Number23 said:

There's something in the water here, mate. And I'm fucking drowning.

Get out of it then mate. While you still can.

Tremolina said:

Number23 said:

Tremolina said:

Get out of it then mate. While you still can.

That's the same advice I'd give to someone who wrote the pish I've just spewed. But I can't end it. Impossible. It's what I define as love. It's anchoered deep, it's lasted for 20 years. However, I live with the overhwelming urge to vomit most of the time. I dont know where my next heartbreak is coming from. And Im a hard cunt. I really am. But this has killed me. I just want release from existance, to be honest. i think I'm now addicted to the pain and angst. Its the only way to justify why I'm torturing myself, why I just can't walk away. God, I wanted it so much. I keep telling myself 'Fuck, if she could only see I'm telling the truth! One day, as the years go by and I'm still here, she'll see.' But she won't, will she?

Of course she will.

I can relate a lot to the addictive connection and torture you are feeling. But not the 20 years.

By get out while you still can, I mean at least: don't marry her and like hell any kids.

If it doesn't work out now, it definitly won't with those two hell raisers.

And you and your kids may one day hate you for it.

Sometimes people are just too attracted to eachother for that, you know what I mean?

[Edited 10/19/11 15:12pm]

Tremolina said:

Number23 said:

Bob, I am experiencing a similar hell right now with someone who 'doesnt trust me' despite never giving her one fucking reason not to. Not an inch of one. I've never once exaggerated or lied to her in the 20 years ive known her and I have have been the most forthrightly loving and sincere bastard in Scotland since we (eventually) got together about six months ago. The main problem is, because i still work with my ex-partner of five years, she continually believes Im going to leave her and reignite this dead relationship. I genuinely have not one clue why she feels this way. I actually used to find her paranoia quite cute but now it's more or less destroyed what was the most perfect, beautiful relationship I have ever known. She can't help herself. The verbal and texual violence is like an addiction now. It's like there's two people. Its a disgusting, sickening, soul-shredding cycle of break up and apology and I cant see any way out. I love her. For the life of me I've tried not to, but when it's there, it's there. I can't let it go. I don't have the strength, as pussy as that sounds. When its good - Jesus, you have no idea of the synergy, harmony and unearthly connection we share. When its bad - Jesus once more, you have no idea of the black hate, loathing and hellfire we can summon to tear each other apart. I used to see myself as a largely rational, intelligent and sensible person - bit of a step beyond relationship angst to be honest - but fuck me, I have no idea what to do. I want to marry her. I want to have children with her. At the same time, I could tear her limb from limb for her appalling accusations and genuine madness. There's something in the water here, mate. And I'm fucking drowning.

hi mate...yes...i feel what you are going through....its like a rollercoaster ride that goes up and down but the downs seem to get longer and steeper the longer your on it.....i know the relationship is hopelessly doomed but i cant break free....i have a young child to her which makes everything soo much more complicated and heartbreaking....we have our good times as well but not on any deep level if that makes any sense...the connection other than physical (which has always been good) is very superficial and becomes more noticable the longer i am with her...

.

i really dont know if i can break up this because your child's needs come before your own so i will probably continue to stumble through life with this and try and count my blessing in other ways and try and not concentrate on the what ifs and maybes...i created this situation and i will make the best of it...

.

yours is different in that its just you and her....all i can say mate is if its going wrong already...time tends to only make it worse.... but you already know this...all the best mate..

Number23 said:

Tremolina said:

Of course she will.

I can relate a lot to the addictive connection and torture you are feeling. But not the 20 years.

By get out while you still can, I mean at least: don't marry her and like hell no any kids.

If it doesn't work out now, it definitly won't with those two hell raisers.

You and your kids may one day hate you for it.

Sometimes people are just too attracted to eachother, you know what I mean?

Aye, I do. It's kill or be killed. tear their foundations down because you know every smear of concrete and when it was laid. Intelligence, compassion and rationality goes out the fucking window when it kicks off. Never felt such untangiable emotion, it's like an out of body experience. But if you only knew how it can be...lawd. Then there's the whole 'meant to be' bullshit because we've known each other so long. I'm fucked. This is my life now. I am chained to agony for the sporadic tastes of pure ecstasy. Fucked. No matter what happens now. This is always going to be in my head.

I feel you mate. I really do. But I came to realize and accept that I alone, was powerless. And that it was up to me whether my life was going to change for the better, or not. Not up to her...

You know... you are only fucked in as far as you let yourself be fucked. Being an 'addict' or 'co-dependent' doesn't mean that this have to be your fate for life. It's your choice what to do with your life, in the end. As it is with hers.

blackbob said:

.....i know the relationship is hopelessly doomed but i cant break free....i have a young child to her which makes everything soo much more complicated and heartbreaking....

Bob I don't want to offend, but DO IT FOR YOUR CHILD.

Do it now, while your child is still young enough to adapt to it and not much later, when he or she will possibly have become traumatised by all the fighting and heartbreak and hate you for it, for the rest of your life.

