TheResistor said:

kitbradley said:

Why is it okay for a straight woman to have as many lesbian friends as she wants and her sexuality never comes into question, but if a straight man has just one purely platonic gay male friend, people question or comment on his sexuality? I've noticed this a lot over the years and am curious as to why there is such a double standard where having gay friends is concerned.

I know your question is for straight people but I'll give it a go. Most of my males friends are straight. They come in all shapes and sizes. Artsy types, musicians, jocks, I even have a great friend back in Texas who is the equivalent of macho: cowboy, hunts, etc. I think this mostly came about because I was in the closet for so long and cultivated a series of solid friendships that when the pressure valve finally burst and I came out of the closet these dudes were supportive in so many ways. Some said, "You're gay? Shocker! No shit. We were just waiting for you to find out." Others were shocked but eventually came around. My dear friend in Texas said: "And what do you want? A medal?"

I do see your point as I've seen it across the gay world. My partner has zero straight male friends and feels uncomfortable around them. While I, on the other hand, feel nervous around a bunch of gays. I fear the cunty queens.

Humans are a complex lot.

My friends do not care.

We crack jokes, the whole nine.

My being gay doesn't make me 'different.' Not in any way that matters to them.

why? because there are way too many stupid and homophobic straight males out there, twisting the reality and creating clichés...

JoeTyler said:

why? because there are way too many stupid and homophobic straight males out there, twisting the reality and creating clichés...

I know. There are lots of straight men who think every gay man wants them. No matter how nasty, ugly and disgusting the straight man is.

I have several friends who are gay, lesbian, or even bi. I never even thought about how this makes me look when I'm with them. They're my friends, I enjoy being around them. Why the HELL would I care what some asshole I don't know, judging me. Screw'em...

And I tell ya...with men people are WAY quicker to jump on them for so-called "gay" relationships. I mean, I know two boys at my university who are just friends. But they hang out together a lot. A lot of people are asking around if they're gay. I was like...whaa? No, they're not. And even if they are, what's it to them? Can't men be friends anymore without people giving double takes? Fuck'em all...

johnart you were right, people are asswipes...

kitbradley said:

JoeTyler said:

why? because there are way too many stupid and homophobic straight males out there, twisting the reality and creating clichés...

I know. There are lots of straight men who think every gay man wants them. No matter how nasty, ugly and disgusting the straight man is.

yeah I know, it's just pathetic

HotGritz said:

kitbradley said:

Why is it okay for a straight woman to have as many lesbian friends as she wants and her sexuality never comes into question, but if a straight man has just one purely platonic gay male friend, people question or comment on his sexuality? I've noticed this a lot over the years and am curious as to why there is such a double standard where having gay friends is concerned.

Not always the case. I had one lesbian friend for a couple years (met at the gym) and got my sexuality questioned. Funny thing is that she didn't even look butch, just a girly girl but whatever people felt some kind of way and we're not friends anymore. I think it bothered her more because she often got asked if she was "sure" she was gay.

As for the guys, I don't know any gay guys who have straight guy friends. Maybe that is their choice or the choice of the straight guy. Perhaps its questioned because we wonder what they would have in common. If you're talking a fem acting gay guy then I don't imagine he would have many straight male friends. As for a masculine gay guy then I would think he would have both gay and straight male friends and no one would question it.

Yep, i think if the friendship involves a fem acting gay guy then the str8 guy is about to get the side eye....as he well should! Men are hos, hadn't you heard?

A straight guy should be looked at funny if he is friends with a "feminine acting" gay male?

Am I misunderstanding you, or are you being mega ignorant right now?

johnart said:

Because 90% of people are stupid-fuck asswipes.

I dated a guy in college who was friends with a gay guy in his dorm. I thought nothing of it at the time. Turned out that my boyfriend was in the closet...

If they're cool people, it shouldn't really matter

PunkMistress said:

HotGritz said:

Not always the case. I had one lesbian friend for a couple years (met at the gym) and got my sexuality questioned. Funny thing is that she didn't even look butch, just a girly girl but whatever people felt some kind of way and we're not friends anymore. I think it bothered her more because she often got asked if she was "sure" she was gay.

