alphastreet said:

I love a guy I can't have and I saw recent pics, he looks so happy and hot, but I can't have him now. He has somebody else and I feel possessive that he's chummy with a lot of girls, but when we dated a few years ago before deciding to be friends, I didn't trust him at all. And then he got into a relationship with someone else and didn't want me after though we stayed friends and now there's someone else I could have had him. I can't believe I found myself doing this, but she's not attractive at all, so plain looking and he is far from a boring person, with how he looks and acts and everything, I know I'm better looking and even found a nice recent pic of myself and put it next to his new one, we would have looked so hot together! Sorry I sound self-obsessed but it's true! But then again, we would probably hate each other if we got together, I like him and his friends are sweet too and I still keep in touch.

So, are you saying that attractive people are untrustworthy in a relationship?

Tittypants said:

alphastreet said:

I love a guy I can't have and I saw recent pics, he looks so happy and hot, but I can't have him now. He has somebody else and I feel possessive that he's chummy with a lot of girls, but when we dated a few years ago before deciding to be friends, I didn't trust him at all. And then he got into a relationship with someone else and didn't want me after though we stayed friends and now there's someone else I could have had him. I can't believe I found myself doing this, but she's not attractive at all, so plain looking and he is far from a boring person, with how he looks and acts and everything, I know I'm better looking and even found a nice recent pic of myself and put it next to his new one, we would have looked so hot together! Sorry I sound self-obsessed but it's true! But then again, we would probably hate each other if we got together, I like him and his friends are sweet too and I still keep in touch.

So, are you saying that attractive people are untrustworthy in a relationship?

NO! I'm saying he himself admits he's a flirt, I have trust issues cause I don't want to get hurt and cause of something that happened in the family. But it's too late, he moved to another province, when he called me with the news 2 years ago that he relocated for work, I was in shock!

[Edited 10/29/11 7:14am]

Oh never mind.

[Edited 10/29/11 9:54am]

JustErin said:

Easy. They marry ones that are the feel are less likely to attract another partner and subsequently leave them.

no, totally wrong.

if a man marries a "plain Jane" as you often observe, it's because she is cute enough and attractive to him, but also happens to have a great personality that he feels he can spend the rest of his life with. So it's a compromise of looks/personality rather than an extreme in either one. It's the whole package

NDRU said:

JustErin said:

Easy. They marry ones that are the feel are less likely to attract another partner and subsequently leave them.

no, totally wrong.

if a man marries a "plain Jane" as you often observe, it's because she is cute enough and attractive to him, but also happens to have a great personality that he feels he can spend the rest of his life with. So it's a compromise of looks/personality rather than an extreme in either one. It's the whole package

Deadflow3r said:

angel345 said:

From my observation, I have seen mostly physical opposites. For an example, most slim guys that I've seen like heavy women,with average looks. No offense to anyone. Of course I would not know the rest of it, unless I knew them personally.

From my experience, I found that most or maybe some guys don't take physically attractive women seriously because they're just superficial and brainless to them. Then, there's the misconception that all of them will cheat. Did they really get to know her or all of them to form that conclusion? That's why I applaud the OP for being secure about all types of women, as long as there's an attraction, and have no qualms about getting serious with a physically attractive woman. Also, who's to say that the women they think will not cheat, will not cheat?

Back to what I was saying earlier.

To men who prefer heavy girls, looks are very important. The mistake on this thread is that some men are settling for Rosie O'Donnell because they can't have Sandra Bullock.

Some men don't want to have sex with skinny girls. That is just not very tactile to them. They physically are more attracted to a fat lady naked then a skinny one. So in their case, looks are Very important.

Next, there is this thing that has been on this forum before that pretty things and sexy lingerie are for skinny girls only. Not true. Men who love heavy women want their ladies to show their stuff in sexy clothes and lingerie. What you may think o as gross they think of as divine. They want her showing off all that fabulous flesh. Remember Star Jones when she was a T V Judge? That is pretty much their ideal. They often loooove lots of make-up, nails and jewelry too. I loooove dressing up so it is a win/win (money is the only thing holding me back).

As for lanky men, I find them very sexy and prefer their bodies over any kind. They can wrap those long arms and legs around anything it seems and I love their long necks. Time and time again the men chosen for Peoples "Sexiest Men Alive" are not my type. But that does not mean I am settling for the lanky guy, no THAT is my preference.

My only problem now is that for health reasons I need to take off a bunch of weight. I have sleep apnea, high blood pressure and borderline diabetes. Hopefully I am still attractive to someone in a size 8 as I am in a size 18.

