HamsterHuey said:

To me, Org was a home away from home when I was going through some personal stuff and it helped relieve tension for me by diverting banter and sharing music.

Some internet contacts spilled over to real life in ways I could never imagine. But yes, I do have some amazing friends; a small circle of dear, close friends and a larger circle of great buds I get to hang with too, but to a lesser extent.

These days Facebook and to some extent other forums like this one are just a way to kill time while I am rummaging around on the internet (music, mostly). And as Erin said; it's an easy way to keep in contact with friends, in my case often on the other side of the world.

My Org connections do take care of the fact that whenever I am online, some other Orger is too; Nick in Asia, Charlotte in Oz, Kevin in the US and Petra in EU, there's always someone to banter with.

would it be wrong for me to actually yearn to meet you...

RenHoek said:

would it be wrong for me to actually yearn to meet you...

Awww, Kev.

The answer is 'no'.

LionsAndTigers said:

I don't have many close friends in real life. I've always had bad experiences with people which makes me not trusting and makes me keep myself closed off a lot of the time. Of course, I do like having social interaction, but I'm fine being alone a lot of the time. I don't spend a lot of time online nowadays, so I've pretty much lost contact with the majority of friends I've made online. I'm fine with just having a few people that I'm close to in my life.

it is very hard for me to trust people too, and i think that's why i have such few friendships right now. i've been burned so many times by people i thought i could trust.

I was living in my hometown until late August and I really felt isolated there and understood completely why I left at 18 and vowed never to return. I just do not feel comfortable being myself in that town or around any of the people I got to meet. I have always felt comfortable around gay men but on the org I seem to also connect with many women and I really love that. I have even met some straight men on the org who have been friendly with me in a platonic way that doesn't seem to happen to me in real life.

I suspect that most of us are a bit different, and feel different, from the people who are geographically close to us.

kimrachell said:

it is very hard for me to trust people too, and i think that's why i have such few friendships right now. i've been burned so many times by people i thought i could trust.

It's hard to come back from, but I think it's a flipside of opening yourself up to others. And I rather do that and share experiences than give in and shrivel up inside. And internet contacts are a great first step to actual contacts, as long as you aprprach it with humour and a wink. (grin)

The real life friends I've had my entire life have been very few but longterm ones. It has mainly been only one or two at a time and changing events in our lives would make us grow apart and they end up getting replaced with maybe one or two friends later. When I was in my 20s, I worked in a convenience store from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. for nine years so that meant from 10 p.m. till dawn, I could club all night and still be able to get sleep to be back to work by 2 p.m. I had one or two friends during that era who worked night jobs like I did and we hung together every night. I was also at different people's houses many nights drinking and hanging with droves of people but they were simply acquaintances. I only had maybe one or two real friends at the most, even back then. They eventually either moved away or we grew apart due to changes in our lives and jobs. As for the acquaintances, that's all they are is just acquaintances and many of them, I wouldn't trust as far as I can throw a rock. A lot of them didn't work, or didn't want to work, and their entire lives centered around getting just enough money to get to that club. They were fun to hang out with but not the type of people you could trust or depend on and many were very two-faced. Over the years, many of them have died of AIDS or been killed by rough trade so I couldn't hook up with them today even if I wanted to.

As for recent friends, the straight ones are now married with children and that takes up all their time. One of them is a workaholic who works both day and night. If he's awake, rather than just sitting around bored, he'd rather be making more money. I can't blame him for that. Another good friend died a few years ago of cancer. He also had AIDS. He didn't know that I knew but I had heard it through the grapevine but never mentioned it to him because it was none of my business. That leaves one person left these days and I've been friends with him since the clubbing days of the early 1990s. I only see him maybe over lunch on maybe a Saturday or Sunday because he works security at a nightclub on the weekends when I like to drink and hang out at home. No, I don't hang out at the club he works at (the same club I used to go to) because nowadays it is full of youngsters and the music in there nowadays (shit hop) is as slow and dull as a fucking Lawrence Welk concert. I prefer to drink and hang out either at my place or at someone else's place. These clubs ain't shit anymore thanks to shit hop. I do not drink or do anything during the week because I wouldn't be able to get my ass up the next morning to go to work if I did. He mainly comes to see me these days (I'm scared of that rough ass neighborhood he lives in nowadays).

