Beyonce: go raise your damn Illuminati spawn in private and don't come out until 2022!

Kim Kardashian: women can make money without any hint of dick...what you are is a prostitute.

Brad Pitt: shave

Angelina Jolie: eat

Russell Brand: you quit that bitch and you liked it....admit it!

Ballers: it's not cheaper to wife her

Heaux: it's a new year, even Charlie Sheen couldn't maintain that winning. Invest!

Ex-wives: man heaux....good investments when stanking rich

Lindsay Lohan: aww fuq it, do porn before the IRS runs up on ya....

Lil Wayne: you gay *Riley voice*

Drake: stop being Capn Savem

Rihanna: stop getting pimped and take a break. Many men want you, leave subtweets with Chris alone and buy a dildo. A dildo will never hurt you.

Chris Brown: don't say another fuqqing word in yo life. Don't tweet. Just dance and sing and be grateful you have some talent.

Nicki Minaj: find something real on your body before it's too late

Lil Kim: .....it's too late....