As for the guys, I don't know any gay guys who have straight guy friends. Maybe that is their choice or the choice of the straight guy. Perhaps its questioned because we wonder what they would have in common. If you're talking a fem acting gay guy then I don't imagine he would have many straight male friends. As for a masculine gay guy then I would think he would have both gay and straight male friends and no one would question it.

Yep, i think if the friendship involves a fem acting gay guy then the str8 guy is about to get the side eye....as he well should! Men are hos, hadn't you heard?

A straight guy should be looked at funny if he is friends with a "feminine acting" gay male?

Am I misunderstanding you, or are you being mega ignorant right now?

Uh you're being mega ignorant for hurling insults at me. If you don't like the comment nor understand it then keep it moving

And yeah I said it! I happen to like a bit of sarcasm with my truth. If you're a straight guy hanging around a gay guy that acts like a chick and that guy is not your relative then yes you will be looked at funny and you probably should be looked at funny. Double standards may suck but they exist and maybe under certain circumtances they should exist. There is a saying..."you are the company that you keep" and "birds of a feather flock together" so if you are a straight guy then you need to consider who you hang out with (that is if you don't want to be suspected of not being a straight guy).

If you're a married man and you hang out with known whoremongers then guess what people will think of you. If you don't use drugs but all your friends do then guess what people will think of you. Why should sexuality be treated any different especially when someone makes it so apparent? Now if you don't care about your reputation then none of this matters but human nature dictates most people care what others think. If they didn't, well we wouldn't have threads like this now would we?

Now surely that makes sense even to you.

Shyra said:

I dated a guy in college who was friends with a gay guy in his dorm. I thought nothing of it at the time. Turned out that my boyfriend was in the closet...

I'd bet 7 out of 10 times that would be the case. Guys are just different. Often their friendships are a reflection of themselves. With women, our intimate relationships are a reflection of ourselves but we can pretty much be friends with anybody. I guess that's why so many of us have bitches for girlfriends.

HotGritz said:

PunkMistress said:

A straight guy should be looked at funny if he is friends with a "feminine acting" gay male?

Am I misunderstanding you, or are you being mega ignorant right now?

Uh you're being mega ignorant for hurling insults at me. If you don't like the comment nor understand it then keep it moving

And yeah I said it! I happen to like a bit of sarcasm with my truth. If you're a straight guy hanging around a gay guy that acts like a chick and that guy is not your relative then yes you will be looked at funny and you probably should be looked at funny. Double standards may suck but they exist and maybe under certain circumtances they should exist. There is a saying..."you are the company that you keep" and "birds of a feather flock together" so if you are a straight guy then you need to consider who you hang out with (that is if you don't want to be suspected of not being a straight guy).

If you're a married man and you hang out with known whoremongers then guess what people will think of you. If you don't use drugs but all your friends do then guess what people will think of you. Why should sexuality be treated any different especially when someone makes it so apparent? Now if you don't care about your reputation then none of this matters but human nature dictates most people care what others think. If they didn't, well we wouldn't have threads like this now would we?

Now surely that makes sense even to you.

So if you are a straight female but you hang out with a butch lesbian who acts and looks like a man, people should look at you strange??? Birds of a feather???

MacDaddy said:

TheFreakerFantastic said:

Good point...in terms of men, straight men tend not to have or feel comfortable around gay male friends.....

[Edited 12/5/11 9:48am]

Most of my male friends are straight and feel completely comfortable being around me or other gay guys.

The vast majority of my male friends are straight, too. I can't say they are comfortable around most gay men, but they're generally fine around me. I don't doubt this is mostly because I come off as "straight" to most people who'd see them with me. But I think it also helped their own personal (in)securities that when I came out to them I made it exceedingly clear I wouldn't want any of them in "that" way even if they were the last men on earth.

I find something else fascinating, though: To the extent my straight male friends have been uncomfortable with me, it's not been by way of proximity to me, but by way of comparison to me. I know for a fact (because in some cases they, their wives, even their own mothers have suggested to me) that the functionality of my monogamous marriage, my kid, my career, my social life, etc., despite the fact I'm gay, is intimidating to some of my friends. I suppose sometimes they feel like I'm "out-manning" them when clearly I shouldn't be able to.

