets other bossy women they are instantly repelled within one sentence. Its like they can sniff each other out.

*Can I have my way with you? No? GTFOH you bitch*

In some ways, people can under-estimate "soft spoken" folks. As for myself, I'm quiet and when I'm around people I don't know, I'm extra quiet and more observative than anything else. Unless there's something brought up in conversation that I can relate to, that's about the only time that I'll chime in. Also I tend to have an expression on my face of the exact thing that I'm thinking when I don't say anything. I often forget that I have that attribute about myself. As a result, some broads I come in contact with think that I'm this conservative, boring person or either standoffish with an attitude. And with some men they think that I can be easily manipulated or naive. Luckily for me, I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. If you want to get to know me then do so, if not, then fuck off.

I am learning to be more like you...

I tend to be the talkitive open and charming polite person that people tend to consider naive or a straight dumbass.

Its like they see me and see how polite I am and say to themselves

*here's that sucker I've been searching for*

this is why I am sensitive to manipulative tactics now. I do not allow people to guilt me into shit either.

They are always put off by my stern NO's.

paintedlady said:

missfee said:

In some ways, people can under-estimate "soft spoken" folks. As for myself, I'm quiet and when I'm around people I don't know, I'm extra quiet and more observative than anything else. Unless there's something brought up in conversation that I can relate to, that's about the only time that I'll chime in. Also I tend to have an expression on my face of the exact thing that I'm thinking when I don't say anything. I often forget that I have that attribute about myself. As a result, some broads I come in contact with think that I'm this conservative, boring person or either standoffish with an attitude. And with some men they think that I can be easily manipulated or naive. Luckily for me, I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. If you want to get to know me then do so, if not, then fuck off.

I am learning to be more like you...

I tend to be the talkitive open and charming polite person that people tend to consider naive or a straight dumbass.

Its like they see me and see how polite I am and say to themselves

*here's that sucker I've been searching for*

this is why I am sensitive to manipulative tactics now. I do not allow people to guilt me into shit either.

They are always put off by my stern NO's.

And see I used to feel guilty by saying "NO" when I would say it...or someone would be saying "oh that's so mean of you, you shouldn't be so cruel". Umm nope not anymore. I've been burned and disappointed so many times for being nice and putting my true feelings to the side to be the "nice person". Fuck that. I notice when I say NO and put my foot down, folks tend to know how to approach me from then on out. It's like telling them "I'm not the one (to be fucked with)" and so they don't and go off to try and find that "next sucker that they've been searching for". I think it just takes many experiences for that to be realized for some people, I know for me it did. It's like how that saying goes "People will treat you the way you allow them to". So true.

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

I am learning to be more like you...

I tend to be the talkitive open and charming polite person that people tend to consider naive or a straight dumbass.

Its like they see me and see how polite I am and say to themselves

*here's that sucker I've been searching for*

this is why I am sensitive to manipulative tactics now. I do not allow people to guilt me into shit either.

They are always put off by my stern NO's.

And see I used to feel guilty by saying "NO" when I would say it...or someone would be saying "oh that's so mean of you, you shouldn't be so cruel". Umm nope not anymore. I've been burned and disappointed so many times for being nice and putting my true feelings to the side to be the "nice person". Fuck that. I notice when I say NO and put my foot down, folks tend to know how to approach me from then on out. It's like telling them "I'm not the one (to be fucked with)" and so they don't and go off to try and find that "next sucker that they've been searching for". I think it just takes many experiences for that to be realized for some people, I know for me it did. It's like how that saying goes "People will treat you the way you allow them to". So true.

People stopped asking my broke ass for favors because I snap on people.

I do get the "can you watch my kids?"

or the "my son/daughter would like to to sleepover so badly with your kids"

I sternly say...

"Naw, we don't do sleep overs, sorry. "

f-you heffa I am not watching your child overnight so you can hit the clubs... you must think I am a dummy.

paintedlady said:

missfee said:

And see I used to feel guilty by saying "NO" when I would say it...or someone would be saying "oh that's so mean of you, you shouldn't be so cruel". Umm nope not anymore. I've been burned and disappointed so many times for being nice and putting my true feelings to the side to be the "nice person". Fuck that. I notice when I say NO and put my foot down, folks tend to know how to approach me from then on out. It's like telling them "I'm not the one (to be fucked with)" and so they don't and go off to try and find that "next sucker that they've been searching for". I think it just takes many experiences for that to be realized for some people, I know for me it did. It's like how that saying goes "People will treat you the way you allow them to". So true.

