JustErin said:

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

I don't know how I feel about this because I think that checking other peoples phone, email, Facebook blah blah blah is rude THEN AGAIN, I wouldn't have anything on there that I wouldn't want them to see. (I'm not saying you do.)

I'm no help......

But it's not a matter of having something to hide or not, it's about invasion of privacy and respect. It's one thing to allow someone to go into personal accounts, that's totally cool...but to believe it's your right to do so even if you suspect something is off in your relationship is totally fucked up. The expected "what's yours is mine" attitude is even worse. It is illegal to read someone's mail, it should be the same for text messages, etc.

Point taken. Agreed.

slimhustle said:

Machaela said:

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

To all of that.

Yeah, I don't hide anything. Nor do I have the desire to look thru ppls things. Ever. I prefer to live transparently and openly.

I can't imagine having anything around that I wouldn't want my partner to see. Also, I can't imagine being in a relationship where

we felt compelled to check up on each other. Too much wasted energy. All that energy could be going toward some mind blowing sex and shit.

That's just me tho. To each their own.

I like the way you think.

FauxReal said:

slimhustle said:

To all of that.

Yeah, I don't hide anything. Nor do I have the desire to look thru ppls things. Ever. I prefer to live transparently and openly.

I can't imagine having anything around that I wouldn't want my partner to see. Also, I can't imagine being in a relationship where

we felt compelled to check up on each other. Too much wasted energy. All that energy could be going toward some mind blowing sex and shit.

That's just me tho. To each their own.

I like the way you think.

You only read the part about sex, didn't you?

Genesia said:

blackbob said:

NDRU said: I have it isn't all bad before...but she does stuff that I find very hard to justify to myself...I have never even kissed another woman in all the time I have been with her but accuses Me of hiding things all the time...all I do is work and watch the kids..yes I did have a few one night stands in my first relationship but that was a sexless and dead relationship for years and I stayed for my young son but I didn't want it like that ..I believe in staying faithful in a relationship....and I have done...

Are you sure she isn't creeping? Because that sounds (to me) like somebody who wants to catch you doing something wrong to justify her own wrongdoing.

Yes, I think a lot of times jealousy and suspicion are just misplaced guilt or perhaps a way to deflect attention from themselves and onto you

NDRU said:

Genesia said:

Are you sure she isn't creeping? Because that sounds (to me) like somebody who wants to catch you doing something wrong to justify her own wrongdoing.

Yes, I think a lot of times jealousy and suspicion are just misplaced guilt or perhaps a way to deflect attention from themselves and onto you

Especially if they are irrational

blackbob said:

your partner checking out your messages on your mobile phone ..?...does anyone else think this is over stepping the mark ?...i have told her that she shouldnt be reading my messages on my phone without my approval but i caught her doing it again the other day and i know she has done it in the past...

i have never given her any reason to be jealous or suspicious of me so why is she doing it ?....she also used to check my facebook page til i changed the password on it....surely everybody is entitled to some privicy...even from partners....

i think it is out of order....if you dont trust your partner then whats the point ?.....i dont do it to her...even though i saw her kiss one of my friends when she was very drunk a few years ago (a quick kiss..but still a kiss and not in a friendly way)..but i took it as it was...a drunken kiss and i forgave her for it because i dont get jealous...if i dont trust her...she is gone...simple...but this continual checking of my phone really annoys me...do any of you do it or have caught your partner doing it ?...whats your feelings on this....thanks..

The whole relationship thing needs a major paradigm shift. But since that's not gonna happen any time soon...

Your post reminds me of this Lou Reed lyric:

I know I shouldn't had someone else in our bed

But I was so tired, so tired

You said you're out of town for the night

And I believed in you, I believed you

Don't keep secrets from your partner and you'll have no need to worry about her looking at your phone.

I might have to start charging for this stuff. Seriously.

Put a lock/password on your

Machaela said:

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

slimhustle said:

FauxReal said:

I like the way you think.

