Serious said:

Cerebus said:

Sorry Serious, I know you're trying to help. But I don't think you can fake charisma or vibes, either. You've either got a type of charisma somebody is attracted to, or you don't. If you do, you'll "vibe" with that person. If you don't, well, then you're like most of the people on this planet. In case you haven't noticed we, as a species, don't exactly excel at interpersonal relationships.

Okay, maybe you cannot fake charisma, but you can very much fake self confidence and "coolness". And that will help you to get more self confident and once you are you will seem more attractive to people probably.

Respectfully, faking ANYTHING just comes off as FAKE (...to a perceptive person). And fake is never attractive, IMO. In fact, it's a huge turn-off. Maybe "fake" was the wrong choice of words?

vainandy said:

Damn a boyfriend, they ain't shit anyway. All they're good for is a dick. Hell, you don't need a boyfriend for that and since you're a woman, it's very easy to get all the dick you want. Just walk into a room full of men and say..."I want some dick and which one of you motherfuckers is going to give it to me"....and watch how many hands go up.

PDogz said:

Serious said:

Okay, maybe you cannot fake charisma, but you can very much fake self confidence and "coolness". And that will help you to get more self confident and once you are you will seem more attractive to people probably.

Respectfully, faking ANYTHING just comes off as FAKE (...to a perceptive person). And fake is never attractive, IMO. In fact, it's a huge turn-off. Maybe "fake" was the wrong choice of words?

I was kind of thinking along those same lines, also. On a personal level, I wouldn't want to be with anyone that's faking anything, even if it's for their own benefit. Honesty is the best policy IMO.

JerseyKRS said:

PDogz said:

Respectfully, faking ANYTHING just comes off as FAKE (...to a perceptive person). And fake is never attractive, IMO. In fact, it's a huge turn-off. Maybe "fake" was the wrong choice of words?

I was kind of thinking along those same lines, also. On a personal level, I wouldn't want to be with anyone that's faking anything, even if it's for their own benefit. Honesty is the best policy IMO.

I think you can fake self-confidence the way Serious is suggesting. It's a "fake it till you make it" approach. Someone who has a habit of beating themselves up sometimes needs to learn to go through the motions of confidence before actually becoming confident.

Genesia said:

Also...men can smell desperation - and they will run as fast and as far as they can in the opposite direction. I mean...you're in college (so...what...20 years old?) and you're wondering if you're going to be alone forever? Really? Is this something you actually talk about? If so, you --> The guys you're talking to -->

namepeace said:

formallypickles said:

I like you BJ but, if you got mad at what these people said you need to toughen up girl. :lol:

I'm learning day by day that the world doesn't owe you shat! Not a boyfriend, not some shitty roses, not a sensitive comment...

You get what you're willing to give.

It's not about what is owed to anyone.

The girl reached out, and y'all call yourselves giving out tough love, but it comes across as bitterness. Bitter ain't tough.

Perfectly written, "namepeace", and I totally agree on all three points.

.

[Edited 8/31/11 13:34pm]

babyjubilation said:

I brought a vase hoping that a boy would bring me flowers..

I don't think I'm alone in feeling that; the throwing of hints is MAD ANNOYING! Even if I "got" the hint (...that you bought a vase because you wanted flowers - which btw, I probably wouldn't get the hint), I would likely IGNORE it. Because hints are MAD ANNOYING!

Cerebus said:

IamFunkay7 said:

I will be 23 in a week and some days and I never dated or anything, I graduate in December from college, and... uhhhh thats just life. Idk I felt like maybe I was an alien or something because.. I just dont do well with dating.. never been on a date.. I'm just a bit odd when it comes to the dating deal. I love myself and really when it comes down to it, you just got to love yourself. Look at yourself through the eyes of the creator, not through the foggy mirrors of others. you certainly are not alone, but thats okat because in the end, its all good. Yeah sometimes it depression depending on what angle you look at it from. I.. dont have much to say about it. I mean just know you arent alone.

You lack confidence, and I'm guessing that's why you haven't dated. You're entire post goes from one side of the argument to the other, and contains some clear contradictions. Its nice that you're trying to be supportive, but you "don't do well with dating" is not the same as you've "never been on a date." Just... never mind...

