Just hearing of what was going on the tape where a Texas judge beat his daughter in a tape about seven years ago when she was 16 had me thinking of what to do and what not to do when disciplining a child.

To some, if the kid becomes so annoying and ignorant that they can't even respect your rules, some swear at their children and spank their kids so hard that their butts had welts (I know, I had welts but my mom stopped when she saw them and decided not to spank me anymore around 5, 6, it was around 7 when she put me in time out - or in other words, get in your room and close your door and don't come out until I tell you too! - that I started to behave).

For others, when that don't work, parents (of all colors) use the method of spare the rod, don't spoil the child and in some of our neighborhoods, the saying, "beat them off to the white meat" (or something like that, correct me if that saying is wrong). But when you air it out on video like that, when does it become okay to do that?

Do all parents need to use FORCIBLE discipline on their children or what? I don't wanna act like I know what goes on in family households where the child becomes such a brat that the parents feel they can't do nothing but use attack methods but I don't know if all children need to be exposed to that.

I just wonder, you know, how far will YOU go as far as discipline your child?

Once my 9 year old daughter was being an absolute brat. We were running late and she had been dragging her ass all morning because she was pissed about not being able to go to her friends house after school. I continually told her to hurry up and as we were heading out the door she was purposely moving as slow as she could. I grabbed her, turned her around and POP - bare hand to her bottom. I couldnt believe how hard I hit her without even trying. My hand was stinging for half and hour and she cried all the way to school. I felt so horrible that I cried once the kids left the car. It wasnt the first time I hit her, but it scared the shit out of me that I hit her so hard.

As for my parents, they werent playing. They used a belt whenever they felt it was necessary (which was quite often) and I promised myself I never would and I havent - but to say children dont need to be popped once in awhile is silly. But it's definitely a slippery slope.

To me, the best punishment is depriving them of what they love most. Works every time.

StonedImmaculate said:

Once my 9 year old daughter was being an absolute brat. We were running late and she had been dragging her ass all morning because she was pissed about not being able to go to her friends house after school. I continually told her to hurry up and as we were heading out the door she was purposely moving as slow as she could. I grabbed her, turned her around and POP - bare hand to her bottom. I couldnt believe how hard I hit her without even trying. My hand was stinging for half and hour and she cried all the way to school. I felt so horrible that I cried once the kids left the car. It wasnt the first time I hit her, but it scared the shit out of me that I hit her so hard.

As for my parents, they werent playing. They used a belt whenever they felt it was necessary (which was quite often) and I promised myself I never would and I havent - but to say children dont need to be popped once in awhile is silly. But it's definitely a slippery slope.

To me, the best punishment is depriving them of what they love most. Works every time.

That's how my parents did with me. Much better punishment!

I don't get people who use physical punishment against their children. Children have no defence against U which kinda makes U a bully and I don't get how U can treat Ur own child in a way that U wouldn't treat a stranger on the street. I mean if some random guy pissed U off in the course of Ur day, would U really take a belt 2 them? I doubt U would.

I'm a father 2 six children and believe me I know how they can wind U up but I could NEVER bring myself 2 physically attack them. There are many people in the world who if given the chance would hurt Ur children, home should be the one place in the world where they can feel safe and loved.

Put it this way... If I was 2 hit Ur child, how much would U want 2 hurt me 4 that?... Then why would U want 2 hurt them Urself? I don't get it.

Timmy84 said:

Just hearing of what was going on the tape where a Texas judge beat his daughter in a tape about seven years ago when she was 16 had me thinking of what to do and what not to do when disciplining a child.

To some, if the kid becomes so annoying and ignorant that they can't even respect your rules, some swear at their children and spank their kids so hard that their butts had welts (I know, I had welts but my mom stopped when she saw them and decided not to spank me anymore around 5, 6, it was around 7 when she put me in time out - or in other words, get in your room and close your door and don't come out until I tell you too! - that I started to behave).

For others, when that don't work, parents (of all colors) use the method of spare the rod, don't spoil the child and in some of our neighborhoods, the saying, "beat them off to the white meat" (or something like that, correct me if that saying is wrong). But when you air it out on video like that, when does it become okay to do that?

Do all parents need to use FORCIBLE discipline on their children or what? I don't wanna act like I know what goes on in family households where the child becomes such a brat that the parents feel they can't do nothing but use attack methods but I don't know if all children need to be exposed to that.

