i am in a rush 2 get 2 work so i'll have to come back later n see what u guys think....

so b4 i go i wanted 2 ask u all what u thought of this comment....

yesterday i saw my therapist and she told me that my biggest problem is that i have little 'self worth'

i should have asked her what she meant, but at he time i was focusing on other things that we had discussed...

anyway what to do think about self worth and how does one obtain it????

esp if u suffer from low self esteem.... how do u get 2 find self worth????

thank u and c u later

First rule of establishing self-worth is to realize that no one can determine your self-worth except for your self.
Once you've accepted this, then you've put your self in control of something that no one else on the planet can control unless you surrender it to them (which, of course, is never a good idea).

[Edited 1/17/12 13:12pm]

that's a tough one without first understanding how you came to have low self-esteem.

self worth means recognizing that you have value as a person and that your feelings matter and you deserve respect and kindness. you have to love and appreciate yourself before anyone else can recognize your value.

you and your therapist should talk about how you got to your current state and work backwards to slowly undo whatever psychological damage got you to the point of needind a therapist. if you find the process moving too slowly, find another therapist.

being that you are in therapy, your counselor should work on helping you build your self-esteem and working through whatever issues hold you back in life.

I think (and I may be mistaken) that self-worth and self-esteem are the same thing, no?

You need to believe - not just "realize" or "understand" but actually BELIEVE - that you are important. That you deserve good things and are worthy of greatness.

...or something like that...

PurpleJedi said:

I think (and I may be mistaken) that self-worth and self-esteem are the same thing, no?

You need to believe - not just "realize" or "understand" but actually BELIEVE - that you are important. That you deserve good things and are worthy of greatness.

...or something like that...

Interesting, but reading what you say I think maybe they are not the same. Self-esteem (to me) might be thinking, "Hey, I'm pretty smart when it comes to math." (Or whatever you're good at.) But you can think you are smart, or attractive, or whatever and still not think you deserve good things, right?

Personally, I know there are things I am really great at; but, to me, that doesn't make me think I automatically deserve good things. I don't know. I feel like to actually believe that is kind of pompous...why should one have good things just because they are good at something? For example, should "pretty" people should just get good things because they're "pretty"? Shouldn't we earn/work hard for good things instead of expecting them?

Self Judgment. It's a killer inside. That is probably the biggest issue. Compassionate self forgiveness can be a huge game changer.

jone70 said:

PurpleJedi said:

I think (and I may be mistaken) that self-worth and self-esteem are the same thing, no?

You need to believe - not just "realize" or "understand" but actually BELIEVE - that you are important. That you deserve good things and are worthy of greatness.

...or something like that...

Interesting, but reading what you say I think maybe they are not the same. Self-esteem (to me) might be thinking, "Hey, I'm pretty smart when it comes to math." (Or whatever you're good at.) But you can think you are smart, or attractive, or whatever and still not think you deserve good things, right?

Personally, I know there are things I am really great at; but, to me, that doesn't make me think I automatically deserve good things. I don't know. I feel like to actually believe that is kind of pompous...why should one have good things just because they are good at something? For example, should "pretty" people should just get good things because they're "pretty"? Shouldn't we earn/work hard for good things instead of expecting them?

I see what you mean.

So, for example (if I follow you correctly) a vain fashion model can have a high level of "self worth" thinking she should be handed things on a silver plate because of her looks...but have very little actual self-esteem if she sleeps around with anything that moves as a means to validate herself & feel wanted.

How's that?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Self Judgment. It's a killer inside. That is probably the biggest issue. Compassionate self forgiveness can be a huge game changer.

You mean when you judge yourself too harshly???

PurpleJedi said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Self Judgment. It's a killer inside. That is probably the biggest issue. Compassionate self forgiveness can be a huge game changer.

You mean when you judge yourself too harshly???

I do ~ extremely

and ...