It's all so silly.

[Edited 12/6/11 18:28pm]

HotGritz said:

PunkMistress said:

A straight guy should be looked at funny if he is friends with a "feminine acting" gay male?

Am I misunderstanding you, or are you being mega ignorant right now?

Uh you're being mega ignorant for hurling insults at me. If you don't like the comment nor understand it then keep it moving

And yeah I said it! I happen to like a bit of sarcasm with my truth. If you're a straight guy hanging around a gay guy that acts like a chick and that guy is not your relative then yes you will be looked at funny and you probably should be looked at funny. Double standards may suck but they exist and maybe under certain circumtances they should exist. There is a saying..."you are the company that you keep" and "birds of a feather flock together" so if you are a straight guy then you need to consider who you hang out with (that is if you don't want to be suspected of not being a straight guy).

If you're a married man and you hang out with known whoremongers then guess what people will think of you. If you don't use drugs but all your friends do then guess what people will think of you. Why should sexuality be treated any different especially when someone makes it so apparent? Now if you don't care about your reputation then none of this matters but human nature dictates most people care what others think. If they didn't, well we wouldn't have threads like this now would we?

Now surely that makes sense even to you.

You're equating gay people with drug addicts and whoremongers; and assuming that straight men should spend their time worrying about whether people think they're gay.

Your last sentence is quite wrong; the things you say don't make sense [even] to me.

And you'll know when I'm hurling insults. Inquiring whether you're being ignorant right now doesn't qualify.

bboy87 said:

If they're cool people, it shouldn't really matter

You're right, it shouldn't matter, but sadly it does. My roommate is very cool with me being gay, but his fraternity denied a guy a bid to join just because he was gay. It's a shame really, straight guys feel threatned by gay guys. They've been brainwashed by society to think that gays are sex-crazed people who can't control themselves. All that "I don't want a guy checking me out" shit really pissed me fuck off.

FUCKING DIPSHITS!!!

Because a lot of men who call themselves "straight" are stupid as hell and a lot of them actually aren't straight. When I came out of the closet in 1990, I saw that for myself when I discovered "trade" men. Sooooooooo many men that call themselves "straight" will let another man suck their dick if they think that no one else will ever find out and since they have that in themselves, they assume that if another seemingly straight man is hanging out and friends with a gay man, they must be letting him suck their dick also. It's hatred and wanting to feel superior over someone else and from what I've seen, a 100% straight man has absolutely no problem with gay men whatsoever. It's usually always trade men and by the way, a 100% straight man is VERY hard to find. Trade is a very well kept secret that I'd love to see exposed one day and no, the men on these talk shows that have come out as "downlow" men lately, are not trade. Those are just confused closet butch queens who have gotten with women. Trade men are your husbands and boyfriends and they hate gay men even though they will let them suck their dick.

TheFreakerFantastic said:

Good point...in terms of men, straight men tend not to have or feel comfortable around gay male friends.....

[Edited 12/5/11 9:48am]

They're comforable around them. What they're not comfortable with, is what these other asshole men will think of them for being around the gay friend. Most men aren't strong minded enough to not give a damn.

HotGritz said:

PunkMistress said:

A straight guy should be looked at funny if he is friends with a "feminine acting" gay male?

Am I misunderstanding you, or are you being mega ignorant right now?

Uh you're being mega ignorant for hurling insults at me. If you don't like the comment nor understand it then keep it moving

And yeah I said it! I happen to like a bit of sarcasm with my truth. If you're a straight guy hanging around a gay guy that acts like a chick and that guy is not your relative then yes you will be looked at funny and you probably should be looked at funny. Double standards may suck but they exist and maybe under certain circumtances they should exist. There is a saying..."you are the company that you keep" and "birds of a feather flock together" so if you are a straight guy then you need to consider who you hang out with (that is if you don't want to be suspected of not being a straight guy).

If you're a married man and you hang out with known whoremongers then guess what people will think of you. If you don't use drugs but all your friends do then guess what people will think of you. Why should sexuality be treated any different especially when someone makes it so apparent? Now if you don't care about your reputation then none of this matters but human nature dictates most people care what others think. If they didn't, well we wouldn't have threads like this now would we?