My brother and I got real close when my mother was dying and we drank together almost every Friday night since she died. He worked for himself in construction though and since the economy went bad, he's about to lose his house and has taken a job at a grocery store out of desperation. He works all the hours he can now so I rarely see him anymore also.

But that's about it. The internet friends is about as fun as it gets these days other than the rare times I see my friends these days. We're still friends, we just work clashing hours. As for meeting new people, if I meet them, that's fine but I'm not going out and looking for them. I have learned over the years that you don't look for friends and get them. If you do, you'll end up with some freeloading deadbeat. They have to just naturally happen.

.

.

.

[Edited 9/22/11 21:41pm]

kimrachell said:

RenHoek said:

No... I've been burned by "best friends" SO many times... burned hard, so I find it difficult to make new really close relationships.

considering that much of my blood-family loathes me as well there's not a whole lot of that love going around either...

sure, this all makes me sound like an ass but whatever... life is too short.

The majority of my friends that I do have live in Germany and we try to stay in touch, here in Cali I can count the number of valued friends on one hand...

Just another reason to love the org and it's orgers that much more...

i can relate to the family part, i am not popular in my family at all! in-fact i never see anyone in my family except my parents once a year. most of my family just doesn't care about me, or want to see me. it deeply hurts me, because i am the kind of person that loves to be with family. i guess i will never understand it? i've tried so many times to bring everyone together, and it just doesn't work. so i am much closer to my husband's family, just wish they all didn't live so far away in brazil!

I can certainly relate to that. I have a family member that cares about me in her own way but she spends all her time with her inlaws and I get the impression that she's concerned with "what they'll think of me". I don't even ask to come over there because if I get some kind of excuse from her that I can see right through, it will just piss me off.

PunkMistress said:

I like isolation.

I love the Internet because it's so undemanding as far as relationship maintenance. Real time stuff like phone conversations are so stressful.

Same for me.

I'm worried though. Before the org I went out more. Now I'm on the org and have neglected friends IRL.

I also notice that I got attached to a lot of orgers. I couldn't just stop with the org, because I allways want to know how some of you are doing and what's going on. And that bothers me sometimes too. I'm attached to a bunch of people I don't know, have never seen and don't interact personally with.

I consider it unhealthy. However, I also notice that I don't want to leave anymore. And I miss some orgers who left (physco)

dJJ said:

PunkMistress said:

I like isolation.

I love the Internet because it's so undemanding as far as relationship maintenance. Real time stuff like phone conversations are so stressful.

Same for me.

I'm worried though. Before the org I went out more. Now I'm on the org and have neglected friends IRL.

I also notice that I got attached to a lot of orgers. I couldn't just stop with the org, because I allways want to know how some of you are doing and what's going on. And that bothers me sometimes too. I'm attached to a bunch of people I don't know, have never seen and don't interact personally with.

I consider it unhealthy. However, I also notice that I don't want to leave anymore. And I miss some orgers who left (physco)

Not unhealthy at all!

I have never really had a ton of real life friends. Not that I haven't wanted them, but I get to anxious when it comes to meeting new people, and my anxiety goes through the roof. Having friends via the internet removes some of that anxiety.

dJJ said:

PunkMistress said:

I like isolation.

I love the Internet because it's so undemanding as far as relationship maintenance. Real time stuff like phone conversations are so stressful.

Same for me.

I'm worried though. Before the org I went out more. Now I'm on the org and have neglected friends IRL.

I also notice that I got attached to a lot of orgers. I couldn't just stop with the org, because I allways want to know how some of you are doing and what's going on. And that bothers me sometimes too. I'm attached to a bunch of people I don't know, have never seen and don't interact personally with.

I consider it unhealthy. However, I also notice that I don't want to leave anymore. And I miss some orgers who left (physco)

This is the wierd part because you can't always get in touch with them or you feel creepy if you try, I do. My first loss was the overly sensitive but very sweet and funny nyse. Sent org note and never heard back. Than there was prb, where the hell is she, she just seems to not even be on facebook anylonger and was such a sweet woman.

Then there is the not so sweet and much more spunky Acrylic. Hottest girl at the donut shop nearest you, lol. Always slightly pissed off, miffed and funny. When DesireeNevermind disapeared I nearly had a heart attack, then I realized that maybe she died and went on to her next life right back here on Planed org.