I forgive myself passionately

I think / feel that more people should spend much more time looking INWARD and working

than looking outward, pointing that finger and taking an easy way out

PurpleJedi said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Self Judgment. It's a killer inside. That is probably the biggest issue. Compassionate self forgiveness can be a huge game changer.

You mean when you judge yourself too harshly???

Yes. Judging yourself over actions, judging yourself over thoughts, judging yourself for judging others. Most self judgments stem from serious misinterpretations and misunderstandings. Self worth, or worthiness is one of the biggest issues humanity has yet to resolve.

Everyone is inherently worthy, compassionate self forgiveness reveals that truth to ourselves. It doesn't matter what other people tell us if we are telling something else to ourselves. You can't escape yourself, nobody can.

Self forgiveness is more than lip service, it is a grounding into yourself as a divine being having a human experience, realizing that we are not our thoughts, we are not our beliefs, we are not our actions and we are not any of the judgments/misidentifications/misbeliefs/misunderstandings that lead to certain ways of being and behaving. We are inherently worthy just for the fact of existing. All human beings are.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

PurpleJedi said:

You mean when you judge yourself too harshly???

Yes. Judging yourself over actions, judging yourself over thoughts, judging yourself for judging others. Most self judgments stem from serious misinterpretations and misunderstandings. Self worth, or worthiness is one of the biggest issues humanity has yet to resolve.

Everyone is inherently worthy, compassionate self forgiveness reveals that truth to ourselves. It doesn't matter what other people tell us if we are telling something else to ourselves. You can't escape yourself, nobody can.

Self forgiveness is more than lip service, it is a grounding into yourself as a divine being having a human experience, realizing that we are not our thoughts, we are not our beliefs, we are not our actions and we are not any of the judgments/misidentifications/misbeliefs/misunderstandings that lead to certain ways of being and behaving. We are inherently worthy just for the fact of existing. All human beings are.

Doesn't self-worth have to be taught tho? Do you think people are born knowing their value? I don't believe we are. I think some of us are darn lucky to have that taught to us at an age where we can understand and beleive it but most don't have that advantage.

HotGritz said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Yes. Judging yourself over actions, judging yourself over thoughts, judging yourself for judging others. Most self judgments stem from serious misinterpretations and misunderstandings. Self worth, or worthiness is one of the biggest issues humanity has yet to resolve.

Everyone is inherently worthy, compassionate self forgiveness reveals that truth to ourselves. It doesn't matter what other people tell us if we are telling something else to ourselves. You can't escape yourself, nobody can.

Self forgiveness is more than lip service, it is a grounding into yourself as a divine being having a human experience, realizing that we are not our thoughts, we are not our beliefs, we are not our actions and we are not any of the judgments/misidentifications/misbeliefs/misunderstandings that lead to certain ways of being and behaving. We are inherently worthy just for the fact of existing. All human beings are.

Doesn't self-worth have to be taught tho? Do you think people are born knowing their value? I don't believe we are. I think some of us are darn lucky to have that taught to us at an age where we can understand and beleive it but most don't have that advantage.

Pretty much. It is a process of unlearning lies and knowing the truth. We are not typically raised, supported by society or conditioned to recognize our inherent worth. Especially when you add in factors like belief in original sin which is a belief which supports separation instead of union. If you believe your nature is sin, how could you ever believe that your very nature is love?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

HotGritz said:

Doesn't self-worth have to be taught tho? Do you think people are born knowing their value? I don't believe we are. I think some of us are darn lucky to have that taught to us at an age where we can understand and beleive it but most don't have that advantage.

Pretty much. It is a process of unlearning lies and knowing the truth. We are not typically raised, supported by society or conditioned to recognize our inherent worth. Especially when you add in factors like belief in original sin which is a belief which supports separation instead of union. If you believe your nature is sin, how could you ever believe that your very nature is love?

That concept has always troubled me. The concept that people are born sinful and yet....some folks seem rotten and troubled going back to their early youth.

Its hard to look at a little baby and think they have a tendency to be sinful or heaven forbid worthless.