We do for a fact, live in a society whereas a size 6 or 8 is the ideal standard. Other physical standards have been set as well, when it comes to beauty. Personally, and I will admit this: I have never been a person who has struggled with weight issues, and as an teenager and adult, looks. My daughter had to put me in my place recently, and remind me that we're all God's creation, and we are. Also, a celebrity like Monique reminds heavy set women that they have it going on, and it's all in the attitude. They shouldn't have to compromise, unless it's an health issue, and a slim woman shouldn't have to compromise, unless it's an health issue (anorexia for an example) I also think the reason I have gone from one so-called relationship to another is because it was superficial. That's certainly not good because they really didn't care what my likes and pet peeves were, that I went to college, my IQ is above average, and yes I have feelings, too. Well, if you say there's two or three sides to every story, I'll grant that. Because people like what they like, and would be with whom they choose to be with. Therefore, it does make me somewhat envious when I see men take women who are considered 'plain janes' with a nice personality seriously. But then it could be in the back of his mind, I believe, he probably feels that she wouldn't cheat because of the probability of that happening is lower than an physically attractive chick. For me, it was more like what I can do for them, rather than what they can do for me. When the relationship wasn't going anywhere, either I moved on or they did. However, these hookups taught me something about myself and life. Life is a journey, and I am still learning about people and myself daily.

[Edited 10/29/11 12:15pm]

Looks ARE important, especially when we're talking about a purely sexual relationship, but of course there's more to it than just looks. Some of my female friends think I'm shallow, I'd rather say I'm picky. I don't think I have ridiculously high standards, I'm not looking for a model, just someone I find attractive on some level... for the record I prefer curvy girls over stick figures, a little "extra" weight is okay

Some of my female friends think I'm just attracted to big-breasted "bimbos" and that I should settle for someone that's in my "league"... problem is I haven't got the slightest clue what girls in MY league look like.

Looks for sex/ONS: important as hell, the key. Of course, in the end, we cannot control the "power" of our own looks, ...I mean, to think that you look sharp/sexy as hell (shaved face, good haircut, good clothers) means nothing if the lady/guy just thinks that you're..."meh...next" ...

Looks for a serious/lasting relationship: hehehe haaaaaaaaaaaaa! omg, this is so sweet, this is the point when you don't care at all about your looks/flaws because, for some magical reason, your partner either LIKES those flaws or she/he can live with them/no problem... so, life is beatiful/rewarding in this scenario...

NDRU said:

JustErin said:

Easy. They marry ones that are the feel are less likely to attract another partner and subsequently leave them.

no, totally wrong.

if a man marries a "plain Jane" as you often observe, it's because she is cute enough and attractive to him, but also happens to have a great personality that he feels he can spend the rest of his life with. So it's a compromise of looks/personality rather than an extreme in either one. It's the whole package

I'd prefer it to be exactly as you said, but unfortunately a lot of guys are complaining about and cheating on their "whole package" partners.

So obviously there is more to these guys choosing these "Plain Jane"s as wives.

I had this experience in 2 different restaurants where I worked. In both cases most of the wait staff was male, and the bulk of that gay males.

Anyone who knows gay males knows there isn't a more visual group of people on this Earth. Over and over again I would see a GORGEOUS man become part of our wait staff. He even had a modeling portfolio in at least 2 occasions. The moment his ass walked through the door everyone's head spun around. They could not get to know him fast enough and join him after work at the clubs etc.

The first guy had the face of a male Liz Taylor, just beautiful. However he was a selfish, whiny bitch of a man. Within less than a week the men were not crazy about Alan. Within 2 weeks they avoided him. By the end of the summer all that you had to say was "Alan" and a hiss sound was going to come from someone.

The list of very beautiful people who are complete bores is a long one. The list of beautiful (and sometimes famous) women whose husbands cheated on them is also a long one. No matter how beautiful the creature you are married to is eventually she/he is going to speak and eventually her/his arrogance and self absorption will get on your nerves. NOT ALL BEAUTIFUL people are obnoxious but I have met many. The obnoxious ones all seem to have a ton of professional photos taken of themselves. It is like an obsession -themselves.

JustErin said:

NDRU said:

no, totally wrong.

if a man marries a "plain Jane" as you often observe, it's because she is cute enough and attractive to him, but also happens to have a great personality that he feels he can spend the rest of his life with. So it's a compromise of looks/personality rather than an extreme in either one. It's the whole package

I'd prefer it to be exactly as you said, but unfortunately a lot of guys are complaining about and cheating on their "whole package" partners.

So obviously there is more to these guys choosing these "Plain Jane"s as wives.

unfortunately, despite the best planning, most relationships still don't work out!

You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire.

MrBartolozzi said:

You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire.

Blunt but truthful. When you start having sex with someone they start looking better or they start looking worse depending upon how things are flowing.

Deadflow3r said:

MrBartolozzi said:

You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire.

Blunt but truthful. When you start having sex with someone they start looking better or they start looking worse depending upon how things are flowing.

I can honestly say I've never got to the sex part without some kind of (mostly a LOT) attraction before the deed

Dalia11 said:

Men are visual and need more visual stimulation. Women need emotional and mental stimulation. According to most experts. I think most women also need visual stimulation.

[Edited 10/28/11 11:41am]

These days I think that is rubbish. Women are becoming more like men (not always in a good way) and vice versa.

Also the media push body beautiful images at us all the time and women are more independent they don't need a man to look after them and it skews the traditional men like tits women like brains theory.