There are things that are different here. You can almost ask people anything because you're not looking in their eyes and so they aren't going to squirm. They can avoid all questions which again doesn't have the same weird vibe as avoiding a question when being asked in person.

vainandy said:

The real life friends I've had my entire life have been very few but longterm ones. It has mainly been only one or two at a time and changing events in our lives would make us grow apart and they end up getting replaced with maybe one or two friends later. When I was in my 20s, I worked in a convenience store from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. for nine years so that meant from 10 p.m. till dawn, I could club all night and still be able to get sleep to be back to work by 2 p.m. I had one or two friends during that era who worked night jobs like I did and we hung together every night. I was also at different people's houses many nights drinking and hanging with droves of people but they were simply acquaintances. I only had maybe one or two real friends at the most, even back then. They eventually either moved away or we grew apart due to changes in our lives and jobs. As for the acquaintances, that's all they are is just acquaintances and many of them, I wouldn't trust as far as I can throw a rock. A lot of them didn't work, or didn't want to work, and their entire lives centered around getting just enough money to get to that club. They were fun to hang out with but not the type of people you could trust or depend on and many were very two-faced. Over the years, many of them have died of AIDS or been killed by rough trade so I couldn't hook up with them today even if I wanted to.

As for recent friends, the straight ones are now married with children and that takes up all their time. One of them is a workaholic who works both day and night. If he's awake, rather than just sitting around bored, he'd rather be making more money. I can't blame him for that. Another good friend died a few years ago of cancer. He also had AIDS. He didn't know that I knew but I had heard it through the grapevine but never mentioned it to him because it was none of my business. That leaves one person left these days and I've been friends with him since the clubbing days of the early 1990s. I only see him maybe over lunch on maybe a Saturday or Sunday because he works security at a nightclub on the weekends when I like to drink and hang out at home. No, I don't hang out at the club he works at (the same club I used to go to) because nowadays it is full of youngsters and the music in there nowadays (shit hop) is as slow and dull as a fucking Lawrence Welk concert. I prefer to drink and hang out either at my place or at someone else's place. These clubs ain't shit anymore thanks to shit hop. I do not drink or do anything during the week because I wouldn't be able to get my ass up the next morning to go to work if I did. He mainly comes to see me these days (I'm scared of that rough ass neighborhood he lives in nowadays).

My brother and I got real close when my mother was dying and we drank together almost every Friday night since she died. He worked for himself in construction though and since the economy went bad, he's about to lose his house and has taken a job at a grocery store out of desperation. He works all the hours he can now so I rarely see him anymore also.

But that's about it. The internet friends is about as fun as it gets these days other than the rare times I see my friends these days. We're still friends, we just work clashing hours. As for meeting new people, if I meet them, that's fine but I'm not going out and looking for them. I have learned over the years that you don't look for friends and get them. If you do, you'll end up with some freeloading deadbeat. They have to just naturally happen.

.

.

.

[Edited 9/22/11 21:41pm]

thanks for sharing that. i think you're right about not looking for friends, it does seem to work out better when you just let it naturally happen.

MoniGram said:

I have never really had a ton of real life friends. Not that I haven't wanted them, but I get to anxious when it comes to meeting new people, and my anxiety goes through the roof. Having friends via the internet removes some of that anxiety.

i can very much relate to this too.

kimrachell said:

RenHoek said:

No... I've been burned by "best friends" SO many times... burned hard, so I find it difficult to make new really close relationships.

considering that much of my blood-family loathes me as well there's not a whole lot of that love going around either...

sure, this all makes me sound like an ass but whatever... life is too short.

The majority of my friends that I do have live in Germany and we try to stay in touch, here in Cali I can count the number of valued friends on one hand...

Just another reason to love the org and it's orgers that much more...

i can relate to the family part, i am not popular in my family at all! in-fact i never see anyone in my family except my parents once a year. most of my family just doesn't care about me, or want to see me. it deeply hurts me, because i am the kind of person that loves to be with family. i guess i will never understand it? i've tried so many times to bring everyone together, and it just doesn't work. so i am much closer to my husband's family, just wish they all didn't live so far away in brazil!

Were you an unwanted kid?