I am pretty confident and I believe you misread my post, I was making that in addition to.. not dating, I've never been on a date either I dont do well with anything that remotely looks like dating, not even going on dates with people to check them out.

[Edited 8/31/11 13:54pm]

Efan said:

JerseyKRS said:

I was kind of thinking along those same lines, also. On a personal level, I wouldn't want to be with anyone that's faking anything, even if it's for their own benefit. Honesty is the best policy IMO.

I think you can fake self-confidence the way Serious is suggesting. It's a "fake it till you make it" approach. Someone who has a habit of beating themselves up sometimes needs to learn to go through the motions of confidence before actually becoming confident.

I think it's the word "fake" that I have an issue with. I can understand, and feel more comfortable with, "striving to gain greater self-confidence" or "exuding more self-confidence" (...or something in that order) over "faking it". I understand the need to get from Point-A (no self-confidence) to Point-B (self-confidence) in some manner. "Faking it" just doesn't seem genuine to me, and it seems to suggest dishonesty.

PDogz said:

Efan said:

I think you can fake self-confidence the way Serious is suggesting. It's a "fake it till you make it" approach. Someone who has a habit of beating themselves up sometimes needs to learn to go through the motions of confidence before actually becoming confident.

I think it's the word "fake" that I have an issue with. I can understand, and feel more comfortable with, "striving to gain greater self-confidence" or "exuding more self-confidence" (...or something in that order) over "faking it". I understand the need to get from Point-A (no self-confidence) to Point-B (self-confidence) in some manner. "Faking it" just doesn't seem genuine to me, and it seems to suggest dishonesty.

I think you're overthinking it. It doesn't make someone a fake person or dishonest to fake something like this. It's trying to teach yourself to go through the motions so you can get your footing. I've tried to use the fake-it-till-you-make-it approach a few times in my life. Careerwise, it's helped me out a couple times--pretending to be more confident than I actually was at a job I had to do, for example. It just helps.

PDogz said:

Efan said:

I think you can fake self-confidence the way Serious is suggesting. It's a "fake it till you make it" approach. Someone who has a habit of beating themselves up sometimes needs to learn to go through the motions of confidence before actually becoming confident.

I think it's the word "fake" that I have an issue with. I can understand, and feel more comfortable with, "striving to gain greater self-confidence" or "exuding more self-confidence" (...or something in that order) over "faking it". I understand the need to get from Point-A (no self-confidence) to Point-B (self-confidence) in some manner. "Faking it" just doesn't seem genuine to me, and it seems to suggest dishonesty.

Yeah I guess faking is not the right word. English is not my first language . I am very much a straight forward person and I hate dishonesty. What I was trying to say is that at a time of my life when I was very, very shy and very unhappy and never had been in a relationship before I attracted a lot of men eevn though it was not my intention at all and IMO that was probably because I tried to appear more self confident than I was. Kinda like training myself to come across as less shy and with time I pretty much lost most of my shyness just naturally. I hope that makes sense.

Efan said:

JerseyKRS said:

I was kind of thinking along those same lines, also. On a personal level, I wouldn't want to be with anyone that's faking anything, even if it's for their own benefit. Honesty is the best policy IMO.

I think you can fake self-confidence the way Serious is suggesting. It's a "fake it till you make it" approach. Someone who has a habit of beating themselves up sometimes needs to learn to go through the motions of confidence before actually becoming confident.

Thank you, that's what I was trying to say, especially the bolded part .

Efan said:

PDogz said:

I think it's the word "fake" that I have an issue with. I can understand, and feel more comfortable with, "striving to gain greater self-confidence" or "exuding more self-confidence" (...or something in that order) over "faking it". I understand the need to get from Point-A (no self-confidence) to Point-B (self-confidence) in some manner. "Faking it" just doesn't seem genuine to me, and it seems to suggest dishonesty.

I think you're overthinking it. It doesn't make someone a fake person or dishonest to fake something like this. It's trying to teach yourself to go through the motions so you can get your footing. I've tried to use the fake-it-till-you-make-it approach a few times in my life. Careerwise, it's helped me out a couple times--pretending to be more confident than I actually was at a job I had to do, for example. It just helps.

