Dear Melody,

Althom whom shall hereafter be refered 2 as party A, met bkw (party B) on the prince.org site (party C).

so parties A and B rendevous with party C, Party C takes this all in its stride. Now whipped cream (hereafter referred 2 as Party D) is your fear. Party D will be spread all over party A and party B will take advantage of this.

And u as party E do not want to lose friendship due to party A's liason with party B and party D outside of party C. Put quite simply, if party A goes further with party B, u feel your friendship between party a will demote.

And party A has a temper if anything bad is said about party B meaning u as party E do not have the strength 2 tell him. Strange things in kegs of liquor could be jus' what is affecting all parties well 'xcept party D and mayb party E... Within all partys appears 2 be alot of cream and mayb the pamphlet "Cream (D), A,B,C and E and me" (which is available from all good redtops mayb of help 2 u.

As party E u must express u're concerns 2 party A about the party B and D situation, if party A does go ape shit... it is jus the liqour talking... again

Yours

Auntie Jane

Dear Auntie Jane,

Is there such a thing as a photographic memory? And if so, can it be learned?

Sincerely,
Lost My Keys Again in New York

dear auntie jane:

i met a man from some far eastern country the other night. it was a blind date and things did not go well.
in fact events took a turn for the worse right as we met - i was preparing to shake his hand when he bent over at the waist and sniffed my crotch!!! how rude! well naturally i slapped him and ran away. now my sister is telling me *I* was the rude one!! yeah right

did i really do something wrong?

sign me
Not Into That!

JaneyPoos said:

JaneyPoos said:

Thank you Auntie. Once again you have shown great wisdom...
I know now what I must do. I will talk with Party A immediately.

Dear Auntie Jane (you nut )


last night i was making love to an ugly lesbian leper with bad breath, acne...and a severe facial twitch...anyway... during a moment of intense passion...i told her that i loved her... how can i take this back without crushing her spirit?... as i feel she is just not my type

yours in good faith
strangely irritated

I've said it before ill say it again! I adore this girl's sharp wit! Great thread!

Muse2noPharaoh said:

u gotta start your post with dear aunty jane


..

bump
get back here Auntie Jane... don't leave us hanging..

stepinrazor said:

You know i never could follow directions DAMN!! Some people huh?

Dear Auntie Jane,

Why do people lie all the time and where are the genuine people in the world?



[This message was edited Sun Feb 23 17:33:04 PST 2003 by REDFEATHERS]

Where are you Aunt Jane?

This thread gets my vote for thread of the week!

2the9s said:

ditto... this girl's something special..

ahem... long time no reply... so here i goes...

Dear Lost My Keys Again in New York,

A photographic memory indeed does exist but is not learnt without peril! For some this form of memory is natural with others this form of memory is incurred only through pornographic magazines ahem

Anyway, one of the most tried and tested methods is to stare at a black and white picture for several hours... this of course is strenuous. you may find your eyes drying up and possible cracking. to prevent this, have a friend with a steady hand drip water in your eyes, if however u r alone u may find sitting under a leaky tap will help.

Theory is after staring at this picture for a long period of time, when u close your eyes u'll still see it.

I wish u luck in your quest of self discovery and fulfillment and hope you have some1 to look after your eyes, or failing that a good doctor or phyciatrist...

Yours

Auntie Jane

Dear XxAxX,

I admire your symmetry.

The term blind date could mean one of 2 things either... a date setup or that u have been on a date with some1 trying to gain a photographic memory.

He sniffed your crotch does he have 4 legs mayb called a chow chow or a shitszu answers 2 fido or rover. hmm judging from the slapping and running away fiasco perhaps not...

