I met a guy recently who I could tell that I'm interested in physically (I'm practicing restraint until I know him a lot better) but can you tell right away that a guy you meet is gonna get the goods? Also, I wanna let him know I like him BUT not all at once and not to make it too easy. Any suggestions on how I can say stuff to get him interested without giving away my thoughts completely?

SeventeenDayze said:

I met a guy recently who I could tell that I'm interested in physically (I'm practicing restraint until I know him a lot better) but can you tell right away that a guy you meet is gonna get the goods? Also, I wanna let him know I like him BUT not all at once and not to make it too easy. Any suggestions on how I can say stuff to get him interested without giving away my thoughts completely?

How old are you?

kewlschool said:

SeventeenDayze said:

I met a guy recently who I could tell that I'm interested in physically (I'm practicing restraint until I know him a lot better) but can you tell right away that a guy you meet is gonna get the goods? Also, I wanna let him know I like him BUT not all at once and not to make it too easy. Any suggestions on how I can say stuff to get him interested without giving away my thoughts completely?

How old are you?

Does it matter? And what's wrong with giving a guy a bit of mystery at the beginning while you're getting to know him.

SeventeenDayze said:

kewlschool said:

How old are you?

Does it matter? And what's wrong with giving a guy a bit of mystery at the beginning while you're getting to know him.

Nothing wrong with giving mystery-but what your age is matters. Advice for someone under 18 or older differs.

kewlschool said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Does it matter? And what's wrong with giving a guy a bit of mystery at the beginning while you're getting to know him.

Nothing wrong with giving mystery-but what your age is matters. Advice for someone under 18 or older differs.

Co-sign. I will not tell a young person to rush into sex.

I will tell a young person to focus on school, work and their goals. The same how I councel my 20 year old son.

kewlschool said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Does it matter? And what's wrong with giving a guy a bit of mystery at the beginning while you're getting to know him.

Nothing wrong with giving mystery-but what your age is matters. Advice for someone under 18 or older differs.

Oops, sorry for my pre-emptive attitude, LOL. I'm over 30, so it's all good Yeah I really had to use some restraint and I was like, "Man, back in the day I woulda...." LOL

Take your time and get to know him.

Over 30? I would say as long as you both want the same things ....

if its just a quick fuck to get over an edge, no wait needed just pack your condoms and a tazor and meet at a nice hotel and have a great weekend then lose his number because he won't respect you after.

if its more a long term thing you want then take your time to get to know him, love isn't a race.

paintedlady said:

Over 30? I would say as long as you both want the same things ....

if its just a quick fuck to get over an edge, no wait needed just pack your condoms and a tazor and meet at a nice hotel and have a great weekend then lose his number because he won't respect you after.

if its more a long term thing you want then take your time to get to know him, love isn't a race.

Good advice---yeah that's the thing I'm trying to figure out is exactly which category to put him in...any mentions of past arrests, drugs or anything else off the wall will be a dealbreaker for anything long term. But, this guy does seem to be a bit of a party guy and he's 10 years older than me!

SeventeenDayze said:

paintedlady said:

Over 30? I would say as long as you both want the same things ....

if its just a quick fuck to get over an edge, no wait needed just pack your condoms and a tazor and meet at a nice hotel and have a great weekend then lose his number because he won't respect you after.

if its more a long term thing you want then take your time to get to know him, love isn't a race.

Good advice---yeah that's the thing I'm trying to figure out is exactly which category to put him in...any mentions of past arrests, drugs or anything else off the wall will be a dealbreaker for anything long term. But, this guy does seem to be a bit of a party guy and he's 10 years older than me!

That's hard for me... feeling a dude out.

You see, because the ones I try to get rid of tend to stick around and the ones I want to stay tend to not be keepers.

paintedlady said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Good advice---yeah that's the thing I'm trying to figure out is exactly which category to put him in...any mentions of past arrests, drugs or anything else off the wall will be a dealbreaker for anything long term. But, this guy does seem to be a bit of a party guy and he's 10 years older than me!

That's hard for me... feeling a dude out.

You see, because the ones I try to get rid of tend to stick around and the ones I want to stay tend to not be keepers.

Yeah and my instinct tells me that he's the type of guy that rushes into relationships and if a girl kinda half ass sees him or whatever, in his mind, she's his "girlfriend"...I tend to attract guys like that for some reason....Yeah and I have the same problem you mentioned too, life is crazy huh? I just told myself I was gonna "retire from dating" and run far away from it, then I meet this dude like a week later....ugh! LOL!