Nobody ever took it that way. Everybody always tells me how much I am honest even when I maybe sometimes should not be . It's not that I was "unreal" in any way. I told people that I am shy and unhappy, but I managed to not give that vibe from the very beginning, but a "cooler" one. For example I learned to talk to people without getting nervous by hiding my nervousness at least in the beginning of the converstaion for example. Later I would tell about it. Then we usually already were having an interesting conversation.

Efan said:

PDogz said:

I think it's the word "fake" that I have an issue with. I can understand, and feel more comfortable with, "striving to gain greater self-confidence" or "exuding more self-confidence" (...or something in that order) over "faking it". I understand the need to get from Point-A (no self-confidence) to Point-B (self-confidence) in some manner. "Faking it" just doesn't seem genuine to me, and it seems to suggest dishonesty.

I think you're overthinking it. It doesn't make someone a fake person or dishonest to fake something like this.

I think we're both making the same point. And perhaps I'm overthinking it, but it still comes down to semantics for me. IMO, faking ANYTHING does make you a fake, if only in that one regard.

Serious said:

PDogz said:

I think it's the word "fake" that I have an issue with. I can understand, and feel more comfortable with, "striving to gain greater self-confidence" or "exuding more self-confidence" (...or something in that order) over "faking it". I understand the need to get from Point-A (no self-confidence) to Point-B (self-confidence) in some manner. "Faking it" just doesn't seem genuine to me, and it seems to suggest dishonesty.

Yeah I guess faking is not the right word. English is not my first language . I am very much a straight forward person and I hate dishonesty. What I was trying to say is that at a time of my life when I was very, very shy and very unhappy and never had been in a relationship before I attracted a lot of men eevn though it was not my intention at all and IMO that was probably because I tried to appear more self confident than I was. Kinda like training myself to come across as less shy and with time I pretty much lost most of my shyness just naturally. I hope that makes sense.

No need to feel ashamed, or boxed-in, because English is not your first language. I applaud anyone that can speak more than their native language, even a little! But it does help me to understand your meaning. And I DO now understand your meaning.

PDogz said:

Efan said:

I think you're overthinking it. It doesn't make someone a fake person or dishonest to fake something like this.

I think we're both making the same point. And perhaps I'm overthinking it, but it still comes down to semantics for me. IMO, faking ANYTHING does make you a fake, if only in that one regard.

It's definitely semantics, but we can disagree. I see a huge difference between good-intentioned fakery (white lies, etc.) and actual fakeness. For example, every Christmas my mom gives me a bottle of cologne that I absolutely do not wear. I pretend to be really happy to get it, and I wear it while I'm at her house visiting, but that's that. It makes her happy and I don't want to hurt her feelings over something so trivial. I don't consider that fake.

Regardless, I understand what you're saying and we've probably way over-belabored the point.

PDogz said:

Serious said:

Yeah I guess faking is not the right word. English is not my first language . I am very much a straight forward person and I hate dishonesty. What I was trying to say is that at a time of my life when I was very, very shy and very unhappy and never had been in a relationship before I attracted a lot of men eevn though it was not my intention at all and IMO that was probably because I tried to appear more self confident than I was. Kinda like training myself to come across as less shy and with time I pretty much lost most of my shyness just naturally. I hope that makes sense.

No need to feel ashamed, or boxed-in, because English is not your first language. I applaud anyone that can speak more than their native language, even a little! But it does help me to understand your meaning. And I DO now understand your meaning.

Thanks! I am because my English should be better by now .

Efan said:

PDogz said:

I think we're both making the same point. And perhaps I'm overthinking it, but it still comes down to semantics for me. IMO, faking ANYTHING does make you a fake, if only in that one regard.

It's definitely semantics, but we can disagree. I see a huge difference between good-intentioned fakery (white lies, etc.) and actual fakeness. For example, every Christmas my mom gives me a bottle of cologne that I absolutely do not wear. I pretend to be really happy to get it, and I wear it while I'm at her house visiting, but that's that. It makes her happy and I don't want to hurt her feelings over something so trivial. I don't consider that fake.

Regardless, I understand what you're saying and we've probably way over-belabored the point.

