The unofficial broke asses vs. big timers thread better known as the dating etiquette thread.

paintedlady said:

Spinlight said:

You know, I find it hard to relate to someone in their 40s who still uses descriptions like "grown and sexy." It's neither grown nor sexy to expect you to be carried because you partake in game playing.

Maybe if people were more concerned with treating each other fairly and walking with a sense of confidence, they would not feel so compelled to stack cards against each other prior to knowing one's intent. Who cares if men treat women a certain way or do something for some genitals. Check your baggage at the door.

Well, I am a black woman who is at least a decade older than you... why would you relate to me?

You shouldn't...

I never said I expected to be "carried" .... men paying for a dinner or two is a common courtship pratice with hetero-sexual people in MY age group ... women like me never date jobless men.

Now I have foolishly carried men before and that didn't help either one of us in that situation... I didn't make the rules and men still like taking care of their women. If a man wants to that's his perrogative and its a lady's perrogative to expect to be taken out a few times too.

If a man bought you dinner would that mean he's "carrying" you?

Lay your blind assumptions elsewhere.

What does joblessness have to do with it? And whether you are a black woman or not, you are human and partake in relationships. Blind assumptions is right. You think gay people have some sort of alien unity? You're so fucking bigoted and backwards, it's sick.

Just cuz you got stuck with someone who couldn't pay for shit doesn't mean a damn thing about men at large. You want to hold a grudge because YOU make bad decisions? Hehe.

Stop making shit up.

Tittypants said:

I would say, if you go to church, I'm pretty sure there are some guys there that are interested in you. From my experiences, a lot of freaky people go to church. Heck, I've had sex in church before. People go to praise the Lord, but they also go to see if they can find sometime to make "whoopee" with. Just don't be so nervous, & pay attention more while you're there, & I'm sure someones noticing you.....I know sex isn't your goal, but always be honest with yourself...sex is bound to happen when you meet someone you're really into.....

Heck yeah , there's some true freaks in church . Don't let them fool you . A few married preachers esp. are really bold and tried to talk to me , kid you not . I find it amusing .

JustErin said:

I'm also a little confused as to how a man who is expected to pay but doesn't means they are jobless?

I will never, ever expect a man to pay for anything. If he offers that's cool and I won't resist, but I'll automatically feel the want to reciprocate...and I will. I mean, if I like him...it's about taking care of each other...not him taking care of me.

That's what relationships are about....no matter what kind. I'm the same way with family or friends.

Yeah I agree, but I've never had respect for men who let women take care of them. Blame my grandfather and the men in my life, because thats shameful. As is a woman who completely depends on a man to take care of her. It should be a 50/50 but I definitely, don't have respect for these new age of men who lay up in the house, while their women go work and the only thing he can offer is sex. Get real, thats pathetic! I'm just being honest.

Spinlight said:

paintedlady said:

Well, I am a black woman who is at least a decade older than you... why would you relate to me?

You shouldn't...

I never said I expected to be "carried" .... men paying for a dinner or two is a common courtship pratice with hetero-sexual people in MY age group ... women like me never date jobless men.

Now I have foolishly carried men before and that didn't help either one of us in that situation... I didn't make the rules and men still like taking care of their women. If a man wants to that's his perrogative and its a lady's perrogative to expect to be taken out a few times too.

If a man bought you dinner would that mean he's "carrying" you?

Lay your blind assumptions elsewhere.

What does joblessness have to do with it? And whether you are a black woman or not, you are human and partake in relationships. Blind assumptions is right. You think gay people have some sort of alien unity? You're so fucking bigoted and backwards, it's sick.

Just cuz you got stuck with someone who couldn't pay for shit doesn't mean a damn thing about men at large. You want to hold a grudge because YOU make bad decisions? Hehe.

Stop making shit up.

You assume women who expect a man to pay for their dinner are "unfair" and unreal?

I never make assumptions about an entire community of people, just your immature name-calling self ...there you go again making stuff up. You're hilarious.

I never said anything about the gay community, just you since you have so much to say about how women should approach dating. Don't confuse me with being bitter... I never said that me carrying the guy had anything to do with men at large, but women who have to carry any guy will view him differently. Most men who are carried tend to not like it and it messes with their self esteem... I know this from experience. Its not about having a grudge at all... its just the way things are.

You don't like my point of view too bad... its the truth.. its not hard to grasp at all.

IamFunkay7 said:

JustErin said:

I'm also a little confused as to how a man who is expected to pay but doesn't means they are jobless?

I will never, ever expect a man to pay for anything. If he offers that's cool and I won't resist, but I'll automatically feel the want to reciprocate...and I will. I mean, if I like him...it's about taking care of each other...not him taking care of me.

