paintedlady said:

I had to fight as much as I didn't want to as a child, the kids in my neighborhood were the same kids I went to school with. If they didn't get me in school, they would eventually get me on the bus or on the walk home from the bus stop.

I lived 2 miles away from the school... and when walking home the entire way to avoid them didn't work, I eventually got sick and tired and reluctantly fought back.

My first real knock out drag down fight was with a boy older than me. He was dared to slap me in my face and he just did. We started fighting... we kept up until I bit a hole in his wrist and he bled heavily from the wound. He threatened to shot me the next day.

Instead he ganged up on me and had 3 other kids pelt me with rocks... I was armed with a knife and he backed up... they just let me go. I was 11.

I had plenty more fights after that... (I learned to fight real dirty), I was lucky ... I knew how to pick my fights and when to talk my way out of of fights. Girl gands formed by the time I was 15 and girls were claiming other's girls faces as trohpys by slicing them up horribly with box cutters. Boys were gang raping girls at that time also. I did NOT want to fight then. There was NO gun control and every one carried some type of weapon since this was before metal detectors and searches. I only carried and fought as an extreme measure of defense, I learned to leave pride at the door. You fought, you risked much back then.

I got lucky because at 16 I dated a thug... no one wanted a piece of him so I was left alone all the sudden. People who previously picked on me wouldn't even look me in the eye.Since then life was a total breeze.

The boy I first fought ended up serving two life sentences for killing two people, he also raped 2 girls I know. I am glad he ended up in jail... I hope he stays there.

I have a 20yr. old... things are way better now. So I tell him, if they pick your battles wisely, learn to laugh things off and if you get cornered, never speak a word... just fight hard and fight dirty, bite off an ear and hit 'em with a brick. Kick em in their face and make them bleed.

They will call you crazy and leave you the hell alone.

It worked.

My little wimpy 11 year old recently nutted up on a bully and all the kids were like.

they left him alone too.

bullies do NOT like kids who fight back.

Dayum!

I bullied and have been bullied and witnessed a lot of bullying also. I have defended victims, as well as been a bully, but also a victim myself. At different stages of life, which matters a great deal, especially in the way the bullying happens. However, essentially it's all the same.

From those experiences I've learned a couple of things:

1 - There will always be bullies and bullying, everywhere and in every age group. Nobody is ever really immune to it, neither to being the victim, nor the bully itself.

2 - You always need to step up to the bully if you want it to stop. If it's physical bullying: defend yourself accordingly, but proportionally. The same if it's psychological bullying.

3 - Beacause of this, bullying is never a one way street. Ultimately, for both, it's about believing in yourself and standing your own ground.

[Edited 9/21/11 7:52am]

Jamey Rodemeyer.

update: so far things seem better with my son and the bully, the teacher is keeping an eye on them, and so far he hasn't bothered my son again.

ufoclub said:

Jamey Rodemeyer.

very sad!

kimrachell said:

update: so far things seem better with my son and the bully, the teacher is keeping an eye on them, and so far he hasn't bothered my son again.

I am happy for you and your son

Oh goodness I would be bullied a lot as a kid until I went to prep school! I was scrawny and sat in the front of the class, which was not exactly cool. There were always scruffy chicks that wanted to "fight" me because they said I thought I was cute and smart. Believe it or not there were actually some girls that I was able to talk to and reason with them so that they could somehow come to understand that fighting was not the answer and would only get in trouble. Then there were others; the hard headed ones- so incredibly blinded by whatever it was that drove them to pursue me for whatever bizarre reason until there would be a showdown (like High Noon at the Coral ), and once they attacked me , and I would literally go for blood. Push the fingers back, tear pieces off of face flesh, bust them across the head and knees with blunt objects. I'm not a person to start fights , but I'm not afraid to defend myself against others- and I do unfortunately have that impetus within that sort of pushes me toward the kill. There have been times when I have had to literally and metaphorically whoop ass just on general principle. At this stage in my life though, I have learned to pick and choose battles wisely. If a person takes on a bully stance that is not directly affecting the quality of my life or that of my loved ones, I usually ignore them. As long as they're not messing with my family, my money or other things that I hold truly dear, they really are a non-factor.

Glad to hear things are going better for you son Kimrachell

School shopping this year resulted in one pair of skinny jeans for my 7 year old son. He is very thin and they are the first pair of jeans that actually fit him nicely....well, he wore them to school yesterday for the first time. He told me he was picked on because of them by 2 of his friends and one other girl who he really does NOT like. This makes me sad and angry at the same time.