This is a good example of how grown-folks discuss things respectfully. And somehow, I don't see us as being much in disagreement. I think I'm just being more concrete, and you're being more flexible.

Genesia said:

Ottensen said:

Really, now?

Well perhaps you might wanna pump ya breaks for a second, Girlie: for real.

I don't need to check anything, Genesia- I've already studied Greek & know the roots to the word pathetic very well, and recall that I also have a pretty good SAT verbal score. In my estimation, I'm good. But thanks for the suggestion

In all sincerity, what I wanted to express in that post is that in today's society the connotation of the word pathethic is very negative . Would you deny that this isn't true in many cases where the word is casually used today? Given the nature of the thread I was honestly considering the connotation of the words we use when dispensing advice, especially as older women with more seasoned experience in life, and how those words impact others- nothing more, nothing less.

That being said, let me clear: I'm not projecting shit ...so let's not do that dance, mmmm'kay?

There is no need to insult nor condescend in your posts to me, so, for future reference, please don't. It's not necessary.

If you have a problem with what I've just written, I advise you to move it to orgnotes henceforth.

Otherwise I stand by what I said before; I agree with your post that states a person attracts what they put out, but I disagree with referring to the OP as pathetic- for what I thought were obvious reasons. Punto e basta.

You are a piece of work. You come in here and, instead of replying to the OP, proceed to lecture and condescend to me. You need to back the fuck up - and take your own advice about taking something to orgnotes if you have a problem.

I think it's pretty clear who went there first.

This is amusing.

I'm not going to insult you as you have tried to do to me. My standards in how I address others here are, shall we say, a bit different than yours, so let me explain it this way:

In my original post, the phrase "power of the tongue" was one I thought you were familiar with, and thus understood the generational nuances attached to it. In which case you would have understood exactly where I was coming from.

Well apparently that's not the case.

Let the record show that in my first post I actually co-signed what you and Efan were saying as a response to the OP; hardly an act of aggressive condescension or lecture. My second post explained why I posted what did regarding the word pathetic. Hardly a reason for you to say I'm a piece a work, nor for me to back the fuck up. Back the fuck up? Girl, please. I'm laughing at the folly of you right now.

While I often agree with advice that you give on these threads, I'm sure you'll find many in agreement here that you can be rude and biting in your delivery when it's not necessary. You've just displayed these tendencies yet again in your responses to me.

With that said, I think I've been here long enough for everyone here to know that I back the fuck up nor bow down to NO ONE- least of all you, Doll.

See that, Genesia? While there's a plethora of unsavory phrases galloping about in the corners of my mind to refer to you at this moment, I consciously and purposely chose the word "Doll" to refer to you & soften everything up a bit. You see, just because I can say any and everything to another person here doesn't necessarily mean that I should or I will. Learn the lesson or not for yourself, Honey--- frankly, I could give a damn and will continue to do me regardless; however I don't think it's a crime to consider context before using certain words in advising others and I honestly stand by that. You however, may just say the wrong thing to someone one day and end up being drop-kicked in your throat.

Bottom line, I don't think I did anything warranting your responses nor did I have ill intention in the post that spurred them. I'm not here to start trouble with anyone, and therefore request kindly that you not start trouble with me. Furthermore--- please note that the restraint that I try to use here is not weakness, nor carte blanche for you to address me any way you see fit. I'm not that that chick, Honey. Believe it.

Serious said:

PDogz said:

No need to feel ashamed, or boxed-in, because English is not your first language. I applaud anyone that can speak more than their native language, even a little! But it does help me to understand your meaning. And I DO now understand your meaning.

Thanks! I am because my English should be better by now .

Trust me: WHATEVER your native language is, my attempt to speak it would fail miserably, lol.

namepeace said:

formallypickles said:

I like you BJ but, if you got mad at what these people said you need to toughen up girl. :lol:

I'm learning day by day that the world doesn't owe you shat! Not a boyfriend, not some shitty roses, not a sensitive comment...

You get what you're willing to give.

It's not about what is owed to anyone.

The girl reached out, and y'all call yourselves giving out tough love, but it comes across as bitterness. Bitter ain't tough.

Well, i didn't give out any tough love.