[Edited 10/19/11 16:34pm]

Tremolina said:

blackbob said:

.....i know the relationship is hopelessly doomed but i cant break free....i have a young child to her which makes everything soo much more complicated and heartbreaking....

Bob I don't want to offend, but DO IT FOR YOUR CHILD.

Do it now, while your child is still young enough to adapt to it and not much later, when he or she will possibly have become traumatised by all the fighting and heartbreak and hate you for it, for the rest of your life.

[Edited 10/19/11 16:34pm]

So awful when children are involved. It is giving her license to act like this because she is banking on the sympathy card that he won't leave because of the child. Will someone deal with her please!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Tremolina said:

Bob I don't want to offend, but DO IT FOR YOUR CHILD.

Do it now, while your child is still young enough to adapt to it and not much later, when he or she will possibly have become traumatised by all the fighting and heartbreak and hate you for it, for the rest of your life.

[Edited 10/19/11 16:34pm]

So awful when children are involved. It is giving her license to act like this because she is banking on the sympathy card that he won't leave because of the child. Will someone deal with her please!

I am not saying that, to be precise.

But yeah that could also be the case.

Would be a dumb ass bet tho'.

Number23 said:

Bob, I am experiencing a similar hell right now with someone who 'doesnt trust me' despite never giving her one fucking reason not to. Not an inch of one. I've never once exaggerated or lied to her in the 20 years ive known her and I have have been the most forthrightly loving and sincere bastard in Scotland since we (eventually) got together about six months ago. The main problem is, because i still work with my ex-partner of five years, she continually believes Im going to leave her and reignite this dead relationship. I genuinely have not one clue why she feels this way. I actually used to find her paranoia quite cute but now it's more or less destroyed what was the most perfect, beautiful relationship I have ever known. She can't help herself. The verbal and texual violence is like an addiction now. It's like there's two people. Its a disgusting, sickening, soul-shredding cycle of break up and apology and I cant see any way out. I love her. For the life of me I've tried not to, but when it's there, it's there. I can't let it go. I don't have the strength, as pussy as that sounds. When its good - Jesus, you have no idea of the synergy, harmony and unearthly connection we share. When its bad - Jesus once more, you have no idea of the black hate, loathing and hellfire we can summon to tear each other apart. I used to see myself as a largely rational, intelligent and sensible person - bit of a step beyond relationship angst to be honest - but fuck me, I have no idea what to do. I want to marry her. I want to have children with her. At the same time, I could tear her limb from limb for her appalling accusations and genuine madness. There's something in the water here, mate. And I'm fucking drowning.

A man with hair as cool as yours should be able to stand tall through any shit that comes his way.

And here comes my "advice":

I used to be very paranoid and easily jealous too, until I learned it didn't mean I was too much in love with the other person, but too much in love with myself, while actually hating myself and not being able to expect that I can fully satisfy someone. Learning that was the first step.

The second step was finally meeting someone who simply overwhelmed me with kindness, so much that I could feel they were looking up to me in every possible way and that they could never do anything to hurt me.

As a man, t's sometimes difficult to evoke these feelings in a woman, because we tend to look weak when we do so (blame society?).

But yeah, I think, if you really, really, really make sure that you show her how much you love her and how much you want to be with her, she will eventually learn how to fully trust you (and herself!), no matter how paranoid she actually is.

That's some deep, romantic shit. How pathetic.

Tremolina said:

Machaela said:

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

Lawd, I love you lots.

i take citalopram 20mg a day to stop my roller coaster, only one month in but it seems to work. Hormones and the moon = deathtowomen!

I have actively stopped checking everything and trying to get myself out of the habit, but my fella laughing at me and not getting mad helped

Good luck

I apologise for being of the female persuastion!

Tremolina said:

blackbob said:

.....i know the relationship is hopelessly doomed but i cant break free....i have a young child to her which makes everything soo much more complicated and heartbreaking....

Bob I don't want to offend, but DO IT FOR YOUR CHILD.

Do it now, while your child is still young enough to adapt to it and not much later, when he or she will possibly have become traumatised by all the fighting and heartbreak and hate you for it, for the rest of your life.

[Edited 10/19/11 16:34pm]

She has to actively see that its her and not u..i've accepted that its me....thats a start!

HamsterHuey said:

Machaela said:

Lawd, I love you lots.

I love you LOTS too ... and get this ~

My Husband knows and doesnt mind !

Machaela said:

HamsterHuey said:

Lawd, I love you lots.

I love you LOTS too ... and get this ~

My Husband knows and doesnt mind !

This is where you rub my tummy.

"Neither one of us, want to be the first to say, goodbye.".....Gladys Knight and the Pips.

HamsterHuey said:

Machaela said:

I love you LOTS too ... and get this ~

My Husband knows and doesnt mind !

This is where you rub my tummy.

Run rub rub

Machaela said:

HamsterHuey said:

This is where you rub my tummy.