I just wonder, you know, how far will YOU go as far as discipline your child?

I'm a believer in old school discipline - 'spare the rod and spoil the child'. It's how I was raised and I'm a better man for it. Looking back, I'm glad I had a tough(but loving) father to keep me and my brother on the right path. You need that growing up in a tough neighborhood like the South Bronx.

^ Where my parents was raised, they didn't necessarily get "beat up", but they sure got spanked when they went over the edge, least my mom did. My dad said his parents basically admonished him with words rather than "sparing the rod". So I always think that there's other things people use to discipline their child than the so-called "old school" method.

I do believe in corporal punishment, but its not my "go to" form of discipline. I used all forms of discipline. Spankings are used more as a last resort for preventing kids from doing potentially harmful stuff. When other problems arose, different methods of discipline were more effective. It also depends on the parent's ability to communicate effectively to the child.

I will NOT hit with my hand. Belt only... if I use my hand I will hurt my child. But that's just me. I will not spank while I am angry.

When my kids were younger they would do stuff that was dangerous... run ahead of me into a street... try to play hide and seek in a public place... pick up any sharp object and chase their sibling with it... find things to put into sockets, and remove the protective covers... drink out the toilet... if they hit someone else... when speaking and exhaustive explanation wouldn't work.... they got a spanking.

It was effective.It was painless for them (spankings are used as intimidation, not to cause pain) and they are safe. I don't spank them anymore.. I can speak to them and they understand me. Many do not agree with spankings and never had to resort to such a measure, I applaud them for that.

Now that my kids are getting older, I only have ONE reason for putting my hands on my kids or any other kid.

Now any child that comes into my home there is a general rule....

if any child hits another, I hit them. NO HITTING! It is the one rule that I will enforce swiftly. I tell my friends/family that too.

Don't like it? Don't bring your kids to my house. They hit someone, I will hit them. I will not allow any kids to hit. I also "screen" for aggressiveness too. No bullies welcomed in my home.

So far I only hit one kid ever. My grand-neice... that was when she was 5. She no longer used my daughter as her punching bag. She does how ever still repeatedly gets into fights in school. Her mother encourages the behavior. Ghetto!

My children do not hit each other as a result and talk to each other instead.

I am a single mother, and their father is NEVER allowed to put his hands on the kids. If he does, either he will go to jail, or I will for killing his ass.

He only stops by a few times a year, so I do NOT allow him to discipline the kids at all. He has to speak to them or come to me with that.

[Edited 11/4/11 5:28am]

Timmy84 said:

StonedImmaculate said:

To me, the best punishment is depriving them of what they love most. Works every time.

That's how my parents did with me. Much better punishment!

My middle child is special... ^^^ taking away things he likes does NOT work.

Anything I take away he's cool with it.

I recently took away TV/Video games, for an entire week... at the end on the week he said," I can go with out more TV and video games mom... you said a year right? I can do punishment for a year."

I told him it would FEEL like a year... pssh, he literally thought an actual year and he was cool with that. He didn't even touch the games until 3 days when I encouraged him to play again.

He doesn't mind when recess is taken away, he doesn't care if I ground him, he's too versatile and easy going.

He hates to do homework or clean his room...so this is why he gets in trouble.. but he is so nice you feel bad for giving him any punishment at all.

If you do punish him he'll say

"Its OK mom... I desrve it"....

It makes me feel horrible to discipline him at all. His teachers all say he is the best kid they ever met.

I feel blessed, I have some really good kids. They are really considerate and kind.

Everytime I am lay down and take a nap or if I am feeling sick, I always wake up to drawings, cut-outs and cards that say "we love you mommy" on my dresser.

They are amazing people, I am so proud of them.

[Edited 11/4/11 5:56am]

...

[Edited 11/4/11 5:54am]

How about http://www.parentmagic.com/

luv4u said:

How about http://www.parentmagic.com/

If those people REALLY cared about kids they would give out that information for free.

Here's the thing. That swat on the rear end shouldn't be the punishment. You don't have to hit a kid hard to get his/her attention - which is what the swat is for. My mom would give one whack to stop the offending behavior immediately, and then she would put the offender(s) in her version of time out. ("You sit on that chair and think about what you did, until I tell you you can get off.")

If you do that consistently (my mom gave one warning and there better hadn't be a need for a second) and from a young age, your kids learn very quickly where the boundaries are and they don't test them because they know what the consequences are.