SeventeenDayze said:

paintedlady said:

That's hard for me... feeling a dude out.

You see, because the ones I try to get rid of tend to stick around and the ones I want to stay tend to not be keepers.

Yeah and my instinct tells me that he's the type of guy that rushes into relationships and if a girl kinda half ass sees him or whatever, in his mind, she's his "girlfriend"...I tend to attract guys like that for some reason....Yeah and I have the same problem you mentioned too, life is crazy huh? I just told myself I was gonna "retire from dating" and run far away from it, then I meet this dude like a week later....ugh! LOL!

Murphy's Law...

Yeah, I would go about behaving "unaffected" with him because he might be the type that needs to 'chase' a lady.

Give dude at least a month minimun... maybe 2-3 months if you only see him once a week or so.

You need to be able to see if he has bad habits or gives you those indicator red-flags that should make you drop and run like hell.

Waiting for the more sensible orgers to roll up in here... they can give you some good dating tips.

I myself HATE dating. co-sigh on the UGH.

[Edited 9/18/11 22:22pm]

paintedlady said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah and my instinct tells me that he's the type of guy that rushes into relationships and if a girl kinda half ass sees him or whatever, in his mind, she's his "girlfriend"...I tend to attract guys like that for some reason....Yeah and I have the same problem you mentioned too, life is crazy huh? I just told myself I was gonna "retire from dating" and run far away from it, then I meet this dude like a week later....ugh! LOL!

Murphy's Law...

Yeah, I would go about behaving "unaffected" with him because he might be the type that needs to 'chase' a lady.

Give dude at least a month minimun... maybe 2-3 months if you only see him once a week or so.

You need to be able to see if he has bad habits or gives you those indicator red-flags that should make you drop and run like hell.

Waiting for the more sensible orgers to roll up in here... they can give you some good dating tips.

I myself HATE dating. co-sigh on the UGH.

[Edited 9/18/11 22:22pm]

Yeah after hanging out with him the first time, he asked if there were any cool places near my place, so we went to this random 24-hour diner. Hmmm, kind of slick for him to want to go to a place near my apartment, right? Well, maybe he got his hopes up because I actually did accidentally rub my leg up against his under the table thinking it was the leg of the table! Hey, I had a few drinks that night, but still kept myself together (by a miracle) LOL

SeventeenDayze said:

paintedlady said:

Murphy's Law...

Yeah, I would go about behaving "unaffected" with him because he might be the type that needs to 'chase' a lady.

Give dude at least a month minimun... maybe 2-3 months if you only see him once a week or so.

You need to be able to see if he has bad habits or gives you those indicator red-flags that should make you drop and run like hell.

Waiting for the more sensible orgers to roll up in here... they can give you some good dating tips.

I myself HATE dating. co-sigh on the UGH.

[Edited 9/18/11 22:22pm]

Yeah after hanging out with him the first time, he asked if there were any cool places near my place, so we went to this random 24-hour diner. Hmmm, kind of slick for him to want to go to a place near my apartment, right? Well, maybe he got his hopes up because I actually did accidentally rub my leg up against his under the table thinking it was the leg of the table! Hey, I had a few drinks that night, but still kept myself together (by a miracle) LOL

He's trying to see if you hiding a husband and see how you living.

Many women (I am 40) in his age group know EXCATLY what they want and tell a man so. 40 somethings can be bossy so he may be used to that... also angry exes are a real threat at that age.

Yeah, no more chillin' close to your spot for a while, tell him not to worry he'll know by being able to call your home openly and for extended periods.

paintedlady said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah after hanging out with him the first time, he asked if there were any cool places near my place, so we went to this random 24-hour diner. Hmmm, kind of slick for him to want to go to a place near my apartment, right? Well, maybe he got his hopes up because I actually did accidentally rub my leg up against his under the table thinking it was the leg of the table! Hey, I had a few drinks that night, but still kept myself together (by a miracle) LOL

He's trying to see if you hiding a husband and see how you living.

Many women (I am 40) in his age group know EXCATLY what they want and tell a man so. 40 somethings can be bossy so he may be used to that... also angry exes are a real threat at that age.

Yeah, no more chillin' close to your spot for a while, tell him not to worry he'll know by being able to call your home openly and for extended periods.