MarySharon said:

kimrachell said:

i can relate to the family part, i am not popular in my family at all! in-fact i never see anyone in my family except my parents once a year. most of my family just doesn't care about me, or want to see me. it deeply hurts me, because i am the kind of person that loves to be with family. i guess i will never understand it? i've tried so many times to bring everyone together, and it just doesn't work. so i am much closer to my husband's family, just wish they all didn't live so far away in brazil!

Were you an unwanted kid?

i'm not sure? honestly. i have a family member that suffers from mental illness, and i think that plays a big part in all of it.

kimrachell said:

MarySharon said:

Were you an unwanted kid?

i'm not sure? honestly. i have a family member that suffers from mental illness, and i think that plays a big part in all of it.

Seriously? Whats not to love about you Kim??? For real!!

I have a few close friends (most of whom I've known for 20 years or more), a few more casual friends, and even more acquaintances.

My theatrical pursuits make friendships sort of weird. First, they take up a lot of time - which often limits the amount of time I have to spend with my "real life" friends. And the theatre relationships are strange, too. You spend a lot of time with people and often get to be quite intimate with them. (In a personal way - not sexually. Sharing dressing rooms will do that. ) But when the play's over, you usually go your separate ways and don't see them as much - if at all. Those people comprise the bulk of my casual friends and acquaintances.

Real life close friends? I have a handful that are like family. Two who I've known for 27 and 23 years repectively. I'll be close with them as long as I live.

The rest of the time I'm constantly going in and out of groups of people. Sometimes they feel like "real" connections, sometimes I know they're just passing. But I'm not exactly the most social person on Earth to begin with, so for me, it feels right.

Otherwise, my life off of the internet is filled with things and stuff that I LOVE to do, freindship not required. Some people are wired this way. Some people aren't - they actually NEED interaction with other human beings. I definitely don't.

tinaz said:

kimrachell said:

i'm not sure? honestly. i have a family member that suffers from mental illness, and i think that plays a big part in all of it.

Seriously? Whats not to love about you Kim??? For real!!

thank you!

kimrachell said:

MarySharon said:

Were you an unwanted kid?

i'm not sure? honestly. i have a family member that suffers from mental illness, and i think that plays a big part in all of it.

We basically got the same background then

My mum never taught me what it was like to have friends, nor to differentiate friends and aquaintances. I learnt it by myself but it was already too late. She managed to isolate me from others 'til late.

I got a few RL close friends but they're very rare.

kimrachell said:

so my question(s) to you is: do you have a lot of in-person friends? i mean, real, true, close friendships? or do you find that you are a person that spends much of their time online with the internet. do you feel isolated by not having real life friends? or is internet friends enough for you?

I only have a few REAL friends and I like it that way. There are only two people I consider my true friends. In my twenties I had LOTS of friends but then I realized they weren't really friends when push came to shove and some were even my frienemies. So I let everyone go that I couldn't count a true friend and have been much happier since! I don't talk to anyone I don't want to talk to and I don't accept invitations to social gatherings just so I can appear popular. I like my alone time and would rather spend time with my family, pets and true friends than "many" friends. Right?

It's also fantastic when you give two shits what peope think of you- very freeing!

I was an Air Force Brat when I was younger, so while I could make friends pretty easily, I never kept them for long. I would write and write, but no one would write back. My husband has friends that he is in regular contact with that he's known since he was 5 years old and they are not members of his rather large extended family (His mother is one of 9 and one of his aunts has 14 kids) who he is also in contact with. I have 1 living uncle, 1 living aunt who does not speak to anyone in the family and two cousins who I do not know.

I have an older sister, who I'm kinda not speaking to right now because she sent my mother out to live with me with no warning at all about how needy and depressing, to the point of needing clinical help, my mother had become. My mother and I talked every day on the phone, but she was putting on a brave front for me. When she got here, the facade cracked and LORD HELP ME!!!

I have a younger brother and sister who are 14 and 16 years younger than me and we talk fairly regularly and visit as often as we can. My bro lives in NV and my sis lives in WA, so not nearby.

I have two friends who I love dearly but we have lost contact. One was from the neighborhood my grandparents use to live in, in So.Cal and one was a guy I met in college.

My husband has a ton of friends who have become my friends through just years of us all gathering together, I love them like brothers, but they're really my husband's friends.