The one thing my mom never did was to ground a child. She said grounding was punishment for her.

But she would take away privileges without a backward glance. And you better not beg for it back, or she'd double it.

I'm a very impatient person, so I see why parents get frustrated, but I don't agree with abuse, nor do I trust myself to ever be a good parent since I was abused often and am worried about continuing the cycle though I think in my case it would be more verbal than anything and yelling out of frustration. If I ever hear of anyone doing it to someone else, I really get sad for the children and want to stick up for them, even if they are misbehaving. I do agree with disciplining like quiet time, or taking away a favourite toy or the computer or something like that though, and having a conversation about what they did was wrong and that it's about the action, not them, which kids can't distinguish if they are not told. I also fee there is not enough positive reinforcement which is why some kids act out for negative attention at times.

[Edited 11/4/11 8:45am]

StonedImmaculate said:

Once my 9 year old daughter was being an absolute brat. We were running late and she had been dragging her ass all morning because she was pissed about not being able to go to her friends house after school. I continually told her to hurry up and as we were heading out the door she was purposely moving as slow as she could. I grabbed her, turned her around and POP - bare hand to her bottom. I couldnt believe how hard I hit her without even trying. My hand was stinging for half and hour and she cried all the way to school. I felt so horrible that I cried once the kids left the car. It wasnt the first time I hit her, but it scared the shit out of me that I hit her so hard.

As for my parents, they werent playing. They used a belt whenever they felt it was necessary (which was quite often) and I promised myself I never would and I havent - but to say children dont need to be popped once in awhile is silly. But it's definitely a slippery slope.

To me, the best punishment is depriving them of what they love most. Works every time.

It didn't work for me because I knew what they were doing and why they were doing it. The last thing I wanted was something taken away from me and I knew if I behaved after getting something taken away from me, that they would continue that method if it was successful.

My grandmother used to not want to whoop my ass but she also wanted me to act right. I remember her complaining and my mother telling her...."Since you don't want to whoop his little ass, don't let him watch TV and I guarantee he'll straighten his little ass up".....I thought to myself..."Hmmm, so you think you can straighten me up. Well, I'll show you".....Yeah, she didn't let me watch TV but I followed her around and worried the hell out of her all weekend long. I purposely acted worse so she'd never tell me I couldn't watch TV again. I knew she liked it when I watched TV because during the time I was watching it, I was quiet and behaving and not worrying her. I was sooooo bad that weekend that she ended up whooping my ass even though she didn't want to. It was either whooping my ass or letting me go unpunished for acting up and she wasn't about to let me go unpunished for it. On the other hand, she wanted me in front of that TV so I wouldn't be worrying the hell out of her.

I responded to whoopings because, not only did they hurt, but they were also something I couldn't control. But as for taking away priveleges, I was always a revengeful little devil and if I thought I could turn the tables and punish whoever was punishing me, I'd do it and enjoy it. Whoopings are definately necessary with some children.

Whenever there is an adult person irritating you, annoying you bla bla, do you "discipline" them to with a spanking?

Do you beat them up?

Is that legal?

'Nuff said.

Tremolina said:

Whenever there is an adult person irritating you, annoying you bla bla, do you "discipline" them to with a spanking?

Do you beat them up?

Is that legal?

'Nuff said.

1. Who's talking about beating anybody up?

2. Parents do (or should) hold authority over their children. Random adults do not have a hierarchical relationship.

Straw men are such fun.

What that judge did is worse than "beating up".

So you would be okay if I gave you a smack whenever your behaviour irritates the fuck out of me (which is often)?

What are you defending child abuse for exactly?

Because make no mistake: that's what it is.

Tremolina said:

What that judge did is worse than "beating up".

So you would be okay if I gave you a smack whenever your behaviour irritates the fuck out of me (which is often)?

What are you defending child abuse for exactly?

Because make no mistake: that's what it is.

[Flame snip - luv4u]

[Edited 11/4/11 10:26am]

Tremolina said:

Whenever there is an adult person irritating you, annoying you bla bla, do you "discipline" them to with a spanking?

Do you beat them up?

Is that legal?

'Nuff said.

Children are supported by parents. Adults are supported by employers. Parents discipline their children and employers discipline their employees.

