Not in the way that, "Oh yeah, you're immortal and will live forever..."

but, how do you convince someone that at 63 years old, yes you have more days behind you than ahead of you and yes, no one is guaranteed their next breath, but you could easily have

20 more FREAKIN' YEARS to live!!!!

Then, to have this person living in your house, not paying rent or utilities and constantly worried about money and constantly trying to micro manage every little STINKIN' ASPECT of life.

This is my dear mother. She came to live with us in May as you may or may not recall. I've asked her to see her doctor and consider anti-depressants because she cries all the time. No matter what anyone does for her she still worries to the point of making herself ill.

I think it's only natural to go through a life crisis around that age. You're moving into the last third of your life and you start to look like a grandpa/grandma, and perhaps feel like too. It can't be easy. I think the only thing you can say to her - and I believe this to be true - is that her worries will pass once she's entered the new stage of her life properly, embraced it and discovered its advantages (no need to prove anything anymore, more time for family and hobbies you never got around to doing before etc etc).

As for life span, since humans live longer with each generation you can tell her that statistically she can expect to live significantly longer than her own parents.

She already has lived longer than her own parents which is part of her anxiety. She is the only person in her immediate family to reach the age of 60 and now she is 63.

I'm all about embracing where you are in life. That's how I've lived and what I hoped would rub off on her when she moved out here with us.

She keeps insisting that she cannot do any of the wonderful things you mentioned because she has no money. I've bought her things to try out, like scrapbooking because she use to be a type-setter and she has a ton of pictures, but she won't even try.

Her neediness is exhausting, utterly exhausting.

I'm hoping her dr's appointment tomorrow will be the beginning of her getting help.

A pillow?

Sorry. I honestly have no real advice. I guess medication could work. You could to put her in a home if she doesn't try to get some help. Your OWN sanity and well-being DO matter in this situation.

[Edited 12/27/11 15:48pm]

Believe me I've tried all this and she knows she has to get out there, but she refuses, too tired, doesn't trust anyone, wants friends but doesn't want drama etc.

I'm the one who's having to be tough. I don't know her doctor so I'm unable to talk to him prior to her appointment.

The bitch of it all is she is aware of all this and just will not do anything about it. I don't want her to go on medication, but frankly, I'm at the end of my rope.

All that stuff you mentioned, doing stuff on the sly and trying to make it look like it's her idea...yeah, tried that.

This is why I'm so frustrated and I'm really at the (kick up the backside) point.

What seriously cheeses me off is that it's not like that.

She's in great health, for 63 or any other age, so I don't take her to the doctor or anything, but it's like she's totally given up.

She's got it in her mind now that she doesn't want to and shouldn't have to work any more, but doesn't have enough saved for retirement. She's my mom and I wanted to help so we finished our basement for her and I don't want one dime from her. I want her to take what money she has and go out and enjoy life.

I thought that would help, but it hasn't.

I really don't know what more I can do for her. I'mma go all Shawshank...She's got to "get on with living or get on with dying."

Thank you Miss Kitty.

I've been thinking just that. With everything that has happened since right before Thanksgiving, the only people I want with me for NYE are my two daughters.

Your life is what you make of it....I think I'm about to do some housecleaning.

Have you given her chores? It sounds as if she feels helpless and hopeless. Perhaps if she feels useful she will remember the benefits of her life. Can she drive? Maybe she can cart your kids around for you, take off the slack--give her jobs to do to get her out of the house, like picking up the groceries, taking kids to after school activities, pick up dry-cleaning, etc.

The more she's out and about the likelyhood she'll meet others her age and it wont be so forced.

qwit tellin them lies...

of course they're gonna die.

they're just gonna die in god's time

not theirs or anyone tellin them's time.

how do you convince someone

there's not a bloody body and

a killer over in the corner in the dark...

My guess - and it's only a guess - is that she's afraid of living longer than her money or her ability to make money.

That's a scary, scary thought but it's a reality for millions of people.

I wish I had an answer for it.

How often is she out of the house? Can she join a club or something in the neighborhood? Maybe volunteer at a local shelter or walk dogs?

[Edited 12/27/11 23:08pm]

I know how much strength it takes to live with somebody who suffers from depression. I had that situation with my aunt many years ago. When she finally gave in to all my begging to take anti-depressants she was so very different suddenly, like as if she had a new life and I was so happy about that. Sadly she died pretty quickly after that .

BklynBabe said:

the thought of living another 20-40 years is depressing as hell let alone being broke, or feeling old or useless....

OR

You can see that you've been blessed with good health, you have a family that loves you and you have the chance to make your life what you want it to be because, while you're not rich, you're living expenses are being covered by your daughter and son-in-law, so you can use the money you have to explore new hobbies or do some traveling.

Glass half empty....Glass half full.

In my mother's case edit.....

[Edited 12/28/11 12:19pm]

Get her a young man who can't speak a word of English to show her a good time and get her mind off of things. Or you could get her a young man that can speak English and she'll be too busy arguing with him to think about her problems.

Nothinbutjoy said:

BklynBabe said:

the thought of living another 20-40 years is depressing as hell let alone being broke, or feeling old or useless....

OR

You can see that you've been blessed with good health, you have a family that loves you and you have the chance to make your life what you want it to be because, while you're not rich, you're living expenses are being covered by your daughter and son-in-law, so you can use the money you have to explore new hobbies or do some traveling.

Glass half empty....Glass half full.

In my mother's case edit.....

[Edited 12/28/11 12:19pm]

please don't think whut i said too harsh.

i just feel there is no way to make unreasonable fear

acceptable to the person exsperiencin it...

KingBAD said:

I don't think you can.

We have a pair of beloved family members who have been crying "elderly and near death" since they were about 55. It makes us crazy.

PunkMistress said:

I don't think you can.

We have a pair of beloved family members who have been crying "elderly and near death" since they were about 55. It makes us crazy.

It does