So it's my ex-wife's birthday tomorrow. The thing is, we haven't spoken in nearly 3 weeks. We had tried to be friends and I'd even calmed her down on the phone a few times after the divorce when she felt really depressed etc. But 3 weeks ago, she blew up at me over the most ridiculous stupid minor thing, and unlike when we were married, I wasn't going to apologise just to try and calm the situation down even though I hadn't done anything wrong.

That conversation ended with her saying "fuck you" and "so much for being friends, wait what did i expect, you were an even worse husband". after all the times I tried to help and be there for her, that's what I get.

So anyway we haven't spoken since then but now I'm aware that it's her birthday tomorrow. What to do? Write a message on her facebook (lol, really impersonal). Ignore her completely? Send her a private happy birthday message/text/email?

I feel like it would be really petty to ignore her but at the same time.... I dunno, like why should I be the one to have to re-open a line of communication just because of circumstance? Our last conversation and the silence since seems like a pretty big statement on her end of just not giving a fuck at all.

I need org advice!

Are you kidding me?

Ignore it.

If memory serves me right...SHE left YOU, right?

Then she throws a titty-fit when you're trying to console her (which mad props to you for even being able to try to do the 'friend' thing)...and cusses you out?

Unless you're trying to leave the door open for future reconciliation, don't even post on FB.

In fact, if you decide that you really want to move on, de-friend and block her on FB.

But if you want to leave that door open, then send a card. Not love-y/dove-y or anything, just warm.

Least that's what I'd do (and I can't be impartial lol).

Have you aplogised to her for any wrongdoings you may have done to her in the past?

ConsciousContact said:

Have you aplogised to her for any wrongdoings you may have done to her in the past?

Yeah. I had thought we both pretty much had closure at this point from the issues that plagued our marriage. Now I'm not so sure if she does.

PurpleJedi said:

Are you kidding me?

Ignore it.

If memory serves me right...SHE left YOU, right?

Then she throws a titty-fit when you're trying to console her (which mad props to you for even being able to try to do the 'friend' thing)...and cusses you out?

Unless you're trying to leave the door open for future reconciliation, don't even post on FB.

In fact, if you decide that you really want to move on, de-friend and block her on FB.

But if you want to leave that door open, then send a card. Not love-y/dove-y or anything, just warm.

Least that's what I'd do (and I can't be impartial lol).

Thanks. Maybe I'll send a card.

I would say time for you to move on.

ugh....

fuck you is fuck you so....I say ignore it.

I honestly think there's no point in keeping ties or prettending to get along.

What you may be feeling is lingering emtional attatchments.

imago said:

I honestly think there's no point in keeping ties or prettending to get along.

What you may be feeling is lingering emtional attatchments.

Dan, I have to say this is one of your best posts of the year!!

And I totally agree with what you say here. Good advice

PurpleJedi said:

Are you kidding me?

Ignore it.

If memory serves me right...SHE left YOU, right?

Then she throws a titty-fit when you're trying to console her (which mad props to you for even being able to try to do the 'friend' thing)...and cusses you out?

Unless you're trying to leave the door open for future reconciliation, don't even post on FB.

In fact, if you decide that you really want to move on, de-friend and block her on FB.

But if you want to leave that door open, then send a card. Not love-y/dove-y or anything, just warm.

Least that's what I'd do (and I can't be impartial lol).

Every word of this.

Nothing good will come of you trying to be friends with her.

And FUCK her damn birthday. She's not five years old for Christ's sweet sake.

Militant said:

ConsciousContact said:

Have you aplogised to her for any wrongdoings you may have done to her in the past?

Yeah. I had thought we both pretty much had closure at this point from the issues that plagued our marriage. Now I'm not so sure if she does.

No such thing, babe.

Not til you've become distant memories in each other's pasts.

i agree with dan too...you will only wake up stuff you are trying to put to rest....

if you feel, you should send her something, do it...but dont make yourself availabe later for thank yous, can we get together for lunch and stuff like that.....seeing something in the mail should leave a good taste in her mouth, if not....eff that clown...

Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice.

I might try and not say anything but I know it'll be hard to not send off a quick email. If I do ignore her, she'll probably assume that I forgot, and I know I shouldn't care about that, but..... I dunno.

I don't want her back or anything. But I don't particularly want to be at odds with her, either.

luv4u said:

imago said:

I honestly think there's no point in keeping ties or prettending to get along.

What you may be feeling is lingering emtional attatchments.

Dan, I have to say this is one of your best posts of the year!!

And I totally agree with what you say here. Good advice

It always baffles me when folks give good lip service about an ex or pretend to still like their exes.

There's a reason you broke up.

If you really have to give them a birthday gift, just leave a flaming paperbag of poo at their doorstep.

PunkMistress said:

PurpleJedi said:

Are you kidding me?

Ignore it.

If memory serves me right...SHE left YOU, right?

Then she throws a titty-fit when you're trying to console her (which mad props to you for even being able to try to do the 'friend' thing)...and cusses you out?

Unless you're trying to leave the door open for future reconciliation, don't even post on FB.