Plus, I am just about the same age as BJ and i didn't not see anything "bitter" about what tinaz or Genesia said.

They were only commenting on what she gave them, which to them was a obscure post.

I sympathize with BJ because I'm not a stickler for properly written post. Hell, i never write properly on the org but, i understand some folks are going judge me base on the clarity of my post and i always try to prepare myself for that and roll with the punches.

PDogz said:

Serious said:

Thanks! I am because my English should be better by now .

Trust me: WHATEVER your native language is, my attempt to speak it would fail miserably, lol.

It's German (or Austrian as some people might say ) and that language is more difficult than English, but I am sure you could learn it .

[Edited 8/31/11 14:58pm]

TheFreakerFantastic said:

^ You've dug yourself an even bigger hole now....just bury it and leave the poor girl alone.

How on earth can you tell if someone is genuine or isn't through an internet forum, its a mad statement to make.

If you or the other negative posters have nothing constructive to say don't say it and move on...leave her to the people that do want to help a fellow human being.

Have some sympathy i'm sure you've had some rough times like that in the past especially when you were a teenager...

[Edited 8/31/11 13:07pm]

You did read this...

I brought a vase hoping that a boy would bring me flowers.. what am i kidding no one evr brings me flowers or gifts and that's never gonna randomly happen.

And this...

It just maes me sad because my roommate has a boyfriend who bought her 2 bouquets of red roses and I had to let her use my vase for it. OH and to make it EVEN WORSE another boy likes her and brougt her flowers too..along with a cute teddy bear, chocolate and soup (becuase she has a cold).

And finally this...

She's mexican and I guess got all the right looks so boys just flock to her. I hate myself

You seriously thought any of this was real... Im not picking on her, hell I haven even talked to her since my second post..

And as i stated before, i was not like that in high school, and i couldnt stand girls that were...

I gave her constructive criticism, you are choosing to skim over it if you even read it in the first place...

and God created flowers >_>

We are wants love sometimes, but sadly I will have to say this, you and I will say me too have made up some preconcieved ideas, men can sense it. Because you don't think you are attractive enough... which you should, because attractive and cute is fun! anyway, you have to stop thinking like that, you are what you think you are, so if you think you will never have someone, you never will. I guess as us being peers, we can see eye to eye on this, but what a way to waste your life, comparing yourself to others for the rest of you life. I use to be like that. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not comparing yourself to others, when it happens it happens but you have to love yourself instead of validating yourself through a guy loving you. If you go that route you will always be sad and unsatisfied with yourself, its time for a change. It really is, don't self pity, it makes things worse, challenge yourself to think outside of the bubble you usually think in.

_spell check gone wrong lol oops

[Edited 8/31/11 18:08pm]

IamFunkay7 said:

and God created flowers >_>

We are wants love sometimes, but sadly I will have to say this, you and I will say me too have made up some preconcieved ideas, men can sense it. Because you don't think you are attractive enough... which you should, because attractive and cute is fun! anyway, you have to stop thinking like that, you are what you think you are, so if you think you will never have someone, you never will. I guess as us being peers, we can see eye to eye on this, but what a way to waste your life, comparing yourself to others for the rest of you life. I use to be like that. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not comparing yourself to others, when it happens it happens but you have to love yourself instead of validating yourself through a guy loving you. If you go that route you will always be sad and unsatisfied with yourself, its time for a change. It really is, don't self pity, it makes things worse, challenge yourself to think outside of the bubble you usually think in.

_spell check gone wrong lol oops

[Edited 8/31/11 18:08pm]

yeah but it's easy to say that. I can't help the way i feel and i think a lot of people are annoyed at me for not being like them and to just not care that I don't have a boyfriend. I can't just go from how i felt yesterday to being content that I haven't had one yet. Im always really hard on myself and that's just how i am. There are some days where I think to myself "I'm just gonna walk around town by myself and enjoy being single". Then, i go out and see couples my age and want to go back to m apartment. I'm very mature and confident that i can do things by myself. I just started college and had to do everything without my parents: I set up my own bank account. I explored downtown to pay my cellphone bill, and got what I needed wihtout any help. I don't feel like I need someone all the time. I just want to be noticed by guys and.. i guess I belive if i had one person who paid any attention to me I'd feel better about myself. Im always a bit shy and feel unnoticed and I think I'll always be this way. So Im upset that because I was this way before and never had a boyfriend..ultimately my future will have the same result. It was just sad for me to think about and I was disappointed in myself. That's why i wrote it.