I guess they were saying he was wearing "girl" jeans and laughing. I told him they are NOT girl jeans, they are skinny jeans for BOYS. I told him he needs to tell his 2 friends that they are supposed to be his friends...and friends are not supposed to be mean to eachother and that picking on others is mean and shouldn't be done at all.

My poor guy!

kimrachell said:

update: so far things seem better with my son and the bully, the teacher is keeping an eye on them, and so far he hasn't bothered my son again.

Good to hear. I think it can really make a difference once adults are proactively involved.

Next step: time to get your son deeply into Caipoeira !

Shorty said:

Glad to hear things are going better for you son Kimrachell

School shopping this year resulted in one pair of skinny jeans for my 7 year old son. He is very thin and they are the first pair of jeans that actually fit him nicely....well, he wore them to school yesterday for the first time. He told me he was picked on because of them by 2 of his friends and one other girl who he really does NOT like. This makes me sad and angry at the same time.

I guess they were saying he was wearing "girl" jeans and laughing. I told him they are NOT girl jeans, they are skinny jeans for BOYS. I told him he needs to tell his 2 friends that they are supposed to be his friends...and friends are not supposed to be mean to eachother and that picking on others is mean and shouldn't be done at all.

My poor guy!

Is it too early to tell him how much play he'll get in high school for wearing those things? My nephew is full on screamo/metal, skinny jean, black hoodie wearin' and the girls do NOT make fun of him.

PurpleJedi said:

paintedlady said:

I had to fight as much as I didn't want to as a child, the kids in my neighborhood were the same kids I went to school with. If they didn't get me in school, they would eventually get me on the bus or on the walk home from the bus stop.

I lived 2 miles away from the school... and when walking home the entire way to avoid them didn't work, I eventually got sick and tired and reluctantly fought back.

My first real knock out drag down fight was with a boy older than me. He was dared to slap me in my face and he just did. We started fighting... we kept up until I bit a hole in his wrist and he bled heavily from the wound. He threatened to shot me the next day.

Instead he ganged up on me and had 3 other kids pelt me with rocks... I was armed with a knife and he backed up... they just let me go. I was 11.

I had plenty more fights after that... (I learned to fight real dirty), I was lucky ... I knew how to pick my fights and when to talk my way out of of fights. Girl gands formed by the time I was 15 and girls were claiming other's girls faces as trohpys by slicing them up horribly with box cutters. Boys were gang raping girls at that time also. I did NOT want to fight then. There was NO gun control and every one carried some type of weapon since this was before metal detectors and searches. I only carried and fought as an extreme measure of defense, I learned to leave pride at the door. You fought, you risked much back then.

I got lucky because at 16 I dated a thug... no one wanted a piece of him so I was left alone all the sudden. People who previously picked on me wouldn't even look me in the eye.Since then life was a total breeze.

The boy I first fought ended up serving two life sentences for killing two people, he also raped 2 girls I know. I am glad he ended up in jail... I hope he stays there.

I have a 20yr. old... things are way better now. So I tell him, if they pick your battles wisely, learn to laugh things off and if you get cornered, never speak a word... just fight hard and fight dirty, bite off an ear and hit 'em with a brick. Kick em in their face and make them bleed.

They will call you crazy and leave you the hell alone.

It worked.

My little wimpy 11 year old recently nutted up on a bully and all the kids were like.

they left him alone too.

bullies do NOT like kids who fight back.

Dayum!

She is telling the truth, though, for real. All of that resonates with me. I think I'm a couple years older than Painted, so we hadn't gotten to the gun & rape phase with kids yet in the public schools where I grew up... But that jumping thing, and carrying knives? My own father gave me the same advice Painted gave her son when I was 11, too (and added in that I should use lamps at all possible for good measure). And she is right in that if you kick a bully smack dab in their intestines and knock the holy hell out of them, they will not f**k with you any more.

Cerebus said:

Shorty said:

Glad to hear things are going better for you son Kimrachell

School shopping this year resulted in one pair of skinny jeans for my 7 year old son. He is very thin and they are the first pair of jeans that actually fit him nicely....well, he wore them to school yesterday for the first time. He told me he was picked on because of them by 2 of his friends and one other girl who he really does NOT like. This makes me sad and angry at the same time.

I guess they were saying he was wearing "girl" jeans and laughing. I told him they are NOT girl jeans, they are skinny jeans for BOYS. I told him he needs to tell his 2 friends that they are supposed to be his friends...and friends are not supposed to be mean to eachother and that picking on others is mean and shouldn't be done at all.

