just wondering if anyone has kids under 16 who they are not seeing or have access to for what ever reason...how do you cope with it ?...

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i havent seen my 13 year old boy now for about 2 months now.....i was getting constant abuse from my ex partner who is still bitter despite being apart now for 6 years...i had to block all her messages and tell her not to contact me again unless its an emergency ...so that stopped but now my boy has told me he wants to spend time with his friends at the weekend and doesnt want me to come and get him every 3rd weekend any more...

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he also said that he isnt happy about me not wanting any contact with his mum...i told him the reasons but it didnt make any difference...

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so i got a bit down about it the other week...i feel angry towards my son because i have always been there for him as much as work and my 3 year old daughter will let me be there for him....i feel i dont deserve this...i dont know what to do...

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i guess i just need to accept it and try and get on with life and do my best for my little girl but she misses her big brother as well....he was only here twice a month most times anyway and now its nothing and she asks me when jordan is coming over to see her...i dont know what to say to her....

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[Edited 10/4/11 5:15am]

Im sorry Bob, I dont have that problem but I thought you could use one of these...

Im sorry you are going through such a tough time...Keep fighting for what you want, If your kids think you didnt fight for them they will be hurt... Just do the best you can and let them know they are loved...

Remember the last thread about your son you started, everyone told you that at his age you are NOT going to be the person he wants to spend time with... It sucks, but its just a part of him growing up and becoming independent... The more you try and force him the more he is gonna rebel...

thanks tina...i know..no easy answers...thanks for taking the time to reply..

call me crazy but....I'd tell my son. Sorry, but you see your friends all the time and I only get to see you once and a while, I love you and miss you and so does your sister....so I WILL be coming to get you. I think in the long run he will appreciate that more. Letting him not come will result in resentment that you didn't really want him there anyway. Just MHO.

Also, I think your son expressed his feelings about you not having any contact with his Mum and you just say...sorry..too bad. I know it sux and she sounds like a real bitch but YOU chose to have a child with her (accidental or not) so I think you should take into consideration your son's feelings on that and make some even if small change in that regard.

[Edited 10/4/11 7:17am]

At 13 your son does not see the big picture. He sees what he wants.

I agree with Shorty, he needs to see you when it is your time.

It hurts like hell, but you have to be the strong one and set the loving example. Even it cuts into his friend time and isn't what he wants.

I heard a saying one time "Parents are the bone on which children cut their teeth." It is so true. Kids will push and push to get what they want. A parent's job is to do what needs to be done.

You are on the right path. Hang in there.

blackbob said:

I tried the 'I am coming to get get you ' line and drove the 20 miles to get him but he wasn't in...I think I will try again this weekend as I am off...then at least I am trying...thanks for the advice..your right...I need to keep trying..

and communicating with the mom as hard as that may be might benifit this too. She should reinforce that he will go to your place.

Eye feel awful 4 u Bob...........But u have 2 stay strong 4u.....Life goes the fuck on my man....Eye have been thru the same pain and it aint nice....But u will get stronger and like ive said life has 2 go on....Look after urself BlackBob....

blackbobb.. he wants to be out with his mates & has grown out of spending time with u!.. as long as u make it clear that u are always there 4 him!.. & don't EVER diss his mum! it doesn't matter how much of a bitch she is.. just keep up your payments & send him a text now & then.. don't rub his face in your new set up

anyway your relationship will probably be much better when he's older, u will always be his dad, flesh & blood is important

thanks for all the comments...they have helped me..

that would be very difficult. but i agree with what some of the others here have said. keep making the effort and showing you care, and i think he will realize it at some point and come around.

I am a "babymomma"... I will tell you I had to (and still do) eat A LOT of crow and bite my tongue and set aside my feelings just to have the father of my kids see them.

And little thing he does that pisses me off I can not mention it because he will use it as an excuse to disappear... POOF!

He only stops by once maybe twice a year now anyways... yet he comes into town to shop here often.

So I just let my personal feelings go for the sake of my kids.

^^^^^^^

I write all that just to get you to understand that as a arent you'll have to put up with some mess just to have a relationship with your child. It is so worth it too.... just keep your mind on the big picture and those little fights and will seem petty and unimportant.

Your son needs you... even if he doesn't realize it. Heck he's a kid and he can't see too far into his own future, but hang in their and push through. You love your child and you must be a consistant because he really needs that, all kids do.

I am sorry you are going through so much.

paintedlady said:

I am a "babymomma"... I will tell you I had to (and still do) eat A LOT of crow and bite my tongue and set aside my feelings just to have the father of my kids see them.

And little thing he does that pisses me off I can not mention it because he will use it as an excuse to disappear... POOF!

He only stops by once maybe twice a year now anyways... yet he comes into town to shop here often.

So I just let my personal feelings go for the sake of my kids.

^^^^^^^

I write all that just to get you to understand that as a arent you'll have to put up with some mess just to have a relationship with your child. It is so worth it too.... just keep your mind on the big picture and those little fights and will seem petty and unimportant.

Your son needs you... even if he doesn't realize it. Heck he's a kid and he can't see too far into his own future, but hang in their and push through. You love your child and you must be a consistant because he really needs that, all kids do.

I am sorry you are going through so much.

thank you...sorry to be such a misery guts...i can only hope it will get better in the future...thanks for all the good advice...i will use it...

blackbob said:

paintedlady said:

I am a "babymomma"... I will tell you I had to (and still do) eat A LOT of crow and bite my tongue and set aside my feelings just to have the father of my kids see them.

And little thing he does that pisses me off I can not mention it because he will use it as an excuse to disappear... POOF!

He only stops by once maybe twice a year now anyways... yet he comes into town to shop here often.

So I just let my personal feelings go for the sake of my kids.

^^^^^^^

I write all that just to get you to understand that as a arent you'll have to put up with some mess just to have a relationship with your child. It is so worth it too.... just keep your mind on the big picture and those little fights and will seem petty and unimportant.

Your son needs you... even if he doesn't realize it. Heck he's a kid and he can't see too far into his own future, but hang in their and push through. You love your child and you must be a consistant because he really needs that, all kids do.

I am sorry you are going through so much.

thank you...sorry to be such a misery guts...i can only hope it will get better in the future...thanks for all the good advice...i will use it...

There really is no need for apologies, I completely understand your frustration. Its natural and actually a positive thing to vent frustrations concerning situations such as these because it really is beyond your control as to how the mother of your children will treat you or speak of you in the presence of your son. This may be a factor, but you can only control how you keep trying to have a open relationship with your boy and making it as healthy as possible for all involved.

Its hard as hell to deal with uncooperative people, but in time your son will come to truly appreciate all your efforts... teen boys do not show appreciation much in general but trust me, the love is felt and will be more openly reciprocated as he gets older and wiser. Boys tend to be more subtle with showing affection.

Keep trying. You can do this.

You will

DoffieParker said:

blackbobb.. he wants to be out with his mates & has grown out of spending time with u!.. as long as u make it clear that u are always there 4 him!.. & don't EVER diss his mum! it doesn't matter how much of a bitch she is.. just keep up your payments & send him a text now & then.. don't rub his face in your new set up

anyway your relationship will probably be much better when he's older, u will always be his dad, flesh & blood is important

Yes, you can't force anything since you don't live with him, but you should still show up to pick him up every 3rd weekend. If he is not there, he is not there.But continue to be available.

But you want to take the higher ground as a parent, not direct anger toward him, when the negativity is probably coming from his mom anyway. But I also agree don't talk shit about his mom. Be the better man.

Some day he will probably realize that you tried and appreciate it. But he's 13 and probably is incapable of appreciating anything at the moment