I recently became friends with a woman who worked in the same hospital as my husband and her husband. They are very, very dear to me, but they moved to another state about a year ago.

I have reconnected with some of my childhood friends on Facebook and I'm very grateful for that, but none of them live in the same state. I have many .org friends (most of whom have moved on to Facebook or go between here and there) who seriously kept me alive and sane during the years my kids were young and like ZK said, I needed folks to talk to not about the kids and like Herman said, the laughter and music meant SO VERY MUCH to me.

Now, I do not have a girlfriend that I can just hang out with. I really hate it. My daughters and I use to go everywhere together, but they've grown up more now and do their school and friends thing. I still go cheer them on as they need, but I usually go alone.

As you might be able to tell, I think about this a lot.

Nothinbutjoy said:

I was an Air Force Brat when I was younger, so while I could make friends pretty easily, I never kept them for long. I would write and write, but no one would write back. My husband has friends that he is in regular contact with that he's known since he was 5 years old and they are not members of his rather large extended family (His mother is one of 9 and one of his aunts has 14 kids) who he is also in contact with. I have 1 living uncle, 1 living aunt who does not speak to anyone in the family and two cousins who I do not know.

I have an older sister, who I'm kinda not speaking to right now because she sent my mother out to live with me with no warning at all about how needy and depressing, to the point of needing clinical help, my mother had become. My mother and I talked every day on the phone, but she was putting on a brave front for me. When she got here, the facade cracked and LORD HELP ME!!!

I have a younger brother and sister who are 14 and 16 years younger than me and we talk fairly regularly and visit as often as we can. My bro lives in NV and my sis lives in WA, so not nearby.

I have two friends who I love dearly but we have lost contact. One was from the neighborhood my grandparents use to live in, in So.Cal and one was a guy I met in college.

My husband has a ton of friends who have become my friends through just years of us all gathering together, I love them like brothers, but they're really my husband's friends.

I recently became friends with a woman who worked in the same hospital as my husband and her husband. They are very, very dear to me, but they moved to another state about a year ago.

I have reconnected with some of my childhood friends on Facebook and I'm very grateful for that, but none of them live in the same state. I have many .org friends (most of whom have moved on to Facebook or go between here and there) who seriously kept me alive and sane during the years my kids were young and like ZK said, I needed folks to talk to not about the kids and like Herman said, the laughter and music meant SO VERY MUCH to me.

Now, I do not have a girlfriend that I can just hang out with. I really hate it. My daughters and I use to go everywhere together, but they've grown up more now and do their school and friends thing. I still go cheer them on as they need, but I usually go alone.

As you might be able to tell, I think about this a lot.

First about your sister sending you your mother, that was cruel to not only you but also your mother. Your sister could have forwarned you or maybe had a sit down with your mother and asked her how much she was telling the other children etc.

Motherhood is a very strange thing. Maybe not always but for many it seems to be an invitation to

become a stepford wife. It is more like a stepford mother because you want to be this perfect

Mother that never existed. It was a crazymaker for me for sure. The paradox was the more I

tried to become a perfect single mother and not really myself the more depressed I got and

then developed problems associated with depression that do not make for a cheery mom.

I swear that my fellow orgers know me in a way that maybe one other person in "real life" does.

It's like I test drive my thoughts and feelings with you all before I utter them outloud to another

soul.

MarySharon said:

kimrachell said:

i'm not sure? honestly. i have a family member that suffers from mental illness, and i think that plays a big part in all of it.

We basically got the same background then

My mum never taught me what it was like to have friends, nor to differentiate friends and aquaintances. I learnt it by myself but it was already too late. She managed to isolate me from others 'til late.

I got a few RL close friends but they're very rare.

wow! that sounds just like my mom!

Nothinbutjoy said:

I was an Air Force Brat when I was younger, so while I could make friends pretty easily, I never kept them for long. I would write and write, but no one would write back. My husband has friends that he is in regular contact with that he's known since he was 5 years old and they are not members of his rather large extended family (His mother is one of 9 and one of his aunts has 14 kids) who he is also in contact with. I have 1 living uncle, 1 living aunt who does not speak to anyone in the family and two cousins who I do not know.