An employer can fire an adult and put them out which is what they do when they have reached their last straw. A parent cannot put a child out until they are 18 so when they've reached their last straw, they whoop that ass. If an employer puts an employee out and they refuse to leave, then security is called to put their ass out and if it comes down to security whooping that ass to get them out, then it's the same thing.

My mother told me she spanked me when I was a toddler..at a time I do not remember at all. As far as 5 and up my mom never once spanked me. She once attemped to but told me to put up my pants and get out of the room so she can cool off. She was about to spank me because I told her that her boyfriend was hitting on some other woman...which confused me.

She slap me upside my head a couple of times though..but I have seen kids punched, beat down and choked and I think ti does NOTHING. When I talk to the kids afterwards they use to just have nothing but remorse for their parent(s). I felt lucky my parents never did that to us.

I think the younger you start with verbal discipline (right behavior versus wrong behavior) the less likely you will need to use physical discipline e.g. spanking, hitting, pushing etc. Now...some kids are bad asses but I think that has more to do with the personality traits they've inherited from their parents and the environment they are growing up in. Lets face it, if you act a fool in front of your kids then they too will act a fool because its what they've learned to do. If you have a short fuse then your kids probably have inherited it from you and they too will have a short fuse.

Light spanking is ok with me. Raising your voice to the point of screaming is ok with me. Violence as a first option (hitting with anything other than your open hand and doing it so harsh to the point of leaving scars and severe bruising) is not ok with me. Calling your kids degrading names is not ok.

I don't think we should allow kids to just run amok but we certainly shouldn't abuse them in such away that they will run amok even more and abuse others. Parents have to know, observe and teach their child and it would us all a bit of good to take some parenting classes before we go poppin' out these little rug rats/bread snatchers.

Spank. (as a last resort)

[Edited 11/4/11 13:46pm]

Genesia said:

If you do that consistently (my mom gave one warning and there better hadn't be a need for a second) and from a young age, your kids learn very quickly where the boundaries are and they don't test them because they know what the consequences are.

That's how it was for me and my brother. From an early age, we knew there was a line we better not cross. Spankings with the belt were rare, maybe once a year if at all. The threat of punishment was enough to keep us in line. Of course, being a kid, I did my share of dumb shit, but I kept it to a minimum.

I feared the nuns at catholic school more than my old man. I saw stuff that would be considered assault and battery nowadays. In high school, my swimming teacher would drag dudes into the pool fully clothed and hold them underwater if they cut up or brought weed into his class.

How far will I go?

I don't wanna have children. I don't want to be a father.

lol

that said, I'm totally against the kind of father that spank and yell at their children...it only shows how fuckin' limited that man is...

[Edited 11/4/11 14:08pm]

JoeTyler said:

How far will I go?

I don't wanna have children. I don't want to be a father.

lol

that said, I'm totally against the kind of father that spank and yell at their children...it only shows how fuckin' limited that man is...

[Edited 11/4/11 14:08pm]

Yeah and my father has not once laid his hand on me like that. If I got any punishment, it was from my mom lol

not an expert here but my theory is that when you use a negative emotion (fear, anger) to motivate children imo they grow up apt to do likewise. spanking and beating wouldn't be my style. i'd try to use rewards and love, ideally. i think a chikld should never ever ever fear for his or her wellbeing from a parent or guardian. if a spanking crosses into a beating that's not right

I've said this before on a similar thread a long time ago...

I have spanked my kids HARD on the behind when they were younger...the mere threat of having it again has kept them in line so I didn't need to use it again...

Wild children need discipline...I've seen plenty of examples where a GOOD spanking will do the trick....how many times does it take to tell a kid to sit down or quiet down or clean up before they do it?

This thread is tricky cuz every child is a whole different universe. Some (many) children are a pain. Hell, some children are even slighty evil (by that I mean that they enjoy messing things up and watching the adults lose their temper)

in the end it doesn't fucking matter. There are 22 years old assholes that were ALREADY assholes when they were 5,6,7,9,10 etc years old. With kids like that, anything is useless. You can beat them, you can yell at them, you can punish them, blah blah, useless...

my point is: a nice kid knows what to do, and if the parents give him/her a proper education, you'll have a nice future citizen...

[Edited 11/4/11 15:01pm]

I always get concerned with how I would take care of my own child if I decide to have one. Because sometimes I think children definitely are either born good or bad so it depends. I've known of bad kids. Glad I didn't become one.