People stopped asking my broke ass for favors because I snap on people.

I do get the "can you watch my kids?"

or the "my son/daughter would like to to sleepover so badly with your kids"

I sternly say...

"Naw, we don't do sleep overs, sorry. "

f-you heffa I am not watching your child overnight so you can hit the clubs... you must think I am a dummy.

paintedlady said:

missfee said:

And see I used to feel guilty by saying "NO" when I would say it...or someone would be saying "oh that's so mean of you, you shouldn't be so cruel". Umm nope not anymore. I've been burned and disappointed so many times for being nice and putting my true feelings to the side to be the "nice person". Fuck that. I notice when I say NO and put my foot down, folks tend to know how to approach me from then on out. It's like telling them "I'm not the one (to be fucked with)" and so they don't and go off to try and find that "next sucker that they've been searching for". I think it just takes many experiences for that to be realized for some people, I know for me it did. It's like how that saying goes "People will treat you the way you allow them to". So true.

People stopped asking my broke ass for favors because I snap on people.

I do get the "can you watch my kids?"

or the "my son/daughter would like to to sleepover so badly with your kids"

I sternly say...

"Naw, we don't do sleep overs, sorry. "

f-you heffa I am not watching your child overnight so you can hit the clubs... you must think I am a dummy.

we need more PaintedLady. Just sayin.

BlackAdder7 said:

paintedlady said:

People stopped asking my broke ass for favors because I snap on people.

I do get the "can you watch my kids?"

or the "my son/daughter would like to to sleepover so badly with your kids"

I sternly say...

"Naw, we don't do sleep overs, sorry. "

f-you heffa I am not watching your child overnight so you can hit the clubs... you must think I am a dummy.

we need more PaintedLady. Just sayin.

^there's one! an epiphany!

XxAxX said:

BlackAdder7 said:

we need more PaintedLady. Just sayin.

^there's one! an epiphany!

!

That I can kick the living shit out of anyone (metaphorically speaking) unless they are male and I care about/love them, then I am a fucking pathetic doormat to be taken advantage of over and over.

chocolate1 said:

lazycrockett said:

One of my favorite scenes from Buffy!

Yep. Never forget the first time I saw it. All like... "Wait! Did that just happen!?"

Cerebus said:

chocolate1 said:

One of my favorite scenes from Buffy!

Yep. Never forget the first time I saw it. All like... "Wait! Did that just happen!?"

Yes!

First

Second, I just realized that I actually love everyone unconditionally, as if they were a close family member.

Pff. Yeah, right.

I was recently on a religious site discussing God with various people , and realized when they were talking about things I had never freakin ever even heard of that I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was. it was humbling .

chocolate1 said:

Cerebus said:

Yep. Never forget the first time I saw it. All like... "Wait! Did that just happen!?"

Yes!

Yeah, I know. But back then it wasn't like you could just rewind the DVR box and watch it again. It was like, BLAM! "Holy shit! Willow just skinned Warren!"

lauralevesque said:

I was recently on a religious site discussing God with various people , and realized when they were talking about things I had never freakin ever even heard of that I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was. it was humbling .

I feel that way several times a day. And the more I think I learn, the more I realize just how much I'll never know.

Cerebus said:

lauralevesque said:

I was recently on a religious site discussing God with various people , and realized when they were talking about things I had never freakin ever even heard of that I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I was. it was humbling .

I feel that way several times a day. And the more I think I learn, the more I realize just how much I'll never know.

YES! That's exactly it!

But at least we're searching and inquisitive and will keep learning, and that's good, right?

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

Why are other genuinely kind women so hard to find?

Because most folks you encounter almost always have a hidden agenda.

I'm not like that.

Honest, I'm not.

Sometimes, I think I am too selfless that I keep getting used and don't even realize it.

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

Why are other genuinely kind women so hard to find?

Because most folks you encounter almost always have a hidden agenda.

Truth. I don't have one, so most people don't trust someone who doesn't. It's kind of expected to have a hidden agenda. Although most hidden agendas come forth eventually.