Hmmm, never thought about it like that about the "hiding a husband" thing but it totally makes sense! Even when we were out and random guys were talking to me while he was at the bar ordering the drinks in question (which were tasty), when he'd come back and see me laughing he'd be like, "What's so funny? What were you talking about with that guy?" He was smiling while saying it but was persistent in trying to find out, but I didn't budge and tell him anything, LOL.

Well, I didn't tell him what the jokes were about but I was chatting it up with a guy who was waiting in line at the sole bathroom in the whole freaking place and he just got cut in line. I joked with the guy (who was tall and sexy) and said, "Those guys cut you in line because they're short and have small penises" and he started laughing. I guess the alcohol was talking at that point because I told the guy that I could tell he was working with something (I'm a black girl and dude was white)...he was then showing me his shoes/feet and um, well LOL, I guess I was psychic cause his feet were huge lol....

I mean, it wasn't even really a date because it was supposed to have been a group outing but other folks bailed at the last minute so it was just me and this guy in the first place. Besides, he kept telling me about previous girlfriends in the past and stuff like that. One story he shared was he was living with some chick before realizing she was married, WHAT? So yeah, dude is probably a bit suspicious of me because I'm a grown woman who isn't "married by now"

SeventeenDayze said:

paintedlady said:

He's trying to see if you hiding a husband and see how you living.

Many women (I am 40) in his age group know EXCATLY what they want and tell a man so. 40 somethings can be bossy so he may be used to that... also angry exes are a real threat at that age.

Yeah, no more chillin' close to your spot for a while, tell him not to worry he'll know by being able to call your home openly and for extended periods.

Hmmm, never thought about it like that about the "hiding a husband" thing but it totally makes sense! Even when we were out and random guys were talking to me while he was at the bar ordering the drinks in question (which were tasty), when he'd come back and see me laughing he'd be like, "What's so funny? What were you talking about with that guy?" He was smiling while saying it but was persistent in trying to find out, but I didn't budge and tell him anything, LOL.

Well, I didn't tell him what the jokes were about but I was chatting it up with a guy who was waiting in line at the sole bathroom in the whole freaking place and he just got cut in line. I joked with the guy (who was tall and sexy) and said, "Those guys cut you in line because they're short and have small penises" and he started laughing. I guess the alcohol was talking at that point because I told the guy that I could tell he was working with something (I'm a black girl and dude was white)...he was then showing me his shoes/feet and um, well LOL, I guess I was psychic cause his feet were huge lol....

I mean, it wasn't even really a date because it was supposed to have been a group outing but other folks bailed at the last minute so it was just me and this guy in the first place. Besides, he kept telling me about previous girlfriends in the past and stuff like that. One story he shared was he was living with some chick before realizing she was married, WHAT? So yeah, dude is probably a bit suspicious of me because I'm a grown woman who isn't "married by now"

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Playa playa... dude is probably mad at you...

HIM: *Damn I can even leave her alone for 5 minutes before she's chatting it up with dudes???*

You know he was nervous as hell (since you shown him that you do not discriminate and are a full of charm and wit) ... he took it pretty well considering. A more insecure guy would have nutted up on you and walked out.

love.it.

paintedlady said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Hmmm, never thought about it like that about the "hiding a husband" thing but it totally makes sense! Even when we were out and random guys were talking to me while he was at the bar ordering the drinks in question (which were tasty), when he'd come back and see me laughing he'd be like, "What's so funny? What were you talking about with that guy?" He was smiling while saying it but was persistent in trying to find out, but I didn't budge and tell him anything, LOL.

Well, I didn't tell him what the jokes were about but I was chatting it up with a guy who was waiting in line at the sole bathroom in the whole freaking place and he just got cut in line. I joked with the guy (who was tall and sexy) and said, "Those guys cut you in line because they're short and have small penises" and he started laughing. I guess the alcohol was talking at that point because I told the guy that I could tell he was working with something (I'm a black girl and dude was white)...he was then showing me his shoes/feet and um, well LOL, I guess I was psychic cause his feet were huge lol....

I mean, it wasn't even really a date because it was supposed to have been a group outing but other folks bailed at the last minute so it was just me and this guy in the first place. Besides, he kept telling me about previous girlfriends in the past and stuff like that. One story he shared was he was living with some chick before realizing she was married, WHAT? So yeah, dude is probably a bit suspicious of me because I'm a grown woman who isn't "married by now"

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Playa playa... dude is probably mad at you...