That's what relationships are about....no matter what kind. I'm the same way with family or friends.

Yeah I agree, but I've never had respect for men who let women take care of them. Blame my grandfather and the men in my life, because thats shameful. As is a woman who completely depends on a man to take care of her. It should be a 50/50 but I definitely, don't have respect for these new age of men who lay up in the house, while their women go work and the only thing he can offer is sex. Get real, thats pathetic! I'm just being honest.

You're being honest, yeah, but the pendulum swings both ways. There's a reason Peg Bundy was so funny; it's funny cuz it's true.

To be honest, I don't know many men who sit at home and do nothing. Not more than I ever knew, anyway. But I sure find out about a lot of other people's experiences, which may or may not compound my own opinion on men in general. Of course, rationality eventually kicks in and I realize that you can't judge a book by its cover (or its genitals).

paintedlady said:

Spinlight said:

What does joblessness have to do with it? And whether you are a black woman or not, you are human and partake in relationships. Blind assumptions is right. You think gay people have some sort of alien unity? You're so fucking bigoted and backwards, it's sick.

Just cuz you got stuck with someone who couldn't pay for shit doesn't mean a damn thing about men at large. You want to hold a grudge because YOU make bad decisions? Hehe.

Stop making shit up.

You assume women who expect a man to pay for their dinner are "unfair" and unreal?

I never make assumptions about an entire community of people, just your immature name-calling self ...there you go again making stuff up. You're hilarious.

I never said anything about the gay community, just you since you have so much to say about how women should approach dating. Don't confuse me with being bitter... I never said that me carrying the guy had anything to do with men at large, but women who have to carry any guy will view him differently. Most men who are carried tend to not like it and it messes with their self esteem... I know this from experience. Its not about having a grudge at all... its just the way things are.

You don't like my point of view too bad... its the truth.. its not hard to grasp at all.

It's -your- truth. I don't need to ascribe to -your- truth. You are -welcome- to your opinion, but if you think that your game-playing ways do not hinder your attempts at finding a "grown and sexy" man, you're delusional.

I commented on -one- thing and you, as per usual, jump my shit with your jive talk about how I'm this or that. It's absurd.

When you get done playing mind games with dudes, you'll stop attracting ones who play them back.

I've eaten out every night for the past 12 nights. Some men are just rolling like that. Gentlemanly and old-fashioned when it comes to courting a lady. Other guys just don't want to dine alone.

I should have laid off the desserts though.

Eh fuck it, that's what treadmills are for.

IamFunkay7 - Just hang in there. Be social, be seen and don't get caught up in being single but rather focus on being happy. When ur happy, you draw people to you without even trying.

JustErin said:

I'm also a little confused as to how a man who is expected to pay but doesn't means they are jobless?

I never said that... those are two different things.

If a man can not afford to buy dinner and is broke, then he can not date me. I need a man that can carry his own.

I don't expect to be carried... never said that either. On a 1st date, I do not expect to pay for my dinner... I can if I need to, but I shouldn't have to pull my purse out unless we have an understanding beforehand. Don't know why people (not necessarily you) think just because a guy needs to take ME out and pay the first time or two, that I expect him to "carry me" in the realtionship. WTH? That's a leap!

paintedlady said:

JustErin said:

I'm also a little confused as to how a man who is expected to pay but doesn't means they are jobless?

I never said that... those are two different things.

If a man can not afford to buy dinner and is broke, then he can not date me. I need a man that can carry his own.

I don't expect to be carried... never said that either. On a 1st date, I do not expect to pay for my dinner... I can if I need to, but I shouldn't have to pull my purse out unless we have an understanding beforehand. Don't know why people (not necessarily you) think just because a guy needs to take ME out and pay the first time or two, that I expect him to "carry me" in the realtionship. WTH? That's a leap!

I think most people hold that opinion. Lots of couples do dutch or whatever its called but I think that's after some sort of friendship has been established. I've never ever heard of a man asking a woman on a date then expecting or even asking her to pay for any part of the meal.

HotGritz said:

paintedlady said:

I never said that... those are two different things.

If a man can not afford to buy dinner and is broke, then he can not date me. I need a man that can carry his own.

I don't expect to be carried... never said that either. On a 1st date, I do not expect to pay for my dinner... I can if I need to, but I shouldn't have to pull my purse out unless we have an understanding beforehand. Don't know why people (not necessarily you) think just because a guy needs to take ME out and pay the first time or two, that I expect him to "carry me" in the realtionship. WTH? That's a leap!

I think most people hold that opinion. Lots of couples do dutch or whatever its called but I think that's after some sort of friendship has been established. I've never ever heard of a man asking a woman on a date then expecting or even asking her to pay for any part of the meal.