I have an older sister, who I'm kinda not speaking to right now because she sent my mother out to live with me with no warning at all about how needy and depressing, to the point of needing clinical help, my mother had become. My mother and I talked every day on the phone, but she was putting on a brave front for me. When she got here, the facade cracked and LORD HELP ME!!!

I have a younger brother and sister who are 14 and 16 years younger than me and we talk fairly regularly and visit as often as we can. My bro lives in NV and my sis lives in WA, so not nearby.

I have two friends who I love dearly but we have lost contact. One was from the neighborhood my grandparents use to live in, in So.Cal and one was a guy I met in college.

My husband has a ton of friends who have become my friends through just years of us all gathering together, I love them like brothers, but they're really my husband's friends.

I recently became friends with a woman who worked in the same hospital as my husband and her husband. They are very, very dear to me, but they moved to another state about a year ago.

I have reconnected with some of my childhood friends on Facebook and I'm very grateful for that, but none of them live in the same state. I have many .org friends (most of whom have moved on to Facebook or go between here and there) who seriously kept me alive and sane during the years my kids were young and like ZK said, I needed folks to talk to not about the kids and like Herman said, the laughter and music meant SO VERY MUCH to me.

Now, I do not have a girlfriend that I can just hang out with. I really hate it. My daughters and I use to go everywhere together, but they've grown up more now and do their school and friends thing. I still go cheer them on as they need, but I usually go alone.

As you might be able to tell, I think about this a lot.

i'm an army brat, moved all over as a kid, amazing that i do still have 2 friends i keep in touch with from child hood though. they live far away from me though. thanks for sharing your story.

i have 3 lifetime buds, aka:best sister friends, and a few close associates. while they all work at their offices, i tele-commute with tailored hours. the four of us stay in contact face on often.

me in the morning.

however my skin is more brown and my hair is dark brown.

other than the afore mentioned stuff, i'm out and about more oft than not. also gotta make sure to get in at least 3-4hrs of outside walking per-week, not to mention survival shopping. one of my friends works close by and we meet during her (extended) lunch hour to walk twice a month. the four of us share face on contact often.

isolation can be good sometimes, but not for pro-longed periods of time. i like to think of it as being alone. the word alone is often mis-defined.

as follows:

Origin & History

alone:

(c.1300 contraction of O.E. all ana) "all by oneself from all "all, wholly" + an "one". Similar compounds found in Ger. (allein) and Du. (alleen).

feeling all one is okay.

shame but true that in this high tech world people are existing within expanding hours of isolation. currently this world's way of life of looking down or being focused straight ahead at computer screens is blanketing most of our society.

someone once said, "they don't want us to look to the left or right anymore."

i hope it's not machine leading man.

I don't have any real world friends anymore, in the last 12 years I have seen them all pass away, whether through misfortune or their own hands

My best friend ever, was my Younger brother, we always had been on the same wavelength, shared the same warped and twisted humour and whenever we were in the same room, nobody was safe He went to bed one night last year and never woke up, the void in my life is enormous, I lost my Brother and best friend that night.

Internet friends, well I am not sure, I don't really spend enough time online to make friends online.

kimrachell said:

MarySharon said:

We basically got the same background then

My mum never taught me what it was like to have friends, nor to differentiate friends and aquaintances. I learnt it by myself but it was already too late. She managed to isolate me from others 'til late.

I got a few RL close friends but they're very rare.

wow! that sounds just like my mom!

We should introduce them to eachother

itsnotallover said:

I don't have any real world friends anymore, in the last 12 years I have seen them all pass away, whether through misfortune or their own hands

My best friend ever, was my Younger brother, we always had been on the same wavelength, shared the same warped and twisted humour and whenever we were in the same room, nobody was safe He went to bed one night last year and never woke up, the void in my life is enormous, I lost my Brother and best friend that night.

Internet friends, well I am not sure, I don't really spend enough time online to make friends online.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Nothinbutjoy said:

itsnotallover said:

I don't have any real world friends anymore, in the last 12 years I have seen them all pass away, whether through misfortune or their own hands

My best friend ever, was my Younger brother, we always had been on the same wavelength, shared the same warped and twisted humour and whenever we were in the same room, nobody was safe He went to bed one night last year and never woke up, the void in my life is enormous, I lost my Brother and best friend that night.

Internet friends, well I am not sure, I don't really spend enough time online to make friends online.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Make that two of us