Now surely that makes sense even to you.

My friends know I'm gay and that doesn't limit hugging, occassional kisses (cheeks, forehead, crown of head) in front of other straight friends.

Their wives and girlfriends don't feel threatened. Spending the night doesn't bring suggestions regarding sexual activity.

Since we aren't looking to sleep with each other, our sexuality isn't a problem in our friendship.

There are some guys though . . . .

I have one former coworker who wants to be a friend, but doesn't seem comfortable having a gay friend. We talk in code. He doesn't want to hear it. When he comes over (yes, he's spent the night), he won't go into my bedroom. It's stupid to me, but at his own pace.

HotGritz said:

kitbradley said:

Why is it okay for a straight woman to have as many lesbian friends as she wants and her sexuality never comes into question, but if a straight man has just one purely platonic gay male friend, people question or comment on his sexuality? I've noticed this a lot over the years and am curious as to why there is such a double standard where having gay friends is concerned.

Not always the case. I had one lesbian friend for a couple years (met at the gym) and got my sexuality questioned. Funny thing is that she didn't even look butch, just a girly girl but whatever people felt some kind of way and we're not friends anymore. I think it bothered her more because she often got asked if she was "sure" she was gay.

As for the guys, I don't know any gay guys who have straight guy friends. Maybe that is their choice or the choice of the straight guy. Perhaps its questioned because we wonder what they would have in common. If you're talking a fem acting gay guy then I don't imagine he would have many straight male friends. As for a masculine gay guy then I would think he would have both gay and straight male friends and no one would question it.

Yep, i think if the friendship involves a fem acting gay guy then the str8 guy is about to get the side eye....as he well should! Men are hos, hadn't you heard?

I'm feminine and striaght guys and I have music in common. I have very butch taste in music. I've always liked the funkiest, hardest music out there and have always hated some sissified weak ass adult contemporary bullshit, showtunes, and "emotional" songs with such "meaningful" lyrics. Most straight men have always been into the hard stuff like the funk, or hard rock, or heavy metal until the adult contemporary, neo stool, and shit hop era came along and now straight men as well as women listen to shit as dull as a damn Judy Garland parade....and they have the nerve to call themselves "straight" these days. Hell, my gay ass is straighter than them and my white ass is blacker.

Plus, lots of straight men are dirty minded and foul mouthed and so am I. I have a few straight male friends and we talk some nasty shit together. We just talk about a different gender that's all. For instance, they'll talk about getting ready to eat some pussy and it smelled like some damn sardines and they said "Hell naw" and I may talk about a mothefucker who pulled his dick out and it smelled liked sardines and I told the motherfucker to wash the damn pussy off his damn dick before he comes to see me next time because I don't want his wife's leftovers. Then, of course, I'll tell them the reason that bitch smelled like sardines is because she didn't wash up after sex just like that man didn't wash up.

But you see what I mean, just like I like talk shit and laugh and have fun with you right here in this very post, that's how I do with them also. Everybody likes to have fun and be around fun people. People have a lot more in common than you would think. The whole male world doesn't revolve around sports....although there are a lot of gay men out there that love sports also. But of course, we're just like everyone else. Not all of us have great taste.

kitbradley said:

JoeTyler said:

why? because there are way too many stupid and homophobic straight males out there, twisting the reality and creating clichés...

I know. There are lots of straight men who think every gay man wants them. No matter how nasty, ugly and disgusting the straight man is.

Oh, I love to run into one of those bastards and it takes me to put them in their place......"Motherfucker, just look at you. Hell, a woman don't even want you so what the hell makes you think a man would".

HotGritz said:

PunkMistress said:

A straight guy should be looked at funny if he is friends with a "feminine acting" gay male?

Am I misunderstanding you, or are you being mega ignorant right now?

Uh you're being mega ignorant for hurling insults at me. If you don't like the comment nor understand it then keep it moving

And yeah I said it! I happen to like a bit of sarcasm with my truth. If you're a straight guy hanging around a gay guy that acts like a chick and that guy is not your relative then yes you will be looked at funny and you probably should be looked at funny. Double standards may suck but they exist and maybe under certain circumtances they should exist. There is a saying..."you are the company that you keep" and "birds of a feather flock together" so if you are a straight guy then you need to consider who you hang out with (that is if you don't want to be suspected of not being a straight guy).