My belief is that if the best is brought out in us when we are young, we will be our best when we grow up. I could be kidding myself though.

i was once told that with all i had

i had no self esteem, and in not havin

it i subjugated all the people i came in contact

with. instead of treating them kindly.

i thought to myself "this is bullshit,

i am a natural ruler"

anywaya few years ago, i began doin

'esteemable acts' for no reason other than

i could.

i believe that self esteem and self worth

are of a kind (the same)

havin self worth, i can allow others,

strike that, i can see the worth of others.

KingBAD said:

i was once told that with all i had

i had no self esteem, and in not havin

it i subjugated all the people i came in contact

with. instead of treating them kindly.

i thought to myself "this is bullshit,

i am a natural ruler"

anywaya few years ago, i began doin

'esteemable acts' for no reason other than

i could.

i believe that self esteem and self worth

are of a kind (the same)

havin self worth, i can allow others,

strike that, i can see the worth of others.

I love your posts!

Ok so self-worth has to do with what you think you deserve in life.

Self-esteem has to do with the courage and confidence you have to attain what it is you believe you deserve.

HotGritz said:

KingBAD said:

i was once told that with all i had

i had no self esteem, and in not havin

it i subjugated all the people i came in contact

with. instead of treating them kindly.

i thought to myself "this is bullshit,

i am a natural ruler"

anywaya few years ago, i began doin

'esteemable acts' for no reason other than

i could.

i believe that self esteem and self worth

are of a kind (the same)

havin self worth, i can allow others,

strike that, i can see the worth of others.

I love your posts!

Ok so self-worth has to do with what you think you deserve in life.

Self-esteem has to do with the courage and confidence you have to attain what it is you believe you deserve.

i've always had my way in life.

was never concerned with whut it cost others.

so NO self esteem has nothin to do with

whut i think i deserve, nor does self worth.

it has to do with respectin the bounderies of others

and creatin some for ones self, simply put

HotGritz said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Pretty much. It is a process of unlearning lies and knowing the truth. We are not typically raised, supported by society or conditioned to recognize our inherent worth. Especially when you add in factors like belief in original sin which is a belief which supports separation instead of union. If you believe your nature is sin, how could you ever believe that your very nature is love?

That concept has always troubled me. The concept that people are born sinful and yet....some folks seem rotten and troubled going back to their early youth.

Its hard to look at a little baby and think they have a tendency to be sinful or heaven forbid worthless.

My belief is that if the best is brought out in us when we are young, we will be our best when we grow up. I could be kidding myself though.

it's the age old argument, nature or nurture

ThisOne said:

i am in a rush 2 get 2 work so i'll have to come back later n see what u guys think....

so b4 i go i wanted 2 ask u all what u thought of this comment....

yesterday i saw my therapist and she told me that my biggest problem is that i have little 'self worth'

i should have asked her what she meant, but at he time i was focusing on other things that we had discussed...

anyway what to do think about self worth and how does one obtain it????

esp if u suffer from low self esteem.... how do u get 2 find self worth????

thank u and c u later

i think you're already doing the right thing. sharing experience and seeing your counselor

KingBAD said:

HotGritz said:

I love your posts!

Ok so self-worth has to do with what you think you deserve in life.

Self-esteem has to do with the courage and confidence you have to attain what it is you believe you deserve.

i've always had my way in life.

was never concerned with whut it cost others.

so NO self esteem has nothin to do with

whut i think i deserve, nor does self worth.

it has to do with respectin the bounderies of others

and creatin some for ones self, simply put

Dude...seriously that's deep.

I can be honest enough to say that I have very little, if not none.

My mother raised me to believe in myself, that I could do anything, that I am worthy and blah, blah, blah...but due to other factors in my childhood it led to poor choices in my life that then led to me being continuously told directly and indirectly that I am worthless.

When you're told that again and again you start to believe it and I'm really not sure how to recover from it, or if it's even really fully possible.

JustErin said:

I can be honest enough to say that I have very little, if not none.

