So...

I believe that I am about to quit my job... I have been at the same job for over six years and have made very good money... the company decided to lay my entire department off (they have laid off over 50,000 employees in the last year or so) and I have gotten a new job with better pay. The only problem is that this new job is much farther from my house and with traffic, it will take about 3 to 4 hours of driving each day.

The extra hours of driving will cut into my time with my son, as I have been working from home most of the time with my current job and have been able to take him to school and pick him up after school... if I stay with my job I will not be seeing my son very much at all. I think that a $50,000 to $70,000 pay cut is worth it if I can spend more time with my son. I am just trying to get the balls to quit. I could move closer to the office, but I do not want work to run my entire life... I do not live to work... Is it so wrong that I do not want to allow work to dictate my life?

Goddamn, why is it necessary to sell your life to some corporation that does not care about you at all in order to live? Each hour that you spend working for someone who doesn't care about you is another hour that you are closer to death and all you have to show for it is a paycheck.

I am seriously considering starting my own business, as I have a lot of money saved and I can get it started, the problem is that I am worried about getting enough business to make a go of it.

Damn, this is a dilemma.

Ice... my dad basically started selling his life over 20 years ago for over 100k a year, just so his family could live comfortably. But in doing that, he gave up his family. In fact, I don't even know if I could honestly tell you I really know my dad.

Just some food for thought.

It's worth it if your life is only appraised at $20,000 a year or below


And Natsume... my dad lost his job back in Oct. I've really gotten to know my dad. I think I'd take the money...

Ice... don't shoot yourself in the foot by taking a paycut. A 50% paycut, even if it's to spend more time with your kid may not look good to the people who decide these things.

AaronUnlimited said:

A damned fine point... I will wait until I am through with my child custody case. My court date is not for another month and a half... I can take it that long.

Natsume said:

That is very sad and that is something that I do not want to happen to me. My son is the most important person in the world to me and I do not EVER want to hurt him, especially by my absence.

Quit, honey, quit! Nobody ever, upon their deathbed, goes "gee, I sure wish I had worked more!"

Doves,
Mel!ssa

I agree Ice, but poverty ain't no bed of roses either.
70K is alot to give up. If you have invested right you will be ok, if not, you will have to sacrifice alot of your playthings and even some necessities.

SuperC said:

I would sacrifice ALL my playthings to spend time with my son, so I think I will be okay.

It just takes a hell of a lot to get me to quit, as I am very resistant to change. I like stability and it really fucks with me when I have to make a major change like the one I am thinking about making. In fact, I don't know anyone who would do what I am thinking about doing, but I really feel that it is the right thing to do.

My wife and I both have this same concern. I'm glad u are finally able 2 talk publicly about this, as I was wondering what u had decided.

At one time both my wife and I were making well over 100,000 with a joint income. Kudos 2 u 4 doing so well alone!

I resigned from my job 4.5 years ago 2 raise the kids (as we don't believe in daycare)... she remained the sole breadwinner.

I can't tell u how much I've gained in being a "Stay-at-home-Dad" these last few years, I have learned so much and have such a bond with my kids... I would recommend all men doing this. I thank my wife 4 allowing me 2 do this.

On the other hand, I decided to return 2 work this year, since both boys r in grammar school and Melissa is in High School, only 2 find that the job market is in much more trouble than when I left. In fact, I had a State job, and here in California there's a freeze on all new hires. Even though I'm considered a "permissive reinstatement", they r locked on all new hires, and my old position is frozen.

We r doing quite well financially, but what if this were an emergency situation? What would I do?

I'm considering getting a part-time job at a book store or something, until things get better in my old department.

So, think wisely Ice, but I respect ur putting ur son as the priority in ur life... I'm glad I did.

Good luck in ur decision.

For one IceNine, just the sacrifice you are willing to give up for the sake of your child will pay off in the end and of course worth more than money alone. Why not take a new job/cut in pay, remember as he gets older he WILL be spending more time with his friends and then you can get back into the swing of things. Two, on the days you know you DO NOT have him maybe you can get a part time job. If you have money saved you might want to look into investing it for a short period at least "right now" and make a few bucks. A few bucks here and there really does help. You can ALWAYs make money but you can NEVER bring back the time you lose with your child. Follow your heart when it comes to your child and your head when it comes to your job. Good luck in what ever you decide.

DAMN, the Org is paying like that???!! Where's mine!!!


IceNine Follow your heart, you'll get it figured out & be just fine...