If you're a married man and you hang out with known whoremongers then guess what people will think of you. If you don't use drugs but all your friends do then guess what people will think of you. Why should sexuality be treated any different especially when someone makes it so apparent? Now if you don't care about your reputation then none of this matters but human nature dictates most people care what others think. If they didn't, well we wouldn't have threads like this now would we?

Now surely that makes sense even to you.

That's the case if a so-called straight man is hanging out with nothing but gay men just like if a married straight man is hanging out with a whole lot of women. There's a good chance he's cheating or fucking around. But if he's hanging out with only one, or maybe even two, it's very possible that they are simply friends.

Terrib3Towel said:

bboy87 said:

If they're cool people, it shouldn't really matter

You're right, it shouldn't matter, but sadly it does. My roommate is very cool with me being gay, but his fraternity denied a guy a bid to join just because he was gay. It's a shame really, straight guys feel threatned by gay guys. They've been brainwashed by society to think that gays are sex-crazed people who can't control themselves. All that "I don't want a guy checking me out" shit really pissed me fuck off.

FUCKING DIPSHITS!!!

That's not what they think at all, that's just what they say. If you notice, even the ugliest so-called straight man will make the comment..."Don't be looking at me"....to a gay man in front of his other straight friends. He knows good and damn well that gay man isn't even looking his way but it sounds funny to his other straight friends and he thinks it makes him look better in front of them. Plus, his ugly ass deep down wishes the gay man was attracted to him, whether he wants the gay man or not, because that would mean that someone is attracted to him even though these women aren't. Then it boosts his rediculous ego that someone would want him and he doesn't want them. It's all about them wanting to feel like they are superior to or better than someone.

SUPRMAN said:

HotGritz said:

Uh you're being mega ignorant for hurling insults at me. If you don't like the comment nor understand it then keep it moving

And yeah I said it! I happen to like a bit of sarcasm with my truth. If you're a straight guy hanging around a gay guy that acts like a chick and that guy is not your relative then yes you will be looked at funny and you probably should be looked at funny. Double standards may suck but they exist and maybe under certain circumtances they should exist. There is a saying..."you are the company that you keep" and "birds of a feather flock together" so if you are a straight guy then you need to consider who you hang out with (that is if you don't want to be suspected of not being a straight guy).

If you're a married man and you hang out with known whoremongers then guess what people will think of you. If you don't use drugs but all your friends do then guess what people will think of you. Why should sexuality be treated any different especially when someone makes it so apparent? Now if you don't care about your reputation then none of this matters but human nature dictates most people care what others think. If they didn't, well we wouldn't have threads like this now would we?

Now surely that makes sense even to you.

My friends know I'm gay and that doesn't limit hugging, occassional kisses (cheeks, forehead, crown of head) in front of other straight friends.

Their wives and girlfriends don't feel threatened. Spending the night doesn't bring suggestions regarding sexual activity.

Since we aren't looking to sleep with each other, our sexuality isn't a problem in our friendship.

There are some guys though . . . .

I have one former coworker who wants to be a friend, but doesn't seem comfortable having a gay friend. We talk in code. He doesn't want to hear it. When he comes over (yes, he's spent the night), he won't go into my bedroom. It's stupid to me, but at his own pace.

Hmmmmmmm........isn't confortable having a gay friend but wants to have one and even goes so far as to spend the night even though he's "uncomfortable" having a gay friend. Won't go into the bedroom but will still spend the night so he's a little less "uncomfortable". I see you working it you whore you and you've got him slowly but surely climbing into your web. You better work.

vainandy said:

Terrib3Towel said:

You're right, it shouldn't matter, but sadly it does. My roommate is very cool with me being gay, but his fraternity denied a guy a bid to join just because he was gay. It's a shame really, straight guys feel threatned by gay guys. They've been brainwashed by society to think that gays are sex-crazed people who can't control themselves. All that "I don't want a guy checking me out" shit really pissed me fuck off.

FUCKING DIPSHITS!!!