Run rub rub

Purrrr

Number23 said:

Bob, I am experiencing a similar hell right now with someone who 'doesnt trust me' despite never giving her one fucking reason not to. Not an inch of one. I've never once exaggerated or lied to her in the 20 years ive known her and I have have been the most forthrightly loving and sincere bastard in Scotland since we (eventually) got together about six months ago. The main problem is, because i still work with my ex-partner of five years, she continually believes Im going to leave her and reignite this dead relationship. I genuinely have not one clue why she feels this way. I actually used to find her paranoia quite cute but now it's more or less destroyed what was the most perfect, beautiful relationship I have ever known. She can't help herself. The verbal and texual violence is like an addiction now. It's like there's two people. Its a disgusting, sickening, soul-shredding cycle of break up and apology and I cant see any way out. I love her. For the life of me I've tried not to, but when it's there, it's there. I can't let it go. I don't have the strength, as pussy as that sounds. When its good - Jesus, you have no idea of the synergy, harmony and unearthly connection we share. When its bad - Jesus once more, you have no idea of the black hate, loathing and hellfire we can summon to tear each other apart. I used to see myself as a largely rational, intelligent and sensible person - bit of a step beyond relationship angst to be honest - but fuck me, I have no idea what to do. I want to marry her. I want to have children with her. At the same time, I could tear her limb from limb for her appalling accusations and genuine madness. There's something in the water here, mate. And I'm fucking drowning.

Sorry..

Number23 said:

Bob, I am experiencing a similar hell right now with someone who 'doesnt trust me' despite never giving her one fucking reason not to. Not an inch of one. I've never once exaggerated or lied to her in the 20 years ive known her and I have have been the most forthrightly loving and sincere bastard in Scotland since we (eventually) got together about six months ago. The main problem is, because i still work with my ex-partner of five years, she continually believes Im going to leave her and reignite this dead relationship. I genuinely have not one clue why she feels this way. I actually used to find her paranoia quite cute but now it's more or less destroyed what was the most perfect, beautiful relationship I have ever known. She can't help herself. The verbal and texual violence is like an addiction now. It's like there's two people. Its a disgusting, sickening, soul-shredding cycle of break up and apology and I cant see any way out. I love her. For the life of me I've tried not to, but when it's there, it's there. I can't let it go. I don't have the strength, as pussy as that sounds. When its good - Jesus, you have no idea of the synergy, harmony and unearthly connection we share. When its bad - Jesus once more, you have no idea of the black hate, loathing and hellfire we can summon to tear each other apart. I used to see myself as a largely rational, intelligent and sensible person - bit of a step beyond relationship angst to be honest - but fuck me, I have no idea what to do. I want to marry her. I want to have children with her. At the same time, I could tear her limb from limb for her appalling accusations and genuine madness. There's something in the water here, mate. And I'm fucking drowning.

But anyway, I can see how someone might not like their partner working with their ex, even if this is totally unfounded. I hope she can get used to it (or your ex quits her job).

Checking your partners phone is always a recipe for disaster... unless you're like me and u delete all incriminating evidence as its produced and only leave in those texts where u're telling your friends how much you love your woman. When she goes in your phone being sneaky trying to find something incriminating they'll be all surprised and feel guilty for questioning your loyalty. I know from experience that at SOME point every woman gets curious and will try to find out what you're doing when theyre not around.

I think blackbob's girlfriend is my favorite almost-orger.

johnart said:

I think blackbob's girlfriend is my favorite almost-orger.

Herman likes this.

HamsterHuey said:

johnart said:

I think blackbob's girlfriend is my favorite almost-orger.

Herman likes this.

johnart like Herman.

Let's rub beards.

johnart said:

HamsterHuey said:

Herman likes this.

johnart like Herman.

Let's rub beards.

:lionpocketroar:

imo and in this case, "what i don't know won't hurt me."

i/we have two standing rules in my house between me and my mate/lover.

1. do not go in my purse. i do not go in his wallet-unless requested to do so.

2. i do not check his cellphone. he does not check mine-unless requested to do so.

3. if my cell phone rings, it just rings unless requested to be answered and visa versa.

for me there's got to be elements of trust and faith in each other or it's not worth it. i just don't have time to sneak around or spy on someone i love. i'll know just from female intuition if he's got somethin' on the side. even then, i'll ask b4 becoming an insecure spy in my own home.

our standing motto: if either of us finds someone outside our relationship of romantic interest, we have promised to inform each other before making a move. that motto has worked for us for over many years.

johnart said:

I think blackbob's girlfriend is my favorite almost-orger.

...i think part of me wishes she would read my posts.....

blackbob said:

johnart said:

I think blackbob's girlfriend is my favorite almost-orger.

...i think part of me wishes she would read my posts.....

Suggest it to her !

I think it may be eye opening for her when she reads YOUR perspective of her let alone everyone who posts on your threads perspective of you/her/the relationship

Do it !