Your sister is claiming you are the rude one Your sister may very well have bribed this chappy to do such a stunt... in which case the "Headcase Spring Collection" brochure may b of use to her... this is available from all good redtops

You did nothing wrong in the slightest although a slap was not harsh enough... right hook, left hook, uppercut, kick in the bollocks and fly

Yours

Auntie Jane

Dear Strangely Irritated,

This ugly lesbian leper with bad breath with acne and a severe facial twitch sounds like quite a trooper to be able to engage in some loving. The passion must have been running riot with your head as u said... I quote "i told her i loved her"

Without crushing her spirit u wish to recreate your words as stagnant yes? U loved the way she made u feel, this is what must be explained... u loved the way she moved like a fox... or u just wanted a quickie either way is good so i'm told though i wouldnt kno this 'specially with another girl

To be honest u should count yourself lucky her vagina didnt fall off... being a leper and all.

yours

Auntie Jane

Dear Redfeathers

Not every1 lies all the time, jus the liars. These people are poos and normally are obnoxious and self-absorbed... I personally am obnoxious and self absorbed but i dont lie! cos I'm good

The genuine people can be found over seas in general places like Bali are meant to have lovely friendly little people... and I hear japense business men are very friendly with western girls

Of course there is me I'm a 100% bonified genuine person... well thats what i think but I am of course self absorbed so I would think that

Yours

Auntie Jane

Dear Aunty Jane,

I've got an itchy nose, but I'm typing with both hands. what shall I do?


Sign,
Itchy from Itchy and Scratchy.

..
Dear Auntie Jane,

why don't ppl just learn to let it go

to stop wallowing in self pity

to stop making accusations

to stop and get on with their shit.

why 'O' why dear auntie jane.

or shall i get mad and flame right back..
..

Dear Aunty Jane,

What is Starfish and Coffee ranting about?


Signed,

Needs to know

JaneyPoos said:

thank you for your sound advice. obviously that is what i should have done, yes. but as it turns out where HE comes from they call this behavior 'bowing' and it is 'acceptable'. can you BELIEVE THAT!!!

Dear Itchy from Itchy and Scratchy

This is a very stressful period of your life, I cant say i dotn feel for you on this matter of great importance.

One option providin u have the money is to pay 4 some1 to scratch your nose in these situations, but this mayb a costly affair. Another option is to try and get the itch with your top lip but this can make u look like one of the ol' PG Tips Chimps.

You could of course try to scratch u're nose on your monitor, this is not suggested if u have a cold.

yours

Auntie jane

JaneyPoos said:

thankyou Auntie Jane... but unfortunately her vagina DID fall off... i've since had it surgically removed.. not a pleasant experience ..

MrBliss said:

Man! Your taste in women is bad.

Dear Mr Stepinrazor sir

Ahem... when u care it is hard to let go. Self pity is a harsh term and accusations are often a form of protection for people. It is hard to forget that which u care about and forget everything u ever felt for that person.

Although (easier said than done) getting on with their 'shit' is a wise choice... though mighty hard to accept...

One thing u shouldnt do is flame right back u gots to hold back and control yourself, though this is also hard, very hard.

I s'pose the best thign to do is use your own judgement on the matter...

Yours

Auntie Jane

Dear Needs2Know,

Starfish and coffee is indeed a rather confusing song. starfish and coffee, maple syrup and jam, butterscotch clouds, a tambourine and a side order of ham

this is (of course) the strangest take away some1 could order and I dont personally imagine that the combination would taste particularly nice.

It rants on about a lil girls lunch box... this girl (probably a martian) fails to grasp the concept about what should go... she also may wear lime green trousers, cerise tops, gold moveable clowns and look similarly to Mr. T. but dont quote me on that one.

It suggests the idea of being open to new concepts and criteria... although even by princes standard this is over the top!

Yours

Auntie Jane

Dear Auntie Jane,

Why o why do people who say they are friends lie like shit and cant tell the truth there and then? What the fuck are they so afraid of???

When someone cares alot for a real bad person and you wanna help them, but they are wallowing in so much hate they are never gonna live a good life???

Why is that?

Auntie Jane?

Please can U fix it 4 me 2 fight crime with and , I would particularly like a ride in the Batmobile and 2 have X-Ray vision, especially when coming in2 contact with RedFeathers!

Luv

Me x

REDFEATHERS said:

and u wonder why



girl u betta check your self before u wreck your self
..

JDINTERACTIVE said:

JD u are confusing this thread with Jim'll fix it

aunty Jane

only imparts advice

good advice

but advice none the less

if u want super powers i would suggest

becoming a self made billionare and buy em

but then i am not aunty Jane and my advice could be shit

but i doubt it
..