babyjubilation said:

IamFunkay7 said:

and God created flowers >_>

We are wants love sometimes, but sadly I will have to say this, you and I will say me too have made up some preconcieved ideas, men can sense it. Because you don't think you are attractive enough... which you should, because attractive and cute is fun! anyway, you have to stop thinking like that, you are what you think you are, so if you think you will never have someone, you never will. I guess as us being peers, we can see eye to eye on this, but what a way to waste your life, comparing yourself to others for the rest of you life. I use to be like that. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not comparing yourself to others, when it happens it happens but you have to love yourself instead of validating yourself through a guy loving you. If you go that route you will always be sad and unsatisfied with yourself, its time for a change. It really is, don't self pity, it makes things worse, challenge yourself to think outside of the bubble you usually think in.

_spell check gone wrong lol oops

[Edited 8/31/11 18:08pm]

yeah but it's easy to say that. I can't help the way i feel and i think a lot of people are annoyed at me for not being like them and to just not care that I don't have a boyfriend. I can't just go from how i felt yesterday to being content that I haven't had one yet. Im always really hard on myself and that's just how i am. There are some days where I think to myself "I'm just gonna walk around town by myself and enjoy being single". Then, i go out and see couples my age and want to go back to m apartment. I'm very mature and confident that i can do things by myself. I just started college and had to do everything without my parents: I set up my own bank account. I explored downtown to pay my cellphone bill, and got what I needed wihtout any help. I don't feel like I need someone all the time. I just want to be noticed by guys and.. i guess I belive if i had one person who paid any attention to me I'd feel better about myself. Im always a bit shy and feel unnoticed and I think I'll always be this way. So Im upset that because I was this way before and never had a boyfriend..ultimately my future will have the same result. It was just sad for me to think about and I was disappointed in myself. That's why i wrote it.

As long as you enable yourself from changing it, you will always feel this way. I'm sorry but I have to be honest with you, no guy wants to be with someone negative. That means that you will base all your happiness on the attention of him, which becomes overbearing. You will learn as you get older that you really do have to get to know yourself first. It is going to be lonely sometimes, but I rather be happy and by myself, then depressed and by myself. It's a win win, you have to find what makes you happy. I've never had a bf, I'm 23 years old. I've had guys' attention. That changed when I was 18, because I stopped being so negative about it, and I learned to take it as it is. Don't get me wrong, I get lonely sometimes, but hell, I've alot of fun, going to concerts alone, hitting the movies alone, or even chilling with my girlfriends and guyfriends. There's no rush, but sorry to tell you, even if you get a guy, by the way it looks he won't even make you happy. I just want you to understand that the work starts in you.. it's able to be done, you want to know how I know? because I use to be like you, but I got tired of feeling sorry about myself. You aren't confident quite yet, but you are on your way when you realize that you are worthy to date and there is nothing wrong with you. It frustrates your friends because you are being very negative about it. Yes its hard, so I'm not downing you but I will tell you the true. You can help the way you feel, even though I don't know you, by seeing you just say that, you tell yourself things without even trying. Stop focusing so hard on getting a man. you seem smart, sorry if I come off as harsh, but its almost like I'm speaking to myself again lol.

babyjubilation said:

IamFunkay7 said:

and God created flowers >_>

We are wants love sometimes, but sadly I will have to say this, you and I will say me too have made up some preconcieved ideas, men can sense it. Because you don't think you are attractive enough... which you should, because attractive and cute is fun! anyway, you have to stop thinking like that, you are what you think you are, so if you think you will never have someone, you never will. I guess as us being peers, we can see eye to eye on this, but what a way to waste your life, comparing yourself to others for the rest of you life. I use to be like that. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not comparing yourself to others, when it happens it happens but you have to love yourself instead of validating yourself through a guy loving you. If you go that route you will always be sad and unsatisfied with yourself, its time for a change. It really is, don't self pity, it makes things worse, challenge yourself to think outside of the bubble you usually think in.