That's not what they think at all, that's just what they say. If you notice, even the ugliest so-called straight man will make the comment..."Don't be looking at me"....to a gay man in front of his other straight friends. He knows good and damn well that gay man isn't even looking his way but it sounds funny to his other straight friends and he thinks it makes him look better in front of them. Plus, his ugly ass deep down wishes the gay man was attracted to him, whether he wants the gay man or not, because that would mean that someone is attracted to him even though these women aren't. Then it boosts his rediculous ego that someone would want him and he doesn't want them. It's all about them wanting to feel like they are superior to or better than someone.

LOL! So true!! People can be such cunts sometimes.

vainandy said:

SUPRMAN said:

My friends know I'm gay and that doesn't limit hugging, occassional kisses (cheeks, forehead, crown of head) in front of other straight friends.

Their wives and girlfriends don't feel threatened. Spending the night doesn't bring suggestions regarding sexual activity.

Since we aren't looking to sleep with each other, our sexuality isn't a problem in our friendship.

There are some guys though . . . .

I have one former coworker who wants to be a friend, but doesn't seem comfortable having a gay friend. We talk in code. He doesn't want to hear it. When he comes over (yes, he's spent the night), he won't go into my bedroom. It's stupid to me, but at his own pace.

Hmmmmmmm........isn't confortable having a gay friend but wants to have one and even goes so far as to spend the night even though he's "uncomfortable" having a gay friend. Won't go into the bedroom but will still spend the night so he's a little less "uncomfortable". I see you working it you whore you and you've got him slowly but surely climbing into your web. You better work.

Too much!

He would say we are friends, but I wouldn't say the same is what I meant.

He wants restrictions to make him comfortable, which leads to coded conversations or ended conversations. So I like him, he a lot of fun, pretty cool but I've developed my limits.

He spent the night when we had gone out as a group of coworkers. I lived within walking distance. When his ex wouldn't take him home or whatever, instead of riding his bike home, he slept at my place.

HotGritz said:

ThreadBare said:

HotGritz said:

As for the guys, I don't know any gay guys who have straight guy friends. Maybe that is their choice or the choice of the straight guy. Perhaps its questioned because we wonder what they would have in common. If you're talking a fem acting gay guy then I don't imagine he would have many straight male friends. As for a masculine gay guy then I would think he would have both gay and straight male friends and no one would question it.

Yep, i think if the friendship involves a fem acting gay guy then the str8 guy is about to get the side eye....as he well should! Men are hos, hadn't you heard?

Give men more credit, please. I'm straight and have gay male friends. One of my best friends, who died a while back, was bi. In his most flamboyant days, yes, it got a little uncomfortable. But we could joke about it because we were friends. Maybe I was cool with it because I'd had a straight, flamboyant, Prince-imitating friend in high school. I was used to not caring much about people's opinions. I knew i wasn't gay or bi, so i never sweated it. If you're blessed enough to befriend good, respectful people in life, cherish them. They're scarce, regardless of their orientation. If you can't be a real friend to someone because they're gay and they respect your boundaries and (straight) relationships, it really is your loss.

Well said!

MacDaddy said:

ThreadBare said:

Give men more credit, please. I'm straight and have gay male friends. One of my best friends, who died a while back, was bi. In his most flamboyant days, yes, it got a little uncomfortable. But we could joke about it because we were friends. Maybe I was cool with it because I'd had a straight, flamboyant, Prince-imitating friend in high school. I was used to not caring much about people's opinions. I knew i wasn't gay or bi, so i never sweated it. If you're blessed enough to befriend good, respectful people in life, cherish them. They're scarce, regardless of their orientation. If you can't be a real friend to someone because they're gay and they respect your boundaries and (straight) relationships, it really is your loss.

Well said!

Yes.

kitbradley said:

Why is it okay for a straight woman to have as many lesbian friends as she wants and her sexuality never comes into question, but if a straight man has just one purely platonic gay male friend, people question or comment on his sexuality? I've noticed this a lot over the years and am curious as to why there is such a double standard where having gay friends is concerned.

I always wonder who are these "people"? Did you talk to them and tell you that?

I've never noticed this when i'm with a straight friend, so i'm really curious who these poeple are.

i wish i had more gay friends. i couldn't care less what anyone thinks about it.