You only read the part about sex, didn't you?

I also read the part that goes "I can't imagine having anything around that I wouldn't want my partner to see."

NDRU said:

Genesia said:

Are you sure she isn't creeping? Because that sounds (to me) like somebody who wants to catch you doing something wrong to justify her own wrongdoing.

Yes, I think a lot of times jealousy and suspicion are just misplaced guilt or perhaps a way to deflect attention from themselves and onto you

very much so

Read hers. Read them often. Read them and then have conversations with her about what you read.

Get a new "partner".

I'm GUILTY!

its horrible, its like a catch 22. you don't wanna do it but you can't help yourself and being open and honest helps to take it away.

I dated a guy who i never had the nerve to leave, he got me into a pattern of looking for stuff because for most of the relationship (7 yrs) i was lied to made to believe that something wasn't going on when it was... with his ex girlfriend and after all that time he still chose her over me. i was 18 when it started so it set me up for life!

This has seriously effected my trust/security issues. i have been going thru my fella's phone, checked his facebook. the fact that he is secretive anyway gave me more concern to do it. i know that it is my problem and sometimes its much worse and sometimes i believe what he says. i always admit to going thru his phone, and he goes thru mine now, to show me how it feels.

Since we starting doing more things together, and him not going mad at me, has made me feel a little safer. its a horrible place, its a horrible thing to do and the way things are these days, especially facebook now because you can read what everybody writes to each other even though they are not my mates. i go mad when he speaks to girls, but do you know what its facebook and you can add them aswell!

Its grim to read how you all feel about it, because i read how your girl is and i can totally relate.

My advice - don't get mad, love her.

I'm going counselling to try and sort this mess out once and for all

Good luck with ur girl

yes if there was a like button i'd like it!

Bad times!

In a perfect world, I would like to know about everything that's going on in my partner's life (including her relationship with others, which of course includes her private messages etc.), but would not like anyone else to get that close to me and read private stuff.

I wouldn't go looking for something on her phone, because the act of doing it would feel a bit pathetic, but if I had the chance to simply gather the information I would like to have it.

I simply want to have everything and everyone under control, but still keep my own freedom.

I'm a bitch that way, I know.

novabrkr said:

Jealous, paranoid women.

Actually, there is something about slight paranoia and jealousy in a woman that I find a bit interesting and entertaining. However, I wouldn't do anything to evoke those emotions or play with her feelings. And there is a point when it becomes a rather annoying sickness and not a cute little fault anymore.

luv4u said:

Put a lock/password on your

In my dealings with nutty females locking ur fone and passwording ur fone means ur hiding shit and they will go loopy on ur arse...Men and Women.........Chalk and Cheese:nod:

I freely give out my password to family members... well just my kids and hubby... I have no problem at all if my husband were to look in my phone, email, or fb... The difference is, he doesnt want to, nor do I want to go thru his things... My sister is horrible about this but she has been burned by a cheating spouse so that is her biggest fear.. and the guy shes with now is a jackass soooo....

I dont believe she is going thru your stuff because she is doing something wrong and is trying to justify herself, I think maybe you have become distant, or have changed your behaviour towards her and she feels there must be a reason behind it, and is scared your cheating...

I think you guys need some professional help, you seem to still care for her, so you (both of you) need to work harder at your relationship.. One should NEVER stop working at the relationship, its like a plant... for it to grow you must feed it!

I hear all the time people who say if their partner accuses them of cheating or trying to catch them in the act are actually cheating themselves and trying to justify it. I find far too often people who say that are cheating and they are the ones who are trying to shift the blame.

I used to have a friend who cheated on his girl every time the opportunity presented itself (multiple times a week) and then he would get mad when she would check his phone and accuse her of trying to cover up her indiscretions. WTF???!!!

blackbob from this and the many other threads in which you've described your lady friend, i'd say this woman sounds a bit toxic. i hope you survive her lovin' emotionally intact.