I taught my son, if you are broke... don't ask a lady out... keep a job so you can take her out, if she offers, then its ok to let her pay... until then just assume and pay the bill. It'll show her you can take care of her and that you are ready to court a woman properly.

I myself don't date broke-assed men. That dynamic between men and women has NOT changed.

Spinlight said:

paintedlady said:

You assume women who expect a man to pay for their dinner are "unfair" and unreal?

I never make assumptions about an entire community of people, just your immature name-calling self ...there you go again making stuff up. You're hilarious.

I never said anything about the gay community, just you since you have so much to say about how women should approach dating. Don't confuse me with being bitter... I never said that me carrying the guy had anything to do with men at large, but women who have to carry any guy will view him differently. Most men who are carried tend to not like it and it messes with their self esteem... I know this from experience. Its not about having a grudge at all... its just the way things are.

You don't like my point of view too bad... its the truth.. its not hard to grasp at all.

It's -your- truth. I don't need to ascribe to -your- truth. You are -welcome- to your opinion, but if you think that your game-playing ways do not hinder your attempts at finding a "grown and sexy" man, you're delusional.

I commented on -one- thing and you, as per usual, jump my shit with your jive talk about how I'm this or that. It's absurd.

When you get done playing mind games with dudes, you'll stop attracting ones who play them back.

"Jive talk" ??? What's that supposed to mean? Why are you saying that to me?

I don't play mind games... I am straight with men and I don't "lose me wallet" when I go out.

Stop with the assumptions and the race baiting.

HotGritz said:

I've eaten out every night for the past 12 nights. Some men are just rolling like that. Gentlemanly and old-fashioned when it comes to courting a lady. Other guys just don't want to dine alone.

I should have laid off the desserts though.

Eh fuck it, that's what treadmills are for.

IamFunkay7 - Just hang in there. Be social, be seen and don't get caught up in being single but rather focus on being happy. When ur happy, you draw people to you without even trying.

paintedlady said:

HotGritz said:

I think most people hold that opinion. Lots of couples do dutch or whatever its called but I think that's after some sort of friendship has been established. I've never ever heard of a man asking a woman on a date then expecting or even asking her to pay for any part of the meal.

I taught my son, if you are broke... don't ask a lady out... keep a job so you can take her out, if she offers, then its ok to let her pay... until then just assume and pay the bill. It'll show her you can take care of her and that you are ready to court a woman properly.

I myself don't date broke-assed men. That dynamic between men and women has NOT changed.

Hell no. Thinking a woman should date a broke-ass man is like thinking a man should date a butt-ugly woman. You can do it but why would you want to when there are other options?

paintedlady said:

Spinlight said:

It's -your- truth. I don't need to ascribe to -your- truth. You are -welcome- to your opinion, but if you think that your game-playing ways do not hinder your attempts at finding a "grown and sexy" man, you're delusional.

I commented on -one- thing and you, as per usual, jump my shit with your jive talk about how I'm this or that. It's absurd.

When you get done playing mind games with dudes, you'll stop attracting ones who play them back.

"Jive talk" ??? What's that supposed to mean? Why are you saying that to me?

I don't play mind games... I am straight with men and I don't "lose me wallet" when I go out.

Stop with the assumptions and the race baiting.

Race baiting? LMFAO.

Shut the fuck up, troll.

Spinlight said:

paintedlady said:

"Jive talk" ??? What's that supposed to mean? Why are you saying that to me?

I don't play mind games... I am straight with men and I don't "lose me wallet" when I go out.

Stop with the assumptions and the race baiting.

Race baiting? LMFAO.

Shut the fuck up, troll.

Yeah, race-baiting like I said.... why would you call it "jive talk" ... answer the fucking question.

You say that to me just beacuse I'm black? Explain that shit.

paintedlady said:

Spinlight said:

Race baiting? LMFAO.

Shut the fuck up, troll.

Yeah, race-baiting like I said.... why would you call it "jive talk" ... answer the fucking question.

You say that to me just beacuse I'm black? Explain that shit.

Paintedlady, I won't fall for your typical shit. Same old same old from you.

You really need therapy.

I know what this thread is missing! STEVE HARVEY! Oh and Patti Stanger. Can't have a dating thread without miss Stanger.

Spinlight said:

paintedlady said:

Yeah, race-baiting like I said.... why would you call it "jive talk" ... answer the fucking question.

You say that to me just beacuse I'm black? Explain that shit.

Paintedlady, I won't fall for your typical shit. Same old same old from you.

You really need therapy.

You still need to explain why you chose to use the term "jive-talk" to me...