I think you should definately explore the possibility of self-employment. It seems like you have some spare time to think this through, and perhaps give it a go.

On a more personal note, children grow up fast, and keep in mind that money is great (I sure could use some, lol) but if it means greatly reducing the time spent with your child - I do not think it is worth it.

Is maintaining an expensive lifestyle really worth it? I know that in many cases we do not need such great amounts of income to live a wonderful life. So you drive a Toyota instead of a Mercedes...you rent a place...you don't have all sorts of expensive stuff around the house - but you have a life with your child that will give you more than any of those things.

Just something to think about.

Ice, we don't know each other that well...but I respect you and I sympathise with your dilemma.

So here's a

If you can survive with a lesser salary and your overall quality of life would be much improved, you should definitely do it. Keep in mind most employers will lay you off without as much of a second thought if they are pressed by upper management, so all this dedication is not necessarily repaid to you. In my case, it partially was. The other part is something that can't be repaid. Like they say, no one on their deadbed wishes they had worked more.
[This message was edited Fri Feb 14 15:09:53 PST 2003 by Aerogram]

Aerogram said:

I wanted to highlight that, as it speaks volumes.

You already know my thoughts on this, just remember that I am here for you... whatever your decision is.

You're a very smart guy IceNine. That would be a HELL of a paycut, but I believe you could secure a great income sometime down the line (to me, even $40k sounds like a fortune). And choosing your family over work is probably the smartest thing you'll ever do.

I work 3rd shift at a plastics factory, sleep 4 hours a day (couple hours here, couple there), and watch my 2 girls all day while my wife teaches. I could be doing better things with my life and God knows I'm ready for a "real" job. But for right now, it's worth it.

By the way, what type of business are you considering starting? I would guess that you would do very well, whatever it is.

Don't you just hate it when life throws these ball-busting decisions at you?

If you take the enormous pay-cut, your lifestyle will change, but you won't die, and the struggle might even strengthen you. However many hours you gain by eliminating the commute and the psychic trauma can used to fuel some new profitable endeavor; time is captial; sanity is capital.

This is a tough one for me because I'm sick and tired of being poor and frequently consider whoring myself as a consultant just to pay down debt.

Seriously, though--it's more the uncertainty, isn't it? Man hates uncertainty.

teller said:

Uncertainty sucks... and I am VERY resistant to change. Those are the things... and they both suck.

IceNine said:

Someone with your conviction would do excellent at his own business.

Rudy said:

I owned a screen printing business in the past and I know that I can make enough money to live by printing. It is hard work sometimes, but I can make enough money to live at first and hopefully build it up to be a very profitable business.

Now if someone could give me some offset printing equipment, I could make cards for Teller!

Aerogram said:

This is an important thing to remember. Corporations do NOT care about you in any way... they will always say that they "care about" their employees, but they do refer to me by a number when I call HR. It is not "may I ask your name, sir?" it is "what is your global ID?"

I actually started up my own business. It was a hell of a long time ago, but I wouldn't be hesitant to start up another one - of different type.

I started up my own aviary to breed and sell birds to the local pet stores. Built up an excellent reputation for having quality birds! I did that and stayed at home while raising my son.

IceNine said:

Wow, so different from a mans point of view, decisions like this. It is like jumping into a lake you either plug your nose and close your eyes and jump or you just rip that shirt off and dive.

LaVisHh said:

I had an aviary about 12 years ago too! I just bred birds for the fun of it and because I love birds, but I sold a lot of them too...

I bred the following finches:

Gouldian
Bengalese (I used these to hatch Gouldian eggs)
Spice
Bicheno
Zebra
Star

The Gouldian finches were my absolute favorites, but they were also the hardest to breed, as some Gouldians are not very good at hatching a clutch of eggs and raising them. I would have to switch their eggs with Bengalese to be successful in many cases.

There really wasn't a lot of money in finch breeding though.

moonangel said:

That's about the size of it, MoonAngel.

It would be easier if I was in a joint-income family, but I am not.

IceNine said:

... Little birdies? How cute!

IceNine said:

Goudian's are very, very picky. But I raised them too!

I handfed and sold: Cockatiels, Lovebirds, and Budgies
Sold: Parakeets, Canaries, and Gouldians

I loved them all, would put leg bands and everything! Kept records on their lineage...I go all out!

The main perk was how their antics enriched my life, I would often sit in the aviary and watch them fly. I build a couple of 20x10x6 foot flight cages for the larger birds, and smaller ones for the others.

I miss it, actually.