_spell check gone wrong lol oops

[Edited 8/31/11 18:08pm]

yeah but it's easy to say that. I can't help the way i feel and i think a lot of people are annoyed at me for not being like them and to just not care that I don't have a boyfriend. I can't just go from how i felt yesterday to being content that I haven't had one yet. Im always really hard on myself and that's just how i am. There are some days where I think to myself "I'm just gonna walk around town by myself and enjoy being single". Then, i go out and see couples my age and want to go back to m apartment. I'm very mature and confident that i can do things by myself. I just started college and had to do everything without my parents: I set up my own bank account. I explored downtown to pay my cellphone bill, and got what I needed wihtout any help. I don't feel like I need someone all the time. I just want to be noticed by guys and.. i guess I belive if i had one person who paid any attention to me I'd feel better about myself. Im always a bit shy and feel unnoticed and I think I'll always be this way. So Im upset that because I was this way before and never had a boyfriend..ultimately my future will have the same result. It was just sad for me to think about and I was disappointed in myself. That's why i wrote it.

Just do this:

vainandy said:

Damn a boyfriend, they ain't shit anyway. All they're good for is a dick. Hell, you don't need a boyfriend for that and since you're a woman, it's very easy to get all the dick you want. Just walk into a room full of men and say..."I want some dick and which one of you motherfuckers is going to give it to me"....and watch how many hands go up.

It got a bit sassy in here!

Fauxie said:

It got a bit sassy in here!

it positively smacks of "ROWR...ffft ffft..." up in here...

IamFunkay7 said:

babyjubilation said:

yeah but it's easy to say that. I can't help the way i feel and i think a lot of people are annoyed at me for not being like them and to just not care that I don't have a boyfriend. I can't just go from how i felt yesterday to being content that I haven't had one yet. Im always really hard on myself and that's just how i am. There are some days where I think to myself "I'm just gonna walk around town by myself and enjoy being single". Then, i go out and see couples my age and want to go back to m apartment. I'm very mature and confident that i can do things by myself. I just started college and had to do everything without my parents: I set up my own bank account. I explored downtown to pay my cellphone bill, and got what I needed wihtout any help. I don't feel like I need someone all the time. I just want to be noticed by guys and.. i guess I belive if i had one person who paid any attention to me I'd feel better about myself. Im always a bit shy and feel unnoticed and I think I'll always be this way. So Im upset that because I was this way before and never had a boyfriend..ultimately my future will have the same result. It was just sad for me to think about and I was disappointed in myself. That's why i wrote it.

As long as you enable yourself from changing it, you will always feel this way. I'm sorry but I have to be honest with you, no guy wants to be with someone negative. That means that you will base all your happiness on the attention of him, which becomes overbearing. You will learn as you get older that you really do have to get to know yourself first. It is going to be lonely sometimes, but I rather be happy and by myself, then depressed and by myself. It's a win win, you have to find what makes you happy. I've never had a bf, I'm 23 years old. I've had guys' attention. That changed when I was 18, because I stopped being so negative about it, and I learned to take it as it is. Don't get me wrong, I get lonely sometimes, but hell, I've alot of fun, going to concerts alone, hitting the movies alone, or even chilling with my girlfriends and guyfriends. There's no rush, but sorry to tell you, even if you get a guy, by the way it looks he won't even make you happy. I just want you to understand that the work starts in you.. it's able to be done, you want to know how I know? because I use to be like you, but I got tired of feeling sorry about myself. You aren't confident quite yet, but you are on your way when you realize that you are worthy to date and there is nothing wrong with you. It frustrates your friends because you are being very negative about it. Yes its hard, so I'm not downing you but I will tell you the true. You can help the way you feel, even though I don't know you, by seeing you just say that, you tell yourself things without even trying. Stop focusing so hard on getting a man. you seem smart, sorry if I come off as harsh, but its almost like I'm speaking to myself again lol.

Ask yourself this, are you shy or are you just timid? It definitely doesn't sound like you're shy, maybe somewhere in-between

And I agree with Funkay. Though I knew all this for years, I still had unresolved issues I didn't know and was made aware of when I entered a relationship, I thought I knew myself so well, but still had a long way to go.