My poor guy!

Is it too early to tell him how much play he'll get in high school for wearing those things? My nephew is full on screamo/metal, skinny jean, black hoodie wearin' and the girls do NOT make fun of him.

Ottensen said:

kimrachell said:

update: so far things seem better with my son and the bully, the teacher is keeping an eye on them, and so far he hasn't bothered my son again.

Good to hear. I think it can really make a difference once adults are proactively involved.

Next step: time to get your son deeply into Caipoeira !

my husband and i were just talking about that yesterday, we drove past a place that gives lessons.

Ottensen said:

PurpleJedi said:

Dayum!

She is telling the truth, though, for real. All of that resonates with me. I think I'm a couple years older than Painted, so we hadn't gotten to the gun & rape phase with kids yet in the public schools where I grew up... But that jumping thing, and carrying knives? My own father gave me the same advice Painted gave her son when I was 11, too (and added in that I should use lamps at all possible for good measure). And she is right in that if you kick a bully smack dab in their intestines and knock the holy hell out of them, they will not f**k with you any more.

I swear the bullies are always bigger, stronger or outnumber the kids they pick on. Its like they look for easy targets and never try to pick on someone who can beat their ass.

This is why kids are so scared... its NEVER a fair fight. So you have to get crazy to overpower someone when the odds are in their favor.

Remember I was bullied because I was a scrawniest underweight girl with a firm grip on her asthma pump. Most bullies do not take on someone who is their equal... they try to mess with easy targets. Someone 1/2 their size, someone who will not easily fight back.

So I taught my "easy targets" to go for blood. Survival of the craziest. They ONLY NEED TO DO IT ONCE.

Of course it is always better to talk with the parents... but in rare cases, you will meet that sadistic parent that gets off on knowing their kid can intimidate yours.

In that case, the kid need to stand up to the bully... and maybe rally all the kids that are picked on too. Thankfully kids are more compassionate now and nicer in general. The kids are more openminded and smarter... more worldly in general.

Shorty said:

Cerebus said:

Is it too early to tell him how much play he'll get in high school for wearing those things? My nephew is full on screamo/metal, skinny jean, black hoodie wearin' and the girls do NOT make fun of him.

I'm sure by the time he gets in HS skinny jeans will be out and something else will be in but..yeah, I did tell him skinny jeans are "in" and that if the girls had any sense they would not be laughing.

my son is 7 years old too, and has one pair of skinny jeans he wears that we bought at H&M, so far he hasn't had a problem with kids picking on him for those yet. i bet the other kids were just jealous of your son because he was wearing something that is in style.

kimrachell said:

Ottensen said:

Good to hear. I think it can really make a difference once adults are proactively involved.

Next step: time to get your son deeply into Caipoeira !

my husband and i were just talking about that yesterday, we drove past a place that gives lessons.

I am so glad it worked out for you guys though.. its so good that your son has the support some kids do not get but need desperately.

I also realize that kids who bully at school sometimes get bullied at home.

kimrachell said:

Shorty said:

I'm sure by the time he gets in HS skinny jeans will be out and something else will be in but..yeah, I did tell him skinny jeans are "in" and that if the girls had any sense they would not be laughing.

my son is 7 years old too, and has one pair of skinny jeans he wears that we bought at H&M, so far he hasn't had a problem with kids picking on him for those yet. i bet the other kids were just jealous of your son because he was wearing something that is in style.

2 of the 3 kids picking on him were girls....so I suspect they thought he was cute in them and it came out as laughing and picking on him. You know how that is with kids. I like you so I'm going to pull your hair kinda thing?

the other one was a boy that he is friends with but they are also very competitive with eachother...so you maybe right about the jealousy part.

Punch them in the mouth.

They'll get in some trouble but they will never be bullied again.

Ottensen said:

Oh goodness I would be bullied a lot as a kid until I went to prep school! I was scrawny and sat in the front of the class, which was not exactly cool. There were always scruffy chicks that wanted to "fight" me because they said I thought I was cute and smart. Believe it or not there were actually some girls that I was able to talk to and reason with them so that they could somehow come to understand that fighting was not the answer and would only get in trouble. Then there were others; the hard headed ones- so incredibly blinded by whatever it was that drove them to pursue me for whatever bizarre reason until there would be a showdown (like High Noon at the Coral ), and once they attacked me , and I would literally go for blood. Push the fingers back, tear pieces off of face flesh, bust them across the head and knees with blunt objects. I'm not a person to start fights , but I'm not afraid to defend myself against others- and I do unfortunately have that impetus within that sort of pushes me toward the kill. There have been times when I have had to literally and metaphorically whoop ass just on general principle. At this stage in my life though, I have learned to pick and choose battles wisely. If a person takes on a bully stance that is not directly affecting the quality of my life or that of my loved ones, I usually ignore them. As long as they're not messing with my family, my money or other things that I hold truly dear, they really are a non-factor.

