My brother and I had a slight disagreement about gratuities. Our mom passed in November, and we had her memorial servicee 2 weeks ago. When I was planning, I asked the chapel at her retirement community for help since the service would be there. They gave me a few names of women to contact about playing the music and explained that any fees charged by them would be my expense. No problem. So I called a lady whose name sounded familiar and asked her what her fee would be. She said $150, which I thought was a bit much for playing about 30 minutes, but I agreed. I then asked the reverend, who would be conducting the service, how much he would charge, and he said, "Oh, whatever you think is appropriate, but it's not absolutely necessary." So I figured if I gave the organist $150, the reverend should at least get the same, so I wrote him a check for $150. There was another woman who was a volunteer for the chapel who helped with the guests and the sign in book, etc. I wrote her a check for $50 and she was genuinely surprised and grateful. Then at the repast, we had an open bar with beer, wine and soft drinks and a bartender. I know the retirement community prohibits its employees from accepting tips, but I gave the bartender an acknowledgement card with $25 cash inside. He accepted it graciously. I then told my brother that I had tipped these people and that I expected to get my money back from Mom's estate. He had a fit. "WHAT YOU TIP THOSE PEOPLE FOR??? THEY WERE DOING THEIR JOBS! GEEMONEEZ, YOU'RE SO NAIVE!" I told him, "God rest her soul, but you are your mother's son. Squeeze a dollar til the president hollars! CHEAP! PENNYPINCHER!" What do you all think? Did I tip too much, too little, or should I have tipped nothing?

I’m sorry for your loss.

Sounds to me like you did the right thing.

I don't see a problem with what you did.

Sorry about you mom.

You did the right thing.

RIP to your mom.

You should have done what felt right to you at the time. Doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, including your brother.

To quote Steve Martin from the brillant movie, "My Blue Heaven" - I believe in over-tipping.

You were very, very gracious and did the right thing, IMHO.

RodeoSchro said:

To quote Steve Martin from the brillant movie, "My Blue Heaven" - I believe in over-tipping.

You were very, very gracious and did the right thing, IMHO.

I don't. But I do believe there are times when it's inappropriate to question a persons motives, and that's one of them.

My condolences on the loss of your mom.

It sounds like you did just the right thing.

Sorry but gotta @ "Squeeze a dollar, 'til the president hollar".

It sounded like you were respectful all the way around. Some people love to fight about money, especially when it involves family.

Love to you and to Momma

Sorry about your loss, but if you felt deep down in your heart that it was justifiable to tip those people, then so be it. I don't know if I agree with you expecting to be reimbursed from the estate...to me if you tip, you are tipping because you want to without any expectations of receiving that money back. But it's always a touchy situation when you are dealing with family members and money from an estate. So I hope you all will be able to resolve things in a loving, family type of way.

missfee said:

Sorry about your loss, but if you felt deep down in your heart that it was justifiable to tip those people, then so be it. I don't know if I agree with you expecting to be reimbursed from the estate...to me if you tip, you are tipping because you want to without any expectations of receiving that money back. But it's always a touchy situation when you are dealing with family members and money from an estate. So I hope you all will be able to resolve things in a loving, family type of way.

TRUTH

Thank you all so much for your input and espcially the condolances for our loss. My brother and I are very close, so there will be no fighting over money. Mom split everything down the middle, fifty/fifty, as did my dad when he died 10 years ago. Brother was expressing his opinion is all, but he will honor my wishes in repaying from the estate. He would expect the same if he had paid.