My mother raised me to believe in myself, that I could do anything, that I am worthy and blah, blah, blah...but due to other factors in my childhood it led to poor choices in my life that then led to me being continuously told directly and indirectly that I am worthless.

When you're told that again and again you start to believe it and I'm really not sure how to recover from it, or if it's even really fully possible.

i know what u r saying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do we 4get the bullshit and start 2 believe the positives that others c in us??? HOW????

I NEVER EXPECTED IT WITH U THO!!!!!!

and thank u everyone 4 your words of wisdom

i just need 2 start believing in myself and leaving the negativity i have experienced in the past!!!!!

its just not that easy, and i need 2 work out a way of 4getting whithout getting drunk, there has 2 be another way!!!!!

Im going to be brutally honest here... Im sorry if I offend anyone..

Who the hell is telling you people you are worthless? And WHY are they in your lives... better yet, WHY did you allow them to do this?? Ive never understood people who didnt believe in themselves..

I went thru some bad stuff in high school, Catholic school, i wouldnt "comform", nuns hated me, they always told me I was shit and would grow up to be shit, etc etc etc.. Did I listen.. NO! I saw them for what THEY were, small minded, insecure, HATEFUL human beings and I didnt give a rats ass what they thought because I knew I wasnt a bad person...

I know I have a problem with weak minded people, I dont understand it... It just seems to me people who make these sorts of claims are looking for sympathy... Am I wrong? Do you who think you are worthless, look for sympathy all the time?? And what does feeling like this do for you? Why do you allow others to influence your self worth? Why cant you change the way you feel, or better yet, How did you come to that place so freely?

When it gets to the point where you no longer care about what other's think about you or your decisions in life and that you stand for what you believe in, in yourself, to me, that's more powerful than any amount of money or gold in the world. At this point, you are able to clearly recognize when toxic people come into your life to do emotional damage and when its time to cut them out of your life...immediately.

As for myself, I do know my self worth, but I'm also not a perfect person. At times, I may feel down for certain reasons, but I also know how to pick myself back up without depending on someone else to cheer me up.

I can only speak for myself here but I really don't care what most people think about so called "weak minded" people or that they don't understand it...and I don't even care to try to explain anything to anyone other than to say that it's not as trivial as having to deal with some shitty teachers growing up.

The only people who ever matter to me at all are the people I am very close to and love but unfortunately it's also only people who you are close to and love that can effect you in such a traumatic way.

JustErin said:

I can only speak for myself here but I really don't care what most people think about so called "weak minded" people or that they don't understand it...and I don't even care to try to explain anything to anyone other than to say that it's not as trivial as having to deal with some shitty teachers growing up.

The only people who ever matter to me at all are the people I am very close to and love but unfortunately it's also only people who you are close to and love that can effect you in such a traumatic way.

Im just trying to understand the thought process Erin.. And before you call my experience "trivial" you should know a bit more about it...Not that you care im sure, but I just wanna explain it a bit.. Being told I was a drug addicted alcoholic who must have been molested by my father, over and over again, all of which were not true, only to be made to go to a psychologist and take tests to determine what my "problem" was, then there was the threat to my parents that I would be kicked out if I didnt continue to go to a councellor... thats just naming a few of the things... And I dont think you should have judged my experience before knowing what went on, as being less traumatic than anything you have gone through... I would never call your experience trivial..

Weak minded wasnt the right word I should have used, I apologize for that... But i dont know what else to call it...

missfee said:

When it gets to the point where you no longer care about what other's think about you or your decisions in life and that you stand for what you believe in, in yourself, to me, that's more powerful than any amount of money or gold in the world. At this point, you are able to clearly recognize when toxic people come into your life to do emotional damage and when its time to cut them out of your life...immediately.

As for myself, I do know my self worth, but I'm also not a perfect person. At times, I may feel down for certain reasons, but I also know how to pick myself back up without depending on someone else to cheer me up.

tinaz said:

JustErin said:

I can only speak for myself here but I really don't care what most people think about so called "weak minded" people or that they don't understand it...and I don't even care to try to explain anything to anyone other than to say that it's not as trivial as having to deal with some shitty teachers growing up.