HIM: *Damn I can even leave her alone for 5 minutes before she's chatting it up with dudes???*

You know he was nervous as hell (since you shown him that you do not discriminate and are a full of charm and wit) ... he took it pretty well considering. A more insecure guy would have nutted up on you and walked out.

love.it.

Well even though it was our first outing, for some reason I got a bit annoyed when he was talking about girlfriends from the past, and he was telling me about which race of women he finds most attractive (and the big dummy didn't even say black women, I was like WTF? LOL!) I think that's what made me talk to a bunch of other guys in a slick way like that later in the night, it was payback for those comments! LOL! I'm like, okay if you're more attracted to (fill in the blank) ethnic group then why the heck are you worried about who I'm talking to and why do you wanna meet up with me again and why are you asking me what my type is? LOL. I made it a point later in the night to talk about how fun it is to be a black woman in Italy (fabulous!) I then told him, yeah I always know that no matter if guys in America like me or not, over there I can have my pick!

I guess I am mildly neurotic for being annoyed with a guy who talks about past gfs and his ex-wife when meeting for the first time but geez, I made sure to talk about all of my current crushes!

SeventeenDayze said:

paintedlady said:

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Playa playa... dude is probably mad at you...

HIM: *Damn I can even leave her alone for 5 minutes before she's chatting it up with dudes???*

You know he was nervous as hell (since you shown him that you do not discriminate and are a full of charm and wit) ... he took it pretty well considering. A more insecure guy would have nutted up on you and walked out.

love.it.

Well even though it was our first outing, for some reason I got a bit annoyed when he was talking about girlfriends from the past, and he was telling me about which race of women he finds most attractive (and the big dummy didn't even say black women, I was like WTF? LOL!) I think that's what made me talk to a bunch of other guys in a slick way like that later in the night, it was payback for those comments! LOL! I'm like, okay if you're more attracted to (fill in the blank) ethnic group then why the heck are you worried about who I'm talking to and why do you wanna meet up with me again and why are you asking me what my type is? LOL. I made it a point later in the night to talk about how fun it is to be a black woman in Italy (fabulous!) I then told him, yeah I always know that no matter if guys in America like me or not, over there I can have my pick!

I guess I am mildly neurotic for being annoyed with a guy who talks about past gfs and his ex-wife when meeting for the first time but geez, I made sure to talk about all of my current crushes!

And why do so many guys expect a woman to put out so quickly, when they've done nothing? Is this the generation of "I've done nothing and I'm fabulous for it?"

SeventeenDayze said:

Well even though it was our first outing, for some reason I got a bit annoyed when he was talking about girlfriends from the past, and he was telling me about which race of women he finds most attractive (and the big dummy didn't even say black women, I was like WTF? LOL!)

Are you kidding me???? Dumbass move dude.

I think that's what made me talk to a bunch of other guys in a slick way like that later in the night, it was payback for those comments! LOL! I'm like, okay if you're more attracted to (fill in the blank) ethnic group then why the heck are you worried about who I'm talking to and why do you wanna meet up with me again and why are you asking me what my type is? LOL.

I don't blame you one bit... Idda done the same.

I made it a point later in the night to talk about how fun it is to be a black woman in Italy (fabulous!) I then told him, yeah I always know that no matter if guys in America like me or not, over there I can have my pick!

I guess I am mildly neurotic for being annoyed with a guy who talks about past gfs and his ex-wife when meeting for the first time but geez, I made sure to talk about all of my current crushes!

Touche'! He sounds like a lazy dater and I know he was thinking of even having a hope of getting at you the first night with his tired game.

I am NOT understanding his thinking.... did he think you were cheap and/or easy?

He needs to be schooled. He's not used to dating real women. He must be on some dumb head trip. he should know better than that.

He talked about exes... really? sad!

About 15 minutes

Smooches;)

Yeah I got the impression that he was used to dating girls who were either stupid, easily impressed or generally blind about things. They say the best place to hide things is in plain sight and his lazy game I guess was at the forefront. Yes fellas, it's pretty bad game to talk about all the other "hot chicks" you've dated in the past. That really lets me know that you're trying from the start to put me down, so I guess I must pass off like I'm a tall drink of water (sorry I grew up in the South, got out as fast as I could but some expressions remain forever!).

Oh well, maybe life as a bitter, crazy cat lady in the future won't be so bad, as long as my pathetic Social Security checks in the year 2070 don't get lost in the mail, LOL