I am waiting... answer the fucking question.

Oh and this guy is missing too....well he's not really missing.

[img:$uid]http://blog.pappastax.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/cowardly-lion.jpg[/img:$uid]

JustErin said:

Again, a guy who doesn't offer to pay the full bill does not mean he is a "broke ass". I don't date broke men either, but I would never expect a man to pay for my dinner or make some lame judgement if he didn't offer to pay. I personally find that pretty tacky. It is so funny to me how some women go on and on about how much of a strong independent woman they are but still have these ridiculous old school rules where they feel they are entitled to special treatment from men simply because they are a woman.

Wait, so if a guy asks YOU out to dinner for the first time then you are going to pay?

Seems we're mixing first date etiquette with full on dating relationships. A guy is most certainly lame if he asks as woman out on a date for the first time then doesn't pay/asks her to foot the bill. IMO, you're getting played.

Now if you've been dating for awhile then sure, you can make arrangements ahead of time to split the bill or whatever but if that man is new in your life and he is actively trying to pursue you then why shouldn't he pay the dinner bill and maybe have you cook dinner for him the next time?

JustErin said:

Again, a guy who doesn't offer to pay the full bill does not mean he is a "broke ass". I

It could mean he's a cheap ass or he thinks he is doing you a favor by asking you out in the first place.

JustErin said:

Again, a guy who doesn't offer to pay the full bill does not mean he is a "broke ass". I don't date broke men either, but I would never expect a man to pay for my dinner or make some lame judgement if he didn't offer to pay. I personally find that pretty tacky. It is so funny to me how some women go on and on about how much of a strong independent woman they are but still have these ridiculous old school rules where they feel they are entitled to special treatment from men simply because they are a woman.

co-motherfucking-sign.

HotGritz said:

JustErin said:

Again, a guy who doesn't offer to pay the full bill does not mean he is a "broke ass". I

It could mean he's a cheap ass or he thinks he is doing you a favor by asking you out in the first place.

Why can it not mean he is being fair and non-judgemental? Is this not the kind of acceptance and equal opportunity women crave and deserve? Man/woman connections are not new to me, but you are espousing these very traditional beliefs at the same time as you suggesting it somehow makes you independent to do so.

Those traditional beliefs are the antithesis of independence.

I would rather pay for my own, but if he insists and takes no for an answer, I would only allow it if I'm paying the next bill in full.

Spinlight said:

HotGritz said:

It could mean he's a cheap ass or he thinks he is doing you a favor by asking you out in the first place.

Why can it not mean he is being fair and non-judgemental? Is this not the kind of acceptance and equal opportunity women crave and deserve? Man/woman connections are not new to me, but you are espousing these very traditional beliefs at the same time as you suggesting it somehow makes you independent to do so.

Those traditional beliefs are the antithesis of independence.

What's fair and non-judgemental about asking a woman (that you are supposedly interested in as a potential partner) on a date then surprising her with the fact that you conveniently have no money? Sounds like false pretense and game playing to me. What's next? Are we to tolerate women who want to play "just the tip"?

Would you want a man to ask you out on a date and then stick you with the bill without any discussion beforehand? There are people that wouldn't even let their friends play them in that manner.

When women generally talk about equal opportunity, we talk about it in terms of education, employment and access to whatever benefits men have gotten over the years sometimes at the woman's expense.

It is very much independent to state, as a woman, what you will and will not tolerate versus just putting up with whatever the man decides is convenient for him at any given time.

But hey, some people are comfortable and used to the broke-ass, hustling and trifling men with alterior motives. I can't even be all that mad at a man who gets women to pay his way each and every time. If you got it like that....more power to you.

JustErin said:

What is lame is expecting him pay. Some guys are sick and tired of this entitlement bullshit some woman play. What better way to weed out this type of woman then to pay for yourself only and see how she reacts.

yo, I have NO PROBLEM paying. I paid all the time. but some girl I barely know just expecting me to pay is one of the more disgusting character traits I experienced when I was dating.

if me not paying crosses me off some broad's list, no worries....that crosses her off MY list just as much.

JustErin said:

What is lame is expecting him pay. Some guys are sick and tired of this entitlement bullshit some woman play. What better way to weed out this type of woman then to pay for yourself only and see how she reacts.

Well then those guys need to date ugly women who are thirsty for any kind of man. Truth is, the kind of woman most men want isn't going to be invited anywhere or asked for her company and then pay the guy.

Damn right, if you ask me out on a date then you are most certainly paying. If I ask you out on a date then I will pay. No way in hell, you are asking me out and having me pay. Essentially I'm paying for a date with myself. Shit, I can stay home and it won't cost me a dime.