The only people who ever matter to me at all are the people I am very close to and love but unfortunately it's also only people who you are close to and love that can effect you in such a traumatic way.

Im just trying to understand the thought process Erin.. And before you call my experience "trivial" you should know a bit more about it...Not that you care im sure, but I just wanna explain it a bit.. Being told I was a drug addicted alcoholic who must have been molested by my father, over and over again, all of which were not true, only to be made to go to a psychologist and take tests to determine what my "problem" was, then there was the threat to my parents that I would be kicked out if I didnt continue to go to a councellor... thats just naming a few of the things... And I dont think you should have judged my experience before knowing what went on, as being less traumatic than anything you have gone through... I would never call your experience trivial..

Weak minded wasnt the right word I should have used, I apologize for that... But i dont know what else to call it...

its not being weak minded it's falling into a trap because you care and love the ppl in your life and sometimes not all of them are good but because they are a big part of your life they are able to control and continue hurting you taking away your confidence and making you feel like you dont matter...

its to do with the ppl in your life and how they treat you, with me i was born into it and then later with marriage...... bad luck and bad choices i guess!!!!

I have low self esteem and no confidence and I believe that in my case, it was from not enough positive reinforcement and being criticized for way too many things at home. I got validation if I got good marks, if it was my birthday and I was spoiled, or a lot of money was spent on what I wanted, be it collections of books, music or clothes. I know my family cares about me, but I was blamed for if things didn't go wrong or if I questioned too many things, and I know a part of it has to do with them growing up in a different cultural context from me since I was raised in this country, but they weren't and settled just before I was born.

Anyways I always turned to validation to feel worthy, whether through friends or comparing myself to celebrities to feel better about myself or good marks or winning contests and other things, at some point I let it get to my head when it seemed like things were going well and I lost myself though I used to say I will never do that, but life made me blind to it all and I crashed hard. I always kept saying I don't need a guy to feel good about myself and used to look down on other girls who acted like that and was so ignorant, but the truth is, I have a habit of getting drawn to and attracting people I can never have, and I now know this is as a result of low esteem as if I'm undeserving of someone I can easily have access to, and if I had respect for myself, I would have recognized it sooner. And needless to say, for over a decade, even though it kind of brought me joy, I nearly let it ruin my life and I'm so worried it's going to be hard to reverse it cause I got so caught up.

Anyways I get triggered so easily if anyone tries to put social pressure on me cause they're the ones who are lacking what they think will make me happy when I already know I have to work on myself first and tell them that I have to love myself first before anyone can love me back and respect me.

[Edited 1/19/12 0:15am]

[Edited 1/19/12 0:16am]

HotGritz said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Yes. Judging yourself over actions, judging yourself over thoughts, judging yourself for judging others. Most self judgments stem from serious misinterpretations and misunderstandings. Self worth, or worthiness is one of the biggest issues humanity has yet to resolve.

Everyone is inherently worthy, compassionate self forgiveness reveals that truth to ourselves. It doesn't matter what other people tell us if we are telling something else to ourselves. You can't escape yourself, nobody can.

Self forgiveness is more than lip service, it is a grounding into yourself as a divine being having a human experience, realizing that we are not our thoughts, we are not our beliefs, we are not our actions and we are not any of the judgments/misidentifications/misbeliefs/misunderstandings that lead to certain ways of being and behaving. We are inherently worthy just for the fact of existing. All human beings are.

Doesn't self-worth have to be taught tho? Do you think people are born knowing their value? I don't believe we are. I think some of us are darn lucky to have that taught to us at an age where we can understand and beleive it but most don't have that advantage.

I think some are, yeah.

I've definitely always had a strong sense of my personal importance and value that pretty much no one can take away from me. But at the same time I realize I'm very fortunate in that respect and that it's really not a common phenomenon. But it does happen.