This is why I was too happy that my thug associations made me an "untouchable" as soon as I hit 16. Bitches stayed on me for NO REASON, just to fuck with me out of boredom until I dated my thug.

I felt like "Sandy" in the movie Grease. All the sudden I was cool and people wanted to like me.

paintedlady said:

kimrachell said:

my husband and i were just talking about that yesterday, we drove past a place that gives lessons.

I am so glad it worked out for you guys though.. its so good that your son has the support some kids do not get but need desperately.

I also realize that kids who bully at school sometimes get bullied at home.

thank you! yeah, it's really sad to think about kids getting bullied at home, i know that happens in a lot of households.

Shorty said:

kimrachell said:

my son is 7 years old too, and has one pair of skinny jeans he wears that we bought at H&M, so far he hasn't had a problem with kids picking on him for those yet. i bet the other kids were just jealous of your son because he was wearing something that is in style.

2 of the 3 kids picking on him were girls....so I suspect they thought he was cute in them and it came out as laughing and picking on him. You know how that is with kids. I like you so I'm going to pull your hair kinda thing?

the other one was a boy that he is friends with but they are also very competitive with eachother...so you maybe right about the jealousy part.

yep, i bet that's it, the girls thought he was cute, very common for girls to do that when they like a boy.

I adapted... grew a sense of humor. I figured if I made them laugh they wouldn't mess w/me. I got used 2 being picked on. I've had bullies all the way up 2college. Being tall, super skinny, quite, award, geeky w/ glasses like steve erkle will do that 2 a person. My bullies( almost the whole shool) would do things like: hit me over the head w/school books, tell me that they wished I was dead, make animal nosies when I would do oral speeches in class. They gave me nicknames..u know the usual.. .. One time I moved to another town. I was so happy that I would be attending a new school district, because that meant a new start. Boy was I wrong. It turned out that one of my bullies from my previous school was at my new school... wtf.. Needless to say I was not happy. Now to those who say fight them bitches...that never worked for me. I was a peaceful person, and the one time that I did decide to defend myself I kept my eyes closed the whole time...so I don't know if I won or lost. All I remember is being in the principle's office with my mother and hearing her yelling at him saying.."my daughter wasn't in a fight. She can't fight... look at her."

But god always gave me at least one good friend to help me get through all the harassment. It got soo bad that I started 2skip school, and they called a social worker because they thought that my mother was keeping me home....sorry mom..lol ..looking back now at the age of 30, I see how all those yrs have shaped me into the wonderful person I am 2day. I have a great personality...and see the beauty in everybody. To me there are no ugly people..just misunderstood people. ..

[Edited 9/22/11 9:32am]

RodeoSchro said:

Punch them in the mouth.

They'll get in some trouble but they will never be bullied again.

Not true and a potentially dangerous advice, depending on the people and situation involved.

purpledoveuk said:

. [Edited 9/22/11 12:42pm]

Shorty said:

I was just always aware that there's got to be something seriously wrong about people that make a dedicated effort to make the lives of others harder.

It got pretty bad when I was about 14-15, but I knew it wasn't going to last all my life and that it was a part of being a teenager especially in the area where I grew up in. I also knew that the names they were calling me really didn't apply to me and that they knew fuck nothing about me in any case. I suppose I could have toned down my appearance then just in order to prevent it from happening (I just went through different phases and tried to emulate the musicians I admired - a little bit from here and there).

I remember one confrontation, but I'll spare you the details. I sort of won it, I guess.

I seriously doubt many of those guys that bullied others in school have had very satisfying lives later on.

I always fought back bullies my age because I had to and because I was aware my teachers would have my back if things ever got out of hand knowing I was one of the good kids and wouldn't be the one starting the BS (which kind of enouraged me to really go at it when needed sometimes )

the nightmare though was when middle & highschool had to use the same building during one year, now that was one year that wouldn't end, it was awful. I mostly dealt with it by trying to ignore as much as possible coz I knew better than to indulge jerks that probably beat their own parents.

[Edited 9/22/11 14:26pm]