In fact, if you decide that you really want to move on, de-friend and block her on FB.

But if you want to leave that door open, then send a card. Not love-y/dove-y or anything, just warm.

Least that's what I'd do (and I can't be impartial lol).

Every word of this.

Nothing good will come of you trying to be friends with her.

And FUCK her damn birthday. She's not five years old for Christ's sweet sake.

Impressed???

imago said:

luv4u said:

Dan, I have to say this is one of your best posts of the year!!

And I totally agree with what you say here. Good advice

It always baffles me when folks give good lip service about an ex or pretend to still like their exes.

There's a reason you broke up.

If you really have to give them a birthday gift, just leave a flaming paperbag of poo at their doorstep.

Absolutely!

PunkMistress said:

PurpleJedi said:

Are you kidding me?

Ignore it.

If memory serves me right...SHE left YOU, right?

Then she throws a titty-fit when you're trying to console her (which mad props to you for even being able to try to do the 'friend' thing)...and cusses you out?

Unless you're trying to leave the door open for future reconciliation, don't even post on FB.

In fact, if you decide that you really want to move on, de-friend and block her on FB.

But if you want to leave that door open, then send a card. Not love-y/dove-y or anything, just warm.

Least that's what I'd do (and I can't be impartial lol).

Every word of this.

Nothing good will come of you trying to be friends with her.

And FUCK her damn birthday. She's not five years old for Christ's sweet sake.

I think you obviously still have feelings for her since your so worried about her b-day after she treated you like a piece of shit...

I dont see why it would be petty... If I end a friendship because we didnt get along, Im not going to ring them up for birthday wishes, Over is over... Do you see yourself 10 or 20 years down the road with a new wife and family still sending her b-day cards??

I'm not one to hold grudges.

I'd send a one liner email. She's been a significant part of your life so far. No harm whatsoever.

Just don't expect a reply. If you feel like doing it, do it with complete selflessness.

The benefit for you, is it'll take 2 seconds and then you can stop thinking about it.

imago said:

luv4u said:

Dan, I have to say this is one of your best posts of the year!!

And I totally agree with what you say here. Good advice

It always baffles me when folks give good lip service about an ex or pretend to still like their exes.

There's a reason you broke up.

If you really have to give them a birthday gift, just leave a flaming paperbag of poo at their doorstep.

when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me years ago, i had a bag of dog shit mailed to him in a box wraped in a beautiful box with a bow. i felt much better afterwards and was able to move on.

I would pretend like she was gone, and completely never contact her in any way, unless it's years from now.

Zero contact.

ufoclub said:

I would pretend like she was gone, and completely never contact her in any way, unless it's years from now.

Zero contact.

sounds like great advice!

Cut bait Mil.

You deserve better. She doesn't deserve your effort.

Nothinbutjoy said:

Cut bait Mil.

You deserve better. She doesn't deserve your effort.

kimrachell said:

imago said:

It always baffles me when folks give good lip service about an ex or pretend to still like their exes.

There's a reason you broke up.

If you really have to give them a birthday gift, just leave a flaming paperbag of poo at their doorstep.

when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me years ago, i had a bag of dog shit mailed to him in a box wraped in a beautiful box with a bow. i felt much better afterwards and was able to move on.

!!!

kimrachell said:

imago said:

It always baffles me when folks give good lip service about an ex or pretend to still like their exes.

There's a reason you broke up.

If you really have to give them a birthday gift, just leave a flaming paperbag of poo at their doorstep.

when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me years ago, i had a bag of dog shit mailed to him in a box wraped in a beautiful box with a bow. i felt much better afterwards and was able to move on.

kimrachell said:

imago said:

It always baffles me when folks give good lip service about an ex or pretend to still like their exes.

There's a reason you broke up.

If you really have to give them a birthday gift, just leave a flaming paperbag of poo at their doorstep.

when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me years ago, i had a bag of dog shit mailed to him in a box wraped in a beautiful box with a bow. i felt much better afterwards and was able to move on.

ufoclub said:

I would pretend like she was gone, and completely never contact her in any way, unless it's years from now.

Zero contact.

What he said . That's messed up , especially if you have tried to make things work . But if you really want to say Happy Birthday , be very brief . I wouldn't do anything special if she just insulted you .

PunkMistress said:

PurpleJedi said:

Are you kidding me?

Ignore it.

If memory serves me right...SHE left YOU, right?

Then she throws a titty-fit when you're trying to console her (which mad props to you for even being able to try to do the 'friend' thing)...and cusses you out?

Unless you're trying to leave the door open for future reconciliation, don't even post on FB.

In fact, if you decide that you really want to move on, de-friend and block her on FB.

But if you want to leave that door open, then send a card. Not love-y/dove-y or anything, just warm.

Least that's what I'd do (and I can't be impartial lol).

Every word of this.

Nothing good will come of you trying to be friends with her.

And FUCK her damn birthday. She's not five years old for Christ's sweet sake.

^^ All this. I have a rule of no contact for 6 months after a break up. That usually lets the emotions settle down. And at that time, if both parties wants to be friends, then you can.