XxAxX said:

blackbob from this and the many other threads in which you've described your lady friend, i'd say this woman sounds a bit toxic. i hope you survive her lovin' emotionally intact.

Toxic............isnt this in all womens dna.....

FauxReal said:

slimhustle said:

You only read the part about sex, didn't you?

I also read the part that goes "I can't imagine having anything around that I wouldn't want my partner to see."

davetherave6767 said:

XxAxX said:

blackbob from this and the many other threads in which you've described your lady friend, i'd say this woman sounds a bit toxic. i hope you survive her lovin' emotionally intact.

Toxic............isnt this in all womens dna.....

chromosomally speaking, women are xx and men are xy. speaks for itself, imo

There's no reason for either of us to check one another's phone, and we both have the same stand on Facebook and it's Orwellian overtones (&can't see any reason whatsoever beyond a stab a business micro-marketing to try it), so all of this is new to me. I hope it works out with this lady for you, or even better, that you find another lady better suited to you.

tinaz said:

I freely give out my password to family members... well just my kids and hubby... I have no problem at all if my husband were to look in my phone, email, or fb... The difference is, he doesnt want to, nor do I want to go thru his things... My sister is horrible about this but she has been burned by a cheating spouse so that is her biggest fear.. and the guy shes with now is a jackass soooo....

I dont believe she is going thru your stuff because she is doing something wrong and is trying to justify herself, I think maybe you have become distant, or have changed your behaviour towards her and she feels there must be a reason behind it, and is scared your cheating...

I think you guys need some professional help, you seem to still care for her, so you (both of you) need to work harder at your relationship.. One should NEVER stop working at the relationship, its like a plant... for it to grow you must feed it!

good advice tina..your right...of course...but the constant bad feeling and fighting makes it very hard to want to make an effort...she accused me again tonight of seeing someone else ( my ex ) and not being interested...i just cant be bothered fighting any more

blackbob said:

tinaz said:

I freely give out my password to family members... well just my kids and hubby... I have no problem at all if my husband were to look in my phone, email, or fb... The difference is, he doesnt want to, nor do I want to go thru his things... My sister is horrible about this but she has been burned by a cheating spouse so that is her biggest fear.. and the guy shes with now is a jackass soooo....

I dont believe she is going thru your stuff because she is doing something wrong and is trying to justify herself, I think maybe you have become distant, or have changed your behaviour towards her and she feels there must be a reason behind it, and is scared your cheating...

I think you guys need some professional help, you seem to still care for her, so you (both of you) need to work harder at your relationship.. One should NEVER stop working at the relationship, its like a plant... for it to grow you must feed it!

good advice tina..your right...of course...but the constant bad feeling and fighting makes it very hard to want to make an effort...she accused me again tonight of seeing someone else ( my ex ) and not being interested...i just cant be bothered fighting any more

Leave!

Leave!

Leave!

blackbob said:

this continual checking of my phone really annoys me...do any of you do it or have caught your partner doing it ?...whats your feelings on this....thanks..

Mine?

Dump her.

JustErin said:

it means either they are cheating on you or you have serious trust issues that will ruin the relationship.

That or vice versa. Or both.

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

Yes, I think a lot of times jealousy and suspicion are just misplaced guilt or perhaps a way to deflect attention from themselves and onto you

very much so

Been there, done that. I once got madly accused of loving women with "big asses" and not the small butt of the woman I was with then. After some digging into what that was all about, I found out that she had been going through my email and had read an exchange talking about "big asses" and such lol. That had made her real mad. Only thing tho, that she didn't take into account, was that this email exchange was much older than our relationship and that that certain woman lived in a different country far away. Didn't matter to her tho'. She was pissed off anyhow, getting all suspicious and shit about it too. So I dug even deeper and then found out that she was the one cheating, by sometimes still seeing her long time ex partner.

[Edited 10/19/11 14:50pm]